“I’m about to say something. I need you to forget it as soon as I say it.”

  Finn’s heart skipped a beat. He would promise anything to hear Cormac’s thoughts. “Okay.”

  He heard Cormac take a shaky breath. “There’s no one else. I need you to know that. There’ll never be anyone else. But I understand if you need to walk away from me tonight and find someone whole. I know I’m never fair to you.”

  Finn hurt all the way to his soul. His immediate visceral reaction nearly made him shout his response. Instead, his voice quivered. “Never.”

  He felt Cormac nod. His lips brushed Finn’s ear again. “Then give me every dance.”

  Finn would give him anything.

  Movement pulled Finn from his sleep. He looked Cormac’s way. His covers were missing while a nurse worked to change his bandages. For the first time, he saw Cormac’s bare body. A tear rolled from the corner of his eye. He looked away. From sternum to hip, he was nothing but ragged red skin and scar. He knew those scars. Only one thing formed skin into that shape. His precious angel had—at some point in his life—been on fire. That trauma he hid was so much worse than Finn had ever imagined. If they lived, Finn would fix it. He would make everything right.

  Cormac watched Finn sleep. He had no idea how long they had been there. It was long enough Finn had some hair. He ached. It was deep inside and made him scared to move, but he had known worse pain. Warm blankets kept him covered. He had no problem staying put. Cormac just needed to know Finn was okay.

  “Finn.”

  Finn’s eyes shot open. He looked Cormac’s way. He smiled. “Hi, beautiful. How are you?”

  Cormac took stock. “I don’t know. How are you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  A smile snapped to Cormac’s lips. “We’re not dead, right?”

  Finn chuckled. “No. Death probably hurts less.”

  His happiness over seeing Finn alive turned to fear. “Give me the cliff notes.”

  “A bullet hit my spine. I’m stuck waiting for it to heal enough for me to move without paralyzing myself.”

  Cormac’s gaze moved over Finn’s face. “I’ll have you dancing again in no time.”

  Finn smiled. It was a tired-looking gesture, but Cormac was so fucking relieved to see it. “I just dreamed we were dancing.”

  Cormac felt like total shit, but that was nothing as long as Finn lived.

  “Cormac.” Finn sounded like his throat hurt.

  “Yeah?”

  “Before Warden tells on me. I begged him to kill me if you died.”

  They were both such fucked-up messes. “I love you too.”

  Finn’s chuckle was everything. There wasn’t a damn thing that could tear them apart. Cormac would never let that happen. He just needed to be able to keep his eyes open for more than a minute at a time. Then Finn would know he was loved.

  The pain was unbearable. His mind threatened to break. Cormac couldn’t even breathe properly because of it. Each breath came out on a wheezy rattle. He would die soon. Please, God. Let him die soon. Cormac couldn’t take anymore.

  “Hang on, little bird. I’ll make you better.”

  “Let me die.”

  Dark eyes stared down at him. All Cormac smelled was burning flesh. He wasn’t strong enough for this.

  “No one is dying today.”

  “You’re not living, little bird. I didn’t save you for you to live like you’re dead.”

  The pain transformed into something else. His midsection ached, but it wasn’t the unbearable sensation of charred flesh. He heard Alastair’s voice, but he couldn’t see him anymore. “I expect more from you.”

  Cormac’s eyes opened. Dark eyes stared down at him. “Alastair?”

  “Aye.”

  Cormac’s gaze shot Finn’s way. He was gone. Cormac automatically tried shooting upward. He needed to find Finn. A cry ripped through him as everything inside him felt like it tore to shreds.

  Alastair pushed him back down. “Stop. You’re not ready for all that. They took your man down to get an MRI.”

  Cormac drew slow, steady breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth. “How are you here?” Even to his ears, the question sounded pained.

  Alastair patted his chest. “Anton called. He thought I’d want to know.” His gaze moved over Cormac’s face. “He told me other things, too. Why are you living like you’re dead? He says you love this boy who almost died with you. Should I have left you in that field?”

