When All Hell Breaks Loose, page 16
“Son, this is long overdue. I know the joint may surprise you ’cause I never smoked around you and Shreese, but I had to send Corduroy to dog heaven in style.” His words drag but his eyes still have the sparkle in them that makes my dad seem younger than what he really is. I can’t believe he’s smoking weed, though. I experimented in college but never liked the way it made my mouth feel, like I’d sucked on cotton, and now here I sit with my old man. A seemingly seasoned weed-smoking professional. I sit on the side of the tub and watch him smoke away his blues. He has one of those after-sex grins on his face.
A heavy knock on the door startles me. “Gregory, is Dad okay?” It’s Shreese, and I have a right mind not to answer her at all.
“Well, ain’t you gon’ answer her?” Pops is whispering like a four-year-old. When I look at him, he starts giggling again, then takes another puff from the blunt.
“Yeah, he’s fine,” I snap. Pops drags on the joint once more, then gets up, wets the roach, and flushes it down the toilet.
“Greg, you know your pops is getting old. When I walked outside this morning and saw Corduroy laid out like lightning had struck him, it scared me. Corduroy saw you and Shreese grow up. Remember I brought him to your graduation?”
“I know, Pops.”
“That dog was the best goddamn dog a man could ask for,” he preaches. It’s hard for me not to laugh, because Pops is high as a kite and he looks out of place sitting in front of me with his draws and T-shirt on. The only thing I can think is, this is how I will look a few years down the road.
“I got to thinking about me and your mama.” Pops chuckles. “How good we used to be together and how good it is to have her back home. She’s brought a lot of life back into this house. She sings every night in the shower and I feel like a teenager in love again.”
I pat him on the back to show my support. “But Pops, you scared everybody locking yourself in the bathroom. All of us will miss Corduroy, but you can’t go around locking yourself in the bathroom like this.”
He grabs a can of air freshener and sprays the room around us. “Well, Gregory. Sometimes a man needs time to think about life and the decisions he’s made.” He looks at me seriously. “Sometimes a man has to stop and think about the things he’s let pass him by and why things happen the way they do. Corduroy never hurt nobody, but he’s gone now, which means I’m alone. I tried to do right by my kids and my wife, and look at me. I’m old, I’m separated, and I don’t have nothing. And now, I don’t even have no one to share my nothing with. I don’t want to die this way. Like an old dog in an empty backyard.”
“Pops, you’ve done a good job raising me and Shreese, and you’ve all but given us the world. The grandchildren will come. Corduroy was old, Pops. Sure he was faithful and around a long time, but he still was a dog, Pops, just a dog.”
“Hell, so am I,” he says. “Look at me, son. I gave up the world instead of giving it to you. I let all that go so that you kids could have some stability in your lives, and I’ve been waiting for those rewards, but they don’t look like they’re coming, ’cause I’m too old. Old just like Corduroy, and tired like Corduroy.”
I laugh. “Not in dog years. Cord was old for a dog. Pops, you still have time to get on your feet and make things happen. You just have to get out, meet you a nice woman, and show her what you got.”
We laughed together.
“Greg, I’m talking about love between two people. Love that never faded and a love that may have a second chance. Son, there’s no reason for people to live like I have. I made a mistake by letting your mother walk out of this house and now I know I can’t let her leave again. I still love your mother.”
I cringe a little. “Pops, why didn’t you ever find another woman? You chose to be alone, man.”
“That’s because your mother was and is the only woman I have ever loved. She can’t be replaced. There’s a lot you don’t know about your mother and me.”
“I know all right, but it doesn’t change the fact that she left.”
“So you can honestly sit on that tub and tell me that you don’t miss your mother or that you no longer remember the things about her that make you proud to be her son?”
Pops has a point. Even in my anger, there are things about Louise I cherish. Things that only Louise and I shared. I brush the last comment away and avoid answering. “Look, Pops, I love you and I want what’s best for you. If that’s what you want, then who am I to say you’re wrong for wanting it?”
