Serendipity, page 16
“Chicken and potatoes,” Anna said, rounding the counter, arms laden with dishes.
Grateful for the diversion, Ethan grabbed a seat, and everyone followed. Ethan sat at the head, and Nash and Dare united on one side of the small rectangular table across from Tess on the other.
Anna served them, and they all began to eat in uncomfortable silence. Ethan didn’t know where to begin to break the ice.
“So how come you didn’t invite your girlfriend to this gig?” Tess asked, having no problem finding a subject to discuss.
“What girlfriend?” He decided to play this deliberately obtuse.
She rolled her eyes. “Faith Harrington. Unless you’ve got another girl on the side?”
“Of course not!” He gritted his teeth, unable to believe what a challenge this kid was.
“I thought Faith Harrington was just a friend.” Nash’s disgusted tone indicated what he felt about Faith having even that status in Ethan’s life.
Girlfriend wouldn’t go over well. And Tess knew it, the little stinker, Ethan thought, catching the evil gleam in her eye. Of course it was hard to be sure with the black liner circling her lids, but Ethan was certain she was playing them, using the information she’d learned the one and only night they’d all been in the same room together. The night Tess had arrived.
“I thought tonight was about family,” Ethan said. “And all of us getting along. That can’t happen if we’re making digs and deliberately bringing up subjects to piss one another off.” He snagged Tess’s gaze once more.
“Sounds to me like she fits right in,” Dare muttered under his breath.
“What the hell did I do?” Tess asked, shoveling chicken into her mouth. “I’m just making conversation since none of you wanted to do it.”
She’d picked up on the obvious.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Dare said. “And watch the language. We’re here, so let’s make the best of it.”
Ethan appreciated Dare’s take on things, but his brother refused to meet his gaze so Ethan could acknowledge it or tell him so. Fine.
“How have you been keeping busy?” Nash asked the teen.
“He sends me to the community center to hang with other juvenile delinquents,” she said, gesturing to Ethan with an elbow.
Ethan groaned. “The community center has good programs for teens. She’s been working with Kate Andrews.”
“She’s Faith’s best friend,” Tess said between gulping her drink.
Ethan ignored her. “Tess and I met with a therapist,” he said to his brothers. That particular appointment had been extremely enlightening, and he needed to share the information since helping Tess would be a group effort.
Without warning, Tess threw her silverware onto the table, the fork and knife hitting the plate with a loud clatter. “I’m outta here,” she said, rising from her seat. Apparently, she didn’t like the tables being turned and her being the focus of discussion.
“Sit down now,” Ethan said, taking charge of this fiasco.
“Hell, no,” she said, and stormed out of the room, leaving the brothers alone.
Dare and Nash looked at one another, some silent understanding passing between them that left Ethan out in the cold.
“What?” Ethan spat, annoyed.
Nash wiped his mouth on the napkin. “She follows orders just as well as you ever did.”
Dare’s mouth lifted in a grim smile.
Ethan blew out a long, frustrated breath. “Don’t you think I’ve grown up since I’ve been gone?”
Nash rose to his feet. “I don’t know. Have you?” he asked in definite challenge.
With Tess gone, the gloves were apparently off.
Ethan pushed his chair back and stood, meeting his middle brother’s angry gaze. “Maybe if you came around more, you’d find out.” Ethan was finished tiptoeing around his past mistakes.
Nash shoved his chair beneath the table hard. “Tess aside, give me one good reason I’d want to be here. Because it sure as hell wouldn’t be to get to know you. You gave up being our brother the day you left.”
Without being asked, Dare silently stood, standing beside Nash, united against Ethan in every way.
Chapter Twelve
Ethan braced one hand over the back of the chair, gripping the handle tight. “I was eighteen and fucked up,” he reminded his brothers. “Do you think I knew what I was doing back then?” Not that it was an excuse and they all knew it.
“Apparently not since you got our parents killed,” Dare joined in with a lethal blow.