  Sometimes Cormac wished he would have done exactly that. Cormac lifted the covers, showing his scarred body. “He deserves better.”

  Alastair snorted. “That’s stupid.”

  Cormac was too tired for this. “Thanks. You can go now.”

  “Tell me, little bird. If this boy suffered as you have, would you love him less? Would he be less desirable to you?”

  “No.” Cormac didn’t even need to think about it. Finn was perfect. Cormac wasn’t in love with Finn’s body, even though that was pretty damn nice. He loved Finn’s soul.

  A snort met his answer. “I can’t believe I had to make the trip all the way from Ireland just to see you here, playing the fool. Anton says this boy worships you. This is the second time you’ve almost died. Wake up. Be better before it’s too late.”

  Cormac closed his eyes. They were too heavy to keep open. “Thank you for coming over three thousand miles to berate me.”

  “Aye. Only the people who truly love you will put a foot up your ass even when you’re low.”

  A snort burst from him. It hurt. His eyes still didn’t want to open. “You should meet him.”

  A light squeeze on his shoulder let him know Alastair hadn’t disappeared. Cormac didn’t have the energy to visit with the man who had rescued a burning child from a field in Ireland. That made him sad. Alastair was like a ghost. Chances were good he wouldn’t be there when Cormac woke. Maybe he had never really been there at all.

  Chapter Five

  With his hands clasped tightly together, Finn fought to stay put as Cormac pushed him in a wheelchair around their sitting room.

  “You shouldn’t be doing this.” Even Finn heard the irritation in his voice.

  Cormac kissed his ear. It was so loud, Finn flinched, but his automatic smile was out of his control. “Be quiet, beautiful. They wouldn’t have sent us home if they still thought we might die.”

  “Ha! Yes, they would. They probably needed the beds.”

  “I need the exercise.”

  Finn rolled his eyes. “I can walk.”

  “From the wheelchair to the couch. Then the couch to the wheelchair. And then from the wheelchair to the bed, so on and so forth. You are healing.”

  “You are too.” Finn was so exasperated.

  “I’ve healed from worse.” He sounded so nonchalant.

  It did something to Finn’s chest. He needed answers. “Will you take me to bed and hold me?” He would get Cormac to rest, and he wasn’t above using his injuries to do it.

  Without a word, Cormac wheeled him toward the bedroom. It had been a huge pain getting home without bringing the press to Rian’s door. Kylian had gotten his dad, King—an expert at losing tails—to pick them up from the hospital. Now they had been ordered to stay in their room and get better. Rian didn’t want to see their faces until they had fully recovered. That was a good thing. Finn planned to use the time to break Cormac. They belonged together. If almost dying didn’t bring them closer, nothing would.

  At the edge of the bed, Finn stood. Every step he took sent a resonating pain through his spine. He moved slowly, taking measured breaths until he was fully settled on his back. Cormac joined him, wincing with every movement until he held Finn.

  Finn sighed. “That’s the stuff.”

  Cormac chuckled against his temple. “Who would’ve thought we’d both end up shot, and it not be in the line of duty?”

  They laughed and gasped from the pain, only to laugh again.

  “What a fucking mess.”

  He felt Cormac nod. “At least we’re in it together.”

  “There’s that.” Finn didn’t know how to bring up what he had seen in the hospital. Unfortunately, Finn knew in his heart if they never talked about it, they would never get past it. He cleared his throat. “You said earlier you’ve healed from worse. Will you tell me about it?”

  Cormac didn’t speak.

  Finn decided to rip the bandage off. “We shared a room. They didn’t keep you dressed or respect your privacy.”

  Cormac took a shaky-sounding breath. “I’m sorry.”

  That confused Finn. “Why are you apologizing?”

  “Because you had to see that.”

  Outrage soared through Finn. “Are you fucking kidding me? If we weren’t both hurt, I’d punch you for that bullshit.” The more he spoke, the bigger his rage became. Finn couldn’t stop talking to save his life. “I know you’re not dumb, Cormac. You know you’re the greatest love of my life. There’s no part of you I don’t want. There’s nothing about you I would ever reject.”

