Whoa : A Westbrook Elite Standalone, page 16
I made no move to take it back. “You can and will.”
“That’s not your responsibility.”
I grunted and gently grasped her chin so I could hold her gaze as I spoke. “Listen to me and listen good. I’m your fiancé. That means everything about you is my responsibility. I put that ring on your finger because I want to take care of you. Arguing with me is a waste of breath. No wife of mine is gonna get some half-assed care over a couple dollars, and she sure as hell won’t be running around without a phone in case she needs to call for help.”
Her feisty, fighter spirit sparked in her eyes. I hadn’t seen it since she woke up. “First of all, I’m not your wife.”
I made a rude sound. “Close enough.”
“Second of all…” She continued as though I didn’t speak at all. “I’m sure that bill was more than a couple dollars. I can’t ask you to pay that.”
“You didn’t ask. You don’t have to. I want to take care of you.”
She nibbled on her lower lip for a few quiet seconds before whispering, “Can you even afford it?”
Cupping the back of her head, I pulled her in, wrapping my arms around her. Hers were still trapped under my hoodie so she couldn’t hug me back, but her body melted against mine almost instantly. And I gotta tell you… it was a fucking rush.
“Yeah, baby girl,” I whispered. “I can. I’ve worked real hard the last few years to make sure I can give you everything you need and then some.”
I felt her arms try to lift, either to push away or pull me closer, but I didn’t want either. I liked her exactly as she was in that moment.
“Let me hold you,” I rasped.
She stilled, and I smiled over her head.
“I guess you aren’t a scholarship student like me?”
“No, baby. I’m not.”
“Doesn’t it bother you?”
“What?” I asked, soaking in her soft voice, how right she felt against me, knowing she was in my clothes and my arms.
“That I’m broke and you aren’t.”
I pulled back, cupping her face in my hands. “I don’t care about money. I never have. Yes, it makes life easier, but it isn’t what makes me rich. You are.”
She inhaled, eyes glimmering with emotion. “Ben.”
I shook my head once. “You’re more important to me than paper currency will ever be. As long as I have you, I have everything.”
“I see why I agreed to marry you,” she whispered.
Even as my heart constricted, I smiled. “You’ll keep the phone?”
She nodded. “Thank you for getting it for me.”
Leaning in, I pressed my lips to her forehead, letting them linger. “I put everyone’s numbers in there already.”
“Thank you, Benji.”
Her memory loss made it easier. Evaporating barriers that always existed between us and making it easier to get my way. Yes, I was taking advantage.
And yes, that made me a shitbag.
My phone went off.
She pulled out of my arms, gesturing with her chin to my pocket. “You should get that.”
Pointing at the hoodie, I instructed, “Put your arms in the sleeves,” then fished the phone out of my pocket to glance at the screen. Seeing who it was, I accepted the call. “Bro. What’s up?”
Prism’s voice filled my ear. “Are you coming to second swim and the gym?”
“Uhh…” I hedged, glancing briefly at Jess. “I’m busy.”
“Coach was asking about you this morning.”
I made a sound. “I’ll be at practice tomorrow.”
“He’s gonna shred you in the pool. You better come work out.”
I turned, eyes snagging on Jess’s crutches and bag that I’d left in the center of the sidewalk. “I’m with Jess right now,” I told him.
“Is she okay?” he asked, instantly concerned.
“Yeah.” I assured him, turning back to where she stood.
“Is that Matt?” she asked, completely covered in my hoodie and her sweater dangling from her fingertips. The sweater I told her not to take off.
“Girl! Did you seriously just do a strip show for the campus?” I demanded.
Prism made a strangled sound in my ear. “What?”
“You better come save your sister,” I told him. “I’m about to spank her ass.”
She seemed completely unthreatened. It offended me. “Can I talk to him?”
“No.”
“Please?”
I sighed. “Jess wants to talk to you,” I told him, handing over the phone.
“Matty,” she called into the line.
I got a little jealous. I’d just kissed the shit out of her, and she didn’t sound like that when she talked to me.
I crossed my arms and glared. Seconds later, she made a rude sound. “Oh my God, I didn’t strip in the middle of campus.”
Smirking, I cupped my hand around my mouth to yell, “Give her hell, P.”
“I pulled it off underneath the hoodie,” she explained, exasperated. “You’re both ridiculous.”
Prism said something that made her look at me. “You haven’t been to practice in four days?”
I grabbed the cell from my girl. “Tattletale,” I said into the line.
“If you miss any more, Coach is going to bench you at the next meet. It’s one of our last ones for the season.”
There was an anxious undertone to his words. I’d been focused on Jess almost twenty-four-seven the past few days, and I hadn’t checked in with him. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he needed me too.
Lying to your girl. Being a bad friend.
“I won’t miss any of the meets we have left.” I assured him. Then, “You doing okay, P?”
“I’m fine.” He straight lied.
“Bro code.” I reminded.
He sighed. “Fuck you.”
“You know I had to do it.”
