Defiance Series Complete Collection, page 107
I meet his gaze. “We both know I can.”
“Let’s see you prove it.”
The walkway is nearly empty now as people, terrified to be so close to my father when he’s this angry, have fled into the surrounding buildings. I wipe blood from a cut on my cheek and realize that maybe I don’t need the council’s help. Maybe all it takes is finding the courage to speak my own truth and stand by it. “I’m done proving things to you.”
“Is that a fact?” His voice grows ugly with the kind of viciousness he only aims at those he plans to kill.
I straighten my shoulders and look him in the eye. “Yes. I’m finished doing the wrong thing because I’m too afraid of you to say no. Jared Adams is a good man. He doesn’t deserve to die, and I’m going to make sure he lives. If you want to kill him, you’re going to have to go through me to do it.”
Dad smiles, long and slow. “You’re going to be begging to take back those words before this night is over, boy.” He glances at the council house, where Elder Saintcrow watches us from a window and then turns on his heel and walks away.
I stay at the council building, just outside the door, for hours. Waiting. Someone brings food for the elders. Someone else brings water. Voices drift out of the building, but I can’t make out the words. The sky is a deep, dark blue lit by the scattered stars and the moon that shines directly overhead.
I haven’t seen Willow. I hope she isn’t paying for my choices. I haven’t seen Dad, either, but I will. He’ll be coming for Jared, and for me.
I’m going to stop him.
Pulling my jacket close to ward off the frigid night air, I consider my options. I can incapacitate him briefly and give me time to get Willow and Jared out of the village, but I don’t know if Willow wants to leave, and if the council isn’t finished with Jared, that won’t work. I can get the elders’ attention and hope they make the decision to put Dad in jail instead of Jared.
Or I can kill him.
He deserves it. I know he does. But so do I. I’ve done terrible things in the name of obeying my father. I told myself it was my duty. That I had no choice.
Now I realize that I’ve had a choice for a while. Ever since I was strong enough to overcome Dad in a fight. I can’t change the past, but I can take control of my future.
I won’t kill him, but I will stop him.
I tense as I hear a faint slide of boot against wood. He’s here. He’s come to make me pay for my disobedience. To kill Jared Adams once he’s finished making an example out of me.
I draw in a breath and roll to the balls of my feet, my limbs loose and ready for the confrontation, and then I stare in shock as Willow steps in front of me, her knife in her hands.
Chapter Nine
“Willow! You got away from Dad.” I uncurl my fists and step forward.
“Stay where you are.” Her voice is cold and clear.
I frown. “Or what, you’ll use that knife on me?”
“Just stay where you are, Quinn.” She moves toward the front door. “I have to do this.”
“Do what?” I move to block her, and she whirls to face me, her eyes flashing.
“What I came here to do.” Her eyes are fierce, and suddenly I know—Dad didn’t come to kill Jared. He sent Willow instead. What better way to punish me than to force the sister I’m trying to save to ruin the innocent man I’ve promised to protect?
“You aren’t going in there,” I say quietly.
“Yes, I am.” Her eyes are desperate.
I grab her arm before she can go past me. “Willow, stop. Jared is innocent—”
“I don’t care about Jared. I care about you.” She lifts her chin. “You made a choice between obeying Dad or sparing a man’s life. Now I get to make a choice between torturing that man to death or watching Dad take yours.” Her lips tremble in the moonlight before she thins them into a stubborn line.
“There are other choices.”
“Not when it means I could lose you.” She tries to shake my grip, but I move with her, keeping myself between her and the door.
“What if we both decided not to obey Dad anymore? What if we both just walked away from all of this?”
For a long moment, she stares at me, and I think I’ve got her, but then she whispers, “He has my bow and arrows. On the western walkway. If I don’t kill the prisoner and make it truly awful, Dad will, and then he’ll put an arrow in your gut and let you bleed out slowly while he tears your body apart. The life of a stranger isn’t worth that, Quinn. Nothing you say will convince me otherwise.”
Before I can answer her, the council door opens. Elder Toilspun leads Jared onto the walkway. For a second, Jared’s body is silhouetted by the lamplight from inside the building. I hear the faint twang of an arrow leaving its bow.
Jared is about to die.
I dive in front of him before the thought can finish forming and brace myself for the pain of an arrow tip ripping into my body. If I sacrifice myself to save another, will that erase all the harm I’ve done?
“No!” Willow leaps forward, grunts, and crumples to the walkway, an arrow sticking out of her side.
“Willow!” I drop to my knees beside her. Jared throws himself down next to me as another arrow buries itself in the door frame of the council building. Quickly, I grab one of the flower barrels beside the door and shove it in front of us to spoil Dad’s aim.
“Gently.” Jared looks at Willow, and then snaps at Elder Toilspun, “Get me clean rags, a bucket of hot water, and whatever plant you use to disinfect a wound.”
Panic races through me, and my hands shake too much to pull out the arrow without widening the wound.
“Let me,” Jared says.