  Cormac kissed his temple again. “I know.” The confession was so soft and sweet. It brought tears to Finn’s eyes, and the fight left him. When Cormac spoke again, he sounded sad. “Did it ever occur to you that you’re the greatest love of my life and I don’t want you to settle? I want you to be proud and think the person you’re with is the sexiest man alive. I don’t want your pity.”

  Finn growled. He couldn’t stop it from happening. “That’s dumb. I already know I’m with the sexiest man alive, and I’ve never been prouder to be with anyone. You’re it for me. I was ready to die than live without you. Trust me. I know that all this shit is things I should’ve said sooner, but I didn’t. Now I am. I want as much of you as you’re willing to give me.”

  Cormac linked fingers with him. “You’ve always had all of me.”

  For a few minutes, they simply held hands and held each other. Finn didn’t imagine Cormac would ever tell him about his past. It was okay. They were together now. Now was good.

  “There was a reason Anton brought me here. He used to live at a sort of academy with the man who saved me. Well, some people call it an academy. Other people call it a society. But really, it was just a building full of cages and nightmares.”

  Finn held his breath. It was more than Cormac had ever said.

  To his surprise, Cormac cleared his throat and kept going. “Anyhow, Alastair used to check the distant fields around the building every time he was in town. That’s where the men who ran the place disposed of the kids who didn’t make the cut.”

  “Disposed? Make the cut for what?”

  “To be trained to work for people like Rian and Archer, or to be freelance contract killers once they paid off a huge debt to the monsters who ran the place. They trained assassins to kill without conscience. They tortured the souls from everyone there. I didn’t fit. They couldn’t break me, and God did they try. But this winning personality just refused to die.”

  Even now, he joked. Yet Finn heard the pain behind his words. He squeezed Cormac’s hand.

  He heard Cormac swallow. It was so loud, it had to hurt. “They spent a solid week focused on just me, doing things you couldn’t even imagine. And yeah, things can be so bad you can’t imagine them. Still, I refused to be the heartless killer. So they dragged me to the field and set me on fire.”

  Finn’s eyes fell closed. He couldn’t even fathom the pain and suffering. His soul ached.

  Cormac moved his hand to Finn’s stomach. He rubbed small circles as if comforting himself. “Alastair found me where they’d left me to die. He took me home and nursed me back to health. Since he’s freelance and doesn’t have the steady life needed for a teenager, he called Anton. Anton brought me here, and you gave me a home.” He kissed Finn’s temple again. “And peace.” He kept his lips pressed to Finn’s head. “And love.”

  Finn’s throat swelled. He had so much love inside him for Cormac. Sometimes he thought it might crush his windpipe. “No one could love you more.” Even Finn heard the power in his voice. He needed Cormac to hear it. Even though he still didn’t fully understand this academy stuff or how Cormac had ended up there, no one would ever harm him again. If it was the last thing he did, Cormac would see his worth.

  Even though he tried to hide it, Cormac shook. He hadn’t known Finn had seen him. Cormac had never wanted that. He had taken great pains to ensure Finn was never exposed to that. It didn’t matter what Finn said on the matter. Cormac couldn’t bear having anyone at all seeing him unclothed. His mind couldn’t handle it. On the other hand of things, Cormac had decided to try with Finn. They could do more without Finn seeing him. There were things he could and should have done with Finn. He could touch Finn and give him the life he deserved. Alastair was right on that front. He loved Finn’s soul. There was no more hiding from that. He would meet him in the middle. Finn was owed more than Cormac had given him. He understood that had to start with the truth, as much as he hadn’t wanted to give it. His past was so much uglier than that one story conveyed. But he couldn’t burden Finn with that. He had said enough for the matter to be dropped.

  His lips moved from Finn’s temple to his cheek. He nibbled playfully on Finn’s cheek until he smiled. Cormac growled. “Give me them lips, man.”