Evoking bro code meant he couldn’t give me some bullshit answer. Bro code was sacred, a pact we’d made a long time ago to be truthful and loyal to each other no matter what. I didn’t evoke it very often now that we were older, but sometimes it had to be done. When we were younger, it was the only way to get a truthful answer out of him. But like I said, I’d been a little preoccupied the past few days, and now I needed to make sure I didn’t miss something.
He was quiet on the line, and I waited him out.
Eventually, he sighed. “It’s been a little loud lately.”
He’s struggling. I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “The chaos has been real.” I agreed, flicking a glance at Jess who was quietly watching me. “I’ll meet you at the gym.”
“You don’t have to,” he said, voice quiet. But there was relief there too.
“I want to,” I said truthfully, skipping the joke I could have made.
A hint of timidity came through in his next words. “Can we swim before we hit the weights?”
It was good I’d pulled out bro code. “Bro, sure.” I agreed. “See you at the pool. And P?”
“Yeah?”
“Wear that little Speedo I like.”
He laughed. “Fuck you.”
A joke was needed after all.
“I love you, bro!” I yelled into the line, and he hung up.
Smiling, I tucked the phone back into my pocket.
“Is everything okay?” Jess asked, voice slightly unsure.
I nodded. “Yeah, but instead of taking you to the theater, how about we go to the pool?”
She straightened off the wall, wobbling a little with her weight balanced on one leg. “You were taking me to the theater?”
“Figured you might be missing the piano.”
Several emotions flickered over her features all at once. “How’d you know?”
I stepped forward, slipping my arm around her waist, offering to support some of her weight. “Because piano is a part of you.”
Her hands came up to rest against my biceps. Just that simple touch had my heart bouncing around erratically. “Like swimming is part of you.”
“Mm.” I agreed.
“You’ve been missing it?”
Dividing my stare between hers, I whispered, “I’ve had more important things to focus on.”
Her nose wrinkled. “Isn’t swimming your passion?”
Unable to help myself, I dragged the pad of my finger down the bridge of her nose. “Not my only one. Not the most important.”
Her lips curled in. A whole symphony of emotion played across her face. It was no secret I loved this girl’s piano skills, but that silent song was now my favorite. I should feel like the world’s largest ass, like a criminal in handcuffs. What I was doing was wrong.
But goddamn, she felt so fucking right.
The openness of her stare. The way she lit up when I said something she liked. She looked at me the way I always wanted. Like I was her sun, moon, and sky. Like she loved me the way I loved her.
I can’t go back to being just her friend. I can’t go back to less.
“Ben?” The timid call in her tone was like honey to a bee.
“What’s up, baby girl?”
I felt her chest inflate as though she was gathering the courage to make a confession. Anticipation built inside me as I waited with bated breath.
“What if I forgot how to play?” The words rushed out in a pained confession.
Even if I had hoped she’d say something else, I was not disappointed. Anything she entrusted me with was something I would be grateful for.
“Hey,” I called, gently grasping her chin to push it up so she’d have to look at me. “Have you been worrying about that?”
She bit into her lower lip, eyes shimmering with tears. “That’s why I’m here at Westbrook, right? Because I’m crazy good at piano.”
“Crazy good.” I agreed, rubbing my thumb over her jaw.
“So what if I forgot? What if, when I sit down at the piano again, I don’t know how to play? Or how to read music. What if whatever it was that made me so good is gone with all my memories?”
I whistled low. “Those are some heavy thoughts.”
Her head bobbed. “I could lose my scholarship.”
I made a sympathetic sound, wrapping her in both arms, wishing I could shield her from her own thoughts. “Bring those Bambi eyes up here,” I beckoned, and she lifted them instantly, making my heart skip a beat.
“Good girl,” I praised. She flushed, and I suppressed a smile. Someone’s got a praise kink. “I know it’s scary up in here right now,” I said, lightly tapping against her temple. “But there is one thing I know as sure as the sky is blue.”
Taking her chin, I pushed her face up. “See? Sky is definitely blue, right?”
She giggled, making the bottom fall out of my stomach. I fucking loved her. I loved her so much I wondered how I’d managed to keep myself in check all these years.
What’s going to happen when she finds out about your lies?
“It’s more azure today,” she sassed.
“Listen here, you cheeky little brat,” I said, tightening the grip on her chin to give her face a light shake. “It’s blue.”
Smiling, she nodded. “Yes, Benji. It’s blue.”
My hand fell away from her chin, and I rocked back a little into my heels.
Alarm flashed over her features. “What’s the matter?”
“You called me Benji again.”
Her eyes widened, realization dawning. “I didn’t even think about it. It just came out.”
I swallowed.
“You said that’s what I normally call you.” She paused, wary. “Right?”
I cleared my throat once, then again, trying to scrape the fucking emotion hardening in my windpipe like concrete. “Yeah.”
“Then why do you look like that?” Between us, her hands began to wring.
“It just,” I said, rubbing my palm over the back of my neck while staring down at my shoes. “You never quite said it like that before.”
“Like what?”
Dripping with affection. Like a woman teasing her lover. The ache that caused. The intimation that I was more than just her childhood bestie. The desperation I felt to hear it again.
“Ben?” She worried.
