But she’d been with me, hadn’t she? She’d been moaning my name, coming over my tongue and my cock. She’d sought my embrace before she’d left with Addison, pressing a kiss to the underside of my jaw like everything was business as usual.

  Well, business as usual except for the fact that I now knew what her pussy tasted like and that she liked a little pain mixed with her pleasure to get off…

  A couple hours later, when the last person finally cleared out of the diner, Ford strolled in, Chuck trotting along at his heels.

  He slid onto a stool at the bar and braced his elbows on the counter. “Jesusfuck, I thought they’d never leave.”

  “Who?”

  He gestured behind him. “The couple visiting from Ohio.”

  I stared at him blankly. “You kept them here talking for the past fifteen minutes.”

  “Well, what was I supposed to do? We can’t all grunt and throw food at people.”

  “I didn’t throw food at anyone today.” Even though there’d been a few who absolutely deserved it.

  “Quit distracting me,” he said. “I need to know how it was.”

  I glanced at him with a raised brow as I wiped down the counter. “How what was?”

  “The sex, obviously.”

  I paused for only half a second, arm outstretched, before I kept right on with the rag, hoping he hadn’t noticed. “I never said I had sex.”

  He snorted and shot Chuck a look that said can you believe this guy. “You didn’t have to. I can just tell.”

  “I’m calling bullshit on that. I can’t tell when you have sex.”

  “You can’t tell because this is my baseline,” he said, circling his face. “But you, my friend, have been stagnant for, what? Two years? Believe me, there’s a difference.”

  I glared at him for several seconds, hoping he’d back down, but he just stared back, grin on his face, and waited for me to crack.

  “Fuck,” I snapped, slapping the rag down on the counter.

  “Yes.” He fist-pumped the air. “Fuck is right.”

  “You’re a jackass. I mean fuck, as in fuck me. Fuck, as in I fucked up. Fuck, as in I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.”

  “Well, you were probably thinking Everly’s hot and amazing and is open-minded as hell in bed if those books she reads are anything to go by—not to mention the highlighted parts. Jesus.”

  “How did you—”

  “And her ass looks fantastic in jeans—”

  “Hey,” I barked.

  “Plus, you’ve been in love with her for two years—”

  “I am not in lo—”

  “And have basically declared your complete and utter devotion to her anyway since you haven’t been with anyone since she so much as stepped foot into town, so you might as well have sex while you’re at it.”

  “We didn’t have sex,” I bit out through clenched teeth. When he just raised a brow, I groaned and pulled off my hat, running a frustrated hand through my hair before replacing it. “Technically, we didn’t, but I still fucked up. I can’t believe I did that.”

  “Yeah, I’m pretty shocked too. At this point, I figured it’d take an act of God to get you to cross that boundary. Nice job.”

  “Nice job? Are you serious? I’m worried about ruining the best relationship I’ve ever had, and you want to pat me on the back?”

  “Um, first of all, hello?” He reached over and flicked me on the forehead. “I’m the best relationship you’ve ever had.”

  “You don’t count.”

  “And second, you didn’t ruin it.”

  “You can’t know that.”

  “Well, you can’t know you did, either. Did she say you ruined it?”

  “No.”

  “Did she act any differently?”

  I assumed he probably didn’t mean differently in the way that I now knew what she sounded like when she came and that her blush did, in fact, spread down her chest when she was turned on. “No.”

  He shrugged. “Then you didn’t ruin it.”

  “It’s not always that simple.”

  “Sometimes it is,” Ford said, all notes of teasing gone.

  “Aren’t you always the one reminding me I have a one hundred percent fail rate at relationships?”

  “Everyone has a one hundred percent fail rate at relationships unless they’re currently in a committed relationship. And nobody involved in this conversation is. That doesn’t mean you just give up entirely. What, are you going to spend the rest of your life alone?”

  “Since you’re always up my ass, that’d be impossible.”

  “Maybe now, but one of these days, I’m going to lock down a cool-as-fuck woman, have her make an honest man out of me, and enjoy the hell out of making some babies with her. And then where are you going to be?”

  “Oh, you think you’re going to be able to make a relationship last? We grew up in the same house with the same parents. And our examples weren’t exactly shining.”

  Yes, our mom had been an amazing mother who loved her family beyond all reason. She strived for perfection, but that had been hard, considering she was basically a single parent raising six kids. It didn’t matter that she was technically married and that our dad was technically around. Not when he chose alcohol over her and us time and time again. She’d tried to keep that hidden from us, but the older we’d gotten, the easier it had been to see. There’d been fights and makeups and so much tension it was like a constant weight bearing down on us.

  If that was what love was—what forever was—I didn’t want any part of it.

  “Brady had the same parents, too,” Ford said, pulling a piece of bacon from God knew where and feeding it to Chuck. “You don’t think he and Luna are going to last?”

  Truthfully, I didn’t know. I hoped they would because he deserved it after stepping in as the family leader and pulling us through years of struggles without so much as a single complaint. And Luna was good for him, softening his sharp edges and loosening him up a bit. But I couldn’t see the future for them any more than I could see it for myself.