“Do you still love your mother, Gregory?”
“Yeah … I love her.”
“Do you think you still need her?”
“No. I’m grown now.”
“Are you sure, son?”
“Pops, come on now.” I laugh nervously. “Louise lost her chance when she walked out. I’m twenty-seven now and fully capable of handling my own dilemmas. Hey, I thought this was about you and not about me.”
“It is about you, son. You just don’t know … but it is.”
There is a long silence between us. Pops gets up from the floor and looks at himself in the mirror. I raise up from the edge of the tub and grab his robe off the door hook to slide it on him.
“Well, don’t you think we’ve been in this bathroom long enough?”
“I guess so. Your old man ain’t getting any younger.”
“But you still got what the women want.” I laugh.
“Shit, then tell me where I put it, because ain’t no women been ’round here looking for it.”
I unlock the door and we walk out. Luckily, no one is waiting at the door. The smell of the weed is still strong, regardless of the air freshener. I’m going to have to buy Pops some incense if he’s going to continue this habit. I can hear Shreese singing a hymn, and Louise is in the kitchen preparing breakfast. The aromas of her homemade biscuits and bacon and eggs fill the house.
Pops goes to his room to put on more clothes and get himself together. When I come into the living room, Shreese and Pastor Dixon are seated next to each other singing some song about Jesus being on the main line. He’s holding her hand, stroking her palm as he leans in trying to stay on key with her.
She jumps up and meets me. “Is Daddy okay?”
“Yeah, he was just depressed about Corduroy.” I move in front of Shreese. She is facing the living room, but Dixon’s view of her is blocked by me standing in front of her. I look behind me where Shreese is trying to look and see Dixon sitting on the couch staring around the room. Shreese realizes what my intentions are and continues with our conversation, eager to get back to the couch next to Dixon.
“Yeah, when Mama told me Cord was dead I was hurt, too. It’s a shame that the Lord giveth and taketh away in such ways unbeknownst to mankind.”
I stare at my sister. “Shreese, are you sleeping with Pastor Dixon?”
She looked at me with a smart-aleck look on her face. “Greg, that is none of your business. How could you ask me something like that?”
“It’s my business if you come up pregnant or if you have sex with him and he has no intention of marrying you.”
Shreese leans on one leg and puts her hand on her hip. “I think you’re jealous, Greg. Dixon is a man of God and I am a lamb looking for salvation. Can’t you see he’s helping me with that? Can’t you see how supportive he’s been to me and to our family? Job, chapter five, verse two reads, ‘Surely vexation kills the fool and slays the simple.’ Gregory, your jealousy is making you simple in the eyes of God.”
“Jealous? Girl, that hustling preacher got you hemmed up running around for him like a chicken with its head cut off, and you say I’m jealous?”
“That’s right. I found someone who has their stuff together and who loves the Lord. Pastor Dixon isn’t a hustler, either. He is supportive, warm, and a seeker of truth.”
“Seeker of truth my ass, Shreese. He hangs out at clubs and car washes for Christ’s sake!”
“Don’t you curse at me and don’t use the Lord’s name in vain!” Shreese yells. “Pastor Dixon only goes to clubs to preach the word of God. He wants this sinful world to know the goodness of Jesus and to give them a chance at repentance. Why can’t you see that, Gregory?”
I want to grab my sister and shake the everlasting shit out of her! She really believes what she’s saying, and she believes Dixon is the way the truth and the light. “Shreese, all I want to know is, are you sleeping with that man in there?”
Shreese looks around the room. When she looks back at me, there are tears in her eyes. “No I am not! There, are you happy!?!”
My sister has never lied to me and I can tell, even through her tears and frustration, that she’s not lying to me now.
“But I want to sleep with him,” she admits. “He talks about marriage, so I know this is the man God has sent to me.”
Now we’re talking, I’m thinking. There’s still time for me to nip this whole relationship in the bud, like a big brother is supposed to do.
“Shreese, why do you want to sleep with a man like that?”
