Riptide Affair, page 24
I glance up at the man but quickly turn away. Deep down, I think I know what this means. Even though nothing makes sense and I'm in shock, I know...things are somehow about to get worse.
“No,” I whisper. “No one.”
“Okay.” He sighs heavily, slumping down next to me in the back of the ambulance. “They're gonna take you up to General to get checked out, but when the doc gives you the all clear I'll drive you home. How's that sound?”
His voice, although deep and soothing, makes me want to vomit all over his work boots. He can drive me wherever he wants, but no matter how far we travel, I'll never be able to go home.
Home is dead.
“Here. I found these.”
When I look up, he's holding my keys. They were in my pocket, so I don't know where he found them, but I'm glad he did. If Dad planted a spare key for the house somewhere, I don't know where it is.
“Thank you.” I take them and clutch them so hard the metal pierces my skin, but I don't care. I can barely feel a thing as it is.
“Is there anything I can get for you?”
It's so stupid, asking if I need anything right now when all I really need is gone, but there is one thing...
“There...there was a graduation tassel hanging from the rear-view mirror. Can you get it for me?”
He glances from the car, being hauled up onto the wrecker, covered in mud, then back to me. “I can try.”
But he doesn't try. And when I'm released from the hospital the next day, he's not there to take me home. The only person waiting for me is a stern woman with a severe bun and a clip board who takes me to the only foster family in town who agreed to take me in. Every night I spent there, I would lie down in bed, close my eyes, and try like hell to erase everything that happened.
The look on my father's face.
His empty, dead eyes.
The sound of my screams.
The hands pulling me to safety so roughly that they leave bruises.
The bite of hot metal against my skin as I sit on the bumper of the ambulance.
Watching my father's car, along with his dead body, rise from the creek.
Blue eyes.
Questions.
Needles and masks and cold stethoscopes.
And a silver badge clipped to a belt. Along with everything else, I erase the eight letters scrawled across the metal, spelling out my savior's name.
S-U-L-L-I-V-A-N
My feet burn as broken glass cuts deep into my arch, but I ignore it and propel myself upward.
Up.
Up.
Up.
Until I break through the surface, gasping in precious oxygen, bracelet held firmly in one hand as I flail in the churning water. Someone grabs onto my arm, dragging me toward the edge, and that's when I hear it.
His voice.
His angry, fearful voice.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Jared bellows. “It's a fucking bracelet! It's not worth your life!”
I don't think. I just react.
With one firm tug, I pull him into the water with me. He goes under, then bobs right back up, latching onto the edge where I'm struggling to hold on.
He sputters, wiping at his soaked face as he glares at me. “You...are fucking insane, woman!”
“I love you.” It's blurted quick and loud, borderline manic. But this time when I say it, I know he'll remember. I know, because when the words hit the air, his entire body jerks with surprise.
“It was you.” I reach out and cradle his cheek in my free hand and, surprisingly, he lets me. “You pulled me out of Blackjack Creek.”
He looks away, uncomfortable. “What's your point?”
I don't have a point. All I have is a blessing. A savior who grew up to be the man I just happened to fall in love with.
“I don't have a point. I don't think there is one. Not to any of this.”
We tread water for long seconds and he stares at the trembling water between us like it holds all the answers. But maybe there are none. No point. No answers. No solution. But there is love. That much I'm sure of.
When he looks back up, his eyes are hard and unyielding. “You fucked up.”
I nod. Because he's not wrong. “I did, but here's the thing, Jared. I don't want to forget, and I don't want to move on. I want to fight.”
He huffs, wiping more water from his face. “Don't you think we've done a pretty decent job of tearing each other apart over the last month?”
“No.” I grab his chin and hold it still so he can't look away. “I'm done fighting with you. Now, I just want to fight for you.”
I try to take in a breath, but end up hiccuping out a sob. For a split second, my eyes flicker down to the crowd. They're all staring, holding a collective breath, waiting to see what Jared will say next. What surprises me most is their eyes. They're free of judgment. Only hope shines up at me.
“If you don't want her, I'll take her!”
Jared stiffens and turns to glare daggers at the town drunk as he stumbles around in his cowboy boots, beer bottle raised high over his head in our direction. I ignore him and press on.
