From Breath and Ruin, page 4
That didn’t exactly reassure me. I remembered falling. I remembered standing on the edge of the cliff, but not too close where I’d trip and stumble down. I remembered the wind in my hair and the smell of dirt and grass and trees all around me. I remembered the sight of a small lake off in the distance beside the large mountain Rhodes had told me would be too far for us to travel to.
I remembered all of it.
I also remembered the shadows pulling at me, tugging me down the cliffside as I screamed and fought against their hold before blacking out.
So, maybe I didn’t remember the truth, after all, only my nightmares.
“You fell a little bit,” Rosamond said from my side. “Bumped your head, but there’s no blood, and everything looks good to me. Can you wiggle your fingers?”
I did, relieved to know that I could actually do so.
But how could I move my fingers? How was there no blood? And how was I okay if I had fallen from as high as I did? It didn’t make any sense. None of it made any sense. Then again, neither did the idea that shadows with spindly fingers could pull me down.
Maybe I hadn’t hit my head as hard as I thought I had. Still, clearly, I needed to get home and get some sleep or something.
“Good, good,” Rosamond muttered under her breath. “You’re all good, Lyric. No lasting damage. Just a little tumble, and Rhodes here got you right back up.”
Rhodes grunted, and I blinked up at him. There was something in his eyes that I couldn’t decipher. He was either really angry or worried, but I couldn’t tell which.
“Let’s get you sitting up. Then we’ll head back home. No use keeping going when I’m going to worry about you the whole time.”
I knew he hadn’t meant it rudely. In fact, I thought he might have intended it a little sweetly, but I still blushed at his words. I didn’t want to be a burden, and I wasn’t that much of a klutz, but apparently, I’d ruined the day. Darn it.
“I’m okay,” I said and pushed myself up to a seated position. Rhodes put his hands under my armpits to help me, and I bit into my bottom lip, embarrassed that he had to help me at all.
“Yeah, you are.” Rhodes brushed the dirt off my back, and I slid my hands up my face and over my head. I couldn’t even feel a bump or cut, so maybe the dream and the pain had all been my imagination.
“Do I have a concussion? I mean, I blacked out, right?” I was so confused, and I felt like I was missing something.
Rosamond met Rhodes’ gaze, and they shared a look that worried me. “You didn’t pass out. More like lost your breath because you fell like you did. It had to be a little scary. Seriously, Lyric. You’re okay. Why don’t you stand up?”
Before I did though, another thought came to me. “Where’s Braelynn?” Had she fallen, too? Or maybe I hadn’t fallen as far as I thought I had. Seriously, why did I feel like I was missing something big, or worse, that Rhodes and Rosamond were keeping something from me?
“I’m over here,” Braelynn said from a rock nearby. “I got a little overheated.” Her cheeks were red, and she had a faraway look in her eyes that worried me. I wondered what else had happened during my so-called not passing out.
“Let’s get you home, then,” I said quickly and tried to stand up. Rhodes helped me and didn’t let his hand drop from me, going so far as to put one palm under my elbow as I took my first step to walk. I didn’t have any trouble walking a straight line, and I felt fine, just confused.
I knew there had to be something more to what’d happened, but maybe I was just overreacting because I was embarrassed that Rhodes had seen me pass out like I had.
“Let’s get you both home,” Rhodes said under his breath and shared another look with his sister.
If I didn’t want to go home and make sure Braelynn made it safely to hers, I might have questioned more. Heck, I probably would have stomped my foot and demanded answers. But I didn’t think I would get them just then. Maybe not ever.
Perhaps my dreams were starting to take over my waking times. If I wasn’t careful, I might fall for real.
The journey back to the car wasn’t like it had been on the way there. I hardly noticed the trees or the path we were on. Rosamond led with Braelynn by her side, and Rhodes held my hand as we walked. I didn’t read anything into it, I didn’t even get that flutter and tingle that I usually did with his touch. Instead, I just wanted to get home so he didn’t feel the need to take care of me anymore.
