A Bolt of Loving, page 12
“I think what was the most upsetting for me,” Lauren confided, “was the fact our split happened in public. I had embarrassed him in front of others, and I guess it was the final straw for him.”
“Not meaning to compare our respective splits,” Vince stated, “but, at least you saw Theo walk out on you. I wasn’t as fortunate with Carolyn. I came home from the casino one night to find all of her things gone. At first, I thought we had been broken into until I saw the ‘Dear Vince’ letter on the bed.”
“That’s terrible,” the saxophonist replied. “Do you remember what the letter said?”
Vince attempted to recollect. “Not word for word,” he admitted, “but, the gist of it was she had enough of my antics, and was saying goodbye to me. I knew I had messed up, and I’ve tried so hard to make amends since then. Alas, it’s evident she has moved on with her life, and I needed to do so, too.”
Lauren sighed. “And, I guess that’s what I need to do, as well,” she mused. “I’ve been clinging to the past for months, and seeing Theo at the restaurant brought all of those memories back.”
The drummer nodded. “I have to confess,” he said, “seeing Carolyn there brought a lot of my memories back, too.”
“But,” the saxophonist pointed out, “you weren’t upset about it.”
Vince lowered his head, and confided, “On the outside, I wasn’t, but inside, it wounded me. I knew a lot of things have happened in the two years we’ve been apart, but I had not been willing to accept it until that point. Seeing her with Theo forced me to do so, but at the same time, it made me realize while my life may not be pristine, I’m happy with where I am in my recovery, and with the woman I’m with now.”
Lauren offered a tired smile. “I’m happy being with you, too,” she said. The couple kissed each other tenderly. “Could you hold me while we try to fall back asleep, please?” she requested.
“I would love to,” he responded.
Vince and Lauren wrapped their arms around each other, and snuggled in. The drummer caressed the back of his lover’s head in a bid to soothe her troubled soul. In a few minutes, the couple drifted back into the Land of Nod, and did not awake until the alarm went off.
WHEN THURSDAY ROLLED around, Lauren was eager to see her therapist, Dr. Simmons. After the dream she had a couple nights before, she wanted to see if there was some solution to help combat the nightmare she had. Vince was kind enough to take the time off of work to spend with her before her appointment. When the psychiatrist announced she was ready to see the saxophonist, Vince said he would stay in the waiting room until after she was done. Of course, he had no choice because his appointment was after Lauren’s.
Lauren took a seat in front of Dr. Simmons desk, and the psychiatrist closed the door behind her. “How’s Lauren doing?” the doctor inquired.
“Not all that good, Dr. Simmons,” she reported. “I relapsed Tuesday.”
“I see,” the psychiatrist observed. “What brought this on?”
“I think it was all of the stress that has been going on in my life lately,” Lauren admitted. “Between this audition and my thoughts about Theo, I cracked.”
“Is Vince still harping about ‘inviting’ him to the audition?” Dr. Simmons queried.
Lauren shook her head. “No, thankfully,” she confided. “He’s eased up on that notion because he knew how much stress it was causing me.”
The psychiatrist pointed out, “Yet, it was still residing in your psyche, and it resulted in you having a drink.”
The saxophonist nodded. “Yes,” she confessed. “I would’ve had another one had it not been for Vince coming by before I poured it.”
“And, how did he react when you told him?” Dr. Simmons asked.
“When I opened the door,” Lauren recounted, “I told him I wished he didn’t see me like that. He didn’t say a word, but took me into his arms, and hugged me.”
The psychiatrist jotted down a few notes. “Sounds like he was willing to comfort you during your low point,” she observed.
“Yes,” the patient said. “He said he understood my struggle, and was glad to be there in my moment of distress. In all honesty, I was glad he was, too. There’s no telling how much more damage I would have caused myself had he not shown up.”
“Interesting,” Dr. Simmons commented. “It’s like he instinctively showed up when you needed it the most.”
“And, did I ever need him,” Lauren pronounced. “Especially, after I had a bad dream on Tuesday night.”
