Consumed by Fire, page 18
I’m crying. My heart is pounding. I’m a hot mess. I can’t help it. I’m not sure if they’re tears of relief or tears of horror because of what happened.
“It’s me. I’m here.” He rubs a hand up and down my back. “No one is going to hurt you. They’re all dead.”
“You came,” I choke out, trying hard to stop the tears and failing dismally. “You saved me.”
“It looks like you did a good job of saving yourself.” Octane pulls back, looking me in the eye. “Of course I came. I will always come for you, Trinity.”
My heart does a somersault in my chest.
I gasp as realization sets in. “You’re on Mistveil. It isn’t safe. If they catch you—”
“We’re leaving now. You’re packing a bag, and then you’re coming back with me,” he says in a deep voice. “We’re going back to Draig.”
I shake my head. “No! This is where the madness ends. You need to go back to Draig on your own, and I will stay here.” I cry harder because I hate the idea.
“I don’t want to leave you. Pack and come with me…please.”
“You have to go.” I sniff. “Your friend Dagger was right. I don’t belong on Draig, just like you don’t belong here on Mistveil.” I wipe my nose, trying to hold back the blasted tears.
“I really like you, Trinity. I feel responsible for you. I’m starting to fall in—”
“Don’t say it. You can’t say it,” I tell him in a clipped tone. I want to hear the words so badly. But I know that if I do, I won’t be able to say goodbye, and I have to. I don’t want to see him hurt, which means he can’t stay. I need to think of my baby, which means I can’t go with him, either.
This ends today. It should never have started in the first place.
“I want to finish saying my piece,” he insists, his golden eyes bright.
“I want nothing more than to hear your feelings for me. I would love it. I want to say a couple of things right back, believe you me, but I can’t. You can’t. We can’t!” I cup his face. “I wish it were different.”
“It’s stupid, Trinity.” His arms tighten around me. “We can’t be together because you have red markings, and I don’t have them. It’s so fucking stupid. Genetically, we’re the same. You need a safe place to have this baby. It isn’t here.”
“Draig is not that place either. I agree, it’s stupid, but it doesn’t change things. It doesn’t mean that years of hate will go away just because a Red and a Draiger met one day. The hate is there, the prejudice, too, and on both sides. If you stay, you will be put to death. If I am found on Draig, it will be me who dies. It will never end well for us. It is how it is.”
“I don’t want to leave without you,” Octane says in a soft voice.
I sigh. “It’s how it has to be.”
Octane looks at me for a long while before nodding. “I could get red markings. I could become a Red. I could stay.”
I shake my head. “You’re sweet, but I won’t let you do it. You are a proud Draiger. You shouldn’t have to hide that. I wouldn’t let you do it. Besides, it would mean staying on this island. You could never go home. I would never expect that of you. It would be wrong of me. You would never be able to see your family or your friends again. What about your brother, Jed?”
His eyes cloud. I know I’m right.
“You couldn’t ever be truly you, and that would be a shame,” I tell him.
His shoulders slump a little, and his eyes turn hazy. “You’re right. I wish I could think of a way where this would work.”
“Me, too.” I thread my fingers through his hair. It’s caked with fresh blood. His face is smeared with it. The shirt he is wearing is half-ripped and bloody, too. I smile.
“What?” He frowns.
“You’re covered in blood.”
“I can see you tried to wash, but you’re pretty covered, too.” He smiles, but it’s also sad.
“We need to get cleaned up. Then I’ll pack, and we’ll head for the tunnel. You need to leave as a matter of urgency. If anything happened to you…” My voice hitches, and my lip wobbles, so I chew down on it.
“Nothing will happen to me. I will be fine. What will you do? Where will you go? I don’t like leaving you, Trinity. Not like this.” He looks down at my belly for a moment.