“I'm offering you everything,” I say, softly this time, but just as fiercely. “Everything that I have, everything that I am. Every smile, every fight, every sleepless night, every kiss, every fear and flaw and imperfection. If you want every damn sunrise and sunset for the rest of my life, it's yours. But if that's not enough, if I'm not enough, then I quit, because this—” I grab his hand and force it against my chest, directly above my heart, “—this is all I have left to offer you. But I think it can be enough. Don't you?”
He's quiet. Too quiet. And I know he's struggling—fighting an internal battle. “Say something. Anything.”
He shakes his head, takes a deep breath, and says...
“I hate you.”
Below us, the crowd gasps, but I don't make a sound. I may have brought us to this point, but whatever pain he's feeling in regards to my fuck-up pales in comparison to what those three little words do to me.
They slay me.
It's all I can do to keep my feet kicking, to keep my head above water.
Gritting my teeth, I look into the eyes of the only man I've ever loved, stacking my defenses like sandbags, trying like hell to stave off this wave of indescribable pain. It's well-deserved, but still. I'm only human.
“I hate you so fucking much,” he repeats, slower this time.
I hear a scuffle happening down beside the bar and, judging by the voices flitting up to my ears, it's Laura being held back by the rest of the girls. She's always been quick to wage war on my behalf, but she's down there and I'm up here and this is my fight. I can't call in the cavalry.
“You're an asshole!” she screeches. “You don't deserve her, you piece of shit!”
God love that woman.
Jared casts his eyes over the ledge, down to where my friends all look like they're about to set fire to the place. “I'm not done!” he snaps.
I really wish he was done, because I didn't know how much more of this I can take, especially now that I'm shivering in my skin-tight dress, looking into the wounded eyes of a man who, in his own words, hates me.
Hates.
I can't believe I thought this was a good idea. I can't believe I thought we could avoid any further damage. It was so stupid of me to risk my heart—again—when I know how easily he can crush it. Along with my love, I gave him the power to destroy me, and he's using it.
I don't know whether to cry, vomit, or let go of the side of the tank.
I'm seriously considering the last option when Jared surprises me by reaching up and weaving his hands through my hair. I jerk away, stunned by the tenderness in his touch, because it doesn't line up with the words he just used as a weapon.
Slowly, as if allowing me time to retreat, his forehead comes forward to meet mine, and I pull in a full breath. I can breathe again. Because I feel it.
I feel what he feels and I think for one quick second...everything's going to be okay.
“I hate you because I love you so much it should be a goddamn crime.”
My fingers reach out to grasp the hem of his shirt on their own accord. Tears blur the world around me, but that's okay. Who needs to see when you can feel?
“You love me?”
“Yes. I do. And do you know how infuriating that is?” He releases an uneven breath. “I love you when I hate you. I miss you when I never want to see you again. I want to grow old with you while wishing we'd never crossed paths. Everything I feel when it comes to you is in high-def, and it's so fucking physically and mentally exhausting that all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for so long that I forget you entirely. But I can't fucking do that because the second I close my eyes, your face is all I see.”
A sob wracks my chest, but Jared's hold on me is so firm, even if I do let go, he'll never let me sink.
“Every single time I have to walk away from you, it gets a little harder, it hurts a little more, because I know that one day the anger won't be enough. One day, I'll show up at your doorstep, on my knees, begging for forgiveness since there will never be another person on this whole goddamn planet that I'll love as much as I love you. That's why I hate you, Merrin.”
I shake my head, remaining quiet as I let my heart catch up. When it does, I let go of the tank and Jared's arm comes around my side, pulling me against his chest.
“You don't have to beg.” I cradle his face in my hands. “All you have to do is say yes. You just have to choose me, and keep choosing me when I screw up and remind you just how human and imperfect I really am.”
“Do you know how hard that is? Knowing how easy it was for one mistake to break us?”
“Easy?” I cry out with a laugh. “It was only easy because you woke up the next morning and decided not to fight. I was there, ready to go to war. You're the one that gave up.”
He tightens his grip. “You're right. And that was my mistake.”
“All I wanted was that love you hate so much.”
“And you have it, Merrin. Despite everything...you have it.”
My eyes shine with hopeful tears, but logic tells me to be cautious.
“Really? Because if you're screwing with me right now I'll kick your ass in front of all these people.”
A warm smile curves the lips I've kissed a hundred times and hope to kiss a thousand more.
