The Consequences, page 7
“And now?”
“I don’t know what to do. If I’m pregnant, I’ll need to keep in touch with him.”
“Why?” Matt asked seriously.
“Because . . . ,” Stephanie began and then stopped. She’d no idea why. “It just seems right. For me, for him . . . and for the baby.”
Matt nodded. Then he asked Stephanie what she had been asking herself for months. “Does he love you?”
“I think so,” she said eventually.
Matt stood up and fixed the blanket over his daughter’s shoulders again. Then he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “There are some questions that are like math problems. There should be no equivocation: only one answer—in the positive or the negative. So, I’ll ask you again: Does he love you?”
The twilight cast long shadows on the snow, turning the pristine whiteness to gray. The familiar lines of the backyard were disappearing into the gloom. High and clear in the cold air, she heard a child’s voice, raised in delighted laughter, the sound pure and innocent. When you are a child everything is so simple, so easy. You believe what people tell you: Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. And they are all lies. That is the ultimate betrayal of childhood. And is it any different for adults? When a man stands at the altar and promises, in front of witnesses, that he will love and honor the woman by his side for the rest of his life, it is probably a lie . . . whether he knows it or not.
So, last Saturday, when Robert had stood in the street and said, “I love you. I want to be with you. To marry you. Will you marry me?” had he been lying? She didn’t think so.
She nodded firmly. “Yes, I believe he loves me.”
“Do you love him?”
Yesterday, she would have said no. Yesterday, she had hated him, despised him. But that was yesterday. The day before that the answer had been different, and today . . . Well, she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about him today. “One of the reasons I let him go was because I loved him,” she admitted slowly and deliberately. “I was angry with him because he went back to his wife so easily.”
“But you told me you pushed him away.”
“He didn’t fight for me.”
“Did you fight for him?” Matt asked, surprising her.
“No.” Stephanie turned to look at her father. “I thought you’d be mad at me.”
“Why?”
”Because I’d been stupid enough to get pregnant . . . because I’d been involved with a married man.”
“Look, who knows how I would have felt ten years, or even five years ago. I’m not thrilled about it, but as you get older, you come to realize a simple truth: Love is the only thing worth fighting for.” He turned and walked away, back toward the house. “Don’t stay out too long—you’ll catch a chill.”
CHAPTER 12
Thursday, 26th December
There were four shelves of pregnancy-testing kits, all in neat, discreet boxes, most of them in a blush pink with the word accurate built into the title, and most promising instant results. The large print said ninety-nine percent accuracy, while the smaller print suggested that results might vary from person to person and to consult a doctor.
Stephanie walked up and down the shelves, picking up toothpaste and shampoo—which she didn’t need—before she eventually grabbed the first box she looked at and walked toward the counter. The Walgreens was practically empty, and she was bundled up in a heavy coat she’d borrowed from CJ, so she knew she was unrecognizable, but she felt like a teenage girl buying a packet of condoms before the prom. On an abstract level she found her embarrassment almost amusing; where was the gutsy, ballsy executive who ran multimillion-dollar advertising campaigns?
The Hispanic girl behind the register checked the toothpaste and shampoo through the scanner without even looking at her, but stopped when she came to the pregnancy-testing kit and turned it over in her hands. Stephanie noticed that each nail had a tiny glittering stone set into it. “Oh, this one is very good,” she said. “I used it myself.”
Stephanie felt herself begin to color. “And is it accurate?” Her tongue felt too big in her mouth.
“I used it a week after I missed my period, and it was able to tell me that I was pregnant.”
“Oh. Good. Congratulations.” Stephanie didn’t think the girl could be older than seventeen, maybe younger, but it was hard to tell.
“Thank you. Little boy, called him Chavez after his poppa.” The girl bagged the items, took her cash, and made change in one smoothly practiced movement. “Have a nice day,” she said, smiling brightly.
“Thank you,” Stephanie said as she walked away. She chuckled at the girl’s naïveté. Starting off the day with a pregnancy test was not her idea of having a nice day.
The second she got into the car, she opened the box and pulled out the single sheet of instructions. They were fairly straightforward, and she glanced back toward the store, wondering if it had a bathroom, then shook her head at the absurdity of the thought; she didn’t want to discover if she was pregnant in a Walgreens restroom. Turning the key in the ignition, she gently eased her father’s Buick out onto the road. The snowplow had been through earlier, and the streets had been salted, but she was still not entirely comfortable driving, and she crept home, the needle hovering just under thirty. Although home was only a three-mile drive, she felt the journey lasted an eternity.
Option one: If she were pregnant, she would need to return to Boston, meet with Robert, talk about the future.
Option two: If she weren’t pregnant, she’d stay in Wisconsin through the New Year, enjoy her family, and return to Boston to start afresh. She would concentrate on her job, rebuild her boss Charles Flintoff’s confidence in her. And ensure that she never saw Robert Walker again.
CHAPTER 13
Stephanie Burroughs waited for the plus sign to appear.
