Conscience (The Bellator Saga Book 2), page 33
Jack picked up on the first ring. “Hey, baby,” he said.
“Are you mad at me?”
He laughed. “Why would you think that?”
“You haven’t spoken to me all day.”
“I’ve been doing chief executive stuff, sweetheart. I have responsibilities, you know.”
He tried to sound light. She didn’t buy it. “That’s never been a problem before.”
“Why didn’t you walk down the hall to tell me this?”
“I didn’t – I thought you might be busy.”
“I am. But I’m never too busy to talk to you. I didn’t realize I hadn’t checked in on you today.” He sighed audibly. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t expect you to check in on me. It’s probably silly for me to be upset just because I haven’t seen you in a few hours,” Caroline said. “You’re the governor. You have shit to do. I’ll let you get back to work.”
“Caroline, I’ve been sitting at my desk the last hour, pretending to work and thinking about you. I thought maybe you were avoiding me, not the other way around. I had no idea you were still downstairs. Have you eaten yet?”
“No.”
“Have you eaten at all today?”
“I had lunch.”
“Are you hungry?”
Her stomach had growled a couple of times but she still didn’t feel like eating. “Not really.”
Jack’s voice softened. “I’m sorry that you thought I was mad at you. I swear I’m not. I’m-”
He sounded hesitant. “What?” she asked.
“Why don’t you come over here so we can talk?”
“Okay.” Caroline hung up the phone and ran down the hall into his office. The door was open and she shut it behind her. One could never be too careful.
Jack gave her a knowing smile. “That was quick.”
“Did you want me to linger over the decision?”
“No. Come on over to the couch and we’ll talk. I need a break anyway.” They sat down and he put his arm around her. “What’s really bothering you, sweetheart?”
“You were kind of brusque this morning,” she said. “After we…you left and didn’t say anything.”
“You don’t think me moaning your name into your ear was worth noting?”
“That’s not what I mean, Jack. You seemed in such a hurry to get out of there.”
“I had an early meeting. I wasn’t trying to be rude.”
Caroline gave him a hard look.
“I should have said goodbye,” he conceded.
“I feel like things are weird between us,” she whispered. “Ever since I talked to you about-”
“Don’t say it. I mean it. Let that bullshit go.”
“I can’t. I’m hearing stories, reading websites, and I know-”
“You don’t know anything, sweetheart. You are being paranoid. This is tinfoil hat territory and you shouldn’t be indulging in it.”
“I think the conspiracy theorists may be on to something this time. I-”
“Drop it, Caroline,” he said firmly.
“Stop interrupting me, Jack,” Caroline said, in exactly the same tone. “You need to listen.”
“No, you need to stop acting like you’re a rabid dog with a fucking mouse in its teeth. Where on earth does this random cynicism and hatred come from? That’s not the Caroline I know.”
“Do you trust my judgment?”
The question caught him off guard. “What?”
“Do you?”
Jack took her hand and looked her square in the eyes. “Yes. Yes I do.”
She finally had his attention. She had to make the most of her opportunity. “When have I ever been wrong about something like this? When have I ever even said something like this before, about anyone?”
“Caroline-”
“Was I wrong about Murdock?”
“No,” he said softly. “But that’s not the same thing.”
“I know it’s not. This is much worse. He’s up to something, Jack. Santos is not to be trusted. I knew it when I met him at the convention. He picked Gunderson as his VP and I know he’s waiting to do more. Something else. He’s trying to fool the country, lull us all into a false sense of security.”
She listened to herself. The words sounded illogical, irrational. Downright kooky. And Jack would reiterate all his old arguments, dismissing her fears as unfounded, just as Ellen and Christine had. She waited impatiently for the other shoe to fall, but instead he started rubbing her palm. He only did that when he knew she was stressed.
“Have you talked to Jen or Katie about this?” he asked. “I know you had a little vent session with Christine and Ellen.”
Things were getting interesting in Washington. Nothing had really happened per se, but the atmosphere had shifted. Jen hadn’t been able to articulate it well the last time they chatted, but Caroline knew what she was trying to say. “Jenny has a bad feeling too, but I don’t think she really believes anything is wrong. I don’t want to say too much to Katie. Not yet.” She swallowed hard. “I know you think I’m wrong, Jack. I’m some silly woman who’s been spending too much time reading dystopian fiction. But this has been gnawing at me. I can’t explain it. And I hope I’m wrong, I really do.”
“You’re not a silly woman,” Jack said. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. But let’s explore the hypotheticals here. What if you’re right?”
“What do you mean?”
“You think Santos had something to do with Hendricks’ death. Is that correct?”
Among other things. She feared that was just the tip of the iceberg. “Yes.”
“You know that sounds crazy.”
Her theories weren’t terribly easy to rationalize. Not yet. She knew damn well how she sounded. “Yes.”
“But you still think you’re right.”
“It’s crazy enough to make complete sense.”
“Have you told anyone else this theory?”
“No,” Caroline said. “I’ve been waiting until I had proof.”
“Do you have any proof?”
