Ink my Soul, page 1
Ink My Soul
Copyright © 2018 by ChaShiree M.
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Synopsis
Dedication
Epigraph
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Epilogue
Also available by ChaShiree M.:
Acknowledgements
Contact Information
Sneak peek at ChaShiree’s Birds of Paradise book 3: The Life She Couldn’t See
I have known since I was a teenager that my wants and needs were different, so I kept it from my family.
My biggest fear was that I would never find my ‘little dove’. The other half of me. The woman that would complete the secret part of me.
She would be my biggest glory. The one I protect, cherish and place above all others and in return she will surrender all she is to me.
I just never expected my dove to be HER.
I have been searching for love and acceptance my whole life. My family has never cared. They just throw money at me and go about their way.
In order to feel important, I became the town Bitch and I am not proud of it.
Searching my soul, I discovered I needed something more and went in search of it. I want to reinvent myself. Become someone I can be proud of.
I found him at a time in my life when I never thought I could be happy.
I ran from him, then I ran to him. Then I begged him……
To INK my Soul
You hated her in Marry Grinchmas and began to question who she really was in A Rose for Max. Now it is time to hear her story and learn why even SHE deserves love.
This is Elizabeth and Chips story. It is a bit of a departure from Moosehead and Inked because not all love is conventional and sweet. Some is unorthodox and dark maybe a little messy. All that matters is that you find that someone that completes you.
Hope you love it as much as I do!!!!
Dedicated to those that live their life coloring outside the lines. Live out loud and live your truth.
Give me your faith and control and I will give you my care and protection.
Give me your devotion and obedience and I will give you my loyalty and patience.
Give me all of you without hesitation and fear and you will be my all.
—A Dom’s Promise
“Good evening Sir. What will it be tonight?” The girl at the door asks.
Walking into Stormy, the only BDSM dungeon for 75 mi, I take a deep breath as I feel a calmness wash over me. Not a lot of people would understand the intense emotions that are inside of me to dominate another person. Actually. It is more than that. I have a desire and a need to take care of my ‘little dove’, beyond anything else in this world.
There is only thing I need to do now, and that is to find her. Which is technically the reason for what I am doing here. Every day, I come here night after night looking for the woman who will complete me. And though I play with other subs sometimes, I don’t engage in sexual acts.
My friends think I am weird, because I have only had one fumbling sexual experience at the age of 15 with my next-door neighbor. That experience did open my libido and I shortly discovered my affinity for something ‘different’. After doing some research online and talking to my brother Miles’ friend London, I figured out what I needed and began my journey towards being the best at it.
Unbeknownst to my siblings, I began ordering magazines and joining online groups to teach, hone, and nurture it. Without giving that part of my soul to someone who wasn’t meant to be mine.
At the time I was underage and couldn’t go to any clubs, but I could talk to people about it and that is what I did. I spent a year and half learning all I could about the type of lifestyle I would be entering. There is the equipment, the different kinks within the lifestyle, the limits, and about the type of Dom I want to be.
When I was 17, I got into a lot of fights at school because I have a short fuse. My brother Miles took me to a therapist as part of a deal with the school to not expel me. It was through my therapist that I learned why I am this way, and that it is ok. I thought something was wrong with me at first.
You see, my parents died in a murder suicide type of situation and according to my brother Miles it is a type of obsession that is hereditary. Hence, the reason he has never had a relationship. I know Miles thinks my anger comes from our fathers’ blood. But the truth is, it stems from my inability to talk about the desire and needs I have. Having to hold a part of myself back, culminated in a sense of resentment within me.
According to the therapist, what I was feeling in terms of the resentment and such was normal. Though I did need to learn a different way to communicate without lashing out. It turned out to be good advice.
The day I turned 18, London took me for the first time to one of the clubs that specializes in what I need. I felt I was more than prepared for the experience with all the research and preparation I had been doing. All new members must undergo a club evaluation, training in the newbie room for a few weeks, and given a training sub for a month or so. I knew all of this going in and understood what would be required of me and them. So, all in all I was not going to be given access to the main floor for 90 days and I was more than ok with that. I wanted to be ready.
Once the 90 days of requirements were up and over with, I would go there night after night and patiently bide my time. Tonight, there is something different. When I first woke up this morning, my body felt as if it was wired with an electrical current racing through it. The charge had my body lighting up and working out or helping out at the family shop didn’t helped. Something in my body was not at rest and I had no clue what it was about.
