Jingle Bells and Tentacle Spells, page 13
I lean closer and bust out into my most annoying whine. “Come on! Tell meeee!”
He covers his ears, eyes full of mirth. “Nope, I promised him I wouldn’t. Husband rights trump those of everyone else.”
“Neptune’s nads,” I curse, crossing my arms and pouting.
He reaches over and pats my arm. “Don’t worry, you’re going to love it. I think everyone will. And if you don’t, you need to fucking well pretend you do.” He cracks his knuckles. “Otherwise, I’ll kick your ass. No one makes my hubby upset on my watch.”
I look him up and down skeptically. Sasha is not a large man. In fact, we’re of a similar height, but I’d hazard to say he’s more petite than me. I’m certain I have a lot more muscle than he does.
“That threat would sound a lot more intimidating if I didn’t know I could KO you with the greatest of ease.”
He purses his lips. “Now you’re throwing shade.”
“Damn right, I am,” I agree cheerfully.
We lapse into silence, gazing out at the awe-inspiring vista in front of us. He’s right. It never gets old. But I do wish it was Gemma I was sharing this view with right now.
Sasha lets out a yawn and rubs his face. “Thanks for the kiki sesh, but I think I need to call it a night.” His mouth quirks. “You should too. You’ll want plenty of energy for tomorrow.”
I roll my eyes, and we fist-bump again, then he leaves.
Eventually, I make my way through the ship’s corridors and back to my own room, where I hesitate and glance at Gemma’s door. I’m about to knock when Najar rounds the corner and shakes his head at me, lowering his voice.
“She went to bed a little while ago after she and Felix finished talking, said she wants some alone time.”
My tentacles coil anxiously.
Najar sets a steadying hand on my shoulder. “Relax. I don’t think it’s anything to be concerned about. She didn’t appear upset, more… contemplative. She and Felix had a productive talk, and they both seemed pleased and calm afterward.”
That’s good news, at least.
My shoulders slump. Much as I would like to stay with Gemma and cuddle her all night long, I need to respect her boundaries. Even if my teenage love brain doesn’t like it so it now wants to go listen to emo music and indulge my nonsensical angst.
Najar smiles faintly. “I know what you’re feeling. I’ve been there too. Have faith in Gemma as well as yourself.”
He squeezes my shoulder and continues down the hall toward his quarters.
Then a Hallmark movie moment of inspiration hits me.
I hurry inside my room where I pull out some stationery I picked up at the last space station and pen a quick letter.
Dearest Gemma,
I hope this was a Christmas you’ll never forget—in all the best ways possible. I know it’s one I’ll always remember. Every moment with you is special. Cheesy, I know, but totally true. Spending this afternoon together in the virtual simulation I created was pure magic. Better than any Hallmark movie, if you ask me. When you kissed the stuffing out of me, I saw stars. Okay, now I’m veering into the super cheesy zone, but I can’t help myself. Your lips are an intergalactic treasure! Maybe we should get them insured…?
Anyway, I wanted to reiterate once again that I’m here for you. Anything you need, you come and see me pronto. If you want someone to listen or need an epic tentacle cuddle, I’m your girl! I will always support you in whatever makes you happy, no matter what—I swear to Thekmis.
Merry Christmas,
Luna
I stand outside Gemma’s door for several long minutes, then slip the note into the delivery chute and quietly turn back to my own room. No matter how much I want to be with her right now—and I want that so freaking much—I need to give her the space she wants and wait for her to come to me.
If only I was better at waiting, dammit!
CHAPTER 13
Now that you’ve decided you want to pursue a future together, how do you both want that to affect your official relationship status in the universe? This is an important question to begin thinking and talking about. There are several formal relationship designations legally recognized on an intergalactic level: Starbonded Partners, Chartered Companionship, Merged Household Affiliation, Polybonded Clusters, Contractual Wedlock, and more. Research your options and come to an agreement on what would suit you both best. While an official status is not required per se, it will provide you with greater recognition and protection as partners wherever you go in this vast universe.
