Field Rules, page 24
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.” Fighting back the sting of tears, she turned and left the library. She couldn’t cry in front of him. She’d already made herself vulnerable enough.
Wanting to put some distance between them, she kept walking until she’d reached the road leading to the village. When the sobs finally came, they racked her entire body. Her heart ached at the way Rick had deliberately pushed her away. After the intimacy they’d shared, she’d secretly hoped he might want more than another two weeks together.
She was wrong.
What did you expect? He never promised you anything.
Right from the start, he’d told her his life was uncertain. Even when he’d talked about returning to California, he never said he wanted a relationship. But that hadn’t stopped her from dreaming about it or imagining a future where they ended up together.
But clearly, he didn’t share her feelings. If he had, he would have asked her opinion about Turkey. But he didn’t need it because he’d always planned to move on without her.
She’d told herself she could handle a fling.
But somewhere along the way, she’d made the terrible mistake of falling in love with Rick Langston all over again.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Olivia set down her book. She’d read through the last paragraph three times, so apparently, her mind wasn’t on the history of Anatolian trade during the Hellenistic era. After talking with Dr. Roth at dinner the other night, she’d considered adding more source material to her dissertation. Usually, when she got on a new research tangent, she couldn’t wait to dive in. She loved finding evidence to support her theories. But tonight, she couldn’t focus.
Alone in the research library, she could hear the strains of Rick’s guitar. She wanted to join him but knew she wouldn’t be welcomed. He’d barely spoken to her since she’d broken things off two days ago.
More than anything, she longed to seek him out and apologize. Even if he’d blindsided her with his news about Turkey, that didn’t justify the demands she’d made. Or the way she’d dumped him as if he wasn’t worthy. If she’d been brave enough, she would have told him the truth—that she was in love with him and was hurt he hadn’t considered her in his plans.
But she could only imagine the pitying look he would have given her. The humiliation she would have felt when he let her down gently. She’d rather leave him feeling angry and frustrated than guilty that he couldn’t reciprocate her feelings.
With only eight days left of field school, she should have been taking pride in how far she’d come. Considering her lack of experience, she’d accomplished a lot—finding a site, leading her own trench, and uncovering a skeleton. She’d also enjoyed working with students beyond the confines of a classroom. But she was finding it hard to take pleasure in any of it. If anything, she wanted the time to pass as quickly as possible.
In a little over a week, Rick would be gone. Out of her life, possibly forever. Though the heartache would linger once she was back home, she wouldn’t have to see him every day.
How ironic was it that she’d warned the students about the consequences of hooking up, only to deal with it herself?
“Olivia?” Marisol’s soft voice broke the stillness. She hovered in the doorway.
“Hey, Marisol,” Olivia said. “Everything okay?”
“Not exactly. Can I talk to you?”
“Sure.” She shoved the book aside. “Would you rather go outside? It’s cooler out there.”
“I’d rather talk in private if that’s all right.” Closing the door behind her, Marisol slowly advanced toward the table.
“We can talk wherever you feel the most comfortable.” Olivia gestured for her to sit. “Did something happen with one of the students?”
“No.” Marisol perched on the edge of her seat and twisted her braid between her fingers. “It’s about the other day—when the site was vandalized. I didn’t hear about it right away because I was back here with a stomach bug.”
“Right. I remember.” Olivia suspected Marisol had come to offer up a confession, but she didn’t want to push her.
“Yesterday, Alisha told me Rick took the blame for not locking the gate properly,” Marisol said. “But it wasn’t his fault. I was the last one out. I thought I locked it the way Juno demonstrated, but I messed up. I should have said something as soon as I found out, but I didn’t want to get expelled.”
Olivia could only imagine how tormented Marisol must have felt, torn between admitting her mistake and keeping it hidden. “Alisha and Logan told me the truth. It’s okay.”
“It’s not. Rick got in trouble with Dr. Roth, didn’t he?”