“Hold on,” the psychiatrist paused. “What bad dream? Was it about Vince, or Theo?”
The saxophonist told Dr. Simmons about the dream she had, detailing the memory of when Theo walked on her. Lauren admitted how she was probably too drunk to absorb the shock of him walking out of her life. The patient mentioned she awoke with Vince in her bed, and how the drummer talked to her about it; then, held her as they fell back asleep together.
“That’s rather peculiar you had such a dream,” the psychiatrist commented.
“It was,” Lauren said. “Vince suggested I wasn’t completely over Theo, and all of this stress caused me to have it.”
“That’s one theory,” Dr. Simmons noted. “However, I have a different one.”
Lauren was confused. “What might that be?” she queried.
“You mentioned Vince saw you right after your relapse,” the psychiatrist explained. “That night, you had the memory come back to you of the night Theo left. Perhaps, it is your sub consciousness making you worry that Vince might walk out on you, too.”
Lauren sat in stunned silence. She had not thought of such a notion, but hearing Dr. Simmons say it made it sound plausible. The saxophonist had lost one mate due to her alcoholism. Now, her psyche was telling her she was on the road to losing another if she wasn’t careful.
The patient began to weep in the office. “I can’t imagine my life without Vince in it,” she sobbed. “He’s been my rock for the past month, and if he were to walk out on me like Theo did, it would kill me.”
“And, there,” the psychiatrist said, “is your ‘Ah ha’ moment. You’re fortunate enough he was understanding enough you had a slip, and it wasn’t the end of the world. However, I must caution if you continue down this slippery slope, and you frequently return to your old vices, like your ex-husband, Vince might leave you, too. I hope that doesn’t happen, but you have to take a long hard look at your recovery. Vince is willing to make sacrifices to make you happy, but you have to put in the work, as well. It cannot be a one-way street all the time.”
“I get that now, Dr. Simmons,” Lauren replied. “I need start taking my recovery more seriously. I had grown complacent thinking Vince in my life would make things all better on its own. But now, I realize I have to take some charge in helping me, too.”
“But,” Dr. Simmons clarified,” I don’t want you shutting Vince out in the process either. Yes, he’s been wonderful in your recovery, and he can continue to do so. However, like I said, you have to do your part, as well.”
Lauren nodded, and thanked the psychiatrist for her advice. She shook Dr. Simmons’ hand, and walked into the waiting room where her lover was sitting.
Vince stood up. “How did it go?” he asked.
The saxophonist didn’t say a word, but gave him a huge hug. Vince had no recourse, but to hug her back.
“Vince,” Dr. Simmons announced. “I can see you now.”
Lauren eased her grasp. “Have a good appointment, honey,” she said. “I’ll see you later.”
“Sure thing, babe,” he replied. The couple gave each other a quick kiss before Vince headed in to see the psychiatrist.
Lauren stood there for a second, as the door closed behind her lover. With a clear insight, she knew what she had to do, and with Vince’s love and support, Lauren had the confidence to do so.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
THE NEXT NIGHT, THE band got together for their weekly rehearsal. Vince pulled up just as Randy did, as per their usual habit. They rang the side doorbell, and Lauren invited them in. Sean was already tuning up in the basement studio when they arrived. The ensemble took their places behind their instruments; however, Vince had something to say to the troupe.
“Before we get started tonight,” he said, “I want to apologize for any hardship I have caused over the past couple of weeks because of my ideas.”
“Vince, honey,” Lauren replied. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Hold on,” Glen interrupted. “Let’s give the new guy a chance to speak.”
Randy shook his head. “He’s been with us for a month-and-a-half,” the keyboardist complained, “and, you’re still giving him grief? What is your problem with him?”
The bass player explained, “My problem is ever since he came into the group, he’s caused nothing but problems for us. He’s disrupted our chemistry, and affected Lauren emotionally.”
