Close to You: An Epic & Emotional Coming-of-Age Romance (Through the Years Book 1), page 1
CLOSE TO YOU
Through the Years #1
Nissa Renzo
Copyright © 2026 Nissa Renzo
Copyright © 2026 by Nissa Renzo
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights.
Editing by Jana Ulrich & Nissa Renzo
Cover design & formatting by Nissa Renzo
To A.
Author's Note
I want to start by saying that Close to You is not an easy read if you’ve been a victim of bullying. I’ve contemplated writing this book for a long time before finally going for it. While the book is purely fictional, the bullying scenes and (some) characters are very real.
It's a very personal book, and I know many readers will feel connected to Milow and what she goes through.
Close to You is a slow burn with no spice, is character-driven, and tackles topics that may be upsetting. For a full list of triggers, please check out my Instagram post on @authornissarenzo.
Because the FMC is mute and communicates in sign language, whenever she or another character signs, it will be indicated with brackets []. Spoken dialogue will be as normal.
playlist
Chasing Cars Snow Patrol
The Best Day Taylor Swift
We’re Going to Be Friends The White Stripes
Arms Open The Script
Seveteen Going Under Sam Fender
They Don’t Know About Us One Direction
Seven Taylor Swift
Fall Justin Bieber
Look After You The Fray
Fix You Coldplay
Keep Holding On Avril Lavigne
Shadow of the Day Linkin Park
If I Die Young The Band Perry
I Love You Always Forever Donna Lewis
Close To You Gracie Abrams
Part 1
1
Milow
Friday, January 3rd
6 years old
Every morning, I woke up before Daddy because getting up first meant I could slip out of my room and go to the kitchen without him stopping me. I liked knowing I had a small chance to pour a big bowl of cereal since he always said I should only eat a little. When he served the cereal, the amount barely covered the bottom, and when I signed for more, he always shook his head. Daddy always said that I shouldn’t eat too much because girls weren’t supposed to eat a lot. That’s why he never filled my plate like he filled his, and why I was always so hungry and snuck into the kitchen when he wasn’t watching. So I waited on my bed until I was sure he was still asleep and hoped today would be one of those days when I could eat until I felt full.
My belly growled as I pushed open my bedroom door. I paused and looked toward Daddy’s door and waited to see if the knob moved or if I heard him shifting around in his room. Nothing happened. The door stayed closed, and the house stayed still, which meant he was still asleep, and I still had time.
I walked down the stairs slowly and as silently as a mouse to not make noise. I had gotten good at being quiet. Very good, actually. Even when I tried to speak, I couldn’t. Daddy said it was because obedient girls were only supposed to nod, and since I was an obedient girl, my voice magically disappeared.
The kitchen was bigger without Daddy standing in it. Daddy always took up a lot of space. I moved a chair to the counter and climbed onto it, gripping the edge so I wouldn’t fall. The cereal box was in its usual spot, and I reached for it until I could grab it. With my knees on the counter, I scooted over to the cupboard with the bowls inside, and after grabbing one, I turned around to sit and poured the cereal until the bowl looked full the way I always wanted it to look. I used my fingers to eat, and I chewed each bite long enough to savor it because I couldn’t be sure when I’d get another chance to eat as much as I wanted.
I kept glancing toward the stairs while I ate. Daddy usually came down by now, and the second I’d hear his footsteps, I’d put everything away and go to sit on the couch. Daddy always checked on me. He always watched what I was doing. But today, minutes passed, and the house stayed quiet. I finished the cereal and kept listening because the stillness made me feel strange inside. Daddy never stayed asleep this long. Not ever.
Still sitting on the counter, I turned toward the sink and rinsed it before placing it back into the cupboard so Daddy wouldn’t notice I had eaten from it without him knowing. I put the cereal box away, then jumped off the counter and pushed the chair back to the table. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand to ensure there was no evidence of the cereal, then I walked out of the kitchen and toward the stairs. Something felt different about today, but I didn’t know what. I climbed back up holding the railing, and when I reached the hallway, Daddy’s door was still closed. And there was still no sound coming from his room.
I stopped in front of the door but didn’t step too close. Stepping any closer made my stomach twist. Only bad things ever happened in there.
I stood there for a long moment before lifting my hand and bravely opened the door a little. The room was dark, and I saw Daddy on the bed with his back facing me. He wasn’t making the noises he usually made when he slept.
I walked closer so slowly that my feet barely left the floor and stopped beside the bed with my breath stuck in my throat. I waited for him to turn or sit up or say something.
But he didn’t do anything at all.
I was glad, in a way. Because if Daddy saw me standing here, watching him, he would get angry. I thought about poking him, even if I was scared. But something wasn’t right.
I looked at the bed and frowned because I didn’t like the things Daddy did to me on it. Every time he brought me in here, I ended up crying and in pain, but he always promised me that he was supposed to make me cry because it meant he truly loved me. Daddy always said I still had a lot to learn, and that when I get older, I would understand better. He said that everything he did to me would prepare me to one day go outside.
