Redemption in Amish Country, page 16
Zach’s body stiffened at his father’s curt tone, not sure what had changed his humor in the last few minutes. “I’m not sure what you mean,” he replied, his optimism quickly fading.
“I don’t think it’s an accident that Doc happened to stop by just now.”
“How so?”
“Well, I’m no detective, but you brought home cookies from Sunshine Bakery yesterday. Doc is often there since he’s a partner with the owners and—”
“He is?”
His father gave a wry smile. “I’m guessing you saw him there?”
Zach nodded. “No one meant to lie to you, Daed.”
“I know. You’re just trying to look out for me. Trying to help me find my way. Which is remarkable after what I did to you five years ago. Or at least, what I’m sure you thought I did.”
Those words from his father slammed into him, leaving him shaking down to his legs. Feeling unstable, he collapsed into the nearest chair, finding it hard to conceive that the moment he’d hoped for had finally come. It was time for them to get the past out into the open.
Yet seeing the deep lines on his father’s face, knowing all that his daed had been through—and not knowing what lay ahead—somehow a part of him wished to grant the man who’d sired him grace.
And if he did, would there be any way possible for him to receive the same kind of judgment?
“It was a long time ago, Daed.”
“It’s not when you carry it around with you each day.”
At first, Zach didn’t think he’d heard right. But as the words sunk in, he realized he had. All the years of hurt and grief and wondering, accumulated inside him, becoming staggering. He gripped the arms of the chair and swallowed with difficulty, fighting to control his emotions.
“You too?” he asked hoarsely.
His father nodded solemnly.
“I... I don’t understand. Then why? Why didn’t you answer my letters?”
“It’s a long story and not one I’ve ever told.”
While his father stared hard at him, Zach was unsure how to respond. Except to sit still, ready to listen in case his daed decided to share.
It was minutes before his father spoke another word.
“It’s not easy knowing where to start. Some things you don’t want to talk about, especially in detail. Not that I’m a fluffy kind of man anyway.”
Zach smiled wanly at that. “Mighty true.”
“Jah, you know that about me. But what you don’t know is that I’m not the person you or Matthew think I am.”
Another bolt of shock surged through Zach. “What do you mean?”
“Well, for starters, I was born to Englisch parents.”
“You’re—not Amish?” The flood of astonishment kept coming, knocking Zach deeper into his seat.
“Of course, I am. But like I said, I wasn’t born that way. I never knew my father, and my mother was a drug addict. She wasn’t around too often when she was alive. I was pretty much orphaned and had to survive on my own. It was not a good start to life.”
The admission came so fast, Zach could barely take it all in. He was trying to process what he’d heard as his father continued.
“And don’t go looking at me all wide-eyed, not knowing what to say—because there is nothing for you to say. I’ll have you know, thanks be to Gott, life did get better for me after a while. Only because I met your mother when we were around ten years old.”
“It sounds like an incredible blessing that you survived that long on your own.”
“Oh, it was. I did odd jobs around town when I could find them and then went stealing when I couldn’t. One day not too long after my mother died, I was having hunger pains. So I went to steal some peanut butter crackers at the drugstore. I got caught, and you know what?” His father’s mouth crinkled into a wistful smile that was even more puzzling.
“I can’t even imagine.” Zach shook his head.
“It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Because suddenly there was a girl standing next to me. She had the prettiest blue eyes I’d ever seen and some curly blond hair coming out of the top of her kapp.” His father grinned, remembering. “And while I was shaking in my holey shoes, she made up a story, telling the store manager that my pocketing the crackers was all a misunderstanding and a game we were playing. Then she bought those crackers for me using money she’d earned helping an elderly neighbor.”
“That was Mamm?”
“Oh, jah.” His father chuckled. “That was your mother.”
“It sounds like her, for sure, always wanting to help others.”
“And that’s not all. She brought me to her house and her parents didn’t take me in, but they found a home for me with their Amish neighbors. They were an elderly couple who were childless. They didn’t exactly treat me like their child. Never sent me to school, but then my own mother hadn’t either.” His father’s voice quieted some. “I’d get jealous some mornings watching the Amish kids go by on their way to the schoolhouse. By then, I’d already been out in the fields for hours or taking care of the horses.”
His father stopped, releasing a sigh. “All the same, the couple did feed me and put some fat on my bones. They provided a roof over my head and a warm bed for me to sleep in. Although they didn’t officially adopt me, they did give me their family name of Graber since I had no family to speak of. And Benjamin Graber taught me all I know about training horses.”
“I... I don’t know what to say.”
“I already told you—there’s nothing for you to say. When the Graber couple passed, surprisingly they left me with another blessing—their land. Once your mother and I married, I sold it and we moved from Wayne County to here in Tuscarawas County. And the reason I’m telling you all of this, Zach, isn’t for you to feel sorry for me. It’s for me to say that I’m sorry to you. Pure and simple, I didn’t grow up being loved by parents. The Grabers were kind but standoffish. Guess I’ve never known how to show love. So I veered all my attention and affection to what I knew best—horses.”