“You should get inside. He might try to shoot you again,” I say.
“Focus on the girl.” Jared nods toward Willow. She’s bleeding; a puddle is forming on the walkway beneath her. My heart is pounding, and my throat is tight.
Willow is all I have. I was supposed to save her, but instead, she saved me. I have to keep her alive. Losing my sister would do the one thing Dad hasn’t yet managed to do—destroy me.
Several elders hurry out of the building, thrusting rags our way. Matthias has been sent for disinfectant and hot water, but we don’t wait. I press the rags around the arrow’s tip while Jared gently pulls it out. Willow screams once, and then clamps her jaw shut and moans in pain. Blood bubbles up, and I push the rags against the wound while I pray that the arrow didn’t hit anything vital, didn’t go too deep.
“Get out of my way!” Dad’s voice booms through the night.
I don’t turn around, but Jared lunges to his feet.
“Did you do this?” Jared doesn’t raise his voice, but there’s power inside of it. Power and anger. “Did you shoot this girl?”
“I shot at you, you worthless piece of trash. My children were stupid enough to try to save you.”
The shaking in my fingers creeps up my arms and settles in my chest.
“You shot at me while your children were in danger of being hit?” Jared’s voice rises.
“Raised them better than to risk their lives for a stranger, but the boy is a soft-spined fool, and the girl was stupid enough to protect her brother.” Dad’s voice is filled with contempt.
Something hot and feral unfurls in my stomach as Dad approaches us.
“Get away from her,” Dad says.
Keeping my hands pressed against Willow’s wound, I slowly raise my eyes to meet my father’s. “No.”
“You listen, boy, and you listen good. This is your one chance. You get away from her and you take care of the threat the way I taught you, or the next weapon I use will be on you.”
“Quinn—” Willow whispers, her hand reaching for my wrist.
“You try to use a weapon on your son, and you’ll be dealing with me,” Jared says.
Quicker than water, Dad leaps forward, across Willow, his knives in his hands as he dives for Jared’s knees.
I slam into him and send him sprawling in front of Elder Toilspun.
“Help Willow,” I say to Jared as Dad flips to his feet and turns on me with a snarl.
“Think you’re better than me? Think you could choose a stranger over your own family, and I’d stand for it?” He spins the knives into his favorite throwing position.
I drop and roll toward him as the first knife leaves his hand. It flies over me and embeds itself in the railing that lines the walkway. Before he can throw the next one, I come up swinging.
The rage bursts free of the dam within me. I can’t hear anything but the pounding of my heart and the memory of the constant litany of abuse that has spewed from my father’s lips since I was born. I can’t feel anything but the blazing heat of my anger coursing through me and the way his body gives beneath my fists. I can’t see anything but the blood he’s put on my hands and the flash of fear on his face as he realizes I’m stronger than him.
We smash into the council door and land heavily on the floor inside. In seconds, we’re both on our feet, throwing punches and pivoting to match each other’s moves. I take his blows and barely feel the pain. We have the same training, the same instincts, but I’m faster.
I’m always faster.
This time, I don’t hold back. I drive my fist into his stomach and think of every time he laid a whip to Willow’s back. I slam my elbow into his temple and remember the way the light in my mother’s eyes grew fainter and fainter until all that was left was a haze of corn liquor. I kick his knee hard enough to shatter bone and remember my screams the first time he broke my arm. Before I’d learned that screams only made the punishment worse.
“No more,” I pant as his shattered knee gives out, and he falls heavily to the floor. “You’re done giving orders. You’re done abusing us. And you’re done killing people.”
He spits out a mouthful of blood and teeth and glares at me. “I’m done when I say I’m done.”
I lean down, my face inches from his, and say with absolute certainty, “You. Are. Done.”
His right shoulder tightens, a nearly imperceptible movement, and his eyes flick toward my chest. He whips his remaining knife toward my heart.
I block his arm with my right palm, moving the tip of the blade to the side.
He lunges forward.
Grabbing his wrist with my left hand, I wrench the weapon around, and shove it toward him.
The blade slides into his chest.
We stare at our hands, both holding the hilt, while blood pours across his tunic. My pulse pounds against my skull, and my breathing tears through me like sobs. I feel sick. Vindicated. Horrified.
His eyes find mine, full of fear and confusion, and he opens his mouth as if to say something, but I let go of the knife and back away. I don’t want to hear his last words. I don’t want to watch him die.
As his death gurgle rattles in his throat, I turn and stumble out of the council building.
Chapter Ten
“He’s dead,” Elder Toilspun says. “You killed him.”
I walk past the elder without a word and sink down beside Willow. There’s blood on my hands, but I no longer know if it’s hers or my father’s.
I killed my father.
Something warm wraps around my shoulders, and I look up in surprise to see Jared’s cloak resting on me while he shivers in the winter air.
I’m shivering, too. My teeth are chattering, and the rage that drove me now feels like a sea of ice chilling me from the inside out.
I killed my father.
