Heart of Hope and Fear (The Order of the Crystal Daggers, #3), page 1
HEART
of
HOPE and FEAR
BOOK THREE OF THE ORDER OF THE CRYSTAL DAGGERS
◊ ◊ ◊ ◊
C. S. Johnson
Copyright © 2021 by C. S. Johnson.
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher.
All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
Ebook ISBN: 978-1-948464-57-4
Paperback ISBN: 978-1-948464-58-1
Hardback ISBN: 978-1-948464-59-8
Also by C. S. Johnson
Birds of Fae
The Princess and the Peacock
Favan & Flew
One Flew Through the Dragon Heart
Once Upon a Princess
Beauty's Curse
Beauty's Quest
Beauty's Kiss
Beauty's Gift
The Once Upon a Princess Saga: A Historical Fantasy Fairy Tale Retelling of Sleeping Beauty: Full Series Box Set
The Alliance of the Dragon Sword
Dragon Tears
The Divine Space Pirates
The Heights of Perdition
The Breadth of Creation
The Price of Paradise
The Divine Space Pirates Trilogy
The Legend of Eydis
Eydis: The Island of the Dragon Bride
The Legend of Eydis
The Moonlight Pegasus
The Moonlight Pegasus
One Night of Moonlight
The Order of the Crystal Daggers
Kingdom of Ash and Soot
Prince of Secrets and Shadows
Night of Blood and Beauty
Heart of Hope and Fear (Coming Soon)
The Realms Beyond the Rainbow
Kitsuneko
The Signs of the Stars
The Birth of Gemini
The Starlight Chronicles
Searching
Slumbering
Awakening: A Christmas Episode of the Starlight Chronicles
Calling
Falling: A Starry Knight Episode of the Starlight Chronicles
Submerging
Seeing: A Wedding Episode of the Starlight Chronicles
Remembering
Belonging: A Date Night Episode of the Starlight Chronicles
Continuing
Reflecting: A Dream Episode of the Starlight Chronicles
Outpouring
Reawakening: A Rebirth Episode of the Starlight Chronicles
Everlasting
The Starlight Chronicles: An Epic Fantasy Adventure Series: Collector Set #1, Books 1-4
The Starlight Chronicles: An Epic Fantasy Adventure Series: Collector Set #2, Books 5-7
Till Human Voices Wake Us
Across the Floors of Silent Seas
Till Human Voices Wake Us
Standalone
The Serpent-Bearer and the Prince of Stars
A Knight's Quest for the Holy Grail
The Girl of All My Memes
Should I Go to College? What About Student Loan Debt?
Good Writing is Like Good Sex: Sort of Sexy Thoughts on Writing
Northern Lights, Southern Stars
Omelas Revisited
Watch for more at C. S. Johnson’s site.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Also By C. S. Johnson
Psalm 111:10, NIV
*1*
*2*
*3*
*4*
*5*
*6*
*7*
*8*
*9*
*10*
*11*
*12*
*13*
*14*
*15*
*16*
*17*
*18*
*19*
*20*
*21*
*22*
*23*
*24*
*25*
*26*
*27*
*28*
*29*
*30*
*31*
*32*
*Epilogue* | Vienna, 1875
Jennifer C. Sell
Amalia Chitulescu
Thank you for reading! Please leave a review for this book and check out my other books for more adventures!
THE ORDER OF THE CRYSTAL DAGGERS
Further Reading: Night of Blood and Beauty
Also By C. S. Johnson
About the Author
Psalm 111:10, NIV
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
all who follow his precepts have good understanding.
To him belongs eternal praise.
This book is dedicated with much love to Sam, as always. I always wonder what you’ll think if you read it, and then I am terrified that you actually will.
Second, this is for my own little prince and princess. You will not always be so little, but there will always be a crown in the kingdom of my heart just for you. I may write legends, but I gave birth to them, too.
Third, this is for Terri, who did everything short of holding me at gunpoint to make sure this book was finished, and Cathy, who dragged me through my points of depression and uncertainty as I made my way through the book. Without Cathy pulling me through and Terri pushing from behind, I wouldn’t have made it, and I wouldn’t have made it as well as I did.
Fourth, this is for Faith. In a world of princesses, you reign as queen, and I am honored to call you my friend.
Fifth, I live in a world of half-imagination and half-reality, but it is all wonder thanks to my family, friends, and fans. I owe so much to each person who has touched my life, and I am grateful for the chance to be a part of each of yours, even if it is only through the magic of a book—and the magic you sense, as such it is, is only a small pittance of the love and joy that lies beneath.
And finally, this book is also dedicated especially to my favorite friends and fans who made sure that I finished this book. The road has been very long and as cumbersome as tiresome, and I am eternally grateful for those who have given me their company and goodwill.