I’d been quiet too long. Lost in a river of feels. “I liked it,” I said, the admission seeming minimal compared to what raged inside me.
“You did?”
I made a noise and cupped the back of her head, pulling her in. Her cheek pillowed against my shoulder, and I scratched my still-unshaven chin over her hair. Touching her was second nature now, almost as though she was an extension of my own body.
The second I’d found her at the bottom of those stairs, something inside me shattered. I couldn’t keep my hands away. It was like I had to continually assure myself she was here and not just a dream.
“That’s the worst fucking nickname.” I spoke over her head, and I continued to stroke her hair. “But damn, if it doesn’t sound like perfection rolling off your tongue.”
Her arms wound around my waist, hugging me. “The sky is definitely blue today, Benji.”
My heart inverted, and I made a sound, turning my face to pillow my cheek on the crown of her head. She was a damn good height. Just perfect for me to cuddle.
“You didn’t forget to play piano, baby. You’ve got a whole symphony inside you. A song all your own. I still remember the first time I heard you play. How mesmerized I was. You’ve only gotten better since. The second you sit down at those keys, your body and mind will take over and it will be like it always is when you play.”
“And how is that?”
“Like you’ve stolen all the oxygen out of my lungs and replaced it with your melody.”
Her arms tightened around me, squeezing so tight I worried she might hurt herself. But I didn’t complain. I never would.
“I’d take you to the theater right now and prove it, but I gotta meet Prism.”
She pulled back, and it made me a little grumpy. Spinning on my heel, I dropped in front of her and patted my shoulder. “Uber’s here.”
“What’s an Uber?”
I nearly fell over. “Oh shit, you forgot that too?” Bracing my hand on the cold ground, I glanced over my shoulder.
The vision she made was an arrow through my heart. Strands of brown hair blew around her like an unruly halo, and her long legs stretched from beneath my blue hoodie, the sleeves concealing her hands.
My final girl.
“You know what? You don’t need to know about that anyway. You can’t be getting in cars with strangers. They’ll kidnap you, and then I’ll spend the rest of my life in jail with a roommate named Chex, and he’ll have a weird fascination with watching me use the toilet in our cell.”
I shuddered just thinking about it.
“That is disturbingly detailed,” she mused.
“The point is you aren’t allowed to ride in an Uber.” I gestured. “Let’s go.”
She climbed on my back, and I stood, adjusting her as I went. “Ben?”
“Mm?” I hummed on the way over to get all our stuff.
“I know what an Uber is. I was kidding.”
“Your memory is coming back,” I observed.
“Yes, little things here and there. And in some of my classes, I knew the answers to questions the professors asked.”
“That’s good,” I said, stomach clenching. I wanted her to get her memory back. Even if remembering meant I got caught in a lie. Even if it meant that first kiss might be our only.
It hadn’t exactly been what I had in mind for our first kiss, but I’d rather amputate my nut sack than give it back. It was hard to even feel guilty that I just took it like that because it was so damn satisfying.
She squealed when I bent to pick up her stuff, and I pretended I was going to dump her off my back. She clutched at me and hollered, making me laugh.
I absolutely wanted her to get her memory back… but maybe I wouldn’t mind if it took a little longer because maybe I wasn’t ready to let this go.
20
Jess
Ben wanted me to go to the pool and gym with him. I considered it. Part of me did want to go. I liked being around him. Something about him just settled me. A strange description perhaps, but I could think of no better way to describe how he made me feel.
Getting back to classes and my routine was overwhelming. Looking around at all the people and places that I should know and seeing the unfamiliar was scary. Despite having trivial things come back to me throughout the day, I was still anxious I wouldn’t remember. If I didn’t, it would be like starting over, but how would I start over when I was already in the middle of my life?
It was because of this that I wanted to stay with Ben and Matt. It was also why I didn’t.
Yep, that’s me. A walking oxymoron.
Yes, Ben and even Matt made me feel safe and not so overwhelmed. It was nice. Comfortable. The urge to cling to them was definitely there. However, I needed to remember. To do that, I had to keep to my stupid routine.
I was beginning to hate that word.
So instead of going with Ben like I wanted, I had him drop me off at my dorm. It wasn’t exactly true to my routine because, apparently, I should be at work at the music store off campus. Ben had called and told them about my accident, and they gave me a week off. He also called the people I gave piano lessons to and canceled those for the week too. Things I probably should have done for myself, but I had to admit when he did them, I was relieved.
We avoided telling my boss and students about the retrograde amnesia. In fact, I didn’t tell anyone at all except my roommate and the professors I saw today. The only reason I told them was that it was need-to-know.
It seemed too overwhelming to explain to people. The curiosity of others was a burden I didn’t want to bear. I was hoping my memory would come back quickly and it wouldn’t even matter. Even after an entire day of going to classes, basically retracing steps I’d taken all semester, it wasn’t enough to shake free the block on my mind.
So I was here. In my dorm instead of the pool, further familiarizing myself with my own room while hoping it would somehow flip the switch in my brain.
Okay, fine. I was mostly daydreaming about that kiss. Because holy hell swoon.