  Finn immediately turned his head, capturing Cormac’s lips. Cormac realized it was his fault. He had trained Finn to accept the bare minimum. Finn didn’t expect Cormac to give him genuine affection. Those days were gone. He wouldn’t die without having more of Finn. Unfortunately, they were both miserably injured. He couldn’t go beyond this kiss. Their tongues played for a moment before Cormac pulled away. He stroked Finn’s cheek while holding his stare.

  “You’re mine. You know that, right?”

  A sweet smile touched Finn’s lips. “I’ve been yours since the day we met. You’ve been mine too.”

  Cormac brushed noses with him. “Damn right.” He pressed his forehead against Finn’s. With his eyes closed, he breathed in his scent. “I don’t know how much I can give, and I can’t promise I won’t have panic attacks, but I love you. Your happiness matters to me.”

  “We’ll go as slow as you want.”

  A smile tugged at Cormac’s lips. “We’ve been moving slow. You deserve better. I just don’t know how much better I’ll be; you know? I want to try, though.”

  Finn whisked his lips across Cormac’s mouth. “Even if you were paralyzed from the neck down, I’d rather be with you than anyone else. We’ll make it work.”

  Cormac hoped that was true, because he wasn’t as sure. There was no way Finn could understand the trauma. The simple idea of Finn seeing too much made him want to vomit.

  Finn being Finn, it was like he read Cormac’s mind. “We will make it work.” He stressed each word. “I love you too much to believe anything else.”

  Cormac moved as close as he could without hurting either of them. He blew a raspberry on Finn’s cheek before stealing another kiss. Cormac needed Finn’s smile. Once he had it, Cormac felt a hundred percent better. “I love you too, sexy. You’ll never feel alone.”

  “I know.”

  “You’ll be happy.”

  “I already am.”

  Finn could never know how scared Cormac was that wasn’t true. Cormac could survive anything except losing Finn. He had already proven he would go everywhere Finn went, including death. Cormac was just scared no one could love the broken bits of him. Not even his perfect Finn.

  Chapter Six

  A moan slipped from Finn’s lips. Warm lips moved down his torso. Silky locks brushed his stomach in a way he had dreamed about every night for years. At first, he thought it was another of those dreams, but the soft licks on his stomach felt too good for his limited imagination. His eyes opened. He stared down the line of his body. Light green eyes met his stare as Cormac licked and kissed his stomach, moving slowly lower.

  “Fuck.”

  Cormac chuckled against his skin at Finn’s groaned curse. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to taste every inch of this sexy stomach.”

  Finn wouldn’t survive. The way Cormac’s hair felt brushing his bare skin was enough to snap Finn’s mind. He had wanted this for too long. Then Cormac moved lower. His tongue ran along the edge of Finn’s shorts. His hard dick jumped. Cormac was so close.

  “Don’t move, okay?”

  Finn wasn’t going anywhere. “Whatever you say.”

  Cormac hummed against his stomach. The sound vibrated against his skin. Cormac eased Finn’s shorts down, setting Finn’s erection free. He licked. Finn’s entire body lit like a bonfire. A hiss escaped him. Cormac’s hot mouth sucked the tip of his cock. Finn whimpered. He wouldn’t last long. Cormac actually touched him. Finn’s mind couldn’t take it. Cormac took him to the back of his throat. Finn’s hips tried leaving the bed.

  Cormac held him in place as he pulled away. “I told you not to move.”

  Finn immediately went still.

  With a nod, as if satisfied Finn would obey, he put Finn’s dick back in his mouth. Finn couldn’t look away. He was scared to death he would wake up and none of this would be real. That didn’t happen. Cormac sucked him like he loved it. While Finn’s body burned, it was his heart that savored the moment the most. Unfortunately, his mind knew it was Cormac. Ecstasy built too fast. He had waited too long. In no time, Finn cried Cormac’s name as he pumped Cormac’s mouth full of cum. Cormac didn’t stop sucking. Finn fought for air as Cormac drank every drop. Finally, he crawled up Finn’s body. Their kiss was feral. Finn felt too much. His hands went for the waistband of Cormac’s pajama pants.

 

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