Pulling up to the club caused my anticipation to become unbearable. With the tingling in my head and the massive drumming of my heart, I knew. Somehow, deep down I knew she would be here. My little dove. I knew my life was going to change because today would be the day and I didn’t know how much, until I entered the club. After addressing the girl at the door, I walked over to the bar to get my usual…. a coke. I grab my drink and turn around and spot her immediately.
She is standing in the entrance of the club, slightly past the door. The trepidation on her face is just as hot as it is endearing. She looks lost or even as if she is looking for something or someone. The idea that she is here looking for someone sends my temperature rising. It’s ironic though because I know she has never been here before, otherwise I would have seen her. But the problem is if I approach her right now, I could spook her, and she might leave.
You see, I know my little dove and she knows me.
3 months after the club
“Dad. Did you see the proposal for the animal sanctuary on your desk last night?”
“What are you going on about now Beth?” He complains.
Ugg. I wish he wouldn’t call me by that name. I have always hated the shortened version of my name. I prefer Liz, but of course my family doesn’t care.
“On your desk. I left a proposal and messaged you about it. You said you would look at it.” I say to him with as much exasperation as I can put in my voice.
“Oh yeah, sure. I did look at it. What I do not understand is why in the world would you want to do something like that? You don’t have the education or experience for such an undertaking and McIntire’s don’t dally in such things. Are you bored? Do you need more money? Look, I will have money transferred into your account. I’m sure you can find something to buy. I have a meeting. Goodbye.” He throws over his shoulder on his way out the door.
Wow. I shouldn’t be surprised at what he said or that he is not taking me seriously. My parents have been dismissing me as nothing more than an accessory, that needs more accessories my whole life. But, even after all this time it still stings when they treat me this way.
I have come to the realization that I have to stop looking for their approval and find what makes me happy. Thinking of precisely that, brings me back to the day three months ago when I ventured into this BDSM club called Stormy. At first, I was not sure what I was doing there and to this day I don’t know what compelled me to go in. But I did.
My curiosity began and was peaked when I met Melinda on an animal retreat. It isn’t as weird as it sounds. I have an affinity for finding things that need to be protected and helping them. I know it seems out of character with the ‘bitch’ everyone else has seen, especially in this town but I am a very sensitive person. Somehow, I think a part of me has gotten lost in the need to be loved and seen.
I decided to go on this retreat I found while doing some
At first, I looked at her a bit perplexed. I had no idea what she was talking about initially. The confusion must have shown on my face because she went into an explanation.
“I’m sorry sweetie. I sometimes forget there are people outside of my world who don’t know what I am talking about sometimes. See, I am a sub/slave and I have a master.”
“I’m sorry. A Sub/Slave? Are we talking about some amped up Christian Grey stuff?” It must have tickled her fancy because she laughs a full-on laugh that goes on forever. When she is finally finished with the case of the giggles, she looks at me seriously and says, “Oh honey. That shit in the movie is so far out of the realm of the what it is all about and does for each person involved. What I am talking about is real life changing ‘service’.”
“Service? Nothing about that sounds sexy or emotionally uplifting.” She seems to contemplate something before she pulls me to a seat, turns towards me, and precedes to change the way I think.
“Have you ever felt whole? Not like, ‘that was a great yoga class whole’, but complete. A feeling that says, you have found everything you ever wanted and have reached the pinnacle of self-actualization. Have you ever felt protected, cherished, adored, and so sexually fulfilled that your skin feels brand new? Have you felt absolutely one hundred percent connected to someone and so at peace that you know this is what your life was meant for? Found a man that loves you more than himself? He worships you, puts you before all others, and all he asks is that you give yourself to him. He helps you manage yourself hate by telling you and showing you how beautiful you are. He fulfills your dreams by asking what they are and leading you to them. He stands in front of you and the world by demanding you walk behind him. Have you ever had any of that?”
The questions she is asking does not register at first, because halfway through her speech my body begins to come alive and my heart starts to pound. My mind started to wonder how all of that would feel.
“Honey, have I scared you? I’m sorry. Sometimes I come on too strong. I just want everyone to find their peace like I did.”
“N-no. You didn’t scare me. I-I want that. Everything you just said. I just don’t know about the slave thing and what it would entail? I wouldn’t even know how to begin.”
“Oh honey. There are so many, different ways you can achieve that through submission. You don’t have to be a slave. That is my story. You need to look up BDSM online and find some forums or online groups you can join for newbies. Find a club or dungeon in your area and go for the social to get information. It’s not for everyone. But if you find yourself picturing and yearning for it as you learn more, I would highly consider it.”
