The Princess Problem, page 26
“You want to quote statistics? Fine.” Because he had them. Reams of information never released to the general public about thwarted attacks against royalty, all over the globe. If Elias had to scare her into submission, he would. “Meet me back here tomorrow and I’ll have pages of statistics supporting my very rational request that you take your personal safety into your own hands.”
She lifted her chin. “I have people for that. Not because I’m lazy or not listening to you, but because you and Marko and everyone in the Royal Protection Service are far more highly qualified to protect me from an attacker. I have faith in all of you.”
Damn it, why did she have to look at him with those wide, trusting violet eyes? Like she believed he could hold off entire armies with his bare hands? It almost made him believe, too.
Which was dangerous.
Elias thwacked his palm against the trunk of the elm tree next to him. “You can’t, Kelsey. You shouldn’t. Your parents did, and look how that ended up. They left you alone, trusting your safety to the head of the RPS. My father, whom I’d entrust my own life to. And he failed them. He failed you. I could do the same.”
“Elias, where is all this coming from?” There was a catch in her throat, confusion that he hated knowing he’d rooted there. “You can’t have received a specific threat against me because the world doesn’t know I’m alive. So why are you harping on this?”
“Because I’m not enough. No one man would be.” The thoughts that had been churning through his brain since his talk with Christian finally coalesced into a gut-wrenching decision. “I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, but there’s no guarantee I’ll succeed. We’ve been lax, Your Highness. Letting other things distract from the basic tenet that you need to be kept safe.”
She threw up her arms, surprising a squirrel into skittering away with loud cheeps. “How about happy? Who’s in charge of keeping me happy?”
Elias swallowed hard. Gritted out the words he wished were a lie. “Not me.”
Her arms dropped, limply, to her sides. “What?”
He’d always known he’d have to be the one strong enough to let go. To push away. To stop the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Elias hadn’t known it would be this hard. That they’d spend every day and many nights together, and already meld into a tight, cohesive unit, a couple. That their hearts would already be so intertwined.
Elias hadn’t known it would hurt so damn much.
He spread his feet wide and locked his hands together behind his back. Hopefully that would be enough to keep him from reaching out to comfort her as he broke her heart.
“My sole job is to keep you safe, Your Highness. I’m afraid I’ve let you down. Once the announcement about you is made public, we’ll adjust your team. I’ll go back to guarding Prince Christian.”
Kelsey pinched her eyes shut, rubbing at her temple. “Explain something to me.” Her eyes flew open, those violet depths sucking him in deep, like a velvet-lined black hole of feelings. Her voice was thick, clogged with emotions he didn’t have the courage to name. “How did you let me down? And, on the ridiculous assumption you did, how is your punishment to guard someone higher in rank than me? What on earth is going on?”
“I’ve let myself become distracted. It is entirely my fault. I’ve let my feelings for you cloud my judgment. Weaken my focus.”
It was happening even as they spoke. With it being summer, there weren’t twigs or leaves on the ground to crunch and give away if someone approached. Having this conversation out in the open was just another in the countless risks he’d taken since assuming protection of the princess. And Elias was grateful that Christian had pointed it out before things got any more out of hand.
Swiftly, he brought his wrist to his mouth and requested an immediate shift change, because he was quite certain the princess wouldn’t want to be escorted back to the palace by him once this conversation ended.
Kelsey fisted her hands on her hips. Her entire body was strung taut, cocked for battle. “You mean because we have sex, you can’t properly scan a crowd for potential assassins?”
“More or less.”
“Elias, you’re the most dedicated person I’ve ever met.” The frustration in her tone was overlaid with a thin edge of anger. “If anything, I’m the one who breaks protocol. I keep engaging you in conversations when I should let you do your job.”
He shook his head. “I should be able to do both.”
Almost yelling at this point, she hurled the words across the forest floor. “So you’re quitting on me? After putting in considerably less than those ten thousand hours you just touted?”
She was still not getting it. So he’d spell it out very simply and clearly.
“I’m ending our professional relationship.” Elias clenched every muscle in his body. Knotted them up into a single, tight fist. Strength with no feeling. Especially his heart. “And our personal one.”
“What?” A snort of disbelief cut off almost before it started. Then her eyelids fluttered. God, was that to beat back tears? “I thought this was just a fight, that you were in a lousy mood. You’re breaking up with me? Already?”
“This can’t be a surprise. We both knew it would have to end on Sunday, when you’re revealed as the Princess Royal. I’m simply jumping the gun by three days.”
“We could pack a lot more into those three days,” she said, her tone pleading.
Why did she force him to keep stabbing at her, painfully, with the truth? “Your Highness. A princess can’t date a commoner. This must end. Now.”
“I’m not your full-blown, standard princess. I’m mostly a quite common American.”
“There is nothing common about you.” His arm twitched, trying to surge forward and stroke her cheek. The one with a single tear rolling down it. “A princess most assuredly can’t date the son of the man who is responsible for her kidnapping.”
“Why not? The king and queen forgave him, kept him on duty back when it happened. Now? Twenty-five years later? Who would dare treat him any differently?” Her arms were flailing, gesticulating wildly.