From outside the window, Olivia caught the first few bars of Elton’s John’s “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road”—one of Rick’s favorite songs. An ache spread through her, making her wish nothing had changed between them.
Clearing her head, she focused on Marisol. “Rick will be fine. He’s already got another job lined up. Don’t worry about it.”
“That’s the thing—I can’t stop worrying. I wanted to tell everyone what happened, but I knew Grant—I mean Dr. Nilsson—would be furious with me.” She twisted her braid again. “If it wasn’t for him, I would have confessed right away. But he’s made me so scared of messing up that I don’t want to upset him.”
“That’s awful. I’m sorry you feel this way.”
“It’s not just me. We’re all scared of him.”
The revelation hit Olivia like a body blow. This wasn’t just about Grant targeting her or Rick. It was about him intimidating the students and making them so afraid that they’d rather lie than face his wrath.
Why hadn’t Frida told her Grant was such a bully? She’d called him a joyless control freak, but there was a difference between being hypercritical and blatantly abusing his power. Maybe Frida hadn’t realized how much he’d bullied them when she wasn’t around to see it. But now that Olivia was aware of it, she needed to take action.
“I apologize for not tackling the Grant issue sooner,” she said. “Would you be willing to talk to Dr. Roth about it? You’d need to tell him the truth about the gate, but you could also explain why you were too afraid to come forward immediately.”
Marisol’s eyes glistened with tears. “Will I get expelled? Or fail the class? If that happened, my parents would never let me forget it. I had a hard enough time convincing them I could handle this course.”
“Believe me, I know how you feel, but Dr. Roth won’t fail you. And he won’t blow up at you, either.” When Marisol hesitated, Olivia pushed a little more. “I’ll go with you if you want.”
Marisol wiped her eyes. “That would make me feel better. When should we tell him?”
The longer Olivia waited, the harder it would be. “As soon as possible. I’ll call and see if he’s available. We can walk down to the field house to talk to him.”
As she picked up her phone, her hands trembled. Grant had instructed them never to use Dr. Roth’s personal number, except in case of an emergency. What if she told the professor the situation and he didn’t believe her? What if he thought she lacked the proper respect for authority? He’d never want to serve on her dissertation committee.
But as she glanced at Marisol, who sat hunched over, her hands wrapped around herself, she summoned up her courage. Hadn’t she been hired to look out for the students? No matter how nervous she felt, she needed to put them first.
That was why she’d wanted to go into teaching. Not for the networking or the connections, but to share her passion for ancient history with students and encourage them. If she let someone like Grant tyrannize them, then she wasn’t doing her job.
To her immense relief, Dr. Roth answered her call. After a quick conversation, she and Marisol were on their way to the field house. Once they got there, Marisol hung back, forcing Olivia to step up and ring the bell. As she waited for someone to answer the door, she tried to control the ragged beat of her heart. Up until this minute, she hadn’t considered the possibility that Grant might be there.
When he opened the door, his scowl was so menacing she wanted to turn tail and run. She forced herself to speak clearly. “I’m here to see Dr. Roth.”
Grant made no attempt to move aside. “I don’t think so. It’s after nine.”
“I called ahead. Marisol needs to talk to him.”
“If there’s a problem at camp, she should be coming to me.” He crossed his arms. “I told you not to bother Dr. Roth with your petty concerns.”
“It’s not petty.” She whipped out her phone. “Are you going to let us in, or do I need to call him again?”
To her relief, Dr. Roth appeared in the doorway. “Good evening, ladies. Thanks for coming.”
“I apologize for the intrusion,” Grant said to him. “Whatever the issue, we could have dealt with it tomorrow during regular work hours.”
“I don’t think so.” Olivia gave Dr. Roth a generous smile. “May we talk alone, sir?”
“Certainly.” He gestured for them to come in. “Would either of you like a drink? Perhaps a beer or a gin and tonic?”