It occurred to Zach then why even on her deathbed, his mother had never complained that his father wasn’t near. “But knowing you since you both were kinner, Mamm sensed your love.”
“She also did my reading for me since I never had any schooling. I can barely read enough to get by and was always too embarrassed for anyone to know that except for your mamm. That’s why I was unable to read or answer your letters, Zach. They’re still unopened in a box in my closet.” He paused before going on. “When you left for Indiana, it crushed me. But deep down, I figured it was for the best. You always had a good brain, the smartest one in our family, and you could figure out how to fix anything.”
“I wish you would’ve told me back then.”
“I wish I would’ve too. I think we were both hurting plenty when your mother went to be with the Lord. I really thought you’d be better off not being around someone in your life who couldn’t show they cared or loved you like your mother had. And now, looking back, I realize how wrong I was. I don’t blame you for not thinking much of me.”
“Honestly, Daed, what I’m thinking right now is that I’m thankful. Having you share like this is all I’ve ever wanted. But I didn’t know if we’d ever get to this point. When I first got here, you didn’t give me much of a welcome.”
“Jah, it was my confusing way of caring, thinking you’d be better off getting back to your life. But you’ve stuck around.”
“And I’m glad I did. It’s been healing for me. All my life I thought you cared more about your horses than me. And I thought you’d never forgive me for the accident. I never meant to hurt Amos.” Zach’s voice cracked, uttering the horse’s name. “I hope you believe me.”
“I do. You’re too good of a man for that, Zach.”
“You don’t know how much it means for me to hear you say that, Daed.” He began welling up. “I don’t want either of us to hurt anymore.”
“I don’t either.” His father’s eyes turned misty.
Zach couldn’t remember a time when he’d reached out and hugged his father, but he couldn’t help himself. And it felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders and his world, when his father hugged him in return. An indescribable peace filled him as he realized how Gott had managed to give them this time together.
As a teenager, he’d cursed the day that the Lord had taken his perfect parent from him. He’d yelled at the Creator for removing the only loving person from his life. Of course, Gott knew all along that it was far better to take his mother instead of the father he struggled with. The Lord also knew there’d come a time when, if willing, he and his father could set things right with each other.
After clasping shoulders, there was a short silence, along with grateful glimpses at one another. And then, father like son, they both glanced away as they swiped at their eyes.
Feeling so appreciative that he might at last have a real relationship with his father after this redemption from the past, Zach almost hated to bring up the present. But he had to.
“As long as we’re being honest here, Daed, there’s something I need to talk to you about too. And I also don’t know where to start...” His voice drifted.
His father held up a hand. “I think I know what you’re going to say. I’ve let Leah believe I could keep on training horses and continue managing this property. For a while, I believed the same thing. But I’m glad you did have Doc drop by because talking with him was good for me. At this age, life does change. I don’t think this body of mine is up to training horses anymore.”
After decades of his father’s dedication to his profession, the importance of his father’s acknowledgment seemed to reverberate throughout the room.
“I know that has to be hard for you to say out loud.”
“It is,” his father agreed. Even so, his eyes twinkled just slightly. “But it seems I’ve been saying a lot of things out loud just now that I never thought I would say. And in a way, it feels good.”
Zach chuckled. “I know what you mean.” He paused then, praying that he could say the rest of what needed to be said tactfully, and without getting a rise from his father. “I’m glad you’re not considering horse training in the future because I’ve been researching two options for you. If you’re willing to listen.”
“You know more about what’s going on beyond this farm than I do.”
“Well, to put it bluntly, the Highland Property Development Company is ready to purchase your farm for a substantial sum of money. More than enough money that would provide a financially secure future for you if managed properly.”
His father frowned. “Why would they do that?”
“So they can build a condominium complex.”
“A what?”
“You heard right.”
“And the other option?”
“You can start a new business and have a new sense of purpose.”
“Let me guess. You mean wood carving?”
“I know mother’s friend Frieda Stoltz is looking for someone to share her Amish giftware shop in town.”
“And you think that could make a living for me?” His father eyed him as if he was verrickt, crazy.
“No, I don’t,” he answered frankly.
“Oh, I think I understand. The rumor I heard is true then? Are you really a wealthy man and you’re going to pay for a place for me to live in?”
Taken aback, Zach’s heart began to race. “Who did you hear that from?”
“Does it matter?”
For years, he’d been working hard to keep the success the Lord had blessed him with as a secret. It had been more important to him to use that wealth to discreetly help others. But since his father had been so open with him, how could he not do the same?
“If I tell you the truth, can you keep a secret?”
“I’d say I’ve spent my adult life keeping one about myself.” His father grinned.
“Yes, then, I’m telling you Gott has blessed me with an abundance of wealth as a silent investor in various Amish businesses in several states.”
“So, are you thinking you’d be a silent investor in my property? I’m not sure I understand.”