And again, it ached not to catch them, pull her close and soothe her. More to the point, to stop being the one inflicting the pain…even though Elias knew it was for the best, in the long run.
“You don’t understand…yet. But you will. The royals are held to a higher standard. Different expectations.”
“My expectation in life is pretty simple. To do good and be happy. You’ve helped me see the good in this country since the moment our plane touched down. And you’ve helped me be happier than ever before. How can that possibly be bad?”
“Not bad, Princess. I don’t want you to think I regret a moment of our time together.” Because he’d cherish it for the rest of his life. “Just…not right. I’m not the right man for you. For the country. I won’t ever be good enough for you.”
Kelsey’s mouth turned down and her eyes glared violet-tipped daggers at him. “Funny. That’s what I keep saying about being a princess—that I’m not good enough, special enough, to pull it off. Which you contradict every time. So tell me, Captain Trebanti, how is this different?”
“It just is.” He refused to say it’s not you, it’s me, no matter how true.
Because it wasn’t about anything to do with Kelsey. All the reasons they couldn’t be together were Elias’s fault. Just like them getting together in the first place and thus leading to this fucking painful moment was also his fault.
How could he have been so stupid? So selfish?
“We’re good as a couple.” Kelsey stabbed her finger into the air between them. “Don’t you dare deny it. Don’t lie to me.”
“My beautiful, stubborn fighter, I can’t lie to you, but I can’t give you hope, either.” Elias stood at attention; the tight line triggered muscle memory of hours on end holding this position on deck, in review, in their barracks. It ought to be enough to hold him in place—away from Kelsey—while he finished this. Forever. “It doesn’t matter that I want to stay with you, that I care so much for you. How I adore you. What matters is that Moncriano deserves their Princess Valentina fully restored to them. And that includes her being with the right man. One worthy of royalty.”
“You’re worthy of me, Elias.” Tears were streaming down her face.
“No, Your Highness.” A crackle in his ear let him know that Marko was almost to their location. “But I wish more than life itself that were true.”
Chapter Twenty
“Are you hungry yet?” Mallory asked for about the tenth time since they’d arrived at the imposing stone Parliament building. “I have a PB&J. Well, I think it’s almond butter, but close enough, right? Some dried fruit and nuts. And a banana.”
Kelsey had been on auto-pilot since Elias delivered his bombshell of a breakup. But Mallory’s offered buffet roused her curiosity. Especially since they hadn’t been allowed to bring their bags. Or their own clothes. Stylists had dressed both of them head to toe for the grand royal reveal.
She pointed at the baby-blue purse that matched the high-necked sheath dress Mallory wore. “You’re only carrying a clutch. Where’s all this food you’re promising?”
“In the purse. I took everything else out, even left my phone back at the palace. Because my sister’s health and well-being is more important than access to social media.”
Grimacing in fake outrage, Kelsey blustered, “That’s blasphemy. Take it back.”
In a far quieter, more serious tone, Mallory said, “You’ve barely eaten since Thursday.”
Oh yeah, since her world had come crashing down and her heart got ripped out of her chest? Nope. Not so much interested in scarfing down—or even nibbling on—anything. She flashed a tight, “don’t worry about me because I’m hunky dory” smile. “I’m not hungry.”
“Get there,” Mallory said. “The best step in recovering from a breakup is the guilt-free binge eating. And I can’t do it without you.”
Kelsey fussed with her three-quarter length sleeve. In a paler shade of lavender than Genevieve’s purple dress, although otherwise identical. Which she’d let slide this once, but…if she ended up staying in Moncriano? It would stop.
She hadn’t worn matching clothes with Mallory in twenty-five years. No way did she intend to start being cutesy now with her other sister. Not even in haute couture. Especially not in painful heels and a beauty-pageant-type sash that held a pearl encircled cameo of her dead mother.
But that was an issue Kelsey simply didn’t have the bandwidth to tackle today. Her hand covered the cameo with Serena’s face, suddenly craving contact with the mother she’d never really known. Wishing that she could sit with her and pour out her problems, and get the type of motherly advice that solved everything.
Because she hadn’t solved anything by herself.
Staying—and not being with Elias—didn’t seem possible.
Leaving because of a bad breakup seemed weak and immature, which just pissed her off.
Either way, the king expected her answer tomorrow.
And today she was about to be presented to the entire country as the missing Princess Valentina. It was time to pull herself together. Pouting was never a good look.
She pushed away the banana Mallory waved in front of her. Mustered up a bit of side-eye. “I thought you used to say that the best step was revenge sex?”
“That also has its merits.” Straight-ironed hair fell in a red stream across her shoulder as Mallory looked left at the lineup of minor royals and Parliament members milling near the doorway. “I’m not sure how easy that’ll be to accomplish with you being outed to the world in a few minutes. Let’s focus on eating all the pizza and pastries instead.”
“There’s this luncheon right after the presentation. Probably no pizza, but I’m betting the desserts will be killer. The palace chefs are in charge of the food.”