Dimly, I realize that Willow’s injury is packed with turmeric to clean the wound and that Jared is carefully wrapping a bandage around her stomach. Her eyes are open, and she’s staring at me.
I killed my father.
Killed him.
“So much violence,” Elder Saintcrow mutters. “It isn’t natural.”
“You didn’t have a problem with it as long as we kept it outside the village border,” Willow says weakly. “You turned a blind eye. Kind of hypocritical to complain now.”
“I killed my father.” I try the words on for size, shocked to hear my voice shaking.
“He was trying to kill you, son.” Jared’s voice is kind.
“You stopped him,” Willow says. Her eyes are fierce. “Nothing else would’ve worked, Quinn. You stopped him.”
Do the echoes of his violence—echoes of my own violence—die with him? If I turn away from everything he taught me to be and choose a different path, can this moment be the ashes on which I build a new life?
“Quinn—”
Willow’s hand is cold against mine. I try to wrap my fingers around hers, but all I can think of is the blood on my skin. The blood on my soul.
“We will meet to decide what must be done in the wake of these events,” Elder Saintcrow says to us before ushering the rest of the elders into the council house, where we can no longer hear what they’re saying.
“I told Dad he was done,” I say as I meet Willow’s gaze. “I’m done too.”
Her grip becomes almost painful. “What do you mean you’re done?”
“No more weapons. No more fighting. I’m not going to be a monster like him.”
“You’re not a monster,” she says.
I don’t reply. The elders debate for hours. Someone brings Jared a blanket, and he wraps it around Willow. She tries to get me to talk to her, but I have nothing left to say. I’m hollow, my rage spilled out like my father’s blood. Jared sits quietly beside us, occasionally checking Willow’s wound. I’m strangely grateful that he still looks at me with clear-eyed calm instead of the terror imprinted on the face of every villager we see.
Finally, the elders leave the council house and approach. Elder Toilspun looks at me, his weathered face solemn.
“Several village laws have been broken tonight,” he says. “The most important, of course, being the law against killing a fellow villager.”
“He was defending himself!” Willow struggles to sit up, but hisses in a gasp of pain, shoving Jared’s hands away when he tries to help her. “Our father committed the crime. Hold him responsible.”
“We do, of course.” Elder Toilspun glances behind him at the group of elders, and then says softly, “But there’s also the issue of the village’s safety. After seeing what Samuel Runningbrook was capable of when he was angry, and then seeing that Quinn is capable of the same—”
“Want to see what I’m capable of?” Willow scans the walkway. “Somebody give me a weapon.”
“I’m afraid the elders have made our decision, and it is final.” He takes a deep breath and straightens his spine. “Quinn Runningbrook, you are hereby cast out of our village.”
Willow swears viciously and latches onto Jared’s shoulder so she can haul herself to her feet. She sways precariously, and sweat beads across her forehead, but no one knows how to take pain and keep going better than my sister. “If you cast him out, then you’d better do the same to me, or I will make you wish you had.”
“What about your mother?” Elder Toilspun asks.
“I go with Quinn.” Willow presses a hand to her wound.
Jared wraps an arm around her back and keeps her steady.
Elder Toilspun nods once. “Very well. Quinn and Willow Runningbrook, you are cast out. Jared Adams, as the council has found no proof of your guilt and wants no involvement in Rowansmark’s affairs, you are free to leave.”
Whispers blanket the air as the three of us slowly move down the walkway. Willow retrieves her bow and arrows from where Dad discarded them, and we take a moment to gather a few meager possessions from our home. Once Mom heard that Dad was dead, she disappeared into her room with her jar of corn liquor, not even coming out when I told her we were leaving for good. It doesn’t take long to pack up the few things we can call our own and rejoin Jared on the walkway that leads into the forest. I can feel the villagers watching us as we leave, but their gazes don’t touch me. Their words don’t matter.
I killed my father, and now I am both free of him and forever chained to the horror of what I’ve done. Somehow, I’m going to have to find a way to live with that. Jared puts Willow over his shoulder and carefully climbs down the northeast ladder. Willow smiles at me, and I read the forgiveness on her face.
Forgiveness I hope I can offer myself one day.
When the shock wears off. When the marks of violence fade. When I’m ready to look at this clearly and figure out what part is mine to bear and what part needs to be left on my father’s grave.
As I walk into the Wasteland with the lights of the village at my back, I promise myself that I will find redemption. I will find peace. I will become the man I choose to be.
Copyright
Balzer + Bray is an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.
Text copyright © 2014 by C. J. Redwine
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EPub Edition MAY 2014 ISBN 9780062306302
EPub Edition © 2014
ISBN 978-0-06-230630-2
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About the Author
C. J. REDWINE loves fairy tales, Harry Potter, and any movie starring Johnny Depp. If the novel-writing gig ever falls through, she’ll join the Avengers and wear a cape to work every day. C. J. lives in Nashville with her husband and children. You can visit C. J. online at www.cjredwine.blogspot.com.
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