—Ch. 6, How to Flirt Among the Stars: An Intergalactic (and Interspecies) Sapphic Dating Guide
Gemma
“Good morning, my wonderful friends! Look outside and behold my brilliant idea from last night,” Khephren announces.
We all stare out the bridge’s view window at the otherworldly sight in front of us.
“Welcome to Cosmic Kingdom: The Intergalactic Theme Park!” Khephren’s tentacles flail in the air with excitement.
“I am so not in Kansas anymore,” I mutter to myself, unable to tear my gaze away from the surreal vista.
Luna wraps an arm around my shoulder, and I lean into her. The alien theme park hovers ahead, positioned within a stable ring of satellites around a vibrant nebula that performs an ongoing multicolored light show unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed. It’s truly stunning, a sight I will never forget until my dying day.
“The Rainbow Nebula is so much more impressive than its name, don’t you think?” she asks softly.
“I’ve never seen anything like it. Even the Northern Lights on Earth pale in comparison,” I admit.
“Isn’t it so romantic?” Khephren sighs dreamily, tentacles flapping.
“Super romantic, babe,” Sasha assures him.
Najar sighs. “Of course you’d pick a theme park.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fun,” Felix says. His eyes sparkle. “Maybe I’ll get to see some new animals there too.”
I smile fondly at my brother and shake my head. Some things about him will never change. But that’s yet another reason I love him to pieces.
“Well, I, for one, want to find out how an intergalactic theme park compares to the ones on Earth.” I rub my hands together in anticipation.
Luna bounces on her toes, her green tentacles doing a kind of cheer move that makes me smile. “Hell, yeah! That’s my girl! Let’s enjoy this to the max!”
Khephren dances around the bridge. “We’re going to have so much fun. I can’t wait.”
“Rein it in a smidge, babe,” Sasha orders him sweetly. “Let’s not scare off our new crew members quite yet.”
Khephren blushes. “Sorry. I can get overly enthusiastic sometimes.”
Sasha pulls him in for a kiss. “And I love that about you.”
“Okay, enough schmoopy talk,” Luna says. “Let’s park this baby and get on with the fun.”
I can’t stop myself from grinning. She is so much fun, and ridiculously sweet too.
My mind wanders back to the handwritten note she sent me last night. At first, I was startled when it arrived via a delivery chute in the room that I didn’t know about. But her words melted my heart the moment I read them. Luna is thoughtful and attentive. She didn’t get upset or annoyed when I needed some time alone to think. Instead, she was quietly supportive and understanding.
My mental list of reasons Luna’s pretty damn perfect for me keeps growing by the hour.
I still haven’t arrived at any conclusions about what I’ll do with my future now that I’m part of the Sleigh Belle, but I feel less freaked out about not having a plan. I decided to take things as they come and wait for inspiration to strike. In other words, I’m going to trust in myself and the universe on this one.
“Luna’s right,” I agree cheerfully. “Let’s get this theme park party started!”
Khephren doesn’t waste any more time and docks the Sleigh Belle in the Cosmic Kingdom’s massive equivalent of a parking garage for spaceships, after which we disembark like a band of kids hyped up on sugar and adrenaline. We’re practically racing each other to the park’s entrance, a slightly less excited Najar drawn along by my brother. Felix has his work cut out for him with his new boyfriend—but I know that’s the way he likes it.
Men can be such weirdos sometimes.
At the entrance, Khephren pays for us all, and I make a mental note to figure out how the heck money works in the rest of the universe. Then we go through a biometric scanner that is apparently an even more advanced version of what we have in the med lab on our ship.
Wow, I’m already thinking of the Sleigh Belle as ours, not theirs.
“It identifies species, checks for any communicable illnesses, and scans for weapons or biological hazards of any kind,” Luna explains, winking at me.
“Have I told you that you’re super fucking cute today?”
She’s wearing a pair of overalls over a tight thermal shirt, and she’s rocking the look. I’ve always loved a woman in overalls. Not sure why, but Luna is proof that my preference is spot on. Who wouldn’t find that hot?
