To Wed a Wallflower, page 3
Even though it was more than ten years ago, the memory of that night swelled a lump in her throat.
‘But here we find ourselves, left behind to make the best of our world until we see them again. It is what they wish us to do, don’t you agree?’
‘I do.’ And she did. ‘But sometimes the wait seems a very long one.’
‘Which is why we must fill up the time with things which will honour their memory, such as meeting new people, finding new love. Marrying and adding babies to the family. Can you imagine how empty life would be if we did not?’
‘You seem fulfilled, Auntie, and you did not remarry after Uncle Alfred died.’
‘The secret to it is waking each morning and looking for the joy in the day rather than the trouble. And I do enjoy my friendships. Besides, there is nothing to say that I will not marry again. There’s still a bit of life beating in this old bosom.’
‘I only wish I had half of it.’
‘But of course you do. You are as frisky and spirited as the next young lady. It is my belief that with a bit of practice that young lady will be released upon society.’
What did she mean? ‘Practice?’
‘I understand why you hold yourself back. Of course it is understandable. In your grief you shrank in upon yourself...your tendency to be bashful became exaggerated. How long have you been hiding behind those glasses, my dear?’
‘Since I debuted and attracted the attention of every gentleman in need of a wife.’
‘But it is how society works, the purpose of coming out.’ Aunt Adelia brushed a stray wisp of hair behind Ginny’s ear...her touch an echo of Mama’s. ‘It is time to put the fear behind you. Nothing would please your parents more than to see you stepping out, finding happiness with a fellow of your own.’
It was the truth. She ought to have outgrown being a timid little girl long ago.
In the company of those she loved, she was frisky and spirited. At the true heart of herself, it was who she was. Unfortunately, to everyone else she was a mouse...a pretty one, yes, but a rodent just the same.
She could only recall one person outside her family who she had ever allowed to see her...to look inside and see the Ginny Penneyjons who was as brave and fun as anyone else.
She had spent only a day with that boy. It was shortly after her mother died, but she had never forgotten him...as Lord Handsome and Bold attested to. Although she had not seen him since, she sometimes wondered what kind of man he had turned into. If the boy was any hint of it, he must have become someone wonderful and kind. She remembered that about him...he was kind and such fun!
In the privacy of her heart, she occasionally dreamed of what it would be like if she were to meet him again, but—
‘We will begin practising speaking to strangers tomorrow. By the time we arrive at Hawkwood you will be at ease among company.’
‘Hawkwood?’
Truly?
Her heart nearly tripped over itself.
‘Of course, my dearest friend in all the world. You recall her, I’m sure. Violet Talton?—of course, you were but a child when you last saw her, so perhaps not. At any rate, she is having a country party. Her son is out of mourning and she hopes to reintroduce him to society...to find him a bride is what she really intends. We, my darling girl, will attend. I believe the pair of you will suit quite well. I’ve no doubt you will be the very young lady to capture his attention.’
But she could not possibly! Leave the safety of home and travel north? For all that she wished—
‘I do not—’
Aunt Adelia waved away her half-hearted protest. Half-hearted because Ginny had been too fearful to travel north once before.
She must remember the lesson to be learned, how avoiding risk might be a huge mistake.
Avoiding risk in this instance might be an even greater folly.
Lady Talton had two sons.
The younger of them was known to Ginny as Lord Handsome and Bold.
* * *
‘Isn’t it a pity Peter was not able to travel to Ullswater with us? But estate business must be attended to.’
Aunt Adelia’s smile, her speculative gaze and the way her finger tapped her chin gave her true feelings away.
Oh, indeed, her aunt was glad not to have Peter underfoot where he might object to Ginny...his cousin, his ward, and his responsibility...purposefully engaging the attention of strangers...of gentleman Peter was not already acquainted with.
Peter had not been fond of the idea of them travelling alone but he could hardly object since Aunt Adelia was an appropriate chaperon.
Now, here they were, listening to the shriek of the train whistle, feeling the vibration of metal wheels creeping along steel tracks as the train pulled away from the station.
The sound made her nerves jump, but not the sound really, just that it indicated the time had come for her to be tested.
Over the course of the past three weeks, Ginny had been instructed on how to appear self-possessed. Or if not that, to at least not stare at the floor when a gentleman approached.
Experience had taught her that it would not be long before she caught the attention of some fellow and the results of Auntie’s instruction would be known as a success or a failure.
Chin up, she reminded herself. Not an easy feat to maintain even had her glasses been on her nose...but with them tucked away in her luggage...well?
Her heart fluttered nervously in anticipation of an inevitable encounter. Even though she had practised smiling and conversing for hour upon hour, her gentleman had been Aunt Adelia.
Engaging in vivacious discourse with a human male was bound to prove more daunting.
However, her aunt was not wrong in attempting to teach her to become socially at ease. If she ever hoped to have a life not dependent upon Peter’s charity, a home and a family of her own to love, she would need to emerge from her shell.