“Well... I...” He bit his lip, wanting to explain, but also hoping not to be rejected. “Daed, when Leah reached out to me, I was glad to come back to help. But I admit, I didn’t come for you as much as for myself. I wanted the chance to seek redemption from you... Forgiveness. But the longer I’ve been back home, the more I want a future here, just as much as you do. I love it here, Daed. I enjoy being around family and the horses. Now I understand what you’ve always seen in those amazing creatures. Oddly, I even like being in this house with its strange accumulation of memories.”
He took a deep breath before daring to continue. “Daed, I don’t want to go back to Indiana. I’d verra much like to live here with you. And also, hopefully in the very near future, with a wife and kinner.”
“Whoa.” His father held up a hand. “I love my grosskinner. But I’m too old to live with all that racket. I think I’d want my own place.”
“Fine. There’s plenty of room on this property. I can build a dawdi haus for you.”
“I could live with that but only if I pay some sort of rent.”
“I’m sure we can work out something to suit you.”
“There’s only one thing I don’t understand. When you’re talking about a frau, would that be Leah you’re thinking of?”
“Jah, it is. I’ve never loved like this before. But it could all be just a dream that I need to wake up from. She’s not happy with me right now.” He didn’t feel right about explaining all the reasons why.
“You’re a smart man, son. You can figure out a way to change that.”
“I suppose you’re right.” He leaned back in the chair, folding his arms over his chest and silently praying that his father was indeed correct.
“Then again, maybe you’re not as smart as I think you are,” his father clucked.
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t believe you’re still sitting here. It’s a new day the Lord has made, Zach. You need to get next door.”
* * *
Even though Leah hadn’t made the effort in the past half hour to look at the Bible opened to Psalms in her lap, it still felt comforting to have Gott’s Word near. The sudden burst of rain pitter-pattering on the rooftop soothed as well. The summer shower meant she couldn’t hang laundry, mow the lawn, weed the garden or do any other outdoor job that would be difficult with her loss of vision. She closed her eyes and listened to the raindrops, whispering her thanks in the silence of her house. Then she startled at the rapping on her door.
Closing the Bible, she set it on a side table and wobbled her way to the entrance. Although she couldn’t imagine who it would be except for Zach, she had been surprised earlier. But when she opened the door, this time she was right.
Zach was standing there, rain dripping from his clothes, concern in his eyes. Right away, she thought perhaps she’d misjudged the reason for Dr. Rubin’s visit that she’d witnessed earlier.
“Zach, come in.”
As he stepped inside and removed his wet straw hat, she was acutely aware of how the tall, handsome man instantly filled her living space. Not to mention her heart. Even so, pushing those feelings aside, she turned her thoughts to his father. “Is Ivan oll recht?”
“He is. More than fine. But I need to talk to you, Leah.” His eyes pleaded.
“Sure.”
He blinked in complete surprise when she answered so willingly. A twinge of regret jabbed at her for causing the strain between them as she held out her hand for his hat. After taking it though, hard as she tried, she couldn’t manage to hang it on a hook by her door. Noticing, he covered his warm hand over hers to assist her. All at once, the recollection of another time of closeness caused her cheeks to flush beyond her control. She attempted to ignore the sensation as they made their way to the sofa where she began to ask questions.
“You say Ivan is fine?”
“He is. And I’m better now too. And it’s all because of you, danke.”
She eyed him quizzically.
“If you hadn’t reached out to me, Daed and I would’ve never had the conversation we had just now. We may never have had the chance to forgive one another—or even get to know each other better.”
“Zach, that’s so wonderful. I know you’ve been waiting so long for that. But it’s not because of me that happened. I asked, and you came. The circumstances led you here, and I’m guessing Gott knew both your hearts were ready to heal.”
“And what about you, Leah? Like I said before, don’t you think it’s the same for you and what you’re going through? I’m sorry for how I messed up before, but you can trust that I want to help you.”
She lowered her head, not wanting to look at him and call to mind everything about him that she couldn’t see as well as she once had. Like his cropped light brown hair that he ran his fingers through when he was perplexed or feeling shy. His square jawline that mirrored his quiet, God-given strength. And the sincerity in his bluer-than-blue eyes that was so mighty hard to resist. Like now.
“I know you want to help, Zach,” she murmured. “But you’re not responsible for me.”
He lifted her chin to meet his gaze. “What if I want to be?”
“Oh, Zach.” She groaned, resisting the temptation to lean closer to him. Ever so gently, she removed his hand. “I appreciate your kindness, I do. But I don’t want to be a bother to you.”
“Oh, but you’re already a bother to me, Leah Zook.”
“I am?”
“Jah, you are. In fact, you bother me day and night.” His voice raised.
“I do?” she replied meekly, caught completely off guard. “You never said so before.”
“Well, it’s true. I get bothered by you all the time. Like when I can’t stop thinking about you. And when I can’t wait to see you to tell you what’s been happening in my day. And then that smile of yours...”