“I know you will.” He brings me in close, so close our noses touch and I feel his breath on my lips when he whispers, “I'm sorry.”
Sorry.
He's sorry.
How long have I waited to hear that?
How many nights have I prayed for the chance to be blessed by those words?
This must be what Nirvana feels like, because I can't imagine feeling lighter, freer, or more loved than I do right now, and I never, ever want it to end. This love I hold in my heart may be young and vulnerable, but it's the most precious thing I've ever possessed.
“Does this mean you're done running?” I brush my thumbs over his wet cheeks, longing to kiss him. “Are you ready to stay?”
“I don't know, Merrin. I want to be ready, I really do,” he answers with blinding sincerity. “I'm just not sure what to do with all this wrath built up in my heart.” He chuckles after tapping two fingers to his chest, but I know it's not a joke. Not really.
There is still anger between us, there is still an ounce of distrust, but that won't be there forever. Forgiveness doesn't happen overnight, but I'm willing to put in the time if he is.
“Well, I hear anger banging can be very therapeutic.”
His smile widens as he barks out a laugh, but it quickly fades when he realizes I'm not laughing along.
“Oh. You're not kidding.”
Slowly, I shake my head.
Heat zaps through me everywhere we're connected, and I know he feels it too because he takes me in a crushing kiss that's sure to bruise me, but I don't care.
I'm ready to bruise him right back.
He tastes like beer and desire and before I can bask in the feel of his tongue sliding over mine, he's gone. He pulls himself over the ledge of the tank, reaches back for my hand, and the two of us descend the ladder until we're both buried in the middle of a screaming, cheering crowd. Hands reach out to pat me on the back, the girls grip my shoulders as they squeal with joy, but the only touch I want to focus on is Jared's. I'm ready to leave with him, hand in hand, but apparently, he has other plans.
His head disappears as he ducks down, grabs me around the legs so I don't tip when he stands, and slings me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. My heart lurches when laughter spills from my mouth and we snake through the crowd together, heading for the door.
I yelp when his hand meets my ass with a resounding smack, sending delicious tingles shooting between my thighs. I slap his muscled backside in return as we bounce through the parking lot, dipping and dodging around cars until we reach the outer gravel lot, away from street lights and prying eyes.
I'm breathless and dizzy when he drops me to my feet next to his Jeep, but not enough to stop me from grabbing his shirt and bringing him forward to kiss his neck.
“Don't take me home.”
“Oh. Too fast?” His hands mold to my chest.
“No. Not fast enough.”
I rip the back door open and grip the seat, pressing my ass back against the hard ridge hiding beneath his jeans. “Here. Now.”
“Really?” He looks around, searching the darkness. “Right here?”
I pull the hem of my dress up to my waist and the fear of being caught flees him completely.
“Well, it's a step up from a public elevator.” His fingers move my thong aside and dip inside me as he works his belt off with his free hand. “Only this time you don't need a pill to get going.”
I shake my head, sending black hair flying as his fingers grow slick. “I doubt that placebo did a whole lot of good.”
Jared stalls behind me.
“What?”
“It wasn't the pill,” I confess, rocking against him. “It was you. It was just you.”
Fingers dig into my shoulder as he rubs the head of his cock between my thighs, and two cries of pleasure pierce the darkness as Jared thrusts inside. I'm already halfway gone when he twists a hand in my hair and pulls me back against him.
“I love you,” he growls in my ear. “My broken heart loves you. So fucking much.”
Tears spill over my lashes, but I bare my teeth and my growl matches his.
“My broken heart loves you back.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Jared
The early morning sun tries its hardest to break through my curtains, but even the long cracks of light splaying across my naked torso isn't enough to get me to move.
I've been lying in bed for hours just...watching her sleep.
Twenty-four hours ago, I was a miserable asshole who wanted to hurt her for what she did to me because that's the only way I could cope with the fact that I still loved her, with every fiber of my being.
But I'd gone about that all wrong. For the longest time, when it came to the matter of cheating, I thought everything was black and white. In reality, everything about relationships, everything about love, is one huge gray area. A mistake like that might kill the love in some relationships, but not ours. It didn't break jack shit. I loved her through it all, and that's why it hurt so goddamn bad. Because I loved her, despite everything. Despite how it wrecked me, despite how it woke an anger in me I didn't know I was capable of possessing.
I still loved her.
I never stopped loving her. Not for one second.