  “Look, man, nobody knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, let alone in years,” he said. “Our family is aware of that more than most. But what I do know is that you’d rather cut off your own balls than hurt Everly.”

  I blew out a breath, wanting his words to ring true but unable to deny the reality. “I might have already hurt her, though.”

  He squinted one eye and tipped his head to the side, studying me. “Nah, I don’t think so. I saw her this morning, and for someone whose house just burned down, she was in a better mood than I expected. I’m guessing that had something to do with your technically not sex. You take note of those highlighted parts too and use them to your advantage?”

  “How the hell do you know about those?”

  He shrugged. “She left a book sitting on the counter one day. I peeked. And got a whole fucking eyeful.”

  I jabbed a finger in his direction. “Erase that knowledge from your brain right fucking now.”

  He grinned, just a flash of teeth before he sobered again, bracing his elbows on the counter as he leaned toward me. “Look, just keep doing what you’re doing, and don’t overthink it.”

  Yeah. Great. Don’t overthink it. Overthinking might as well have been my middle name.

  “Right,” he said with a laugh. “Forgot who I was talking to for a minute. That’s pretty much like telling Oscar the Grouch to stop grouching. I guess that means you’re going to have to talk to her about it. You guys talk about everything else—including your kink of the week—so this should be child’s play.”

  I could only hope he was right and that we’d figure this out like we’d figured everything else out thus far. I should’ve talked to her before she left, though my pain-in-the-ass sister had made that impossible. Then again, Everly had so much else to deal with right now, the last thing she needed piled on her shoulders was this.

  Chuck let out the softest bark known to man as she sat dutifully at Ford’s feet, tongue hanging out of her mouth, which made it look like she was grinning, and he fed her another piece of bacon.

  “Where the hell are you getting that bacon from?” I asked.

  “Got a whole pocket full of it.”

  “Jesus. No wonder she was following you around out there.”

  He grinned. “Women love a man with a dog.”

  “She’s not your dog.”

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  I blew out a breath and shook my head. “You know grease stains are a bitch to get out, right?”

  “They’re in a baggie. I’m not a Neanderthal.”

  “I’m not so sure. And I bet I could get Quinn to back me up on that.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Like I’m going to put any stock in what she thinks of me. That woman wouldn’t know a good time if it slapped her on the ass and handcuffed her to a bed.”

  “Thought about that a time or two, have you?”

  He avoided the question entirely and instead asked, “What time are Addison and Everly supposed to be back?”

  They’d already been gone for hours, and I was about ready to call Addison and tell her to get her ass back here. “No idea, but knowing our sister, she’s keeping Everly out extra long just to piss me off.”

  “Sounds about right.” He glanced at the clock on the wall, then back to me with a raised brow, chin jutting toward the bags we’d stashed behind the counter. “You want to do this when Everly gets back?”

  I was shaking my head before he even got the question out. “Nope.”

  She might know about Ford’s and my weekly excursions, but she didn’t have to witness them. My luck, that’d be the one time the bastard would answer the door.

  “Then it’s now or never, I guess.”

  With a nod, I picked up the bag I’d already packed full of three oversized meals that could be stretched out to six or seven, and Ford grabbed a couple books he’d picked up from the library. Then we headed out of the diner, Chuck at our heels.

  She trotted along beside us, no leash needed, as we walked the same path we’d walked every Wednesday for the past almost ten years when Ford and I visited our father. Okay, visited was a gross overstatement of what we really did, which was drop off some food and a few books on his front porch without even knocking.

  To be fair, we had knocked. For months. And still never got a response, not even in the early days right after Mom had died. We assumed because there wasn’t a horrible stench coming from the cottage or flies incessantly buzzing around that he hadn’t joined her. That was probably a detached way to talk about our own father, but it was only a reflection of what he’d given us.

  Over the years, I’d seen all my siblings—save for Levi—come and go from Cottage Thirteen. Brady dropped off groceries once a week, Addison took care of the property, and Aiden swapped out Dad’s linens, though none of them knew I knew, like they were ashamed or embarrassed about it, and I could understand why. None of them knew Ford and I made this stop every week, either, and I’d prefer to keep it that way. It was hard enough for me to reconcile wanting to make sure the father who’d abandoned his kids was still taken care of, while being furious at him over his choices.

  The older I got, the more of him I saw in myself. We had the same outlook, the same surly temperament, the same off-putting nature. While I’d picked up Mom’s love for cooking, I was basically a carbon copy of my dad, and I hated it.

  After Mom had died, he might as well have, too, leaving all six of us to fend for ourselves. Addison hadn’t even been eighteen yet, and we’d all had to step in and fill the role of her parent. Because one had left us by circumstances beyond her control, and the other had left us by choice because he felt like he had nothing left to live for. Even if he still had us.

