Depthless Hunger: A Progression LitRPG, page 34
"So if I just come to terms with it, I-"
"No! If you take that path, you'll be throwing your humanity away."
Kai stared at her, for the first time forgetting about the abstract theory of it all. He still felt like himself... except for the hunger and the new instincts and the underlying viciousness. Yet even before, he remembered falling into a monstrous bloodlust, as early as the Direboar and maybe even before. All his life he'd wanted to fight monsters, and now...
"This isn't some cheap moral complaint," Zae Zin Nim said flatly. "I'm not saying that philosophers will disapprove and housewives will gasp at the scandal." She leaned forward, her eyes boring into his. "I'm telling you that if you continue on this path you will become, in the deepest ontological sense, a non-human monster."
"So what?"
The words were out of his mouth before he'd really thought about them. Zae Zin Nim pulled back with a frown and Kai hesitated as he wondered if he meant that. Though the idea still made him queasy, he found himself coming to a conclusion surprisingly quickly.
"Humans aren't good because they're human. Monsters aren't bad because they have the word 'monster' hovering over their head. All that matters is what we do. And unless you can tell me with absolute certainty that taking this path will somehow destroy my free will, I don't think it matters."
After a long silence, she closed her eyes. "I suppose that's true, in a sense."
"Really? Because I'm not sure it is." Kai rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Everybody I run into is going to have exactly the same reaction you did, and I can't afford to keep having this argument. People were suspicious of me before, and I think my soul was a lot more ambiguous then."
"I didn't get any sense of that when we first met again... did you intentionally deceive me?"
"Not exactly." Since honesty had worked for him so far, he swallowed and pushed forward. "I knew my soul might look suspicious, so I tried to stabilize my soul with a potion."
"A temporary solution at best." Zae Zin Nim rose to her feet and began walking in the direction they had been traveling before the monster attack. "I need time to think."
She spoke with such insistence that Kai decided to give her space. While she moved on, he found the monster's body and retrieved its core before he caught up with her. Zae Zin Nim didn't so much as acknowledge him, but when he shifted their path slightly to avoid a forested area filled with monstrous apes, she followed without comment.
After only an hour, Kai was antsy and hungry again. The foreign woman continued walking without hesitation, even past the time they would usually eat dinner. Clearly, she was comfortable with empty silence in a way he wasn't. Only when the sun fell near the horizon did she speak up again.
"Walking a new path is always dangerous, Kai Clanless. But from what I have seen, I would like to know where yours will end." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I will do what I can to help you, and I pray that you will help me. Please do not betray my trust."
"I'll do everything I can." It was clear that her statement meant more to her than he could discern, so he tried to treat it with the respect it deserved. He thought that Zae Zin Nim might have smiled at him, but the expression was gone a moment later.
"This is breaking my usual standards, but I will try to help you first. Would you like to learn how to cultivate?"
"Can that be done here? The last time we met you said I wasn't suited to it, and you said we didn't have qi."
"It's so thin that it might as well not exist by the standards of Cloudspire, but small quantities are detectable." As she explained, she led him toward a hill that would at least block some of the wind and brushed off a place to sit. "The first stage of the process requires considerable mental discipline, so you can learn it even here."
Kai quickly sat down before her to listen. "You think it would work, given my... condition?"
"Some of your success is determined by the heavens, but far from all. Most importantly, I think it may be suited to working through your present condition. Now, listen carefully: the first stage is qi condensation. You must learn to grasp the power and draw it into your body. This process will slowly refine your physical self. Ordinarily, this is only a requirement for future advancement, which you couldn't access here. In your case, I believe it will require you to resolve any... inconsistencies."
"But I can't even sense any qi, aside from you."
"Because you're looking in the wrong way." Zae Zin Nim closed her eyes and swept her hands to either side of her. "From what I have seen, mana is like a fire burning within the soul. It might be fed by outside sources, but it is fundamentally internal. Qi is nothing like that. It permeates everything, invisible as water to a fish. The first step is to pull back from what you have known..."
Chapter 60: The Silver Demon Feeds
Even though there was no one to watch her, Anaelina stretched her arms over her head luxuriously. Finally, exerting her body no longer hurt. Some of her internal organs had yet to fully recover, but her outward appearance was restored and her chakra was strong.
Around her, the gang of barbarians lay dying as the last of their strength drained into her. She couldn't yet steal their health or Physique directly, but she was getting closer. Once her Silver Demon evolved again, she wouldn't need to strike opportunistically like this.
The two sides had been involved in some kind of conflict that she didn't particularly care about. Light hair, dark hair... the barbarians were all about the same. When she had come down on them in silver wrath, many of them had actually continued fighting one another instead of turning on the greater threat. She doubted that it would have mattered, it was just a bit pathetic.
One of them was struggling to his feet, trying to resist her draining. His Class appeared to be a "Watershield," which was at least new, so she decided to let him struggle further. Maybe his soul would ripen to be more than a snack.