Olivia followed him into the house, with Marisol trailing behind her. “Thanks, but Marisol’s underage. Maybe something else?”
Dr. Roth chuckled. “Of course. I always forget. Ridiculous thing, this American drinking age. No other country is so draconian.” He led them to the kitchen and opened the fridge. “I’m sure you’re sick of lemon squash by now. How about a soda?”
After getting a beer for himself and a couple of Sprites for them, he led them out to the back patio. It was even more blissful in the evening, the pergola decked out with twinkling fairy lights, the fountain glimmering with illumination.
Olivia sat on one of the wicker chairs, letting the patio’s calming ambience wash over her. “Marisol has something to tell you. Before she does, I assured her you wouldn’t erupt in anger. Do you think you can agree to that?”
“Well, I suppose.” He cast Marisol an inquisitive glance. “You didn’t break any laws, did you? Stash valuable artifacts in your pack or smuggle drugs into the country?”
“Really, Dr. Roth?” Olivia said.
“Trust me, I’ve seen it all.” He turned to Marisol with an avuncular smile. “Tell me what happened. Even if I’m disappointed or angry, I promise not to yell. It’s much too late in the day.”
“Okay…thanks.” Marisol’s voice trembled at first, but the longer she spoke, the stronger it grew. She told the professor how she’d screwed up, how Rick had covered for her, and why she’d waited to come forward with her confession. A few times, her eyes misted with tears, but she kept going.
When she was done, Dr. Roth handed her a cloth handkerchief. “Here. Take a few deep breaths, all right?”
She wiped her eyes. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t send me home early.”
His voice was gentle. “I’m not pleased you let someone else take the blame, but I admire your bravery. You risked a lot by coming to talk to me. I’m also glad to learn Rick wasn’t at fault. I was torn over whether to recommend him for a job in California, but—”
“Please recommend him,” Marisol said. “He’s been a wonderful teacher. He’s patient and understanding, and he never gets upset with us.”
“That’s good to hear,” Dr. Roth said. “Knowing all this, I’ll have no problem telling my colleague about him.”
Olivia’s heart flooded with relief. No matter how much she’d hurt Rick by ending things, at least she’d helped him repair his reputation.
“I’m not the only one who feels this way about Rick,” Marisol added. “Alisha likes working with him. Logan, too. The only reason Brynn complained during the survey was because our team came in last those first few days. She was terrified of getting a bad grade.”
“I told her our pace wouldn’t affect her grade,” Olivia said. “So did Rick.”
“I know,” Marisol said. “But Dr. Nilsson didn’t feel the same way. This one time, he pulled a bunch of us aside and warned us not to mess up his schedule. He said we’d be docked points if our team kept coming in late.”
“He did?” Dr. Roth chuffed out an aggravated breath. “I never asked him to set standards like that. What else did he say about your grades?”
“It was the same with excavation. If we screwed up anything, we could lose points. When Olivia didn’t lock the gate properly the first time, he yelled at all of us. Said if anyone messed up like that again, they might get sent home. He likes to run a tight ship.” Marisol straightened up, as if gaining strength. “If you want my opinion, he’s the worst teacher here.”
Dr. Roth frowned at Olivia. “Why didn’t you mention this before?”
Despite the guilt tugging at her conscience, Olivia reminded herself she’d been equally intimidated. “Grant told us never to bother you. That day I came to see you after my asthma attack? I was terrified you’d be angry that I interrupted your research. Grant’s made it clear you’re off-limits unless you’re at the field school.” She swallowed, afraid of what her honesty might cost her. “You’re not there that much, so you’ve missed a lot.”
She cringed inwardly, waiting for him to reprimand her, but he let out a pained sigh.
“You’re right. The fault is mine. I have a book due to the UC Press this fall, and I needed to make inroads. But I shouldn’t have prioritized my own work over the students.” He smiled at Marisol. “Thanks again for your honesty. Your grades won’t suffer in the least. They’ll be based on your work on the survey, the lab, and the excavation, and they’ll be submitted by the grad students. Their opinions are the ones that matter.”