Shooting pain seared through both Ethan’s head and heart. It was one thing to blame himself, another to hear his youngest brother say it out loud. Knowing his siblings held him responsible was a hell of a lot worse than merely fearing it, and Ethan felt a ten-ton weight settle on his chest.
He could barely catch his breath. “They were killed by a drunk driver,” he managed to say, repeating the logic he’d heard over the years. The same logic the army therapist had tried on him when nightmares drove him to seek help. It hadn’t helped him then and it sure as shit wouldn’t smooth things over now.
“And you were the reason they were out on that goddamn road.” Dare stepped forward, spine straight, face red. “And even then, you couldn’t step up and be a man. You ran.” Dare’s voice filled with disgust while Nash gripped his younger brother by the shoulder.
Holding him back or comforting him, Ethan didn’t know. Didn’t care. He had no excuses, no words to make it better. He’d thought the same things over the years, hating himself and the kid he’d been. But his brothers’ loathing and disgust ripped him in two.
“I made a mistake,” he said through clenched teeth.
“A decade-long mistake,” Nash said. “You never called. You never came back. You just blew out of town and disappeared from our lives without a goddamn thought about what might happen to your brothers.”
Ethan couldn’t deny Nash spoke the truth, and his heart threatened to pound out of his chest. Holding his ground, he knew all he could do was to somehow hang on to the shreds of pride he had, though at this point there wasn’t much left. “I’m sorry,” he said.
But it seemed they wanted more. They wanted blood and damned if they didn’t deserve it, he thought, now clenching and unclenching his fists.
“Tell me something,” Nash said. “Did you ever wonder what the hell kind of life you abandoned us to?”
Ethan didn’t answer. Didn’t have to. They’d tell him anyway. Knowing he’d spent nights beating himself up, wondering the same thing wouldn’t make a difference to either of them. And Ethan needed to hear about the past from their mouths.
“We were split up,” Nash finally said. “Separated. No one would take us together.” His brother gripped his hands together, twisting them in an obvious effort to contain his anger.
Ethan couldn’t even swallow.
“I went to the Rossmans, a good family on the right side of town,” Nash said, no pleasure in his words. “They could have afforded to take in both of us, but they only wanted one son—to replace the one they’d lost to a drug overdose a few years before, and I happened to be the same age as their kid when he’d died.”
Nash paused for air.
Dare glared at Ethan, who couldn’t bring himself to speak.
“And Dare?” Nash asked. Finally ready to go on, he gestured to their youngest sibling. “He went to the shittiest foster home you can imagine. Remember the Garcias?” This time he waited for Ethan to process the name and reply.
It didn’t take long. Ethan recalled the family who’d always taken in more kids than they had room for, happy for the state checks. He had a vivid recollection of the Garcias’ foster children with clothes that didn’t fit, sitting alone because nobody would hang with them. Other kids would rather abuse them than befriend them.
Nausea filled him. He folded his arms across his chest, but he couldn’t deflect the internal blow. “I remember.”
Nash’s eyes, normally their mother’s medium blue, darkened in anger. “He was only fifteen.” He gripped his brother’s shoulder once more. “I snuck him food and I brought him my old clothes. Where the hell were you?” Stepping forward, Nash poked Ethan in the chest, deliberately pushing him.
“I was in the army.”
No surprise flickered in either brother’s gaze.
Ethan had no doubt Nash and Dare had done their research on him. Afraid of what he’d find, Ethan hadn’t let himself do the same for them.
“So here we are,” Nash said. “We’ll show up for Tess. We’ll make sure she has what she needs, but don’t ask us to do anything for you.” His middle brother made their current position perfectly clear.
Nash’s words rang in Ethan’s ears. He distantly heard the alarm beeps and the door slam, but the noise barely registered.
“Do we understand each other?” Nash asked.
“Perfectly,” Ethan said, his hands digging into the seat back.
“So what does Tess need from us?” Dare asked.