Overall, she was disappointed by what she'd gained from this group. Warriors, crystals, Knights... these flavors were becoming tiresome. When others on Rosemount spoke of how weak Deadwaste was, they were thinking of abilities like these. Some of the Warrior Classes could cut through stone or steel, but they were just swinging blades a little harder. They melted in her mouth, then they were gone a moment later. Those with more dramatic abilities were always tastier, which was why it was so frustrating that they tended to remain in their cautious little communities. Luring them out took entirely too much time.
Like that Kai boy. Anaelina licked her lips and shivered at the memory.
"You... you bitch!" The Watershield had gotten to his feet and formed a layer of water beneath him, which did seem to resist her aura. It wouldn't stop her from grabbing him directly, but she pretended to gasp.
"How are you doing that?"
"It won't... work anymore! I'll get you... throw you down... you'll get what's coming to you!"
"Oh dear, how frightful!" Anaelina put a hand to her chest just to taunt him. He looked like he was about to cough up a lung, so his struggles were more amusing than anything. Still, his mana was recovering, so the flavor might be a little more mature when he finally got around to talking to her.
Even now, with her evolved demon, Anaelina preferred a properly marinated meal. It was more than her own pleasure: no matter how powerful she became, she doubted that she could simply steal someone's essence wholesale. But if she had time to prepare them, fatten up their souls, then she could absorb a much more substantial strength.
Kai had been the perfect meal in that sense. His Class was useless to him, but an excellent ingredient for her. That raw, simple effort was better converted to chakra than a dozen warriors. Despite the devastating injury he'd dealt to her body, she had come out stronger, and her connection to Physique was much better. It had definitely been worth it.
Her hand traced over her stomach where he'd torn her apart.
She had been certain that she'd absorbed his entire Class down to the last dregs, so she had presumed that he must have drowned in the river. Only days later, when she had recovered enough to have thoughts other than rage and hunger, did she realize that she was wrong. Somehow, even with a gaping wound in his soul, he had survived.
There was still a connection between them, a silvery line vanishing into the distance. Anaelina was quite confident that he had no strength left in his Class, but he must have clung to the remnants. Foolish. It would never become anything important and he was only handicapping himself.
Still... if his Class did recover, might it be worth draining again? She didn't think that it could help her break through a second time, or really be anything more than a little food. But she'd never tried, so maybe the flavor alone would be worth it. Once she had fully recovered, she would have to track him down.
"You'll pay!" The Watershield charged at her, creating a wave in front of him. Anaelina stepped to the side and tripped him up as he passed, sending him sliding down the slope toward the other bodies.
Ignoring him while he threw a tantrum, Anaelina stared southward. The connections created by her demon weren't very strong, and she wasn't experienced with them because she let so few targets live. Still, she had the strong sense that he was moving rapidly to the south. Deeper into another one of the barbarian nations, which could be interesting in its own right. Yes, she would have to follow him. She likely wouldn't be able to pinpoint his location once she got close, and he would be alert for her, but that would just make the hunt more fun.
While looking in that direction, she spotted two other barbarians walking toward her. Investigating the signs of the battle, no doubt. Two burly men, a Scrapper and an Earthcaster. She considered simply killing them immediately, but these little morsels were becoming tiresome. Better to try for a longer meal, the question was just what kind.
So instead of attacking, Anaelina stumbled in their direction, looking particularly vulnerable and making sure they got a good look at her tits. She could practically see the big stupid wheels in their heads turning as they realized she was a foreigner completely alone with no allies or laws to protect her.
Well, the obvious route again. She adjusted her dress to show more cleavage and her shroud to show a noblewoman with single digit strength.
"Oh thank goodness!" Anaelina gasped as she pretended to see them, then pointed a hand toward the Watershield beginning to come after her. "These horrible brutes massacred my guards! You have to protect me! Please, please, I'd be ever so grateful..."
Chapter 61: Mana to Qi
How many hours had he been sitting and gathering qi? Opening his eyes to peer at the sun again would only make things worse, and he was safe since his hunger would detect any monster approaching. So Kai remained seated and focused on qi condensation.
He had expected it to be like gathering dew off of grass in the morning, but it was so much worse. Like sucking clouds from the sky by huffing and puffing. The strange energy was so thin on the ground that it seemed to exist only in the corners of his vision, evaporating whenever he focused on it. Zae Zin Nim had years of experience with the task but could only describe how it had felt in her home land, where they were swimming in the stuff.
She was still in the small city they had passed, running errands so that he wouldn't incite attacks from anyone. The trip was supposed to take some time, so he threw himself back into qi condensation so he could show at least a little progress when she returned.
The second major problem was that so many of his instincts were wrong. Mana required a strong and confident hand, drawing in power quickly so that it became second nature, just part of his normal actions. Qi flowed away from him if he applied more force than a butterfly's wings. He had needed to adjust his mental models: thinking of stirring it with his hand was too forceful, he needed something more like a thin reed.
But still, when he really focused, he could succeed to a small degree. The insubstantial wisps gathered together inside him and became... well, if not droplets, at least spiritual moistness. He'd gotten better at the first task, the problem was what came next. No matter whether he concentrated fully or tried a light touch, the energy seemed to dissipate once he held it.