I swallow, licking my lips. “I’ll be fine. I’ll move in with a girlfriend. I’ll be able to work for another month or two. I’ll make a plan. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m not your problem. Not anymore.” I shake my head. “I’m no longer your prisoner. You are not responsible for me. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself.” I’m shocked at how stern I sound. How confident when I’m anything but. It’s true, though. I mean it. I will get by. I always do.
“You’re strong and resourceful, but I do worry. I can’t help it,” he says in a soft voice, shrugging.
“I’ll be fine. Especially now that Igor and Titan are gone.”
Octane looks at the bed; his eyes narrow and his brow furrows. “Did he hurt you?” His voice is deep. “Did he—?” It’s turned into a low growl.
“No.” I shake my head. “I didn’t give him the chance.”
Octane goes to touch my mouth but stops just short because his hand is smeared with blood.
“I’m fine. This is nothing.” I brush my swollen lip. “He didn’t get to do anything to me. I’m fine.” My lip wobbles, and a tear runs down my cheek. I wipe it away, squaring my shoulders.
Octane pulls me into a hard hug. “Thank god! Let’s get showered and out of here before more of their friends arrive.”
“It’s quite possible,” I tell him. “There are twenty or thirty guys who come and go. They don’t all stay here, but this is where they meet.”
“Okay, then. Let’s move.”
Fifteen minutes later, I’m dressed in a pair of tights and a baggy shirt. I have a pair of sneakers on my feet. The tights are the only things that fit anymore in the pants department. I’m bigger than I was when I left a week ago.
I pack my meager belongings into a bag and am just zipping it closed when Octane calls me from the next room.
“You have to see this,” he adds.
“I’m done with packing. I just have—” My mouth drops open as I walk into the room. There are several television screens on the wall. I drop the bag at my feet with a clunk, and my mouth goes unhinged.
I gasp.
“I take it you’ve never been in here?” Octane says absently, his eyes on the screens. There are five of them.
I shake my head. “No, this room was out of bounds to me and always locked. That’s footage from inside the tunnel.” I point.
“Yep,” Octane says. “It sure is.”
“That’s how they were so sure I was on Draig. They will have seen me following those males into the tunnel. They will have known that I didn’t return.”
“Exactly.”
“I didn’t even think to look for cameras.” My voice is laced with shock.
“Me, neither. I can be thankful they weren’t paying attention after they got back here,” he says.
A shiver runs through me. “They would have been ready for you otherwise.”
Octane is dressed in black cargo-style pants and a shirt. He’s wearing a pair of laced-up army-style boots. I’m not sure whose clothing he found. I don’t care.
He nods. “You ready?” he asks as he yanks a black box off the wall. All of the screens go dead.
I nod, spotting my vacuum cleaning in the corner of the room. So, it was Titan behind the break in at my apartment.
That bastard!
Octane holds up the box, pulling me back to the moment. “I don’t want to leave any evidence.”
“Good idea.”
He picks up my bag, slinging it over his shoulder, and we go down the stairs.
I leave the house without so much as a backward glance. I feel nothing but relief as we hurry down the path that leads to the tunnel, but as we get closer, dread starts to fill me.
Am I crazy to be pushing Octane away?
Should I go with him?
No! I’m right. It has to be this way. We don’t belong together, even if it feels right with him at my side. Even if it feels like I can take on the world, just as long as we’re together.
At the end of the day, I am a Red, and he is a Draiger, and our two paths will never meet. It’s just too dangerous. It has to be this way.
All too quickly, we reach the entrance to the caves. Octane puts my bag down at my feet.
“This is it,” I say, my eyes stinging. I refuse to cry.
Octane swallows thickly, his Adam’s apple working. We look into each other’s eyes, and for a moment, the world seems to pause. Then I thread my fingers through his.
“I’ve been thinking,” he says.
“Not a good idea,” I say.
He smiles; it’s sad. “No, hear me out.”
I give him a look. “Octane, I wish things could be different,” I whisper, my voice cracking slightly. “But—”
“I can’t say goodbye like this.” He shakes his head. “I won’t!”