Marisol folded up his handkerchief and placed it on the patio table. “Thanks, Dr. Roth.”
Olivia stood up. “Thanks for hearing us out. We’ll let you get back to your research.”
Dr. Roth’s eyes met hers. “Thank you, Olivia, for bringing all this to my attention. You’ve been a real asset to this field school. I look forward to reading your dissertation when it’s completed.”
Of all the outcomes she’d expected tonight, Olivia never imagined receiving such powerful words of validation. “Thanks for taking a chance on me.”
“Before you go, can you ask Grant to come out here?” he said. “I need to have a chat with him.”
As Olivia left with Marisol, she could barely contain the happiness bubbling up inside her. Though she didn’t imagine Grant would get fired, maybe Dr. Roth would call him on his shitty behavior. For now, that would be enough.
On the walk back, Marisol recounted the conversation with glee. Olivia joined in, elated that Grant might finally be getting his due. By the time they reached Camp Kouklia, she was coasting on a wave of positive energy. When Marisol went to look for Alisha, Olivia sought out Rick at the picnic table. To her relief, he was alone, with his guitar resting on the bench beside him.
Heart pounding, she walked over to him, unsettled by the look of disinterest on his face.
“What’s up?” he asked.
No smile. No warmth. No gesture for her to sit down. He was still mad, and for good reason. But his mood might change once she shared her news.
“So…Marisol came to talk to me tonight. About the gate. She said the only reason she didn’t admit the truth earlier was because she was afraid of Grant. Did you know he threatened to fail the students if they screwed up?” Her voice rose in indignation. “He’s been intimidating them so much they’re terrified of doing anything wrong.”
Rick scowled, but his anger wasn’t directed at her. “What an asshole. I didn’t realize he’d taken things that far.”
“Me neither. Apparently, he did it when we weren’t around to intervene. But I convinced Marisol to talk to Dr. Roth about it. She told him everything. He was upset but not with us. He also acknowledged he’d been pretty oblivious.”
Rick favored her with a hint of a smile. “I can’t believe she spoke up like that. Or maybe I can. She reminds me a lot of you.”
He’d mentioned that before, but hearing it again filled her with remorse. By sticking up for Marisol, his heart had been in the right place. Olivia had just been too focused on her own needs to appreciate his enormous act of generosity.
“Marisol didn’t get in trouble?” he asked.
“Nope. Dr. Roth was very understanding. He said the incident wouldn’t affect her grade.”
“Good. She deserves an A. She’s worked really hard.”
Olivia gnawed on her lip. “Anyway…now that Roth knows the truth, he’ll have no qualms about recommending you to his friend who runs the rescue archaeology firm.” She forced a bright smile on her face. “Isn’t that great? If you want, you could go back to California.”
A part of her—an extremely foolish, optimistic part—thought Rick might jump at the opportunity. If he so much as hinted at choosing California over Turkey, then maybe she could drum up the courage to tell him how she really felt.
I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t want things to end. I just wanted more.
But he merely shrugged. “Good to hear, even if I don’t need it right now.”
Her heart plummeted. “Your plans for Turkey are set?”
“Yep. Since my dad doesn’t have cancer, I’m not needed at home. And unlike you, I’m not trying to get ahead in the world, so it doesn’t matter where I end up, does it?”
“I’m sorry if I made it sound like you were wasting your life.” Her voice was raw with regret. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Don’t be. I’m not ashamed of the way I live. But obviously you are, so it’s just as well you ended things. I wish you the best with your academic career, but like you said, we’re not headed in the same direction.”
She’d done this to herself. Shut him out rather than confess her true feelings and expose herself to more hurt.
Speak up for yourself. Tell him you’re in love with him.
But she couldn’t do it. “I’m sorry.”