“That’s enough, Glen,” the saxophonist warned. “Yes, I have had my emotional issues as of late, but that’s not a reflection on any member of this group. I have been doing a lot of soul searching, and the fact is I haven’t been ready to let go of Theo until now.”
“Lauren,” Vince asked, “are you comfortable with telling them this?”
“It’s okay, sweetie,” she insisted. “They’re part of my family, as you are. They have a right to know.”
Lauren told the rest of the group about her relapse a few days before, followed by the flashback dream she had during the night after. The saxophonist recounted the therapy session she had with Dr. Simmons the day before the rehearsal, and admitted her deep rooted fear where she worried Vince would walk out on her, the same way Theo had all those months ago.
The drummer stood up from his drum set, walked over to Lauren, and embraced her. “Lauren, sweetie,” he soothed, “I would never leave you. I’ll admit I was concerned about your relapse, but I didn’t know you were experiencing such remorse over it.”
“So,” the saxophonist asked, “you’re not going to leave me?”
Vince shook his head. “Nope,” he stated. “You have been a boon to my life, and if I were to give all of this up because you had one drink, I would be more insane than I allegedly am.”
“And, you’ve been a huge asset to mine,” Lauren confessed. “I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you around.”
“To borrow from the literature from my fellowship,” the drummer recited, “the illness could lead us to prison, insanity, or death. And, I’ll be damned if you wind up dead on my watch.”
Glen nodded. “I guess I owe you another apology,” he commented. “I’m only looking out for Lauren’s best interests. She’s kind of like a little sister to me, so I can’t help but be overprotective of her.”
“I understand that, Glen,” Vince replied. “You guys have been together for longer, so I get that having me come in while Sean is away was a disruption to the ebb and flow. But, I hope since we’re all on the same page now, we can work together as a cohesive unit, and nail this audition.”
Lauren agreed, “Yes, we have two weeks until this audition, and we cannot have one slip in our performance. We need to be as perfect, and nail every piece if we’re going to impress the producers.”
“I’m ready if you guys are,” Randy informed.
“Ditto,” Vince added.
“Make it three,” Glen reported.
Lauren took her spot, and announced, “Okay, guys. Let’s do this. And, so help me God, Randy, if you say that video game player’s name, you’re going to get this sax stuck where the sun doesn’t shine.”
Everyone in the group laughed at Lauren’s idle threat, and started playing their instruments for the first piece. As hoped, they nailed every note, and their timing was perfect. Their harmony continued for the rest of the set, and the troupe was all pleased with their results.
During the break, Glen wanted a word with Vince. The drummer looked over at Lauren, and felt a little uneasy. He knew Glen was not a fan of his, and although he had apologized twice previously, he was still worried the burly bass guitarist would cause further grief. Noticing the look of concern on her lover’s face, the saxophonist stood beside Vince for moral support.
“So,” Glen inquired, “you said you quoted some literature from your fellowship. I didn’t know you were battling an addiction, as well.”
Vince looked at Lauren, as if to ask if it was alright to tell the bass player his story. The saxophonist took the drummer’s hand into hers for support, and that was all the assurance he needed.
Vince took a deep breath. “Yes, Glen,” he confessed. “Like Lauren, I, too, have been battling an addiction. But, I have done my best to keep it arrested.”
The drummer explained his struggles with his illness, and how he had been attending his fellowship meetings twice a week for the past couple of years; as well as, attending personal therapy sessions with the same psychiatrist Lauren went to see.
“What’s more,” Vince added, “in order to get a better handle on the struggles Lauren is going through, I’ve started attending a support fellowship for those with loved ones battling alcoholism on Monday nights.”
Lauren stood there stunned. “You,” she stammered, “you’re doing that for me?”
The drummer nodded. “I am,” he replied. “The road to recovery is never an easy one, and I want to be able to support you every step of the way during your journey.”
Glen scratched the back of his head in astonishment. “Man,” he noted, “you must really love her, don’t you?”
“I do, Glen,” Vince answered. “I have never been with a woman who made me feel the way Lauren does; not even Carolyn.”
