Try to Remember, page 14
“Something wrong?” Frank asked.
“Uh…no.” She sat up straight and opened her eyes. “Just a little indigestion,” she fabricated. “Probably too much pie on top of all that popcorn.”
She looked over at him, noted the way he gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. Obviously he was suffering the same sort of “indigestion.”
By the time they reached the house, the air between them was as oppressive and heavy as the air outside. He slammed his car door with more force than necessary, his entire body rigid as he unlocked the front door and they entered.
Mutt and Jeff greeted them enthusiastically and Frank let them out the back door. “I think I’ll change clothes and go for a quick run on the beach.” Without waiting for her reply, he went to his bedroom.
Jane moved over to the sliding glass door and stared out into the darkness. She could just make out the silhouettes of the two dogs running along the edge of the water. That was what she needed to do-run with the wind whipping at her hair, run out all the useless energy that tingled inside her. She knew that was what Frank intended to do.
She turned around as he came back into the room, a sleeveless sweatshirt and jogging shorts displaying his body’s perfection. He strode to the door and whistled for the dogs. “I don’t want them nipping at my heels,” he explained, not looking at her.
The dogs came back in and he stepped out onto the deck. “I’ll be back later,” he said, then disappeared into the heat and humidity of the night.
Jane gave the dogs water, then closed them in the kitchen area, where they spent their nights. She then went into her bedroom and undressed. Her body ached with need, her heart heavy.
It didn’t seem fair. It was obvious Frank wanted her as much as she wanted him, yet they denied themselves the very thing they both craved. It was crazy.
She pulled her nightgown over her head, running her hands down the smooth silk. It was a new gown, much like the one she’d been wearing on the night Frank had found her on the beach. Fitted to the waist, it billowed in folds to the floor. Wearing it made her feel beautiful, tempting and desirable.
“A lot of good it does me,” she thought irritably, knowing she was wound too tight to go immediately to bed. She paced the floor for a few minutes, the tension not easing, but building to volcanic proportions.
She’d bought the nightgown at the same time she’d bought the dress she’d worn earlier, at the same time she’d bought a bottle of dye to retouch the roots of her hair. When she’d picked up the gown, she’d immediately envisioned wearing it for Frank, knowing he’d be pleased by the sensual silk, the romantic cut of the garment.
She drifted back out to the living room, back to the sliding glass door. She leaned her head against the glass and stared outside, looking for Frank on the dark beach. In the distance, lightning illuminated the clouds, portending the coming storm.
She spotted him jogging in the distance, a solitary silhouette against the ocean waves. He looked so isolated, so lonely, and her heart echoed with the same sense of isolation and loneliness.
“This is crazy,” she muttered to herself. They were both rational adults. They wanted each other. So why was he out there running like a crazy fool and she was in here, longing for his touch?
She slid open the door and stepped outside on the wooden deck. Immediately the heavy air surrounded her and the wind lifted her hair with sultry fingers.
She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, an internal battle waging between good sense and passion. The wind whipped her skirt around her legs, and all her senses seemed intensely acute. She could smell the water, the sand and the faint sulfuric scent of the storm’s approach. She could hear the wind chimes ringing discordantly in the gusts of air that preceded the coming squall. She felt achingly alive and knew exactly what she wanted to do.
She made her decision and stepped off the deck and onto the warmth of the sand. Eyes squinted, looking for Frank, she walked with determined steps, knowing she was about to brave the storm.
CHAPTER 11
Frank ran as if trying to outrace the wind. But it wasn’t the wind he was attempting to outdistance…it was desire. It surged inside his veins with an all-consuming power. It raged in his head like a monster out of control.
Jane…Jane…his heart pounded the rhythm of her name. No, not her name, he corrected himself. But her name didn’t matter. She was merely the woman he desired more than he could ever remember desiring anyone else.
He stopped his frantic pace, knowing it was an exercise in futility. He knew he couldn’t outrun his desire. He’d have to run forever to even begin to do that.
He leaned forward and braced his hands against his knees, letting the refreshing wind off the water cool him down as he took deep, cleansing breaths. He straightened, his gaze captured by the lightning flashing in the distance. A moment or two later, thunder rumbled like angry gods voicing extreme displeasure. He raked his hands through his hair, then turned around to head back to the house.
He’d walked only a few yards when he saw her. At first, he thought she was a figment of his imagination, a vision conjured up by his intense need.
She seemed to float on the wind, her pale nightgown luminous in the surrounding darkness as it billowed on the breeze. Her dark hair whipped around her head, dancing tendrils that taunted and teased.
His blood surged through him, filling his veins with overpowering emotion, making his heart pound in an unsteady beat. She was once again his mystery lady, the one who’d so captured his imagination as night after night he’d watched her walk the beach alone.
But she was no longer a complete mystery. Now he knew the taste of her skin, knew the warmth that waited there to pull him into splendor, knew the heavenly sound of her cries against his neck as he enveloped himself in her heat.