I'm still mad, and my heart still has a hole the size of Texas shot through it, don't get me wrong, but I know I love her. I know this is real. I know she's just as damaged as I am, so...I'll get over it. Maybe not today, maybe not next week or even next year, but eventually it will heal and fade. There will always be a scar, no matter where life takes us, but we'll wear our matching battle wounds with pride. So long as we love each other and allow forgiveness to take root, it'll be enough.
Merrin squirms in my arms and a second later her dark lashes part to reveal her equally dark eyes. A contented smile curves her lips and I can't help but kiss them.
“Morning.” Her sleep-roughened voice is a shot of espresso to my already-hard dick, but I manage to talk him down. For now.
“Good morning,” I say, pulling her tight against me until we're skin-on-skin. “How do you feel about naked breakfast?”
She hums, tapping a finger to her chin. “I'd say I feel very good about it, Mr. Sullivan.”
Mr. Sullivan.
Why does that rev my engine?
That's a quirk I'll have to unpack at a later date. Right now, I'm content to walk hand-in-hand with my lover to the kitchen where I start searching her cabinets for ingredients to make pancakes. We're quiet as we get to work, cracking eggs and measuring flour, but every time we get within reach, we're touching. Kissing. Caressing.
Fuck pancakes.
I spin her around and press her against the counter, sliding into her from behind when—
Ding! Dong!
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I growl, whipping my head around to glare at the front door which is, thankfully, fully closed.
Merrin reaches back and taps my bare thigh. “Make it quick?”
I glance from her, to the door, and back. “Seriously?”
“Yes,” she moans, arching her back. “Seriously.”
“Just like old times,” I say, referring to the mind-blowing experience of bringing Merrin to the edge mere seconds before a lobby full of people watched us exit the stalled elevator—walk of shame style.
Digging fingers into her hips, I drive into her like a man on a mission. She claws at the counter, bracing her palms against whatever surface won't give just to keep from being pounded into the cabinets.
When her breath catches and her body squeezes my dick so hard I see stars, I bow over her body and press my forehead to her shoulder, letting go completely.
It's fast. It's messy. It's rough. And it's loud.
Whoever's on the other side of the door probably heard—oh, who am I kidding, they definitely heard—but I don't have a single fuck to give.
“No,” I whisper. “No one.”
“Okay.” He sighs heavily, slumping down next to me in the back of the ambulance. “They're gonna take you up to General to get checked out, but when the doc gives you the all clear I'll drive you home. How's that sound?”
His voice, although deep and soothing, makes me want to vomit all over his work boots. He can drive me wherever he wants, but no matter how far we travel, I'll never be able to go home.
Home is dead.
“Here. I found these.”
When I look up, he's holding my keys. They were in my pocket, so I don't know where he found them, but I'm glad he did. If Dad planted a spare key for the house somewhere, I don't know where it is.
“Thank you.” I take them and clutch them so hard the metal pierces my skin, but I don't care. I can barely feel a thing as it is.
“Is there anything I can get for you?”
It's so stupid, asking if I need anything right now when all I really need is gone, but there is one thing...
“There...there was a graduation tassel hanging from the rear-view mirror. Can you get it for me?”
He glances from the car, being hauled up onto the wrecker, covered in mud, then back to me. “I can try.”
But he doesn't try. And when I'm released from the hospital the next day, he's not there to take me home. The only person waiting for me is a stern woman with a severe bun and a clip board who takes me to the only foster family in town who agreed to take me in. Every night I spent there, I would lie down in bed, close my eyes, and try like hell to erase everything that happened.
The look on my father's face.
His empty, dead eyes.
The sound of my screams.
The hands pulling me to safety so roughly that they leave bruises.
The bite of hot metal against my skin as I sit on the bumper of the ambulance.
Watching my father's car, along with his dead body, rise from the creek.
Blue eyes.
Questions.
Needles and masks and cold stethoscopes.
And a silver badge clipped to a belt. Along with everything else, I erase the eight letters scrawled across the metal, spelling out my savior's name.
S-U-L-L-I-V-A-N
My feet burn as broken glass cuts deep into my arch, but I ignore it and propel myself upward.
Up.
Up.
Up.
Until I break through the surface, gasping in precious oxygen, bracelet held firmly in one hand as I flail in the churning water. Someone grabs onto my arm, dragging me toward the edge, and that's when I hear it.