I hated being taken care of.
The drive back home was silent, no one even bothering to eat any of the food we’d brought. I sat in the back with Braelynn, wanting to make sure she was okay. But all she did was look out the window and drink her water. I did the same when I wasn’t studying the rest of them. Rhodes parked in front of my house, which surprised me since I hadn’t known he knew where I lived. Then again, I really didn’t know much about him, did I?
Rosamond offered to drive Braelynn home just in case, and I was grateful. They piled into Braelynn’s car and were out of sight soon after I’d said my goodbyes, promising Braelynn that I would call her soon.
That left Rhodes and me alone in front of my house since my parents were still at work. We hadn’t been gone all that long, and it seemed as if I had ruined the day by tripping or whatever happened. My parents were leaving the next day for a trip to visit my grandparents, and I’d said I’d stay home since they were also going on a second honeymoon afterwards. I didn’t want to go, and I knew they wanted me to stay home and think about my future anyway. As if it weren’t something I’d been doing for years.
Rhodes walked me to my door, and I frowned up at him when he looked around the area as if checking for something—like those shadows I always saw out of the corner of my eye. But that wasn’t what he was searching for, it couldn’t be. They didn’t exist.
“Stay inside tonight, Lyric,” Rhodes warned.
I blinked up at him. “I thought you said I was okay?”
He frowned, his jaw tightening. “You are. And you will be tonight as long as you stay inside.” Then he leaned forward and kissed my forehead, startling me into silence.
Had he just…kissed me?
Sure, he’d done it in an almost brotherly way, but now I knew what his lips on my skin felt like, and no matter what else had happened today, I would always remember that feeling.
But he was still being weird and cryptic, and I didn’t like it.
“Whatever you say. I was going to stay at home anyway.” I was so not a party animal, but whatever. Rhodes didn’t need to know my plans, even if they were nonexistent.
“Good. Keep it that way.” He looked down at me and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry today ended up like it did, but I’m glad you came out. I’m sure I’ll see you around soon.”
Then he just stood there on my porch, and I knew I had to get inside, or he’d wait all night for me to be secure. Apparently, Rhodes Luce was a little overprotective.
I walked into the house and locked the door behind myself. Only then did I hear Rhodes walk away and start his SUV, presumably driving back to his home.
Today…today had been weird. Something had happened near that mountain, something I couldn’t explain. And while I wanted to believe that everything was okay, there was something inside me, something nagging at me, saying that waking up with Rhodes looking down at me was the end. Or…it was an end. And a beginning. It was important. So important that I kept thinking about it even as the thought tried to flitter from my mind.
A shadow passed by out of the corner of my eye, and I turned to catch it, only to find my own reflection.
My eyes were wide, my skin pale, my hair a complete mess.
I had fallen today, and they had said that nothing was wrong. If that were true, then why did I ache? Why did I feel as if I had fallen farther than they said?
Another shadow passed, and I closed my eyes. It was nothing. I wasn’t seeing things.
I couldn’t be seeing things.
Not again.
Chapter Six
Shadows clawed at my skin, tugging, digging, shredding, ripping.
I stood in the center of an abyss that wasn’t an abyss, wind whipping through my hair as I twisted and turned in the tunnel of shadows. They screamed my name, whispered the same near my ears, their hot breath dancing along my skin with silky heat.
I tried to fight against them as sweat slicked my skin, and water sprayed on my face from a nearby rocky edge where the ocean met the land. The ground beneath my feet rumbled, and I dug my bare toes into the small, jagged rocks, ignoring the way they made my soles bleed as I tried to keep my balance.
The heat of a nearby volcano blistered my skin, its smoke and ash burning my eyes even as I squeezed my lids shut.
So many sensations, so many nightmares wrapped within a dream.
Yet the shadows persisted.