Her mind drifted for a moment, wondering how different Lord Handsome and Bold was from the man she had written him to be. Really, it was a sixteen-year-old boy she remembered...but he had been handsome and bold.
Suddenly, Aunt Adelia kicked her boot under the joined billow of their travelling gowns.
Ginny blinked back to the here and now to find a man smiling at her, apparently being introduced by Aunt Adelia.
Had he just muttered that it was a pleasure to meet her? Coming to awareness midway into the introduction, she was not certain. Well, hopefully so since she was about to respond in kind.
‘How very lovely it is to meet you, as well, my lord.’ Smile...she should smile and say something coquettish. ‘I trust you are having a fine morning. Isn’t this the most elegant railway car? It is nearly as if we are...well, as if we are at a grand gala before we reach the gala.’
This was horrid, her face must be blushing a thousand and one shades of red.
‘Yes, well, as Lord Bixby was just telling us, he is on his way to his mother’s sickbed.’ Aunt Adelia gave the gentleman a fetching smile. ‘I hope you will forgive my niece. She is under stress, I am afraid. She is deathly afraid of rail travel and the motion of the train must have disoriented her for a moment, is that not right, Virginia?’
Well, at least the man was smiling. She must not have offended him too greatly.
‘I do beg your pardon, Lord Bixby. My attention truly had wandered. I will pray that you find your mother in recovering health.’
That was easily said because she meant it. As soon as he walked away she would offer up that prayer.
‘Thank you, Lady Virginia. May I say how I appreciate your very caring words?’
She nodded. Aunt Adelia kicked her foot once again. Clearly, she was meant to carry on with the conversation.
With this venture in social grace taking such a dismal turn, Ginny could not find the courage to resume.
Luckily, her aunt suffered no such lapse. Aunt Adelia and Lord Bixby spent several moments speaking together as if they had not only just met.
When the gentleman went on his way her aunt gave her a bright smile.
‘Well done, Ginny!’
‘It was horribly done, as you well know.’
‘In the beginning, yes, and that only because you were caught unaware. But you finished quite nicely.’
‘Nicely? I looked a perfect fool.’
‘I doubt if he cared greatly. I imagine it is not every day a man who...well, of his appearance shall we say...is shown kindness by a lady who looks like you do.’
‘I have no idea what you mean...what of his appearance?’
‘The pock marks on his face? Surely you must have noticed.’
‘I was too busy feeling an idiot to notice anything but my own thoughtless words. I’m sure Lord Bixby was perfectly presentable even with it.’
Was it not interesting that even with what might be considered a disfigurement, he could carry on in a confident, affable manner. She had always felt that, in a sense, her beauty was disfigurement because she was judged by it the same as Lord Bixby must be. It was a rare person who did not look past her face to see the person inside.
Maybe this lesson was not such a failure. Indeed, she had much to learn from Lord Bixby.
‘And now I will pray for his poor mother,’ Ginny said, folding her hands and bowing her head.
‘So shall I.’
After asking a blessing on Lady Bixby, Ginny kept her eyes closed. Anyone walking past would assume she was dozing.
Which was not so far from the truth since she was daydreaming...looking back on the time she had spent with not Phillip, but his younger brother, William. Although she had been but twelve years old, she recalled it vividly.
Ginny had lost her parents six months earlier. Lady Hawkwood had lost her husband, and William his father, at nearly the same time.
Adelia had decided there had been enough grieving even though the year of mourning was not up. She arranged to bring the families together for a weekend at her estate near Nottingham.
There had been a picnic with several people in attendance, even a bishop who was a friend of the Talton family had attended to offer what comfort he could.
There had been many children present, dashing about laughing and playing follow-the-leader. But Ginny sat under a tree, wanting to join in the fun, but too shy to make the move.
Then one of them, an older boy, turned from the others, stood quite still and looked at her. He smiled, then came and sat down beside her.
From the start she and William got along easily together. For some reason it did not seem to matter that he was sixteen years old to her twelve. Perhaps it had to do with their common grief...or their shared need to escape from it for an afternoon.
If she lived to be a grand old woman, she would not forget that, of everyone he might have chosen to sit beside to eat lunch, here he was with her.
And as unbelievable as it seemed, her tongue did not get tied up in her thoughts when she spoke to him.
Conversation was not strained. Indeed, not once did she stumble over finding something clever to say. They both felt the ache of loss and that perhaps explained the easy manner between them, but that was not all of it.
He liked boat rides, so did she. She liked to run fast with her hair loose, he did as well. They both liked reading and sitting in quiet places listening to rain. And ducks—they were both mad about the funny feathered creatures.
So when he had glanced over at her with a wink and a nod towards a wooded area, she nodded back without hesitation.
Discreetly, he gathered food into a napkin and tucked it under his coat.
He grinned and they both stood up.
No one would have thought it amiss if they went for a walk together, but for some reason it seemed more fun to sneak away.