His voice.
His angry, fearful voice.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Jared bellows. “It's a fucking bracelet! It's not worth your life!”
I don't think. I just react.
With one firm tug, I pull him into the water with me. He goes under, then bobs right back up, latching onto the edge where I'm struggling to hold on.
He sputters, wiping at his soaked face as he glares at me. “You...are fucking insane, woman!”
“I love you.” It's blurted quick and loud, borderline manic. But this time when I say it, I know he'll remember. I know, because when the words hit the air, his entire body jerks with surprise.
“It was you.” I reach out and cradle his cheek in my free hand and, surprisingly, he lets me. “You pulled me out of Blackjack Creek.”
He looks away, uncomfortable. “What's your point?”
I don't have a point. All I have is a blessing. A savior who grew up to be the man I just happened to fall in love with.
“I don't have a point. I don't think there is one. Not to any of this.”
We tread water for long seconds and he stares at the trembling water between us like it holds all the answers. But maybe there are none. No point. No answers. No solution. But there is love. That much I'm sure of.
When he looks back up, his eyes are hard and unyielding. “You fucked up.”
I nod. Because he's not wrong. “I did, but here's the thing, Jared. I don't want to forget, and I don't want to move on. I want to fight.”
He huffs, wiping more water from his face. “Don't you think we've done a pretty decent job of tearing each other apart over the last month?”
“No.” I grab his chin and hold it still so he can't look away. “I'm done fighting with you. Now, I just want to fight for you.”
I try to take in a breath, but end up hiccuping out a sob. For a split second, my eyes flicker down to the crowd. They're all staring, holding a collective breath, waiting to see what Jared will say next. What surprises me most is their eyes. They're free of judgment. Only hope shines up at me.
“If you don't want her, I'll take her!”
Jared stiffens and turns to glare daggers at the town drunk as he stumbles around in his cowboy boots, beer bottle raised high over his head in our direction. I ignore him and press on.
“I'm offering you everything,” I say, softly this time, but just as fiercely. “Everything that I have, everything that I am. Every smile, every fight, every sleepless night, every kiss, every fear and flaw and imperfection. If you want every damn sunrise and sunset for the rest of my life, it's yours. But if that's not enough, if I'm not enough, then I quit, because this—” I grab his hand and force it against my chest, directly above my heart, “—this is all I have left to offer you. But I think it can be enough. Don't you?”
He's quiet. Too quiet. And I know he's struggling—fighting an internal battle. “Say something. Anything.”
He shakes his head, takes a deep breath, and says...
“I hate you.”
Below us, the crowd gasps, but I don't make a sound. I may have brought us to this point, but whatever pain he's feeling in regards to my fuck-up pales in comparison to what those three little words do to me.
They slay me.
It's all I can do to keep my feet kicking, to keep my head above water.
Gritting my teeth, I look into the eyes of the only man I've ever loved, stacking my defenses like sandbags, trying like hell to stave off this wave of indescribable pain. It's well-deserved, but still. I'm only human.
“I hate you so fucking much,” he repeats, slower this time.
I hear a scuffle happening down beside the bar and, judging by the voices flitting up to my ears, it's Laura being held back by the rest of the girls. She's always been quick to wage war on my behalf, but she's down there and I'm up here and this is my fight. I can't call in the cavalry.
“You're an asshole!” she screeches. “You don't deserve her, you piece of shit!”
God love that woman.
Jared casts his eyes over the ledge, down to where my friends all look like they're about to set fire to the place. “I'm not done!” he snaps.
I really wish he was done, because I didn't know how much more of this I can take, especially now that I'm shivering in my skin-tight dress, looking into the wounded eyes of a man who, in his own words, hates me.
Hates.
I can't believe I thought this was a good idea. I can't believe I thought we could avoid any further damage. It was so stupid of me to risk my heart—again—when I know how easily he can crush it. Along with my love, I gave him the power to destroy me, and he's using it.
I don't know whether to cry, vomit, or let go of the side of the tank.
I'm seriously considering the last option when Jared surprises me by reaching up and weaving his hands through my hair. I jerk away, stunned by the tenderness in his touch, because it doesn't line up with the words he just used as a weapon.
Slowly, as if allowing me time to retreat, his forehead comes forward to meet mine, and I pull in a full breath. I can breathe again. Because I feel it.