MY (ALMOST) FAMOUS Readers:
Bryn S.
Cathy H.
Jennifer S.
Laura P.
Krissy F.
Rebecca B.
Priscila P.
Malissa P.
Rebecca L.
Beth C.
Darla A.
Donna S.
David S.
David W.
Daniel S.
Terri R.
Tina M.
Christian S.
Jacob A.
Natalia K.
Jerilyn B.
Marty H.
Crystal M.
Ani S.
Marty H.
Jeremy R.
Mary S.
G. E.
Kara G.
Stephen D.
Jan K.
*1*
◊
“Eleanora.”
Against the darkness of the lingering night, I heard my grandmother calling for me from the other side of my bedroom door.
It could’ve just as easily been the other side of the world, and I still would’ve heard her, I thought groggily.
Even though I had not known her long, I knew there was no ignoring Lady Penelope Ollerton-Wellesley—especially when she demanded my attention.
The shadows of her toes began to tap impatiently from the other side of the door. It was too easy to believe St. Peter would simply open the pearly gates at her command, rather than calling her into heaven himself.
“Eleanora, I know you’re awake. This is no time to languish.”
I frowned at her sharp tone. Assuming she makes it into heaven.
Frustrated, I shifted my weight onto my elbows and eased myself up from the softness of my mattress.
“What is it?” I flinched at the stark sound of my voice as it cut through the early morning air. I did not want to wake yet, but between Lady POW and the wintry chill, I knew there was little hope of finding sleep again.
“You have training this morning. And you are late.” Lady Penelope’s sour tone hardened, as if she sensed my resistance.
I stifled a groan. She only ever seemed pleased when I was miserable, and in the month since our meeting with Empress Maria Anna, the former ruler of the Austria-Hungarian Empire, pleasing her was more than impossible.
“I will be there in a few moments,” I promised.
“See that you are. Also, I need you to tend to Lumiere. He’s been drinking the absinthe again.”
At the mention of the infuriating, incorrigible Frenchman who was currently our prisoner, I clenched my fists into the folds of my blankets. Lumiere had been drinking in excess since his arrival, and it was a miracle the rest of us hadn’t followed suit. He regularly insisted that if he was stuck here, he’d make sure we were fully aware of it every cursed moment of our lives.
So far, I was the only one who had any success when it came to shaming him. Even Tulia could not stop him, and she’d never had any trouble getting anyone to heed her orders, even as a mute. Yet Lumiere only laughed at Tulia’s silent chiding, calling her his favorite old crone and insisting her ugliness kept the devil at bay. Seeing Tulia so uncharacteristically helpless disturbed me far more than I wanted to admit.
Perhaps it was because Lumiere was more than a legitimate threat. Quite proudly, he’d admitted to orchestrating the attack on Tulia’s house before the Advent Ball and organizing several other murders around Prague. He never repented of those transgressions, either; instead, he insisted everything he did was supposedly under the direction of his father, and he even assured me I would thank him if I knew the whole truth. But when I would ask what he meant, he only devolved into a fit of laughter.
Lady Penelope reprimanded me for paying any attention to him at all, and this made me even more upset.
How could I be anything but horrified at Lumiere’s delighted confessions?
Tulia was severely burned because of his orders. Outside my family, others were dead, and the future of the kingdom was more uncertain than ever.
And after all that, why should I have to be the one bringing him to heel, as if he was a wild dog?
“I need you to hurry.” Lady Penelope let out a long sigh, forcing me back to the moment at hand.
I unclenched my fists, letting the feeling come back into my fingertips. Lady Penelope could have sent anyone else to fetch me—Xiana, Amir, or Tulia, or one of her maidservants; if she had come for me, there was a good chance she hadn’t been able to sleep herself.
As much as I suffered because of it, I could understand her restlessness. So much had happened after the Salacia had blown up in the harbor.
“All right,” I replied carefully.
“Fine. Do not disappoint me, Eleanor.”
I winced as she called me by my mother’s name. Before I could correct her, Lady Penelope’s shadow whirled around and disappeared down the hall. As she turned down the corner, I could hear her skirts fluttering angrily.
“Thank you, Lord.” I let out a quiet sigh of relief before slumping back onto my bed.
An arm reached out from the shadows beside me and curled me into a tight embrace. I smiled as the scent of lavender and mint flickered around me, hinting of musk and carrying the warmth of flesh.
“Why is she bothering us this early in the morning?” Ferdy’s voice was muffled by his pillow.
“It’s Lumiere. He needs to be subdued, apparently.”
“I would’ve happily taken care of him for you, if I’d been allowed.”
I grimaced at his dark tone, recalling how often in the last few weeks Ferdy had fought with Lumiere. “Lady POW told you to stay away from him if all you were going to do was argue.”