He stopped walking, merely watching as she advanced toward him. He knew why she had come to him, knew that he was powerless to fight against the forces of passion that pulsated in the air.
She stopped inches from where he stood motionless. He could smell her feminine, floral scent mingling with the salty smell of the ocean and the slightly sulfuric tang of the storm. Her eyes glowed with almost iridescent flecks, holding a question…a plea…a demand he couldn’t ignore.
With a harsh groan, he pulled her to him, devouring her mouth with a white-hot lightning to rival the electricity in the distant sky. She returned his kiss, searing his mouth with an electric surge of her own.
She wrapped her arms around him, arching her body into his, meeting his strength, his need, with a yielding softness that made him groan once again. He cupped her buttocks, pulling her closer against him, letting her know the full extent of his arousal.
God, how he loved the feel of her. How he loved the scent of her. He didn’t want to think anymore. He only wanted to feel, to be…to love.
As if in unspoken communication, they both went to their knees in the sand, their mouths still touching as their hands caressed feverishly.
Jane felt as if she’d stepped into a dream. The hot breeze was like a thousand fingers dancing up and down her flesh, but it was Frank’s fingertips that burned into her heart, smoked in her soul.
She dropped her head back, shivering as his lips danced across her jawline, down her neck, lingering at the deep vee of her gown. As the tip of his tongue licked along the material, Jane’s breath caught in her throat.
In one fluid movement, she swept the gown up over her head and placed it on the sand. Then she lay down on it, motioning him into her arms.
He didn’t hesitate. He quickly removed his clothes and covered her nakedness with his own. The tension that had filled Jane for the past two weeks escaped her in a sigh as she felt his smooth, warm flesh against her own.
Yes, this was where she belonged. This was where she was meant to spend eternity. She wanted Frank next to her for today and always. She needed him to make her whole.
And then she couldn’t think anymore. She could only feel. His hands moved in reverent caresses, stroking from her neck to the fullness of her breasts. They lingered there only a moment, then continued their trail of fire, down her rib cage, across her hips, down the lower portion of her abdomen to the place where she needed his touch most of all.
She arched up to meet him, crying his name into the wind as the heat inside her exploded, leaving her quivering and breathless beneath him. Still he didn’t stop. He continued to work his magic until once again the tension inside her built and she clawed at his back, letting him know she needed him to complete what he had begun.
He took her without hesitation, plunging into her depths as he moaned her name. Jane shuddered as he pulled her into the vortex of a storm so intense it possessed her, consumed her.
He became the raging winds, the sultry night, the very storm itself as he moved inside her with a fierceness meant to complete his possession of her. As his maleness filled her so completely, his mouth completed the intimate connection by covering hers with a scorching heat that brought tears of pleasure to her eyes.
As she felt him swell inside her, stiffening in release, she felt her own crescendo rushing through her and stealing her breath.
For several long moments, they remained entwined, Frank bracing the bulk of his weight with his elbows. She wondered vaguely if the deep rumble she heard was the clouds clapping together overhead or the thunderous rhythm of their hearts beating in unison. She tried to will the storm away, wanting to remain here in his arms forever. But as lightning once again danced across the heavens followed by an instant crash of thunder, he moved to get up.
As he lifted himself away from her, a drop of moisture fell onto her cheek. At first she thought it was a drop of rain, but in the moment before he grabbed his clothes and turned away, she saw the shimmer of tears that garnished his strong features.
“Frank?” She watched as he pulled his shorts on, then swiped at his face before he turned to look at her. His features were hardened, distant, and she shivered, unsure if the shiver came from the coldness of his eyes or the sudden chilliness of the surrounding air. “Please talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking, what’s going on in your mind,” she said softly.
She reached for her nightgown, gave it a cursory shake to remove the sand from it, then pulled it over her head. She looked at him expectantly, watching as nearby lightning split the night and illuminated his features in stark brilliance. “Please, Frank. Talk to me,” she repeated. At that moment, thunder boomed directly overhead and huge raindrops splattered down.
“We’d better get inside,” he said. He grabbed her hand and pulled her up, then together they ran for the safety of the house.
Once inside, Jane quickly showered and changed clothes, then Frank did the same. “Okay, we’ll talk,” he finally said as they sat in the living room and the storm knocked loudly on the windows. He got up from the sofa and began to pace the floor, his hand splaying through his damp dark hair.
“Jane, I can’t continue this way.” He stopped his pacing and looked at her, vulnerability shining from his dark eyes. “I care about you very much, and each time we make love, I care a little more deeply. But I can’t keep getting in deeper and deeper with you. It’s not right, it’s foolishness of the worst kind.”
“Why? Why can’t we just pretend I was born on the beach where you found me, that my life began at that moment?” Jane stood up, needing to persuade him, wanting him to accept her without any baggage from the past. “I like Jane Smith. I’m working hard to make a good life here. Why can’t I just be Jane Smith for the rest of my life?”
“Because you aren’t Jane Smith,” he returned, a vein throbbing in the side of his neck. “And no amount of pretending is going to make you who you aren’t.”