Then an arrival interfered with his meditation: Zae Zin Nim was back. He tried to keep working until she stood just in front of him and began setting things down.
"These tents are small, but reinforced," she said tersely. "I wanted to acquire sanitation stones, but the quality was unacceptable."
"They might not make them to your standards here." Kai opened his eyes and looked over what she had bought. At least she'd gotten a proper flint. "If you don't buy them now, we might end up smelling like this for a long time."
"It may not be appropriate for fine courts, but we are training ourselves in the wasteland, not striving to impress. Besides, one grows accustomed to it. Your hygiene standards on Deadwaste are nowhere near as slovenly as I had been led to believe."
"I've always reached for the high ideal of 'marginally less slovenly than expected.' "
"This is the remaining money." Zae Zin Nim set the bag down in front of him. "It was somewhat replenished by selling the monster cores. I tried not to waste any."
At a quick estimate, there were about five hundred Goralian Eagles left. Based on his best guesses for prices, she had haggled for good deals, but also purchased a few things for herself. He hadn't noticed at first, but she was wearing a new tunic, longer than necessary and cinched with her old belt. If a few small purchases made her more comfortable, he was glad to let them pass unmentioned.
"I'm afraid my time has been less productive," Kai said. "I was successful at the gathering process almost half the time, but none of it lasted. Be honest with me now: do I have any hope of doing this right? I figured it would take me longer than most cultivators to get started, but it's already been two weeks."
"I have... actually been somewhat deceptive." She gave him a bow that he thought was apologetic and then sat down opposite him. "I gave you unrealistic standards in the hope that it would make you apply yourself more. I now see that was unnecessary."
"Then there's some hope for me after all? How many days do competent cultivators usually take for this stage?"
"Kai, most average cultivators take their entire adolescence to become able to properly gather qi. Even for those on a path that requires them to start late, it takes them months. There is nothing shameful about your performance so far."
He blinked as his expectations swerved wildly. "So that's good... but you said that I was supposed to start accumulating in the second stage. Wh-"
"First stage. It's the second step, but this is all part of the qi condensation stage."
"Alright, second step, whatever. But you said the qi is supposed to be accumulating inside my inner... dantian thing. I'm not sure if it's unstable, or improperly formed, or if I'm just losing my grip on it, but I still have nothing. It just all slips away."
"For that, I need to attempt something different." Zae Zin Nim hesitated as she picked up the bundle from her home, but eventually withdrew a small pill. He immediately realized that it wasn't more of her medicine: this one glistened white and smelled like concentrated qi. "Your cultivation so far has been limited by the severe lack of qi. I allowed you to struggle because this leads to forming good habits instead of using qi density as a crutch. But now that you have reached the next step, a better test is how well you do with a surplus of qi."
"Are you sure?" Kai wanted to grab for the pill but restrained himself. "Your supply of those has to be limited."
"Take it. This one is too weak to do anything more than replenish me, and it would only leak out due to my condition. Just don't forget everything you have learned so far."
Kai eagerly grasped the pill, struggling with a new hunger. This energy had been foreign to him not long ago, but now it looked as good as perfectly cooked meat to a starving man. He forced himself to remain calm, repeated all his meditation lessons, and then swallowed.
It was like stepping out of mist into a waterfall. He actually gasped as the qi flooded his soul, then hurled his full willpower into keeping it from escaping. All the techniques that had been as hard as pulling teeth were suddenly effortless and he understood exactly what she meant about an excess of qi producing bad habits. He did his best to cultivate as if he was still in a qi desert.
Only a little of it was lost and he succeeded in stirring the rest into his soul, forming a solid bead... and yet it still seemed to be dissipating. He desperately tried everything he could, but the qi was ebbing away no matter what he did. Eventually a small remainder stabilized, settling in the new hollow that existed in his soul. Was that failure?
Zae Zin Nim abruptly pressed a palm to his forehead. He could feel her examining him, like spiritual sight but tactile. A moment later she pulled back and frowned.
"Well?" he demanded. "Don't keep me in suspense."
"Nothing has changed from my first evaluation of you. Your dantian is large, and your body soaks in qi like nothing I've ever seen, but the heavens have blessed you with very poor growth."
"Does that mean that I'm doomed as a cultivator?"
"It will never be your central source of power, but you can still gain something from that fiendish determination of yours." Zae Zin Nim sat down opposite him and folded her hands in her sleeves. "The qi condensation stage will help you develop, and if you can reach the Body Refinement stage that will reinforce everything you've gained. What I have to offer is not useless to you."
"I'm glad to hear that. I want to ask you how your mana exercises are going, but there's one other thing... you said my capacity to retain qi was good, but it doesn't feel that way to me."
"Some of it is being absorbed by your body. This is natural, if a bit unusual. I'm afraid the fact is that your path is different from those I've studied. This can be neutral or even beneficial, but it is easy to deviate catastrophically if you aren't following a stable path. For that reason, your cultivation will need to proceed slowly and carefully."