I feel what he feels and I think for one quick second...everything's going to be okay.
“I hate you because I love you so much it should be a goddamn crime.”
My fingers reach out to grasp the hem of his shirt on their own accord. Tears blur the world around me, but that's okay. Who needs to see when you can feel?
“You love me?”
“Yes. I do. And do you know how infuriating that is?” He releases an uneven breath. “I love you when I hate you. I miss you when I never want to see you again. I want to grow old with you while wishing we'd never crossed paths. Everything I feel when it comes to you is in high-def, and it's so fucking physically and mentally exhausting that all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for so long that I forget you entirely. But I can't fucking do that because the second I close my eyes, your face is all I see.”
A sob wracks my chest, but Jared's hold on me is so firm, even if I do let go, he'll never let me sink.
“Every single time I have to walk away from you, it gets a little harder, it hurts a little more, because I know that one day the anger won't be enough. One day, I'll show up at your doorstep, on my knees, begging for forgiveness since there will never be another person on this whole goddamn planet that I'll love as much as I love you. That's why I hate you, Merrin.”
I shake my head, remaining quiet as I let my heart catch up. When it does, I let go of the tank and Jared's arm comes around my side, pulling me against his chest.
“You don't have to beg.” I cradle his face in my hands. “All you have to do is say yes. You just have to choose me, and keep choosing me when I screw up and remind you just how human and imperfect I really am.”
“Do you know how hard that is? Knowing how easy it was for one mistake to break us?”
“Easy?” I cry out with a laugh. “It was only easy because you woke up the next morning and decided not to fight. I was there, ready to go to war. You're the one that gave up.”
He tightens his grip. “You're right. And that was my mistake.”
“All I wanted was that love you hate so much.”
“And you have it, Merrin. Despite everything...you have it.”
My eyes shine with hopeful tears, but logic tells me to be cautious.
“Really? Because if you're screwing with me right now I'll kick your ass in front of all these people.”
A warm smile curves the lips I've kissed a hundred times and hope to kiss a thousand more.
“I know you will.” He brings me in close, so close our noses touch and I feel his breath on my lips when he whispers, “I'm sorry.”
Sorry.
He's sorry.
How long have I waited to hear that?
How many nights have I prayed for the chance to be blessed by those words?
This must be what Nirvana feels like, because I can't imagine feeling lighter, freer, or more loved than I do right now, and I never, ever want it to end. This love I hold in my heart may be young and vulnerable, but it's the most precious thing I've ever possessed.
“Does this mean you're done running?” I brush my thumbs over his wet cheeks, longing to kiss him. “Are you ready to stay?”
“I don't know, Merrin. I want to be ready, I really do,” he answers with blinding sincerity. “I'm just not sure what to do with all this wrath built up in my heart.” He chuckles after tapping two fingers to his chest, but I know it's not a joke. Not really.
There is still anger between us, there is still an ounce of distrust, but that won't be there forever. Forgiveness doesn't happen overnight, but I'm willing to put in the time if he is.
“Well, I hear anger banging can be very therapeutic.”
His smile widens as he barks out a laugh, but it quickly fades when he realizes I'm not laughing along.
“Oh. You're not kidding.”
Slowly, I shake my head.
Heat zaps through me everywhere we're connected, and I know he feels it too because he takes me in a crushing kiss that's sure to bruise me, but I don't care.
I'm ready to bruise him right back.
He tastes like beer and desire and before I can bask in the feel of his tongue sliding over mine, he's gone. He pulls himself over the ledge of the tank, reaches back for my hand, and the two of us descend the ladder until we're both buried in the middle of a screaming, cheering crowd. Hands reach out to pat me on the back, the girls grip my shoulders as they squeal with joy, but the only touch I want to focus on is Jared's. I'm ready to leave with him, hand in hand, but apparently, he has other plans.
His head disappears as he ducks down, grabs me around the legs so I don't tip when he stands, and slings me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. My heart lurches when laughter spills from my mouth and we snake through the crowd together, heading for the door.
I yelp when his hand meets my ass with a resounding smack, sending delicious tingles shooting between my thighs. I slap his muscled backside in return as we bounce through the parking lot, dipping and dodging around cars until we reach the outer gravel lot, away from street lights and prying eyes.