I was only six, and Daddy said I had to stay in the house for twelve more years.
When I looked at Daddy’s back again, I thought that maybe he was just very tired, and that he needed more sleep than usual. It had happened once before, him telling me not to bother him because he needed to sleep for longer one morning. Back then, there was a strange smell coming from him. Something strong, like the smell that came out of his soda cans. It was soda I wasn’t supposed to drink because it was for grown-ups, but I didn’t even want to drink his soda. It was stinky.
I scrunched my nose at the thought of it and took a step back because I didn’t want to wake him. I didn’t want to bother him when he was this tired.
Maybe, with him being this tired, he wouldn’t put the owie-stick inside of me.
I took a slow step out of the room and closed the door without making it click too loudly, then I walked downstairs and turned on the TV because I didn’t know what else to do. Daddy was okay with me watching TV all day. There wasn’t really anything else I could do, and he said that as long as I’d sit still and didn’t bother him, watching TV was fine.
I watched cartoons for hours, until my stomach growled, and until it started to get dark outside. I looked toward the stairs to make sure Daddy wouldn’t suddenly appear, and when he didn’t, I got up and went to the fridge to grab the first thing I could reach.
For the rest of the late afternoon, I sat on the couch and kept listening for his footsteps. But there was still no sound.
When the sun had fully disappeared, the bad feeling in my belly became heavier. I hugged my knees to my chest and stared at the staircase, and I kept telling myself that Daddy was just tired. That maybe he just needed a long nap, and that he would come down when he felt better. He wouldn’t go a day without seeing me.
He loved me.
He was my Daddy.
But he didn’t come downstairs.
I started to feel so confused that I couldn’t keep sitting on the couch. I walked back upstairs, and when I reached Daddy’s door, I stood there in the same spot as this morning, taking a deep breath before I reached out and pushed the door open.
Daddy’s body lay in a different position now. His head was turned toward me, but I couldn’t really see his expression in the darkness. I took a step closer, and when his face became clearer, I noticed something strange about it.
His eyes were closed, but there was white foam on his mouth.
I froze, and hot tingles ran from the very tips of my toes all the way up to my head. Then my hands went cold, and my heart started to go boom boom boom so very fast. I didn’t know what the foam meant, but it scared me because I had never seen Daddy look like that. His body didn’t move, and the longer I stared at him, the scarier Daddy became.
I wanted to poke him, but I was too scared to. My heart thumped even harder in my chest, and I stepped back until my shoulder hit the doorframe.
Daddy was sick. But Daddy was also a doctor. Why didn’t he make himself better like he always made me better?
My hands shook as I backed out of the room. I kept my eyes on him until the darkness swallowed him. I ran down the hallway and stopped at the top of the stairs,
unsure what to do.
I wanted to hide under my blanket. Maybe a monster got to him. Maybe it got inside him and made that foam come out of his mouth. Would the monster get to me, too? If there was a monster in the house, was it watching me? I was scared. I wanted Daddy to sit up. I wanted him to look at me, even if he was never happy to see me.
I ran down the steps before I knew it. My bare feet slapped against the wood, and my breathing was so fast that my chest hurt. I didn’t know where to go, but I knew I had to get away from Daddy’s room. The house wasn’t safe anymore, and it felt like the walls were moving in on me.
At the bottom of the stairs, I stopped in the hallway and looked around. Everything looked normal, but it didn’t feel normal. I felt like something bad was moving around me and wanted to get me like it got Daddy.
I didn’t want foam to come out of my mouth. I didn’t want to not move or nap for so long.
My eyes darted to the front door.
I needed to go outside where the monsters couldn’t get to me.
But Daddy always said I couldn’t go outside for twelve more years. He said it was dangerous. He said the world would hurt me. But Daddy was lying on his bed, and he didn’t move, and there was foam on his mouth, and monsters didn’t stay in rooms forever.
I ran to the coat rack. Daddy’s big snow boots sat under it. They were heavy and too big, and I had never put them on before, but I had to if I wanted to go outside. Daddy always put them on when he left the house. My hands shook as I grabbed them and sat on the floor. I shoved my feet into them. My toes didn’t reach the ends. They felt like giant buckets around my legs. Daddy also put on his big coat and gloves when he went outside, but I couldn’t reach the coat. It was too far up. The gloves were shoved into the coat’s pockets, and I grabbed them and put them on. They were thick and way too big for my hands, but they were soft and warm, and I didn’t have any of my own. Daddy had never given me any because he said I didn’t need them.
I stood up, wobbling in the giant boots, and looked at the door again. My breath was shaky, and my heart still thumped too fast. Maybe the monster in Daddy’s room wanted me next. Maybe it hid in the walls. Maybe it waited for me to go back upstairs.