Ethan couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. Even speaking was beyond him. But he managed to remind himself that a teenage girl needed him to act like an adult. And as much as he wanted to run far and fast, he stood firm. Because running was what his brothers expected of him, and for that reason alone, he managed to look them in the eye now.
“Tess needs to feel she’s part of a solid unit, and we’re the best she’s got.” Ethan let out a wry, sarcastic laugh because their best was pretty damn pathetic. “We need to set a good example of behavior, and the doctor suggested we implement rules so we all know what we can and can’t expect from one another.”
“Fucking swell,” Dare muttered.
Ethan narrowed his gaze. “You may not like me, but right now we’re in this together. You treat me like shit in front of Tess and she’ll think it’s okay to do the same. And vice versa.”
“Is that psycho-babble, or are you coming to these brilliant conclusions on your own?” Nash asked.
Ethan set his jaw and silently counted to five. “Both. I’ve been the adult in her life for the last three weeks or so. It’s time to pull together on this.”
“What did you have in mind?” Nash asked, in a more conciliatory tone.
Ethan’s ears were still ringing with their words, anger, truths. Yet he had to keep them together like the doctor said. “I was hoping we could eat dinner as a family a few nights a week. Let her know she can expect us and count on us. You two up for that?” Ethan asked.
To his surprise, they both nodded.
“Too many kids come into the station and the center with no stable family unit. Just name the days and I’ll be there,” Dare said.
Ethan barely let out a breath, realizing that Dare knew just what it felt like not to have that same family unit. Ethan’s mouth grew dry. “Anna’s off Mondays. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays work for you?” he managed to ask.
“Yeah,” Nash said.
“Me too,” Dare added.
“I can take her to work one day next week. Give her a tour of the county jail, let her see what juvie’s like,” Dare offered. He paused. “Unless you want to give her an insider’s tour?” As soon as the words were out, he shook his head, his dark head bowing. “It’ll take time to get used to not knocking you with every breath,” he muttered.
Ethan ignored that. He was already raw and bruised inside. A few more hits couldn’t do any more damage. “I’ll get Tess’s community center schedule from Kate and we’ll coordinate with yours.”
Dare nodded. “Fine.”
Nash raised a hand. “I can take her to the sidewalk fair tomorrow night and she can stay for dinner. And maybe I can get her working filing some papers in the office to keep her busy when she’s not at the center.”
Ethan was grateful for their suggestions, not that he’d say so. They didn’t care how he felt about anything. “It’s a good idea for her to get to know you one on one.” He kept the focus on Tess.
“She can stay over,” Nash said, and Dare nodded, indicating the same.
“Let’s see what she’s comfortable with, but it’s fine with me,” Ethan said carefully.
And so it went as they awkwardly hammered out a schedule, each writing down dates and times and agreeing to revisit the schedule in a few weeks. As for school, Kate had already promised to explain how and when Tess would need to be registered. By the middle to end of August, her sister, Kelly, would return, and the four of them could discuss the future.
Right now, the brothers had accomplished all they could. In fact, they’d had more of each other than any of them could handle. Or stand, Ethan thought.
Long after they were gone, Ethan stood in the center of the kitchen, more alone, lost, and disgusted with himself than he’d been since he’d left home at eighteen.
“Tess, is gone!” Anna came running into the room, her large body heaving. “I thought she was in her room, but she’s not there!”
Ethan ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Did you check outside?” he asked, recalling where he’d found Tess last time, smoking a joint.
Anna nodded. “She’s not out back or on the front porch.”
Ethan recalled hearing the door beep earlier but thought it was Anna. “Was that you, who went out while we were in the kitchen?” he asked her.
She shook her head. “I made myself scarce and was doing laundry.”
Ethan groaned. Tess must have walked out. Probably after hearing the yelling and accusations in the kitchen. Ethan’s cell phone rang suddenly, and he yanked it out of his back jeans pocket, pausing to glance at the number.
Faith.