I'm breathless and dizzy when he drops me to my feet next to his Jeep, but not enough to stop me from grabbing his shirt and bringing him forward to kiss his neck.
“Don't take me home.”
“Oh. Too fast?” His hands mold to my chest.
“No. Not fast enough.”
I rip the back door open and grip the seat, pressing my ass back against the hard ridge hiding beneath his jeans. “Here. Now.”
“Really?” He looks around, searching the darkness. “Right here?”
I pull the hem of my dress up to my waist and the fear of being caught flees him completely.
“Well, it's a step up from a public elevator.” His fingers move my thong aside and dip inside me as he works his belt off with his free hand. “Only this time you don't need a pill to get going.”
I shake my head, sending black hair flying as his fingers grow slick. “I doubt that placebo did a whole lot of good.”
Jared stalls behind me.
“What?”
“It wasn't the pill,” I confess, rocking against him. “It was you. It was just you.”
Fingers dig into my shoulder as he rubs the head of his cock between my thighs, and two cries of pleasure pierce the darkness as Jared thrusts inside. I'm already halfway gone when he twists a hand in my hair and pulls me back against him.
“I love you,” he growls in my ear. “My broken heart loves you. So fucking much.”
Tears spill over my lashes, but I bare my teeth and my growl matches his.
“My broken heart loves you back.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Jared
The early morning sun tries its hardest to break through my curtains, but even the long cracks of light splaying across my naked torso isn't enough to get me to move.
I've been lying in bed for hours just...watching her sleep.
Twenty-four hours ago, I was a miserable asshole who wanted to hurt her for what she did to me because that's the only way I could cope with the fact that I still loved her, with every fiber of my being.
But I'd gone about that all wrong. For the longest time, when it came to the matter of cheating, I thought everything was black and white. In reality, everything about relationships, everything about love, is one huge gray area. A mistake like that might kill the love in some relationships, but not ours. It didn't break jack shit. I loved her through it all, and that's why it hurt so goddamn bad. Because I loved her, despite everything. Despite how it wrecked me, despite how it woke an anger in me I didn't know I was capable of possessing.
I still loved her.
I never stopped loving her. Not for one second.
I'm still mad, and my heart still has a hole the size of Texas shot through it, don't get me wrong, but I know I love her. I know this is real. I know she's just as damaged as I am, so...I'll get over it. Maybe not today, maybe not next week or even next year, but eventually it will heal and fade. There will always be a scar, no matter where life takes us, but we'll wear our matching battle wounds with pride. So long as we love each other and allow forgiveness to take root, it'll be enough.
Merrin squirms in my arms and a second later her dark lashes part to reveal her equally dark eyes. A contented smile curves her lips and I can't help but kiss them.
“Morning.” Her sleep-roughened voice is a shot of espresso to my already-hard dick, but I manage to talk him down. For now.
“Good morning,” I say, pulling her tight against me until we're skin-on-skin. “How do you feel about naked breakfast?”
She hums, tapping a finger to her chin. “I'd say I feel very good about it, Mr. Sullivan.”
Mr. Sullivan.
Why does that rev my engine?
That's a quirk I'll have to unpack at a later date. Right now, I'm content to walk hand-in-hand with my lover to the kitchen where I start searching her cabinets for ingredients to make pancakes. We're quiet as we get to work, cracking eggs and measuring flour, but every time we get within reach, we're touching. Kissing. Caressing.
Fuck pancakes.
I spin her around and press her against the counter, sliding into her from behind when—
Ding! Dong!
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I growl, whipping my head around to glare at the front door which is, thankfully, fully closed.
Merrin reaches back and taps my bare thigh. “Make it quick?”
I glance from her, to the door, and back. “Seriously?”
“Yes,” she moans, arching her back. “Seriously.”
“Just like old times,” I say, referring to the mind-blowing experience of bringing Merrin to the edge mere seconds before a lobby full of people watched us exit the stalled elevator—walk of shame style.
Digging fingers into her hips, I drive into her like a man on a mission. She claws at the counter, bracing her palms against whatever surface won't give just to keep from being pounded into the cabinets.
When her breath catches and her body squeezes my dick so hard I see stars, I bow over her body and press my forehead to her shoulder, letting go completely.
It's fast. It's messy. It's rough. And it's loud.
Whoever's on the other side of the door probably heard—oh, who am I kidding, they definitely heard—but I don't have a single fuck to give.