I grabbed the doorknob with both hands and turned it hard. The door opened, and the cold gust of wind startled me. Snowflakes blew inside and touched my face, and I blinked at the brightness outside. The front yard was all white, and it was way brighter out there than inside the house.
Holding my breath, I dared to step outside.
The snow reached almost to the top of the boots, and my legs sank with each step. The cold bit at my skin through my pajamas, but I kept walking because the house scared me more than whatever waited for me out here.
Daddy was inside with foam on his mouth, and I didn’t know if he would ever move again because the monster got to him.
I didn’t know where I was going. I only knew I had to go somewhere to find someone who could help me get Daddy to wake up. Or make the monster and the foam go away.
My teeth started to hurt from the cold, but I kept moving bravely, one giant-boot step at a time, because staying in the house felt scarier than walking into the white world I had never seen before.
The air was sharp in my nose, and my fingers hurt inside the gloves even though they were supposed to keep me warm. My pajamas stuck to my legs, and the snow kept getting inside the boots, but I tried not to think about it. I just kept walking.
I followed the road. Daddy always told me the world outside was dangerous, but the road didn’t look dangerous. It looked empty. Where would monsters hide? There were no walls.
After a long time, I saw something red in the distance. A big building at the end of the road. At first, I didn’t know what it was, but then I saw the tall doors and the big trucks behind the windows. I stopped and stared because I had seen places like this on TV before.
It was a fire station.
I remembered the people on TV wearing big coats and helmets. They carried hoses. They rescued people from burning houses and helped them when they were hurt. I didn’t know if they helped with monsters or foam on people’s mouths, but they helped with a lot of things on TV, so maybe they could help me too.
The snow crunched louder as I walked faster, and my feet slipped a little in Daddy’s boots. My legs hurt, but I didn’t stop. The red building got bigger and bigger with each step, and when I finally reached the driveway, the snow there wasn’t as deep. I shuffled forward until I stood right in front of the big doors, and I looked around for someone.
There were lights on inside the fire station, but after I lifted one giant glove and knocked on the door, nobody came to open it. I knocked harder, as hard as my heart beat, and I waited again. I hoped someone inside would hear me. Hoped that someone would know what to do about Daddy and the foam and the monster in the house.
2
Milow
A man with a funny mustache opened the door. For a second, he stared at me like I was something strange. I stood there shivering in Daddy’s boots and wondered why he looked at me that way. I was just a little girl, not a monster at all.
The man blinked and muttered something I couldn’t understand, then lowered himself until his face was close to mine. His blue eyes moved over my cheeks, hair, and pajamas like he was trying to figure out what I was.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he said softly. “What are you doing out here?”
I frowned at him. That was a very silly question. If I could speak, I would’ve told him right away. I’d tell him I came because Daddy had foam on his mouth, and there was a monster in my house, and I needed help.
“You must be freezing,” he said. “Come in, sweetheart. Let’s get you warmed up.” He smiled, but his mustache covered most of it. It made him look like he had a furry little animal stuck to his face. Maybe a squirrel.
For a moment, I almost grinned. It would be silly to have a squirrel on your face.
I was unsure at first, but then I let the funny-looking man lead me inside because Daddy needed help. The fire station was warm and big, and the lights overhead were so very bright that I had to blink to adjust. The man pulled a chair over and helped me sit. As soon as I lifted my legs, Daddy’s boots slid right off my feet and thumped onto the floor. My toes curled from the cold, and I pulled them up onto the chair.
The man turned and grabbed a thick blanket from a shelf, wrapping it around my shoulders. “There you go,” he said, crouching again so he could look at me. His mustache wiggled a little when he talked. “Let’s get you warm first. My name’s August, but everyone calls me Gus. What’s your name, sweetheart?”
He waited for me to speak and say my name back, but I couldn’t. Because I was an obedient girl, and obedient girls speak. I stayed still, and my hands fisted in the gloves.
Gus glanced down at my pajamas, then at the giant gloves swallowing my hands. “You came out in this? All by yourself?” His voice sounded worried now.
I nodded once.
Gus let out a slow breath. He rubbed a hand over his face, then stood and called out for someone else in the building. Another man appeared from behind the fire trucks, and their voices filled the space.
I kept sitting there, trying to stay brave while Gus spoke to the other man in a low, serious voice. Every few seconds, they looked over at me, and each time they did, I wondered if they really knew how to help me at all. On TV, firefighters always knew exactly what to do. They saved people all the time. Firefighters were brave and confident. But Gus and the other man looked unsure, and they didn’t know that I needed help.
I frowned and waited and waited. When my patience ran out, I slid off the chair and pushed my feet back into Daddy’s boots. I took two steps toward Gus, grabbed his hand with both of mine, and pulled as hard as I could.
He looked down at me again and smiled with that silly squirrel mustache of his. But the smile didn’t fix anything, and it didn’t help Daddy.
I tugged harder, my frown growing deeper.
“Can you tell us your name, sweetheart?” Gus asked, crouching in front of me again.