Only they weren’t mere shadows like before. Instead of dark shapes out of the corner of my eyes that faded to mist once I focused, they now had fangs and eyes and sharp claws.
They were my nightmares.
They were my future.
Why I knew that, I didn’t know, but it was the truth.
They clawed at me again, my blood mixing with the mist of death that surrounded me.
When one creature lifted its head, its sharp teeth in front of my face dripping shadow and darkness…I screamed. My throat burned as the sound ripped from my lungs.
And found myself sitting up, alone in my bed, my head aching, and my clothes sticking to my skin with sweat.
Again.
This wasn’t the first dream I’d had, nor did I think it would be the last, but it had been one of the most vivid. I dreamed in color, with sound, and using almost all of my senses. When I dreamed, I swore I was either living inside them or close enough at least to watch them. It didn’t matter if I was the observer or the protagonist, I always knew they were dreams, even if they felt far more real than reality.
And maybe that was my problem.
Yet, tonight? This dream was different. The shadows had faces this time. They had claws and fangs and desire in their eyes that spoke of damage and a craving for flesh. I didn’t know why I knew that, but then again, it was a dream, and I tended to know more about the hows than the whys when I was deep inside them.
I was so tired. So tired of shadows. Tired of seeing them. So tired of dreaming.
I thought of the shadow I thought I’d seen when I fell and shivered. How I could be cold in a hot room covered in sweat, I didn’t know, but I was freezing now. Rhodes and Rosamond had told me I slipped but hadn’t hurt myself—not really. Yet I could remember the searing pain initially upon waking. Could remember the fall, the moment when I hadn’t been able to feel anything below me for an instant, other than the spindly fingers of the shadow wrapped around my ankle.
It hadn’t been real, though.
It couldn’t have been, as I didn’t have a single bruise on me, and the monsters from my dreams weren’t real.
They weren’t real.
And if I told myself that over and over again, maybe I wouldn’t jump at every dimming of the light, or when I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Everyone saw things, they just didn’t freak out like I did. Sometimes, it was a speck of dust that filled your vision but looked far worse. Other times, it was just a case of simple deja vu.
None of it was scary, and I needed to stop thinking it was.
With a sigh, I rolled out of bed and went about the now far-too-normal routine of washing my sweaty sheets and clothes. My parents hadn’t questioned my late-night and early morning laundry habits, and I guessed it was because they assumed I just liked things clean. I suppose that made sense, only it didn’t make me feel any better that I couldn’t get over the dreams.
“I’m not going insane,” I whispered to myself. Seeing things out of the corner of my eyes and having horrible dreams that pulled me in until I couldn’t breathe didn’t make me crazy. It just meant that I had an overactive imagination that wouldn’t quit.
I showered quickly and, since the sun was already up, I decided to go on another early morning run. Maybe I’d stop by the local stand that served the best breakfast burritos I’d ever had on the way. Not the greatest way to reward myself for running—a greasy burrito—but after yet another nightmare, I figured I deserved it. I’d just run home faster once my stomach settled. My parents were already gone, having had an early flight, so I was alone now and would be for almost a month.
I put on my pink sports bra with the black lace-up front and sides and a tank over the top, along with my favorite mesh jacket since it was still a little chilly this morning, no matter that it would be way too hot later. I slid on my black leggings and shoes and put on the crossbody bag I used while jogging sometimes. It had a buckle that I could tighten easily and wouldn’t jiggle too much as I ran. Not that I ran very quickly without caffeine, but since the dreams had put me in such a mood where I couldn’t quite get my footing, running toward food and anywhere other than my bedroom would have to do.
My feet hit the pavement just as the sun peeked over the horizon. I should have stretched beforehand, but I’d known I needed to get away and give myself distance from my room and memories of the dreams. I let the strain of running up hills as my lungs struggled to adjust to the exertion fill me so I wouldn’t think about what I’d slept through or the thoughts that were cycling through my mind a million miles a minute.