Luna gives a little twirl and waves a tentacle at me flirtatiously. “Had a feeling you might like this. Wait until you see me in my special jumpsuit for heavy-duty tasks in the engine room, baby.”
Her voice comes out in a sultry purr, and I know exactly what I’ll be fantasizing about all damn day.
Luna drags her eyes up and down my body in a way that sets every nerve ending of mine on fire. “You’re looking gorgeous, as always.”
I flush with pleasure. Waking up fresh and revitalized after last night, I picked an outfit to show off my seriously fly self. Ready to strut my stuff, I put on one of my favorite retro fifties swing dresses, the white one with red polka dots, and did my hair in an updo with victory rolls and a green satin ribbon.
I give her a little twirl of my own and then dart a quick kiss on her cheek. “Of course I am, but thanks nonetheless.”
She grins at me brightly.
“Welcome to Cosmic Kingdom,” an artificial, computer-like voice intones as Sasha completes his scan. “Please be sure to wear your juvenile visitor wristband. You will not be allowed to go on any rides for which you fail to meet the minimum height requirement.”
“The fuck?” Sasha yells, his face going nearly purple in outrage.
To everyone’s surprise, it’s Najar who starts laughing hysterically. “Hahahahaha! This moment will live in my memory forever.”
“I will end you, Najar,” Sasha growls.
“For your safety, we are assigning you a child chaperone drone. Their name is Nanny Bubbles,” the voice continues, unfazed.
“I’m not a fucking child!”
A robotic arm darts out of the biometric scanner and slaps a band on his wrist so fast he can’t avoid it.
“Enjoy your stay at Cosmic Kingdom!”
A drone appears, hovering over poor Sasha and following him as Khephren drags him, much like one would a grumpy toddler, into the park.
After the rest of us manage to get through the biometric scanner without any issues, we huddle up as Najar explains our game plan. He definitely has some serious dad vibes, or maybe even grandpa vibes.
“Everyone, pay careful attention.” He points to the unusual bubble-making fountain in the center of this square. “If you need to find anyone while we’re here, use your messaging device and then come here. It will be our meet-up location should anyone need it. Otherwise, you’re free to explore the park as much as you wish, but be sure you have returned to our ship no later than thirty minutes after the park’s closing time.” He levels us all with a stern gaze. “Understood?”
We all hurriedly agree and then go our separate ways as couples.
Luna and I are immediately on the same wavelength because when we look at the park map, we each point to the same attraction.
“LightSpeed MegaCoaster!” we shout in unison.
Giddy, we run to the line for the ride. Unlike the parks I’ve visited on Earth, the lines for rides at this one move at a rapid pace, and in no time at all, Luna and I are settled into our seats on the LightSpeed MegaCoaster and the ride begins.
Normally, I love rollercoaster rides, and based on the name, that’s what I’m expecting with this one. Poor, foolish Gemma. I should have known extraterrestrials would take this to a level I’m not quite prepared for as a human.
Once in college, some friends and I went to a midnight movie screening of 2001: A Space Odyssey. We brought along some trippy treats, namely gummies, to best appreciate this film, a stoner favorite among many a hippie in the seventies. When we got to the total mind-fuck scene where the main character is traveling through time and space and everything around him turns into a psychedelic light vortex, I remember feeling like I was in that vessel with him, rocketing through the universe.
The LightSpeed MegaCoaster is so much more mind-blowing—and terrifying. Somehow, the Cosmic Kingdom built the track for this particular ride in such a way that it juts into outer space, going far out from the park and directly into the fucking Rainbow Nebula. The ride and its track are encased in a mysterious clear material that gives us an unobstructed view, but there’s nothing beneath us but emptiness.
New fear unlocked.
I’ve barely wrapped my head around how impossible this ride seems to my poor overwhelmed psyche when the coaster sends us careening out into the universe at breakneck speed and straight through part of the Rainbow Nebula, which is even more beautiful than what Kubrick envisioned in his film. It’s surreal and downright sublime on one level, but on the other, I’m ready to shit my pants at the knowledge that there’s nothing between me and guaranteed death other than an unexplained clear material. What if it cracks? What if an asteroid suddenly hits it?