“Greg, he loves me, and with God on our side we can start a great ministry. He wants to have children and a family, everything that will make my life complete.”
“Has he asked you to marry him?”
“No, he just said he would like to someday soon. Once the new sanctuary is built and he buys more land for a community center. Will you please get off my back about this?”
“Do you love him?”
“Yes.”
I can feel my stomach turn into knots. “Shreese, I just think that he is all wrong for you. No pastor has any business in a club.”
“Gregory, I told you that he’s—”
I grab her shoulders. “I know what you told me. But I know you deserve better. You do deserve love and a family, but you also deserve a man who respects you enough to stay out of your home at all hours of the night and who has enough decency to stay out of clubs. I don’t care if he can pray up a storm. There is someone better out there for you.”
“He’s a preacher. There is nothing better,” she whines. Her tears have disappeared and Shreese is becoming aggravated.
Should I slap her now or later? I think. My sister has the straw that’s about to break this camel’s back. “Well, promise me that you won’t have sex with him until after I get married in March. Can you do that?”
“Gregory, this is silly, Pastor Dixon would never ask me to have premarital sex with him.”
Like hell he wouldn’t! I think. “Look,” I beg. “Just promise me you won’t. And quit letting him spend the night and leave the sinning up to me.”
“Dang, boy, I promise,” she snaps. “Now move out of my way so I can go eat breakfast.” She pushes past me.
I still feel uncomfortable about my sister seeing Ulan Dixon, but there’s only so much I can do or say at the moment. Shreese’s heart belongs to Mount Cannon Baptist Church and it’s going to take some time for me to convince her that Pastor Dixon is a cat nigga.
Louise sets the table as Pops comes and joins everybody for breakfast. This time Ulan does the prayer. I bow my head with everyone, but as soon as he starts praying, I pull my head up because I don’t want no part of his prayer. To my surprise, Shreese is looking right at me. She’s mad at me, and I feel awkward with my head up. She rolls her eyes away from me and resumes with the prayer.
When Ulan finishes, he immediately starts complimenting Louise on how good the food looks and smells. I try to observe everyone’s reaction to this man without being obvious. Louise is being cordial and saying thank you every time he says something nice to her, but there is a hint that she has picked up on his sneaky vibe. Shreese is quiet, but not unusually quiet, and Pops is eating up some stuff. He hasn’t looked up from his plate since the prayer was over. I guess I’m the only one who isn’t happy to see my baby sister with this man.
Every now and then I look over at Ulan. He has this big cheese-eating grin on his face. His skin is a dark brown tone, the color of a Brazil-nut shell. He only wears two rings, one on each hand. I can tell one is a college football ring; the other is a solid gold nugget ring with a diamond in the middle. Reminds me of a pimp ring. Uncle Bennie used to have a similar one back in the day. Pastor Dixon doesn’t have on the usual gold chains I’ve seen him wear at church. I guess it’s because it’s so early in the morning and he didn’t have time to put them on. His hair is dry, too. Didn’t have enough time to put on the S-Curl activator, huh? He looks at me and smiles. “Greg, Shreese told me you’re getting married,” he says between bites of sausage and toast.
“Mm-mm,” I say through a mouth full of biscuit. “I am getting married.”
“Church wedding?”
Louise jumps in. She sounds defensive. “No, Gregory is getting married outside.” She cuts a sharp look at Shreese, who doesn’t catch it.
“Sounds nice. Church weddings can become monotonous,” he says with that stupid, cheese-eating grin still on his face. “But good Christians abide by the law of the Good Book. Church is holy ground, you know.”
“Tell him about the priestess, Greg,” Shreese says. There’s enough sarcasm in her voice to feed the hungry. I can’t believe she’s being messy like this, but I should have known. Uncle Bennie has told me about church women and how messy they can be. He should know because Aunt Linda spent a lot of time in church and a lot of time crying in front of the congregation testifying for forgiveness from God because she had gotten caught up in some he-said, she-said. Even though I miss her, Aunt Linda was the reason Uncle Bennie stopped going to church. One Sunday, she got up in front of the congregation and told them about him suffering a small mental breakdown, and he never forgave her for that. She embarrassed him by begging the church to pray for him and the family. With Aunt Linda it was always something. She even had a fight in the church once, but I never got the full story on that. All I know right now is I have to be careful dealing with Shreese and Ulan because they are looking for something to get holy about.