Running hard and laughing, they were completely breathless when they stopped to rest beside a stream.
‘Do you think they noticed us sneak away?’ he asked and winked at her.
‘I’m certain they did, but dashing away was great fun anyway.’
She might be only twelve years old, but she was a girl and so she could not help but notice that her friend William was handsome. That he had asked her, of all the children at the picnic, to sneak away with him was thrilling. It made her feel special.
He withdrew a berry tart from the napkin and offered it to her. When he set it in her open hand his knuckle brushed her palm.
Instantly, she was smitten with a fine and glorious crush.
An hour passed while they sat beside the stream. Even though her twelve-year-old heart tickled as fitfully as a butterfly, she was not nervous. Perhaps because despite him being her Galahad...her Lancelot...not once did he ever look at her as if she was merely a silly girl.
No, indeed. When a duck waddled awkwardly past with five ducklings trailing, then ruffled her feathers and squawked at one which lagged behind the rest, he laughed as heartily as she did. When the small creature began to toddle in the wrong direction, Will scooped it up.
By now he was that... Will, her friend, and dear enough to have a pet name.
He let her stroke the duckling for a moment before he placed it in the water where it scurried after its family.
Another delightful hour passed while they sat beside the stream. She had a smear of berry tart on her nose and for some reason they both found it to be hilarious.
There had not been a time before, or after, in which she laughed so freely unless it was with a sister.
The strangest thing was, for all that she had just met him, Will felt nearly like family...but to be honest, laughing with her sisters never made her heart flutter.
It was the oddest sensation because although she understood their acquaintance was only a few hours old, it seemed they had been friends for ever.
Over the intervening years she had given a great deal of thought to it. She could only imagine the bond had to do with them both missing their parents so dreadfully. Grieving united them in a way that made their time together seem sweet, poignant.
Having such a grand time sitting beside the stream, neither of them noticed a storm coming upon them.
It took a great roll of thunder to make them aware of the change in the weather.
The manor house was a great way off, but as luck would have it, Will spotted a cave in a nearby hillside. He caught her hand and hurried her towards the shelter, from where they sat, side by side at the cave entrance, watching lightning jab the earth in electric explosions. Thunder boomed so close at hand she wondered if rocks would shake loose.
He must have felt her shiver.
‘You scared?’ he asked.
‘No.’ Of course she was, but she did want to look brave. ‘Are you?’
He shook his head. His hair, still wet and glistening from the run to the cave, dripped water down his nose.
Of course he would not be frightened. He was a boy and no doubt used to playing in storms and caves.
‘I just thought if you were...well, I’m here so you needn’t be.’
And then the most wonderful thing happened. He took her hand and held it. The most handsome, the very boldest and kindest boy she had ever met vowed to protect her.
‘Would you like to talk about your parents?’ he asked.
For all that she did not wish to speak of them, to feel the lump in her throat that always swelled when she did...
‘Yes...and you must tell me about your father.’
So they did. He told her his stories and she told him hers. They cried, of course, but they also held each other...and then they laughed. It was over nothing really, but when they were finished, they wiped their eyes.
Everything seemed better then, not just the storm, but with simply living and breathing and accepting that Mama and Father were in Heaven.
‘I hope they aren’t too worried about us,’ she said, meaning the people they had dashed away from. Her parents would not be worried. Not if they were looking down and seeing her safe with William Talton.
‘I do hope they don’t come looking.’ He nodded at her in the deepening gloom. She liked his dimples when he smiled.
‘It might be dangerous.’ She watched rain turning everything to mud. Perhaps they should not have dashed away.
‘Could be, but that’s not why I said it. I think I don’t want to be found just yet. I like spending time with you, Ginny.’
‘I like spending time with you, too.’ So easily stated, it was the truth. Nothing she was certain had ever been more natural to say. ‘I don’t mind if we remain until morning.’
‘But we can’t, you know that.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘We’re young, but still, we would not want people to talk.’
‘Oh, I hadn’t thought.’
But she should have. At sixteen he would soon be making a turn towards becoming a man.
At twelve...well, she was not about to make a turn towards becoming a woman for all that her body was beginning to make subtle changes.
‘As soon as it is safe, I will take you back.’
‘I hope it is never safe, then.’ Had she really uttered such a thing?
Indeed she had and she’d meant it.
Oh, my, but she had been so very young and innocent. No doubt as the years passed, he had quite forgotten that time in the cave.
She would be foolish to imagine he had not. Why, any man so handsome and wonderful was bound to be married by now, perhaps even the father of a child or two.
In the end the lightning had passed. Heavy rain turned into a gentle patter. They left the cave and made their way down to the manor house, led by a soft yellow glow of lamps in the windows.
When they reached a path leading to the front door, Will indicated that she should go on without him.
‘Tell them we were separated and you do not know where I am.’
‘But why?’
‘A lady should not be alone with a gentleman. It is not proper and I would not bring disgrace upon you.’