He reached out and grabbed her shoulders, his fingers biting painfully into her tender flesh as his features twisted with torment. “I can’t live a life with you, constantly looking over my shoulder, wondering when somebody from your past will reach out and reclaim you, pull you back where you truly belong.”
He released her and stepped back, some of his fervency dissipating. “I thought the past didn’t matter once before.” His voice was low and unsteady. “I was told it was unimportant, that what was important was where we were going…not where we’d been.”
“With Gloria?” Jane asked.
He looked at her in surprise. “How do you know about her?”
“I don’t know much. Only that she was a tourist and you planned to marry her, then she left and never came back.”
He shook his head. “I should have known somebody would mention her to you, that nothing remains a secret for very long in Garett Beach.” He sat down on the sofa and buried his face in his hands, his shoulders slumped forward in a gesture of defeat that tore at her heart.
She fought the need to go to him, put her arms around him and comfort him, knowing instinctively he would rebuff her efforts.
He took a deep breath and looked at her once again, his eyes deep and fathomless. “Gloria came here on vacation and we immediately hit it off. It was a whirlwind kind of thing, intense and crazy. I kept asking her about her family, her past, but she told me none of that was important, that as far as she was concerned she’d begun life when she’d come to Garett Beach and fallen in love with me. At that time, it was a heady, powerful feeling and it only made me fall more deeply in love with her.”
He broke off and his gaze was unfocused. He frowned thoughtfully. “I allowed myself to fall into a sort of fool’s paradise with Gloria. I decided she was right, it didn’t matter what her life had been before she came to Garett Beach. All that mattered was that we were together and we were in love.”
“And so you planned your wedding?” Jane asked, knowing that much from what she’d heard through the gossip mill.
He nodded. “We reserved the church, ordered the flowers, bought the rings. Then, on the morning of the wedding, I received a note and in it she told me that she had three kids and a husband waiting for her to come home.”
Jane hissed in a swift intake of breath, her heart aching in sympathy for the betrayal he’d suffered. “Oh, Frank,” she whispered.
He smiled, an oddly bewildered, achingly vulnerable smile. “It seems Gloria was suffering from depression. Her husband thought some time away from him and the kids would help her.”
“Yes, but she lied to you.”
“A lie of omission. I can’t really blame her. I was as much at fault as she was. She got as caught up in the moment as I did. I allowed her to convince me that her past didn’t matter because I didn’t want to know there might be anything that would dispel the magic.”
His eyes closed as if against a wave of pain. “Jane… I can’t do it again. I can’t go through the same kind of hurt. I won’t ignore the strength of the past, its power to reclaim love with memories of others, the power to taint the future with unfinished business. I can’t do it again, Jane. I refuse to fall in love with a woman who has no past.”
“But that’s not fair,” Jane protested, a tightness in her chest squeezing her heart. “You’re punishing me for Gloria’s mistakes. She refused to tell you about her past. I can’t tell you about mine.”
Frank smiled sadly. “But the result is the same.”
“But I’m not Gloria and I can’t give you what I don’t possess, and I don’t possess my memories.” Swift anger swept through her, anger not only at him, but at the fates that had placed her in this position. “You aren’t being fair,” she exclaimed.
He stood up, regret darkening the liquid depths of his eyes. “Fair doesn’t play into this.” He drew a deep breath. “There will be no more lapses of control…no more lovemaking between us. Until you regain possession of your memory, we’ll conduct ourselves as friends, but we won’t be lovers again.”
Jane smiled with a touch of bitterness. “How ironic that it’s your past interfering in our present.”
He shrugged helplessly. “The past and the present are intrinsically intertwined, we can’t escape from either.” He didn’t wait for an answer, but turned and went to his bedroom, closing the door with a finality that echoed in the chambers of Jane’s heart.
A fool’s paradise…wasn’t that what Frank had said he and Gloria had been living? And wasn’t that what she herself had been living in? The nightmares, the horrifying visions, the overwhelming guilt that plagued her with each horrid piece of that particular memory. How could she think it was all powerless to affect her?
She moved to stand at the sliding door, watching nature vent its energy. Only moments before, the beach had been witness to their lovemaking. Now it was suffering the effects of nature’s tumultuous disposition. The remnants of their union, the impressions of their bodies in the sand, would no longer be there in the morning. But the memory of what they had shared would always be a souvenir she’d carry deep within her brain, deep within her heart.
She knew Frank meant what he’d said. He wouldn’t touch her again until he knew for sure that she was free from any claims from her past. She’d seen the determined thrust of his jaw, the resolution in his eyes as he’d made the statement. He wouldn’t allow passion to overwhelm good sense again.
Jane closed her eyes, hot tears burning them. She knew she had a choice. If she didn’t retrieve her past, there would never be a chance for her and Frank to build something good, something substantial together.
“Oh God, what do I do? What do I do?” she moaned, fisting her hands and placing them on either side of her head. She should leave, get out of here before she hurt Frank more deeply. Before she herself was scarred even more deeply.