She sat on the edge of the bathtub with the plastic dipstick held delicately in her hands. She was intensely conscious of the moment. She remembered reading somewhere that in one’s life there were a very few seminal moments—usually no more than five or six. She wondered if this qualified as one . . . or should it have been the moment she made love to Robert, which had placed her in this position?
The house was quiet. Everyone had gone out for a walk. She could hear floorboards crackling and settling, the water tank filling softly overhead, the hiss and thump as snow slid off the roof onto the ground outside. The bathroom was warm, lightly scented with someone’s mint shampoo, and the edge of the bath felt hard and cold beneath her thighs.
If she was pregnant, she would book a flight—no matter how much it cost, no matter what route she had to take—and return home.
If she wasn’t pregnant, she’d borrow a pair of boots and the heaviest coat she could find and run and kick her way through the snow. Then she would lie on the ground, and move her arms and legs to create a snow angel.
A positive sign appeared on the stick.
Stephanie looked at it for a long time and abruptly exhaled. She hadn’t realized she was holding her breath. Her one overriding emotion surprised her: relief. At least now she knew. She then went downstairs, logged onto her father’s computer, and booked a flight back to Boston.
CHAPTER 14
FROM: stephanieburroughs123@gmail.com
TO: robert.walker@R&KProductions.com
SUBJECT: Returning to Boston
Robert,
I’m coming in via Delta leaving Friday 27th (tomorrow), then connecting through Detroit with a flight into Boston, arriving around 9:30 in the morning.
You offered to pick me up. Does that offer still stand?
If you cannot meet me on Saturday, then make time on Sunday. This is important.
Leave an e-mail at this address. I can check it from the airport.
Stephanie.
CHAPTER 15
Friday, 27th December
Toni and Matt accompanied their daughter to the airport.
Madison’s Dane County Regional Airport was just eight miles away, and Stephanie was thrilled she had managed to get the last available seat on a Delta flight to Detroit. The idea of spending another hour and a half in the car driving to Milwaukee with one of her family members suffocated her, and she had opted instead to fly out of the smaller airport, despite the ridiculously long layover she would face in Detroit. Still, she needed to get back to Boston and preferred a quiet overnight in a Detroit hotel to another claustrophobic night in her childhood home.
She saw her mother’s head turn and, even before the words were out of her mother’s mouth, Stephanie knew what she was going to say.
“Are you sure you have to go, Stephanie?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“But you barely got here.”
“Well, I did say it was a quick visit. And we did get to spend Christmas Day together.”
“Leave her alone, Toni,” Matt said.
Stephanie caught a glimpse of her father’s eyes in the rearview mirror. He was watching her closely; he alone of all the family knew the real reason she was returning to Boston.
Her mother turned away to stare out to where the fields were giving way to houses. She surreptitiously—but very obviously—brushed tears from her cheeks. “And how are you feeling?” she asked, slightly emphasizing the last word.
“Fine, Mom.” Stephanie had thought long and hard about telling her mother the truth about the test, but in the end had decided to keep it a secret for the moment. No doubt her mother had already told the entire family that she suspected Stephanie might be pregnant. She knew that her sudden reappearance home for Christmas had already been one of the main topics of conversation. She needed to get out of this environment, talk to Robert, make some decisions. Only then would she tell her mother, present her with the facts and the decisions.
“I wish you’d stay another couple of days,” Toni grumbled. “I was really looking forward to spending New Year’s together.”
“Well, I’ve bought tickets,” Stephanie said mildly, unwilling to argue.
“Could you change them?”
“The girl’s going home, Toni,” Matt said quietly.
“Her home is here.”
“She’s thirty-three now; she’s lived away from us almost longer than she lived with us. Boston’s her home now. But she knows she can always come back here. Always.”
Stephanie saw her father’s eyes in the rearview mirror again, and she nodded. He was speaking to Toni, but talking to her.
“Maybe you can visit me. Boston is beautiful in the summer,” Stephanie suggested.
“Oh, where would we get the money?” Toni said instantly.
“I’d pay for the tickets.”
“If we visit, we’ll pay for them,” Matt said firmly. His eyes moved to the mirror again. “You should be saving your money. Who knows what the future holds?”
Stephanie propped her chin on her fist and stared out at the approaching airport. She had a very good idea what the future held.
Although she wanted her parents to simply drop her off, they insisted on parking the car and accompanying her into the airport.
“We’ve a couple of hours,” Toni said, looking at her watch. “Maybe we could get some coffee.”
“I really feel I should go through,” Stephanie said, nodding toward the check-in gates. “I want to see if I can get on an earlier flight.”
“You should go through,” Matt said. He turned and handed the car keys to his wife. “You go and sit in the car, and I’ll walk Stephanie to the security line.”
Toni blinked in surprise, unsure what was happening.
“You know you always get upset at the last minute, so say good-bye now, and then wait in the car for me. You don’t want to upset Stephanie, do you?”