For the rest of the trip I could think of nothing else. As soon as I got home I began my journey into the inquiry. A few weeks later after joining a few online groups, I found Stormy. Although I was scared out of my mind, I decided to go and check it out. They were holding a newbie meet and greet, and I thought this would be a good way to pop my cherry so to speak.
What I didn’t expect was to see, HIM. I also didn’t expect for him to stalk me across the room in a possessive way. He turned my insides into mush causing the outside parts of my body to go on high alert.
I did not expect for him to grab me and light me on fire with one of the best kisses I have ever had in my life. Being in his arms made me feel like I was home.
It has been three months since the night at the club and there is not a day he doesn’t make an appearance in my life in some way. But that’s not what is worrying me. It’s how far into my soul I can already feel him.
After the failed conversation with my dad, I walk down the street deep in thought. I don’t know what I am doing with my life. I feel unsettled and lost and I feel this way all the time. There is not or has not been a time in my life when I didn’t feel like this. Except. Except when I am with Him. Chip. When I am with him, I feel…. well everything. I don’t need to have a direction, because he does, and I simply want to follow him. When I am with him I never want to be anywhere else.
But, I do run from him every chance I get. It’s not because I don’t want what he can give me. It’s because I want it too much and I am five years older than him. What will people think? My family is the prominent family in this small town. And for me to be frolicking around with a teenager basically and doing…well the things we would be doing…. I just…. I can’t.
Deep in thought about what I want versus what I can’t have, I run into a brick wall. Or at least it feels like one from the hard way it pushes me back. When hands reach out to break my fall and a deep voice tells me to “Walk with your head up little dove”, my body begins to quake, and my heart tries to leap out of my chest. My traitorous body knows when the one I crave is near and it demands I answer.
Looking up into his beautiful haunting eyes I try to turn from him but find myself clinging to him and I start bawling. I have no clue why, right at this moment I let out all the emotions I have been holding in. Unfortunately, it doesn’t change the fact that I do.
“Dove are you ok? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?” He asks. And with each question his voice gets harder and harder, making me cry even more. To finally have someone who cares enough about me and are willing to fight for me is foreign. But it feels so fucking good. I am unable to respond with my mouth, therefore forcing me to simply cling to him harder and hoping he hears what I cannot say, ‘Please don’t let me go’.
“My dove. You need me to hold you, don’t you?” It’s Not really a question, but I find myself nodding anyway.
“As happy as that makes me dove, you have to say it. You have been running from me for a long time now. If you want me to finally make you mine and show you what that means, you will need to say it. Tell me you want me. Want us and all that it entails.”
When everything he is asking of me starts to sink in I begin to pull back but don’t get far. He grabs my wrists.
“Not anymore dove. Stop running from me. From us. Fuck what everyone else thinks. How much good has it done you this far? What has being YOU gotten you besides a fucked up reputation and a bunch of mooching ass, fake ass friends. Is that what you think of yourself? Do you think that is all you deserve out of life? Are you going to give up and be who they want you to be? Or are you finally going to take your life back?”
My initial response is resistance. I try to wrench my wrists out of his hands, but his hold on me is so tight there is no going anywhere. Both, figuratively and physically. I beat at his chest, crying and sobbing because everything he said is everything I have been thinking. To hear someone else say it hurts and frees me at the same time. But am I strong enough for it?
“You don’t have to be strong enough baby. That is my job. Give me what I want, and I will stand between you and everything.”
Tired. Emotionally drained and defeated, I ask. “What do you want from me, Chip?”
“Your surrender.” I look into his eyes and all I see is desire and love. No recusals, disgust, indifference, or any other negative thing I am used to being confronted with from everyone else. He sees….me. How can I possibly run from that anymore?
The truth is… for the past three months he has been there whenever I have needed him. Even when I didn’t ask him to be. He has even saved me from me.
After the club incident, I was feeling angry with myself for even going. Not because I didn’t want to go, but because I was putting my family’s reputation at risk. Thus, putting myself in the line of fire again and I felt stupid. I started looking for something to latch onto to make me feel…something…anything and when I saw Rosalind walking down the street I chose her. I mean, why not? She is new here and within a few weeks she manages to snag Max’s attention, which thoroughly pisses me off. Especially, since the last person he was with was me and I spent all this time making myself believe I left such an impression on him he was pining.