She’d been working on it. She had some leads, but didn’t feel comfortable sharing them with Jack. She knew he’d tell her to stop digging around. “No.”
“How do you think you’re going to get proof? You think it’s floating out there on the internet, waiting to be found? Cover-ups are hard to discover for a reason.”
“There has to be something there, Jack. I used to be a civil servant. You wouldn’t believe the kind of shit we’d reduce to writing. And some agencies think they’re so safe that you’d be shocked as to what they’d do if they believed they’d never get caught.”
“So it’s not just Santos now, it’s the entire federal government?”
Caroline pulled away from him. “You don’t believe me. That’s fine. You can stop haranguing me about it. I get it.”
Jack sighed and shifted back toward her. “Caroline, listen to yourself. Your credibility is on the line here. You have to be very careful about what you do with your time, what you say to people, what you let slip when you don’t realize it. What are you going to do about this?”
“I’m going to find the proof I need.”
“And what will it take for you to let it go?”
“I don’t know,” she said quietly.
“What if you’re wrong?”
“I would be thrilled to be wrong. And it terrifies me to think I might be right. And I know it scares you too.”
Jack took her hand and started rubbing it again, avoiding her eyes. “You have to decide whether you want to do this. You are very high profile. You are a trusted public figure. You have to watch your behavior, particularly as it pertains to anything that might cause someone to question your loyalty to the United States and its current leadership.” His gaze met hers. “And if you are right, you are extremely dangerous to anyone who might want to undermine the stability of this nation’s government. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
His implication was clear as crystal. “You believe me,” she said. “You know I’m right. I know you don’t want to believe it, Jack.”
“I don’t. But I’ve been hearing things…probably very similar to what you have. God help us if what you’re saying is true. But you have no proof, sweetheart. And you have to decide whether it’s worth the cost to try to figure it out.”
“What are you saying? We sit back and do nothing because we’re fortunate enough to have a certain amount of authority ourselves? That’s really selfish.”
Jack pulled his hand back. “You think I feel this way because I’m being selfish?”
Caroline winced. One of his greatest insecurities and she’d gone for it right away. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Yes, you did.”
He sounded incredibly hurt. She’d taken all the doubts creeping up on her over the past several weeks and thrown them in his face. She knew better. “I didn’t. I know that’s a sore point for you and I hit it. Please don’t take it that way.” Caroline leaned into his shoulder, and Jack slowly brought his arms around her. It took a hell of a lot longer than it should have.
“Okay,” he said. “I won’t.”
“We have power,” she said. “Money. Privilege. And we have very loud, influential voices. If this is truly happening we can’t let it go.”
“I don’t want you to put yourself at risk, sweetheart. That’s all I meant. So help me if that makes me a selfish man. I don’t want you to fight this battle. Why can’t someone else do it?” He squeezed her tighter. “Never mind. I know the answer to that question.”
Caroline smiled shyly. “Am I that predictable?”
Jack started stroking her hair. “I don’t want you to be right about this,” he whispered. “I really don’t.”
“I don’t want to be right either. But I can’t let this go. Not yet. And I need to know that even if you don’t want to hear about it, you aren’t resenting me for it.”
“I’ll try harder. All right?” He tipped her chin up and kissed her lightly on the lips. “You want to call it a night?”
A tempting idea. She could take a hint. “Sure.”
But as they made their way upstairs to their bedroom, the cloud still hung over them. Caroline knew it wouldn’t dissipate for a very, very long time.
Chapter Thirty-One
The Fed
Jen screamed all night in her cell. Maybe she didn’t realize that they weren’t soundproofed. Or that she was right next to Caroline. The guards had unquestionably concocted that living arrangement on purpose, since they’d gotten so much traction out of doing the same thing with Ellen.
But they’d had time together. Precious little time, but time nonetheless. And Caroline would whisper in her ear, and Jen would whisper back. All the things they never said to each other. Soft, meaningful words. Words of determination, of cheap attempts at strength without any hope behind them. Maybe that was how people made peace with the universe. Caroline didn’t know.
Her two favorite guards came in the next morning with Murdock trailing behind. Powell put two metal chairs in the center of her cell about ten feet apart, facing each other. Such a furniture arrangement could mean nothing good. Fischer dragged Jen in from her own cell and shoved her into it. She looked rougher than she had the day before. The guards hadn’t gone easy on her. She had fresh blood on her shirt, and they’d split her lip and broken her nose.
Powell shoved Caroline into the other chair, cuffing her hands behind her through the slats in the chair. No way to escape, no ability to fight back.
This was not a good situation.
Murdock turned to Jen. “You’ve been stubborn,” he said. “Just like your old boss.” He marched over to Caroline. “She didn’t tell us a damn thing, as I’m sure you intended.”
Caroline swelled with pride. Her night had been ugly, but Jen had held out.
Murdock swung back around toward Jen. “Gerard here hasn’t been cooperative with us at all. Weeks of questioning and…other methods of interrogation have proven to be ineffective.” His lips twitched. “So I’ve decided there’s really only one option left.”
Fischer drew his pistol, pressing it to the side of Jen’s skull.