Right when I think it can’t get any more petrifying, I see that the end of the track is fast approaching, and we aren’t slowing down one iota. Alarm bells go off in my mind as my primal instincts for self-preservation kick in.
“Isn’t this awesome?!” Luna shouts at me, sounding like she’s having the time of her life.
“Aahhhhh!” I scream, and my heart drops into my stomach when the coaster reaches the end of the horizontal track and does a full motherfucking ninety-degree vertical drop.
This experience will probably give me nightmares for years, but a small part of me can’t help but admit it’s also super fucking cool. Good god, am I already old before my time? Have I lost my youthful, adventurous spirit?
While I enjoy fun escapades, I’ve never considered myself a hard-core adrenaline junkie per se. However, when I manage to dart a glance at Luna, whose expression is downright beatific, I can see that she clearly is.
Yeah, okay, that tracks.
The freefall sensation finally ends when we turn onto another horizontal track, which takes us back to where we started. When we come to a complete stop, I’m dazed, frozen in place and feeling like I’m coming down from way too many gummies.
Fuck what I wouldn’t give for a gummy right now. Maybe three.
Luna leans over and practically shoves her face into mine. “You okay, babe?”
“If I was a cat, I would have seen all nine of my lives flash by and then met the goddess you told me about.”
Luna cocks her head. “Thekmis.”
“Yep.”
She considers me for a moment. “Do you want to get out of your seat?”
“That would be great. Not sure I can actually move yet. My neurons aren’t firing directions to my limbs at the moment.”
Luna chuckles and unbuckles me. Then she hops up onto the platform and reaches down with her powerful tentacles to gently lift me onto solid ground. Her tentacles prop me up, which is good because I’m not sure I could stand on my own quite yet.
My girlfriend—fuck, that’s such a trip too—pulls me into her arms and rubs my back, helping ease some of the tension out of my muscles. Once again, she’s earning brownie points without even trying. I love that about her.
“Better?” she asks after a few long moments.
“Well, I’ve gone from frozen in terror to mild trembling, so I suppose that’s a sign of improvement, right?”
Luna slowly moves in and lays a legendary lip-lock on me that erases every damn thought in my mind. When she eventually pulls back, I grin like a fool, feeling delightfully warm and tingly all over.
“That helped a lot,” I say. “You should do it again.”
Luna chuckles. “I’d love to, but we’re kind of blocking the next round of riders.”
I look around and begrudgingly admit she’s right. Dammit.
Luna links arms with me and keeps a tentacle around my waist as we navigate our way through the crowd of folks waiting for their turn on what I shall forever call the Coma-Inducing Coaster of Chaos.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ll never forget the ride, but once was definitely enough for me, that’s for sure. Or at least until my poor human brain can more fully adjust to life among the stars and the technological advancements of extraterrestrial species that far surpass anything on Earth.
Luna points a tentacle off to the right. “After that wild ride, I think we should chill for a bit and get some food. Let’s check out the Galactic Grub Hub.”
As she leads me in that direction, I gaze up in wonder at the massive neon archway sign that welcomes us to the Galactic Grub Hub. As we pass under it, I quickly realize it’s the extraterrestrial equivalent of a food court.
Okay, that’s something I can handle, no problem.
The place is busy and there are a stunning variety of vendors to choose from—a popcorn stand called Comet & Kernel, the Nebu-latte Café, Dwarf Star Donuts, Steamy Solar Spuds, Plasma Pizza Pies, Celestial Creamery, Cosmic Candy Emporium, and so on.
Luna, decisive as always, makes an almost immediate beeline for the AstroBurger Shack. I study the menu only to quickly discover that I’m way out of my depth. There are a lot of meat options you don’t see on Earth. While I suppose that makes total sense—duh, outer space—it’s also incredibly alienating, pun intended.