“Ludovico,” Mallory sighed with a far-off smile. They’d hunted down the pastry chef in the bowels of the palace to thank him after eating a sweet fried dough filled with cream and apricot jam that was basically bliss in a bun. The man was a magician. “You almost want to sleep with him just to see what yummy rolls or pancakes he’d make you the next morning.”
Kelsey ticked off points on her fingers. “I’m not sleeping with someone who’ll plump me up with impossible to resist sweets.” Because she was definitely off running as exercise now that she’d always associate it with Elias dumping her. “I’m not sleeping with a member of the staff.” Not again, anyway. Lesson learned. The hard way. “Oh, and I’m not sleeping with anyone in the near future because the only man I want is the man I can’t have. The one who refuses to be with me.”
“Shhh.” Mallory jerked down her hand and clapped a hand across her mouth. “Ix-nay on mentioning the odyguard-bay.”
“Mal, everyone in this room speaks not just two languages, but some three or four. You really think Pig Latin’s going to stump them?”
“I’m just reminding you to keep, you know”—she jerked her head toward Elias, standing against the wall—“a secret. You don’t want any blowback for your relationship, especially if you aren’t getting the perks of it anymore.”
Perks. Yeah. Kelsey assumed Mallory was talking about the toe-curling sex, which had been spectacular. But what she missed more was Elias by her side, solid as a rock. Listening to her. Laughing with her. Bolstering her. Taking lessons from his enviable sense of duty to his country that so helped her come to terms with her own.
As much as she appreciated Mallory dropping everything to come to Moncriano, it was Elias’s steady presence that had made the biggest difference. That had given her the strength to not just flounder in this strange land, but start to flourish.
In this room full of people who bowed to her, people who rejoiced at her simply being alive, people who were her family…
Kelsey had never felt more alone.
Mallory vaulted out of her seat like a Jack-in-the-Box. Having seen it happen repeatedly over the past two weeks, Kelsey knew it signaled another royal approaching. Her sister dropped into a deep curtsey.
“Your Majesty.”
“Miss Wishner.” The king was spiffed up in a lightgray suit, also wearing a sash. His bore a slew of fancy medallions on ribbons. “I hope you don’t find your duties as lady-in-waiting too onerous.”
“It’s a nice change of pace getting official recognition for putting up with her. I’ve often said I deserve a medal for it. Kelsey can be a pain in the neck.”
She squeezed her sister’s arm. “Mallory. Dial it back, okay?”
Her head dropped, red hair hiding her undoubtedly flaming face. “I’m so sorry, Your Majesty. I didn’t mean to badmouth the princess.”
But the king looked amused. “Nonsense. You should hear Christian and Genevieve peck at each other. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to be honest.”
“Honestly, Kelsey is the other half of me.” Mallory thrust her arm through Kelsey’s. “She’s wonderful. Once you get to know her, you’ll see. There’s nobody more loyal or caring or trusting.”
That might be more embarrassing than her previous character testimonial. Sheesh. But also sweet. Definitely enough, though. “Mallory, would you go grab me a bottle of water?”
“Sure.” She did a bow/curtsey combo to the king and darted away.
“I do look forward to discovering all those qualities in you,” King Julian said quietly, head cocked to the side as he stared intently at her. He did that, quite often. Kelsey wondered if he was seeing her, his dead wife, or still trying to figure out who this stranger was that happened to be related to him.
“I’m also irrationally competitive at board games. And a massive introvert.” She might as well tell him, in case her nerves got the better of her and caused her to let him down. “I always wanted to watch people, not be the one everybody is staring it.”
The king took her hand in both of his and squeezed. “So watch them. See your people. Focus in on individual faces, not just the swath of the crowd. Watch the joy and excitement it brings them to be here, sharing in this momentous day.”
Instead of trying to get rid of the fear—which was impossible—his advice simply did a one-eighty in focus around it. It could work. “That’s…really helpful. Thank you, Tata.” Kelsey reached up to throw her other arm around his neck for a hug.
After a few pats on her back, the king kissed her forehead. “I’d like you to walk out right behind me.”
“Okay.” It was nice that he wanted her close. But…oh. Did that placement mean something? Weren’t they all walking out together?
“Papa, that’s not right.” Genevieve’s sharp rebuke had most of the heads in the room swiveling toward them. And given the pissy pout on her lips, the king’s request did indeed mean something.
One eyebrow raised, he replied, “It is my choice, Daughter.” And yep, there was more than a little parental “do not test me” in his tone.
“It’s a slight to Christian.” She tapped at some medal on Christian’s heavily decked-out sash that must indicate his awesome specialness. Or that he won a spelling bee back in the day. Kelsey would have to ask Sir Evan for a key to understand all those things. “He’s your heir, he should be right behind you.”
Christian flicked away her finger. “I don’t think anyone will forget I’m the heir if Kelsey walks in front of me, Genny. Lighten up. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” she said. “Appearances matter now more than ever, with all this unrest over joining the European Union. Kelsey needs to be recognized not as an extra family member, but symbolically as third in line to the throne. Standing in her place, behind me. Proving that she’s one more bulwark in the steady constancy of this monarchy.”