Lauren wept happy tears. “You’re very special to me, too, Vince,” she said. “I love you, so much.”
The couple embraced, and after some soul searching, the bass player gave the couple his blessing.
“As much as I hate to break up this happy bonding moment,” Randy mentioned. “But, we should get back to rehearsing. We still have a few more songs to perfect, and we only have a couple more practices to do it.”
“You’re right, Randy,” Lauren nodded. “Let’s get back to business.”
The troupe returned to their instruments, and practiced for another 90 minutes before they went their separate ways for the night. Vince and Lauren kissed their goodbyes, and he promised to return after his meeting the next morning to spend some time with her. As the drummer turned to leave, the saxophonist playfully smacked his ass, and giggled.
“Save that for tomorrow night, would you?” Vince cracked, with a wink.
Lauren closed the door behind him, and he drove his way home; pleased with how things were progressing with the band. But, he knew there was still an elephant in the proverbial room looming. It was only a matter of time until Theo and Carolyn would make another appearance in their lives. The question was, would the couple be prepared for it?
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
VINCE ARRIVED AT THE College of Behavioral and Community Sciences the next morning, and met up with his usual crew for his own fellowship meeting. They exchanged their greetings, and started to take their seats. They discussed how their week had gone, and Vince received a bit of ribbing about his relationship with Lauren. Nicole had yet to arrive, so the discussion was lighthearted. Vince felt at ease in his weekend environment until a new member entered the building. To others he was a new face, but to the journalist, it was someone he knew.
Vince got up from his seat, and made his way to the newcomer. “Glen,” he inquired, “what are you doing here?”
“Oh good,” the bass player replied. “I wasn’t sure I was in the right place. How are you, Vince?”
“Aside from being confused as hell,” the drummer answered, “I’m doing fine. If you’re looking for the meeting for loved ones who are alcoholics, that’s on Monday nights in a different location.”
Glen shook his head. “No,” he responded. “I’m here to get help with my own issues with problem gambling.”
Vince was astonished. “You have a gambling addiction?” he asked.
The bass player nodded. “I have for a while now,” he admitted, “but, I didn’t know where to turn to. When you told me last night you were battling the same addiction, I decided to check this out.”
The drummer smiled. “Well then,” he said, “welcome, fellow brother. The meeting we have here is what’s known as an ‘open meeting.’ It means anyone is welcome to attend, but at this location, we focus on people who are battling the illness; as well as, the loved ones of those who are struggling with the disease.”
“That’s good to hear,” Glen stated. “So, does this mean in the future, Lauren is welcome to come to this meeting?”
“Should she choose to,” Vince explained. “We base our program based on attraction rather than promotion. So, we don’t force it upon others. It’s entirely up to those who are battling the disease, or their loved ones, whether or not they want to regularly attend meetings.”
“That’s cool,” the bass player replied. “So, can I sit anywhere?”
“Anywhere by the main tables, save for the head of it,” the drummer noted. “That’s where our chairperson sits. But please, come join us, and I’ll introduce you.”
Vince brought Glen over to everyone else, and introduced him to Brent, Kirk, and Maria. They inquired how the bass player came to find them, and he explained he was a friend of the journalist. Glen mentioned he saw the progress Vince had made thanks to the program, and hoped it would work the same way with him.
Vince was quick to point out, “It’s a great program, but like we say, ‘it works if you work it.’ I have been able to follow the steps in my daily affairs, and still do. So, if you are able to do that, one day at a time, you can gain the same recovery I have. But, at least you’ve taken the first step by coming here, and admitting the disease has made your life unmanageable.”
Nicole came in, took her seat, and the meeting came to order. When it came to Glen’s turn, he declared himself, and explained what form the illness got to him. The group learned Glen’s vice was visits to the horse track in Westchase, on the western outskirts of Tampa. While Glen didn’t have a significant other to lose from his illness, he did admit to amassing a huge debt, and was hoping to receive guidance as to how to get out of it.