Toni Burroughs gave her husband that look that indicated that a full explanation would be required later, but obediently reached up to hug her daughter. “Be careful and travel safe,” she said. Liquid danced in her eyes, making them huge. “And call more often. I know you’re busy . . . but call.”
“I will, Mom. I promise,” Stephanie whispered, and kissed her mother’s cheek. Holding her close now, she suddenly realized how frail her mother was, and she had the sudden, irrational thought that this would be the last time she’d see her. And now there were tears in Stephanie’s eyes too. “I’ll call as soon as I get home. I promise.”
Stephanie stood with her hand in her father’s, while they both watched Toni make her way across the concourse.
“I’m glad you’re going back,” her father said, surprising her.
“It’s the right thing to do.” She nodded.
“Take your time. There’s no need to make any hasty decisions.”
“I know.” She took a deep breath and looked around the airport. “You know something, I want—I need—to have everything figured out by next Wednesday.”
“New Year’s Day?”
“I want to start the New Year with some sort of direction for my life. I just realized I’ve let things drift over the past couple of years. Even more so since I began my relationship with Robert.” She smiled grimly. “Geez, this is a conversation I never imagined I’d be having with my dad.”
“I’ve always loved your spirit, Stef. You remind me of myself when I was your age. You were brave enough to leave—first home, then America. When you backpacked through Spain, I was envious of you. And when you worked in London, I bragged to all of my students that I had an International daughter. Then your promotion in Miami and an even bigger promotion, which brought you back to Boston. You’ve never allowed anything to hold you back.” Matt hugged his daughter close and kissed her forehead. “I’ve taught in college for more than thirty years now. I’ve acted as mentor and teacher for my students for most of that time. Nothing surprises me. Over the years, my students have come to me for all different kinds of advice. And they might have thought I was helping them, but in truth, they were helping me too, helping me to understand myself. What I’ve learned is that you have to face your problems—more is gained from acting than from ignoring the problem and standing still. Say yes more often than you say no. Yes keeps you in motion.”
Stephanie nodded. “I stood still for the past eighteen months.”
“Move on. Go forward. If you’re pregnant, then you’re moving forward with a baby. Accept that decision. Plan for it.” He hugged his daughter again. “Now, you’d better go before your mother comes back to see what’s keeping me. And Stephanie, I want you to do something for me.”
“Of course.”
“I want you to be selfish. I want you to think about what’s best for you. And for the baby.”
Stephanie nodded.
“You’ve gone nowhere over the past eighteen months because you were thinking of this man, being considerate of his situation and the world he was in. Now, it’s time for him to starting thinking of your situation and the world you’re in.”
Stephanie nodded again. She knew there were tears on her face, but made no move to brush them off.
“I love you,” Matt Burroughs said.
Then he kissed his daughter on the cheek, turned, and walked away.
“Now, go and be selfish!” he called back.
CHAPTER 16
Saturday, 28th December
So how do you greet your ex-lover?
Especially when you’re about to bring him life-altering news?
On her layover in Detroit, Stephanie checked into the on-site Westin, showered, ordered room service, watched a pay-per-view movie, and ordered a massage. She wanted to be rested and refreshed for her confrontation ahead. In the morning, she put on a cream silk blouse and accessorized with platinum hoop earrings and a simple twisted-rope necklace, also in platinum. She carefully made herself up, removing the dark bruises from beneath her eyes with concealer, adding a layer of the lipstick that plumped up her lips, and massaging revitalizing cream into the tiny lines that appeared at the corners of her eyes and between her eyebrows. Finally, she dropped in some eyedrops to brighten and refresh her eyes, but the whites were still threaded with tiny broken veins she could do nothing about. When she was finished, she stepped back and looked at herself in the mirror: not bad, not too bad at all.
That’s how you meet your ex-lover.
Stephanie strode out through the arrival gates at Logan and scanned the crowd.
There was no sign of Robert.
Stephanie kept walking, moving away from the throng pushing out from the arrivals area. She stopped by a row of seats and fished out her cell and turned it on, all the time scanning the crowd, looking for Robert.
Her cell blipped, signifying it was active, and she quickly saw that she had one new voice mail. From Izzie.
“Not sure when you’re getting back, but just wanted to leave a hello-and-welcome-home message. Hope you had a fab time. Love you.”
Stephanie smiled. Izzie could always be trusted to do the right thing. She was surprised she hadn’t heard from Robert today.
Tugging her bag, she headed toward the taxi rank.
Maybe her phone call on Wednesday had frightened him. That had certainly been her intention. Maybe he now wanted nothing more to do with her. Funny, she’d thought he was a better man than that, but she’d been mistaken about him before; no reason why she shouldn’t be mistaken about this too.
Stephanie stepped out into the crisp Boston air. The December sky was cloudless, the palest of blues, and the watery sunshine shed no heat. There were no taxis at the rank, and she had just resigned herself to a long wait when a taxi pulled in. She flung open the back door, slid her single suitcase onto the seat, and climbed in alongside it.