“A priestess?” Ulan says. “Is that the new unconventional route to getting hitched?”
“I wouldn’t say that. We’re being married by a woman who is just as qualified to marry people as any church minister is. She’s actually an ordained spiritualist.”
“Where was she ordained?” Ulan asks.
“Ghana. But her homeland is Burkina Faso.”
“Is that in Africa?”
I feel like he’s challenging me, but I’m on my shit. “Yeah, it’s in Africa. West Africa, to be exact.”
“What religion?”
“There is no denomination, if that’s what you’re asking,” I reply. “The ceremony will be held in accordance with African traditional religious beliefs, on the whole.”
“So you’re jumping the broom like the slaves used to do?” He laughs.
Where did this corny motherfucker come from? I guess the next question he’s going to ask me is how are Adrian and I going to get the bones through our noses.
“No. That’s actually a tradition that was popularized through slavery, so no, we’re not jumping the broom at the wedding, but we will use the broom as a symbol of shared responsibilities,” I say arrogantly. “This priestess will take us through a ritual that brings us closer to nature and our true selves.”
“The birds and the bees, huh?” He’s still got the grin on his face. “So you’ll have the different spirit gods to see you through. That’s good if you worship more than one god,” he says and places a forkful of eggs in his mouth. He’s trying to be funny.
“No, actually only one God will see us through,” I snap.
“What God?”
Now I know he’s challenging me. “Well”—I lean back in my chair—“not the God that separates my people and has them running around here thinking Baptists are better than Methodists, or that only committed church members go to heaven. Or that you have to die to get to heaven.” I got that from Jamal. I never look up at Ulan until I finish saying what I want to say. “Actually, it’s the same God who watches over pastors that claim to preach the word in clubs and hotel rooms in spite of their own shortcomings.” When I do eventually look at him, I have a cheese-eating grin on my face and he’s no longer smiling. Shreese starts shaking her head as if I’ve just bought a first-class ticket to hell.
“Well … God is a good God,” Ulan responds loudly. “And there is a heaven as real as the very chair you sit in. Its streets are paved with gold and the angels sing sweet songs all day.” He’s speaking in his preacher’s voice. Word-singing again, like he does at church. Shreese has her eyes closed and her hand raised at the table. “Thank you Jesus!” She says joyously.
Louise and Pops have stopped eating. Pops still looks blunted as he smiles and looks at the pastor, shaking his head in agreement like he’s listening, but Louise looks like she’s in a courtroom observing a circus act. She looks totally stunned as she stares at Shreese.
Pastor Dixon is still on a roll. “Heaven! Is a good place!” he yells.
Pops is startled, but he continues to smile. I sit and look at Ulan and my sister like they have lost their minds. Ulan gets up from the table and wipes his mouth. “Mrs. Alston, I enjoyed the meal. Mr. Alston, I appreciate your hospitality, and Greg, man, I hope you have a successful engagement and wedding.”
He reaches out to shake my hand, but I refuse it. Shreese jumps up behind him without saying a word. Louise smiles and gets up from the table also. She walks them to the door, being as hospitable as she can. When she returns, I’m finishing up my eggs and bacon.
“Do you want some more breakfast, Greg?” Louise is looking at me as if nothing has happened. I stare back at her, and hesitate to mention what just happened at the table between me and Ulan. I’m mad that Ulan Dixon tried to show me up in front of my family, and I want to talk about it.
“No, I need to get back to my place and clean up.” I get up from the table and take my plate to the sink.
“Well, son, keep your head up. That minister didn’t mean any harm,” Pops says. “He’s just doing what he’s been led to do as a Christian man.”