“You have to.”
He looks away. When he looks back, I see frustration all over his face. “I won’t be able to relax unless I know you’re taken care of.”
“For the last time, thank you, but I am no longer your responsibility. I never was, and I never will be.” It hurts me to say it to him, but I have to. “This baby isn’t yours.”
His gaze clouds. “You can say whatever you want and push me away as much as you want, but it won’t work. You are now in my heart, whether you like it or not. You and the baby both.”
Holy shit!
A tear tracks down my cheek. I sniff. Dammit. Why did he have to say that?
Be strong!
“Which means that you will be on my mind often. All the fucking time, if I’m honest. I refuse to lie awake nights worrying about you.”
“I’m not coming with you,” I insist.
“I know.” He squeezes my hands. “I want you to come back tomorrow, late afternoon. Come at 3.”
“Why?” I cock my head and narrow my eyes. I don’t like where this is going.
“I want you to meet me here. I’ll bring you some money—”
“No.” I shake my head. “I won’t take your money. I shouldn’t have told you all of that stuff about not having a place to go. I will be fine. I swear it.”
“You will be fine, because I’m going to make sure of it.”
I start to argue, but he kisses me. It’s soft and sweet. He cups my face and moans into my mouth before pulling back. “Please don’t argue,” he says as he lets me go. “If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for me. I’ll be able to live my life if I know you’re okay. That he’s okay.” He puts a warm hand to my belly. “Meet me here tomorrow…do it for me and for him…please,” he pleads. “Please, Little Red. Don’t make me beg. I will if I have to.”
I nod. “I will come. Thank you for caring so much.”
“Be careful.” He cups my jaw again and kisses me softly. This time, it is goodbye. I watch him turn and start to leave. He waves just before he disappears underground.
I can’t help but feel relieved that this isn’t the final goodbye. It’s wrong of me. So wrong!
24
Octane
Below me, the lush green canopy of the jungle stretches out as far as the eye can see. The sun dips low on the horizon, painting the sky in pinks, oranges, and purples. It’s beautiful. Or it would be if I cared to really take it in. I don’t!
I feel numb inside.
I can’t help it. I bank to the right, feeling the wind over my scales as I catch the air currents. I shouldn’t be in my dragon form. I will get into all kinds of shit if a patrol finds me like this without a rider or a bonded dragon to oversee me.
I don’t care.
Fuck it!
I’m delaying going back to camp, even though I’m fucking exhausted. I’ve only just healed up. My body used a lot of energy over the last few days.
I don’t feel like facing anyone, but I have to head back; I’ve delayed too long already.
I slowly descend, seeing the tops of the bungalows. Home sweet home. Only it doesn’t feel like home anymore. I know I sound mopey and depressed, but I don’t care. I’m allowed to wallow in self-pity, even if it’s just for a short time.
I shift, grumbling under my breath when I see Dagger walking toward me. I don’t feel like talking. I have nothing to say, especially to both him and Shadow. I’m pissed at them. It feels a whole lot like betrayal, even if it came from a good place.
“You good?” he asks.
“Leave me alone,” I say as I start toward my bungalow.
He looks sheepish, even wincing. “I’m sorry things had to play out that way.”
“Me too,” I tell him.
“Did the Red get back okay?”
I stop walking. “Trinity. The Red’s name is Trinity.”
He gets another sheepish look, worse this time. “Trinity…yes, of course. I really am sorry. I can’t imagine how it must feel to have feelings for someone you can never be with.” He pushes his fingers into his front pants pockets, digging the toe of his boot into the dirt.
“You should—” I start to say but am interrupted.
“You’re back,” Shadow gushes like she didn’t pull the rug out from underneath me and fuck me over royally. I groan inwardly, but my feelings must show on my face because she adds, “Please don’t hate me. We only did what we did because we care for you and don’t want to see you get hurt…or worse.”