I wasn’t going insane.
I wasn’t having dreams that meant anything.
I didn’t fall and hurt myself on the hike.
I didn’t miraculously heal while others lied to me about it.
And I didn’t see anything in the shadows.
It was just a figment of my imagination. I needed to get more sun yet stay out of the heat. I also needed more water and less junk food—the burritos I was on my way to consume notwithstanding.
I would eventually go through a night at some point without a dream that seemed to rip at my soul and steal my breath. I was going to make a decision about my future and stick with it. And, I would eat my burrito in peace and then run it off later because I wasn’t going to feel guilty about it.
And I would do all this without losing my mind.
Because I wasn’t losing my mind.
I took two more turns, passing Rhodes’ and Rose’s street along the way, and found myself in front of the burrito place, my stomach growling and my thighs and lungs burning. I’d purposely took the route that passed their street without me actually running on it. I don’t know why I did that exactly, but it had been as if I were drawn to the Luces, yet knew I didn’t want to be near them.
Plus, I didn’t want it to look like I was stalking Rhodes or acting weirdly around him since I couldn’t get the feel of his hand on mine out of my head—or the sensation of his lips on my skin.
I had so many questions, so many worries, and I was still fretting over a boy.
That told me I needed more burritos in my stomach and less stress about romantic entanglements. I’d be smarter to deal with the grease from the burrito than anything that had to do with the boy I didn’t need to think about.
Thankfully, the little stand was open. I ordered a chicken and bean burrito, as well as a potato and bean one. I wasn’t a fan of eggs inside a tortilla, but this place made different versions for breakfast. I didn’t drench them in hot sauce like I might have if it were later in the day, and I counted that as a breakfast win.
I took a seat on one of the outside covered benches and dug into the potato and bean burrito, saving the chicken for last. That one was usually hotter, and I didn’t mind cold chicken as much as I did cold potatoes. I was picky when it came to sneaking away for breakfast burritos, but at least I had a system.
I let the sunrise slide over me as I finished the first burrito, annoyed with myself for forgetting to order a bottle of water, as well. I’d get one after I finished the second half of my breakfast so I could let my stomach settle a bit before jogging back home. Not the smartest move on my part this morning, but it wasn’t like I was thinking clearly.
I swallowed the last bite of potato and froze when I caught something out of the corner of my eye.
“It’s just a shadow,” I whispered to myself. “A normal shadow. It’s not real.”
But as I turned, able to look away, I didn’t know if I was telling myself the truth.
Because it sure as heck looked real.
The creature stood on all fours, its head coming up to just about my shoulder height as it clawed at the trashcan nearest the street. If it didn’t look like something that crawled out of my darkest nightmares, I would have thought it a stray dog or very large cat, looking for scraps. Maybe even a bear from the mountains that wandered too far into the urban areas.
But strays weren’t that big, and bears didn’t have massive iron-and-silver-tipped claws that shone in the sunlight.
I knew this…whatever it was. I had seen it before.
Only, I hadn’t been awake at the time.
It had long, pointed ears, and longer teeth that jutted from its open mouth as it drooled a pool near its front feet. If it had been standing on its hind legs, it would have easily towered over me. It had large muscles but a slender body as if it were ready to run toward its prey and spring at any opportunity.
And, for some reason, I knew if the…thing looked at me, I would be its prey.
I held my breath, wondering when I had truly gone off the edge and started seeing things. Because this monster was created of shadow but made of flesh and bone. I could see that now. This was what I had seen out of the corner of my eye for far too long. Now, I could see it in truth.
I was sure I would ask myself why later, but for now, I just froze, my other burrito left untouched and cooling on the table as I watched the shadow-monster dig into the trash without making a sound. It didn’t even rustle a single piece of paper or water bottle, and I had no idea how it did that.
Because it isn’t real.
I ignored the words in my head that I knew were the truth and did my best not to breathe too loudly or cry out at the sight.