“One of my more brilliant ideas, I have to admit.” Murdock broke into a full smile. “I do enjoy when I’m struck with genius.”
Jen didn’t react. Maybe she didn’t realize what was happening. Or maybe she didn’t care. But Caroline did. Her mouth gaped open as she stared at Fischer. His hand was steady, his expression bland. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t sad, he wasn’t torn or confused or even all that focused. He was just there, indifferently pointing a gun at a woman’s head.
Murdock’s smile didn’t fade. “Last chance to talk. Perhaps the possibility of a bullet to Ms. Whitcomb’s brain may loosen your tongue.”
Jen leaned forward in the chair, her attention galvanized. “Don’t tell them anything, Caroline! I mean it.”
Caroline couldn’t give in now. She’d come so far, given up so much, and one of the few true things she had left was sitting in front of her, a deadly weapon practically glued to her temple.
No lady. No tiger. Only the barrel of a gun.
She gave Jen a desperate look, unable to verbalize her fears.
Help me, Jenny. I don’t know what to do.
Jen gave her head a quick jerk to the left, her eyes wide. And Caroline could see it in her expression, as plainly as if Jen had said it out loud. No.
She was telling Caroline no. Telling her to keep her mouth shut, just as Bob had. Fischer grabbed Jen around the throat, keeping the gun in place.
“Don’t do it!” Jen screamed. “Don’t give in to these fuckers.”
Caroline should have been comforted by Jen’s bravery. But it made her feel sick. Overwhelmed. And guilty as hell.
May God forgive me.
Caroline closed her eyes. “I don’t know anything,” she whispered.
There was no way this was happening. Her entire prison experience had been bizarre and demented but there was no possible way that her life had come to this.
Powell yanked her up by her hair. “Open your eyes.”
Caroline bit her lip as a tear trickled down her cheek. This had to be a nightmare. A dream. Anything. Anything to get her out of this. Anything to spare Jen. Powell pulled out his own sidearm and hit her as hard as he could in between her shoulder blades. She let out a moan and another tear slipped out.
“Open your fucking eyes.” He put the gun to her temple, yanking her up by her hair again.
“Kill me,” Caroline said. “Do it. Release her.”
“You’ll get what’s coming to you.” Murdock was pacing. She could hear his footsteps. He was getting closer to her. “But first you get to watch a little show.” His breath blew on her face. It was not a particularly enjoyable feeling. He grabbed her shirt. “Open your eyes.”
“It’s okay, Caroline.” Jen’s voice rang out with remarkable clarity. “I’m ready.”
She blinked and saw Jen’s petrified face. Caroline knew the guards had purposely kept Jen in the clothing she’d been wearing when she was arrested, because it was covered in blood. Her blood, Eric’s blood, Katie’s blood – who knew?
A scared stiff appearance coupled with a defiant voice. Her dear, fearless Jen. Caroline started crying. “I love you. I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.”
Murdock gave Caroline one final sneer. “Any other parting thoughts? Make them count. I want to hear all the pretty words.”
She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. He wasn’t getting anything more than he’d already taken. “You’ll rot in hell for this,” she said.
Caroline fixed her eyes on Jen, trying to tell her what she didn’t have the courage to say. To apologize without words. And she didn’t want Murdock and the others to be privy to such a private exchange. But she knew she had to say something, even if it was babbling nonsense. “I’m so sorry, Jenny,” she whispered. “Please forgive me.”
Jen glared at Murdock. “You’re not the one who’ll need forgiveness.” She brought her gaze back to Caroline and tried to smile, tears in her eyes. “I love you. I could never hate you. Ever.” Her voice broke. “I’ll hug Katie for you.”
Murdock nodded at Fischer and he pulled the trigger. And Caroline found herself screaming again.
Chapter Thirty-Two
The Fed
Caroline sat shackled to the chair. She’d been there all night. She assumed it was night. Time didn’t really have any meaning to her anymore. But they’d left the lights on. Not that she had any question as to why.
She stared at the large puddle of red on the floor. Blood. Jenny’s blood. The guards dragged Jen’s body out of Caroline’s cell as she sat there shrieking at them to kill her. Murdock looked back, smiled, and shut the door behind him. None of them had returned.
She didn’t know how long it had been since then. Probably hours. She screamed for Jenny at first. Not that it mattered. But it was the only thing she could do. She wanted her friend back. She wanted to rewind the clock. She wanted to redo any number of errors she made that culminated in a fate she no longer controlled. Her eyes were itchy. Her throat was dry. Her tangled hair hung down into her eyes and tickled her face, which she’d normally find bothersome, but it at least provided her with a mild distraction.
Red.
Blood.
Jenny’s blood.
They knew what they were doing. She’d had hours, days perhaps, to focus on what they had done to Ellen. To think about what that meant for her. To dwell on anything she could have done differently. Then they brought Jenny to her with similar results.
Murdock looked almost surprised in the immediate aftermath, studying her reaction as Fischer and Powell did their dirty work. She was certain that he was going to focus like a laser on any future efforts at making her suffer. Thinking up new and different ways to torture her soul before killing her body.