An hour ago, he’d have been thrilled to hear from her. Now? He couldn’t stand his own company. He wouldn’t be subjecting her to his.
“Maybe she knows where Tess is,” Anna said.
He pressed send. “Hello?”
“Ethan, it’s Faith.” Her soft voice was a soothing balm to his senses, one he didn’t deserve. And she definitely deserved better than him. “I have Tess,” she said quickly.
He let out the breath he hadn’t been aware of holding and nodded at Anna. “She’s with Faith,” he told his housekeeper, who immediately crossed herself.
“She came to you?” he asked.
“Not exactly. I went outside to throw out the trash, glanced over the railing, and she was outside. Making out with a boy in a corner of the empty parking lot,” she said, her voice now a whisper.
“I’ll be right there.”
* * *
Faith let Tess watch TV while they waited for Ethan to pick her up. The teenager had already given Faith an earful about what went on in the house and why she’d run off, and Faith’s stomach churned at the accusations Dare and Nash had thrown at Ethan. At first, she’d been surprised the teen was talking in full sentences, but clearly, Tess wanted to share the discoveries she’d made about her new family.
And Faith knew Ethan well enough by now to realize he already blamed himself for the deaths of his parents, and his brothers hadn’t cut him any slack. None at all.
When her doorbell rang and she let Ethan inside, one look at his dark, tormented eyes told her all she needed to know. Nash and Dare had done serious damage to his psyche.
“Hey,” she said gently. “Come on in.”
He stepped inside, and his gaze immediately snagged on Tess. “Let’s go.”
The teenager didn’t shift her gaze from the television screen and the MTV Cribs show she was watching.
“Why don’t you come sit down, and we’ll talk?” Faith asked.
He needed to calm down before he took his mood out on Tess. And he looked like he needed someone to be there for him. As much as she’d tried to pull away these past few weeks and focus on herself and her business, he’d never been far from her mind. Sleeping with him wasn’t something she could forget.
“It’s not a good time,” he said coldly, then looked past her to Tess. “Tess, I said move it!” he barked.
There was no warmth, no vestiges of the man who, while intense, had always shown interest in Faith whenever they as much as breathed the same air. She didn’t take it personally, but she was really worried about how deeply he’d drawn into himself.
“Chill,” the teen muttered, taking her time rising to her feet.
“I don’t think you’re in a position to be calling the shots,” he said to his sister.
“Ethan . . .” Faith reached out and touched his shoulder.
He flinched and pulled away. “You don’t want to be near me right now.” His dark tone was a warning she ought to heed.
Tess strode up to her brother, her bravado not faltering. “It’s not my fault you screwed your brothers over,” she said, then stormed past him and headed out the door.
Ouch, Faith thought. The kid needed to learn when to back off.
“Out of the mouths of babes,” he said under his breath.
“You weren’t much more of one yourself,” she reminded him. “Don’t let Nash and Dare get under your skin. You’re here now.”
His startled gaze met hers. “Tess overheard the fight?” he asked as if his worst fear was confirmed.
Faith nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“And she took great pleasure in filling you in,” he said flatly.
“Actually, I think she feels bad for you. She just doesn’t know how to express her feelings. Cut her some slack now, and maybe she’ll do the same.” Faith didn’t know anything about raising a teenager, but she sensed something in Tess that was desperate to reach out to her brother.
He raised an eyebrow. “Just because Tess decided to open her big mouth doesn’t make any of this your business.”
Faith bit the inside of her cheek. Though she knew why he was lashing out at her, she wasn’t about to take it. “I wouldn’t be so quick to alienate me. You don’t have many people on your side.”
“Obviously, that’s the way I like it. You should have gone with your gut instinct and stayed far away from me.” He pulled his car keys from his pocket and stormed out the door.
Faith stood watching out the window as they climbed into the car, and Ethan tore out of the parking lot, obviously thinking he’d made a clean escape. The problem was, she couldn’t let him go.