  I was terrified to follow in his footsteps, loving someone completely, only to have them leave in the end, because I’d already been there. My parents had both shown me love wasn’t truly unconditional. And it sure as hell wasn’t meant to last.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  EVERLY

  Thankfully, Addison and I were within half a shoe size of each other, so I was able to borrow a pair of hers for our shopping excursion to replenish my necessities. And Luna, Brady’s girlfriend, had sent over some clothes with Addison since we were about the same size. I’d slipped into a pair of her leggings but opted to wear one of Beck’s T-shirts instead of any she’d offered. I wasn’t too proud to admit the flimsy piece of cotton comforted me in a way I needed as I went out on a mission in borrowed clothes to replace my belongings.

  Also thankfully, Addison was like a tornado. She flew through stores, barking orders and making demands, and because she was Starlight Cove’s golden child and she gave those orders with a smile, people willingly did her bidding. I had no idea how she did it. I felt like I was still trying to win people over in town, even after two years, and that was with an always-ready smile. But regardless of how she did it, I was grateful for her.

  I was grateful for a lot of things today—that I’d escaped from the fire, that Chuckanut had made it out with me, and that neither of us had any lasting injuries. I was also overwhelmingly grateful for Beck—Beck’s whole family, actually, but him specifically.

  Before Addison and I had left, I’d realized I didn’t have my purse, which meant I didn’t have any money or even a credit card to pay for what I needed, and I’d panicked. As usual, Beck had immediately read me without my having to say a word. With his eyes locked on mine, he’d pulled out his wallet, handed his credit card to Addison, and then said, just loud enough for me to hear, “Whatever you need.”

  And then, as if to balance things out and prove he wasn’t a gigantic marshmallow, he’d thrust a bottle of water at me as Addison and I were walking out the door and yelled after us, “And don’t forget to eat, for fuck’s sake!”

  Addison had rolled her eyes, but I’d smiled, so relieved that the Beck I knew and loved was still there, despite what had happened between us. It hadn’t changed us—I just had to remember that. He was still my best friend. Still my touch point in Starlight Cove. And no matter what happened, I didn’t want to lose that.

  Now, Addison pulled up in front of our last stop and parked. Main Street was fairly busy today even though it was the middle of the week, no doubt because it was a beautiful day. That meant plenty of people strolled by, and every single one wanted to stop us and tell me how shocked they were to hear what had happened and ask if I was okay. Every time, I’d plaster a smile on my face and pretend like I wasn’t completely crumbling inside at having to relive it with every mention.

  “Last one,” Addison said, grabbing her purse.

  “Oh, thank God.” My shoulders slumped. “I don’t think I can take much more.”

  She reached over and rested her hand on my arm, stopping me from unbuckling my seat belt. “Why don’t you sit this one out? I’ve got it.”

  I blew out a huge sigh of relief and shot her a grateful smile. Apparently, Addison was as perceptive as her brother. Either that or I looked every ounce as exhausted as I felt. It took a lot for me to break, but after recounting the worst night of my life over and over and over again, I was ready to crack.

  All the small—and not-so-small things—that needed to be done had also started piling up in my mind, and I’d been keeping a mental tally of everything I needed to do as we were running around replacing all my possessions. Luckily, I’d had a voice mail waiting for me this morning from April, my assistant-slash-receptionist, saying she’d seen the news—on Facebook, naturally—and that she’d take care of rescheduling our appointments until we knew more.

  Like, if I still had a business or not.

  “Thank you,” I said earnestly to Addison as I grabbed my phone from where I’d stashed it in the cupholder. “I still need to call my parents and let them know what happened.”

  Addison grimaced. “Will that be an easy or a difficult call?”

  I must not have been able to keep the cringe to myself, because she nodded without my having to say a word.

  “Got it. In that case, I think I’ll swing by the bakery to grab two donuts. Maybe three…”

  “Is that for just me or both of us?”

  Addison gasped and snapped her head in my direction. “Both of us, obviously. I deserve donuts too.”

  I laughed. “You definitely do, but in that case, make it four.”

  Her smile widened as she opened the door and stepped out. “I like how you think.”

  As she strode toward the sidewalk, dodging passersby like she was on an obstacle course, I lowered my gaze to my phone and pulled up my mom’s number—it took an act of God for my dad to answer his phone, mostly because he could never find the thing. And if he could find it, he couldn’t figure out how to use it.

  I’d been putting this off all day, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as I pressed the call button.

  After one and a half rings, my mom answered, “Honey! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today. Don’t tell me I got my days wrong again. Is it Sunday already? You know how it is with retirement.”

  “I know, Mom. All the days bleed together,” I said, reciting the same phrase she’d said to me no fewer than twelve thousand times. “And no, it’s not Sunday. It’s Wednesday, but I have something important I need to tell you. Is Dad around?”

  “Oh yes, he’s just tinkering with his model cars. I’ll grab him.” She moved the phone away from her mouth but not far enough that it saved me from the earsplitting yell as she called for him. “Harry! Evie’s on the phone. She’s got something to tell us.” Then, quieter but still loud enough for me to hear, she said, “Maybe she’s finally moving home!”

  I closed my eyes, knowing that last night’s catastrophe was only going to embolden them further in their quest to get me back to the West Coast, and I wasn’t sure I was up for that particular confrontation today. Honestly, I was never up for that particular confrontation, which was probably why my stomach churned every Sunday until I got our weekly call over with.

 

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