“I’m happy to do more than argue.” He shifted closer to me. “Besides, I don’t take orders from your grandmother.”
“Then think of it as a request from me.” I patted his arm gently. “I don’t like seeing you get hurt. Besides, Lumiere enjoys getting you into trouble. He doesn’t deserve such happiness.”
“What of my happiness?”
I leaned into him. “You must find it elsewhere for now.”
“It’s no wonder why I love you.” Ferdy chuckled before his lips touched my shoulder. My skin tingled with the whisper of heightened awareness.
“You know I need to train this morning.” My heart beat in warning and anticipation. “Our position with Lady Penelope is tenuous enough. For now, I’d rather you not risk her wrath.”
“I wouldn’t dare,” Ferdy playfully assured me as he pressed another kiss on my neck.
“Ferdy.” My voice was full of warning, but he was eager to ignore me.
“Come now, you already trained plenty last night.” Ferdy drew me even closer to him. “Lady Penelope should appreciate enthusiastic training such as ours.”
Even in the dark, I blushed. “Ferdy.”
“Ah, chérie, you know I love hearing you say my name. Such a ploy is sure to make me spill all my secrets.” His voice was still slightly slurred with sleep, but I knew he was stirring awake as his lips found mine.
His mouth was irresistibly warm. I twined my arms around his neck, moaning softly in momentary surrender. My lips were still swollen with his kisses from the night before, but the more I had of him, the more I wanted.
Ferdy, for his part, seemed to be in complete agreement. His one arm kept me pinned next to him, while his other held my head closer to his.
I giggled, reluctantly pulling away from him as the stubble of his beard tickled my neck. “Come, now. You know Lady Penelope is the leader of the Order, and I have to listen to her.”
“You’re my bride, and I’m your master now.” As if to prove it, he rolled over and tugged me underneath him. The heat between the two of us crackled like lightning through the room, made more clear and certain as it met February’s bristling chill.
“You might be the master, but she’s still the spymaster.” It was so hard to remain resolved. I let him kiss me a few more times before I slid out from under him.
“Now you’re just torturing me.”
“Absolument.” I freed myself from his grasp and rolled off the bed to grab my chemise. As I dressed for training with Harshad and Xiana, I could see Ferdy’s cheeky smile in the dim morning light.
I climbed into a pair of breeches; I usually trained in my stealth habit, but with the colder weather of setting in, I opted for warmer clothes.
“You get such joy out of wounding me like this, Ella.” Ferdy sat up and crossed his arms over his chest, watching me. He was clearly enjoying himself, even if he insisted on making everything harder. “Weren’t you the one, just a few weeks ago, who tried to convince me that parting was such sweet sorrow, and then promptly fell into inconsolable despair after leaving me?”
Recalling the incident he was referring to, I almost smacked him.
“There is quite a difference in believing you’re dead and knowing you’re just a few corridors away,” I retorted. Despite the flare of my temper, I was glad for his goading. There was no doubt Ferdy was infuriating at times, but that was all the more reason to make him suffer—and it would help me keep my promise to Lady Penelope. “Besides, you know this is important. I’m certain Lady POW would’ve shot Lumiere herself by now if he wasn’t our best lead on Lord Maximillian, and we need to find him if we’re going to save Karl.”
Ferdy groaned. “If there’s one thing that will kill the mood, it’s mentioning my wayward brother.” He climbed out of bed, wrapping a sheet around himself. “But then, I suppose I have things to attend to, as well.”
“What do you have to do?” I asked, genuinely curious. Ferdy was not a member of the League of Ungentlemanly Warfare, nor was he a member of the Order of the Crystal Daggers, as I was. He chose to remain at my side, even standing against his mother and Lady Penelope to do so, but he had no official orders.
“Oh, nothing much,” he assured me, his tone too casual for comfort. “But if you must know, I’ve decided to use my time on a few special projects.”
I frowned, suddenly suspicious. “What does that mean?”
“Just that if Clavan and Jarl don’t see me at the Cabal every once in a while, they’ll be concerned.”
My cheeks filled with heat, recalling my more recent, embarrassing moments there. “Especially after I thought you were dead?”
“Especially now that I’m married,” Ferdy said with a gentle chuckle.
I could almost smile back at him.
“Don’t tell me Jarl is listening to your advice,” I warned, thinking of our friends down at the publican house. “I won’t let Faye suffer because of your antics.”
“Never,” Ferdy promised, once more making me suspicious with his quick appeasement. “Remember, Jarl happens to know his fiancée is not a spy or an assassin. Since that’s the first rule for finding a bride, I’m willing to gamble he’ll be fine in the end.”
“We’re not assassins,” I murmured, knowing my objection was useless. Ferdy and I would likely never see things the same way; he observed the Order from the outside, while I was a member on the inside.