“Save it! There are better ways of doing things. You went about it the wrong way. The sneaky way.”
“Would you have listened if we’d been direct?” she asks, lifting her brows.
“Nope.” I don’t hesitate.
“Well, there you have it,” she adds, snorting air out of her nose. “Be reasonable. This is for the best. You did the right thing by leaving her.”
“I didn’t leave her. She left me.” It physically hurts me that we’re done before there even was a “we.” That’s so fucking sad. I feel hollow inside. Like someone scraped out my insides and left me raw.
“At least one of you was thinking straight,” Shadow says. “The female obviously cared for you.”
“Trinity… Her name is Trinity. Why is that so hard for all of you to get?” I say in a clipped tone. “She’s a shifter, just like us. If you cut her, she will bleed. The blood will look the same as ours. Her pain will be the same.”
“I know that. I get it,” Shadow says in a soft voice that irritates the fuck out of me.
“I need a few days off to decompress,” I tell her.
She frowns. “Is that a good idea? It might help if you kept busy. There are still a few stragglers trying to make it through Sky’s Edge. You could—”
“Um…I think I’ll pass,” I snap.
“The last time I checked, you were hoping to bond with a human so that you could go and work the frontline.” She puts her hands on her hips. “This is an opportunity.”
“Things change. I’m not sure what I want anymore.”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t say that. Don’t throw everything away over what—”
“You know, Shadow,” Dagger scratches the side of his head, “it might be a good idea for Octane to take a few days off. He’s had a rough time of it,” he tells her. “Octane needs time to think things through. We don’t want him making any rash decisions.” He glances at me occasionally while he talks.
She looks at Dagger for a few long moments before nodding and looking my way. “Okay,” she sighs, “take a few days. Get your head on straight again. Then come back and get on with your life.”
I was going to go whether she gave me permission or not, but I’m glad we sorted that out. I walk away. I need to rest up. I’ll leave early tomorrow so that I can be at the bank when it opens. I’m going to give Trinity more money than I previously had in mind. I won’t be able to rest until I know that she is properly taken care of financially, if nothing else. I can give her that much. She opened my eyes to so many things. She opened my heart, too. It will kill me to walk away tomorrow, but I’ll do it. If she still wants me to, I’ll force myself to honor her wishes.
Trinity
I’ve been thinking about it, and there is no way I can take Octane’s money. I won’t do it. I’m not a money-grubber.
I’ve always been independent. Well, at least up until recently. I hated having to rely on anyone. It’s time to get back onto my own two feet. I can do it. I’m capable of looking after myself. I stroke my belly. Of looking after my baby, too. Where there is a will, there is a way.
As I excitedly anticipate Octane’s return, a bitter thought creeps in – with his arrival comes the inevitable countdown to our final goodbye. The weight of this impending farewell feels like a dense ball of lead in my stomach. Tomorrow is going to be bittersweet. I will get to see Octane again, but for the very last time. I have this odd mixture of joy and sorrow swirling within me.
My mind works overtime as I make my way down the narrow, dimly lit hallway that leads to Nova’s apartment. I can’t believe how long it’s been since I was last here. Too long. I cut myself off from my friends. It’s been so long that they stopped calling. So long that they even stopped messaging. I can’t blame them.
I’m not sure how she will react when she sees me. My hands feel a touch clammy as I move my bag from one shoulder to the other. My footsteps echo off the walls as I near her door. The faded wallpaper has started to peel in places, and some of the tiles are cracked. I think there might be a few more cracks since I was last here. I always saw her apartment as a little sanctuary where laughter and good times were always to be found. My stomach clenches. I hope it’s still the case. I pray she doesn’t slam the door in my face.
I see light under her door.
Good, she’s home.
I suck in a few breaths, and then I force myself to grow a pair and knock before I can chicken out.
“Coming.” She sounds upbeat.
My stomach churns some more. I think it might be knotting up.
