Unspeakable, page 1
Table of Contents
Title Page
Unspeakable
Copyright
Thank You!
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Epilogue
Books by Brynn Paulin
Unspeakable
By Brynn Paulin
Supernova Indie Publishing Services, LLC
Powered by Your Imagination
Unspeakable
by
Brynn Paulin
Sparrow
Ten years ago, an unspeakable horror stole my voice. Doctors don't know why. But my ability to speak was buried deep with my parents. Not a word has come from me since. The Sparrow ceased her song.
And then I met Hudson. He's so full of life, and once he sees me, so intent on everything I do. He wants to change the unspeakable agony inside me to unspeakable joy in his arms.
It scares me, but... There's also nothing in the world I could want more.
Copyright
© 2023, Brynn Paulin
Unspeakable
Cover Art by Supernova Indie Publishing Services, LLC
Electronic Format ISBN: 978-1-62344-445-7
Published by: Supernova Indie Publishing Services, LLC
Warning: All rights reserved. The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and occurrences are a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, places or occurrences, is purely coincidental.
Thank You!
Thank you for your purchase of Unspeakable.
I hope you enjoy the story and will consider leaving a review or telling a friend about the book.
I love hearing from readers! To keep in touch and follow my news, please visit me on my website at www.brynnpaulin.com.
One
Hudson
We were about to have a problem.
And by we I meant that jock hassling one of the brewery’s customers halfway across the dining room from where I was tending bar. I’d had my eyes on the dark-haired beauty since she’d walked into Ferrazzi Brewing thirty minutes ago. Was she mine? Not yet. But with the possessive feelings rising inside me, she might as well have been.
Eyes wide while she sank back in her chair, she shook her head while the guy’s face twisted into an ugly look of determination. I couldn’t hear his words, but I knew they weren’t nice.
Throwing down my cloth, I sailed toward the cut in the bar heading toward the pair.
“Jordie, you’ve got the bar,” I growled over my shoulder at my cousin. Two years younger than me, he worked side by side with me most days—when he wasn’t taking classes for his final year of college.
“Sure thing, boss,” he called, and I didn’t need to look to know he was smirking at me. Bastard. I knew he’d be watching the byplay with the eye of a journalist, so he could relay everything back to my family—especially my parents who firmly believed it was time I thought about settling down. At twenty-freaking-four. Just because my dad was year older than I was now when they’d married, it didn’t mean it was my plan. I had three older siblings, two of whom who were single. My parents should pester them.
Sadly, I knew they did.
Still, I refused to acknowledge that this beauty had grabbed my heart in just the same way my mom and dad always claimed had happened to them.
“Is there a problem?” I growled, closing in on the pair as the guy started to loom forward. Fuck, I wasn’t an expert, but even I knew that was gonna get him shitall. Stupid ass.
His head jerked my way, anger lighting the depths. “No.”
Ignoring him, because I knew he was lying, I glanced over at the woman. My heart lurched, instant reaction like a sucker-punch to my gut. I’d never seen eyes the color of hers, the blue-green of the water in the Caribbean, rimmed by dark lashes that made them seem even brighter.
Glossy, chestnut hair fell around her shoulders in a sleek curtain, framing her delicate pixie-like features.
I almost forgot how to speak.
“Is he bothering you?” I asked, finding my words.
Her fearful gaze flitted toward him for a split-second before she met my stare and slowly nodded, a double dip of her chin that was so small, I might have missed it if my sole attention wasn’t fully captivated by her.
“That’s what I thought,” I murmurer. “Look,” I gritted at him. “How ‘bout you shove off and—”
“How about you go back to the bar and mind your own fucking business? My boys and I need some shots.”
My fingers curled on the back of the chair in front of me to keep from doing something rash. I leaned forward slightly.
“How about…” I started low and deadly. “You go back to your table, close out your tab and get the fuck out of here.”
“You can’t—”
I lifted and eyebrow. “I absolutely can. And if you want to talk to my bosses, I can certainly arrange it. Though I’ve gotta tell you, I’m a whole lot nicer than my dad or uncles will be when they get here.”
“Fucking asshole,” he muttered, stalking away. “She’s a bitch anyway.”
I drew in a breath, seeing red. The feel of cool fingers over mine was the only thing that stopped me. I moved my other hand to cover hers, and glanced toward the doors where Jack and Simon, our security, stood sentry. Catching Jack’s eye, I indicated toward the back of the retreating man and handed off the problem to him. Jack immediately straightened and headed that way.
With that problem in hand, I turned back to the beauty who’d captured me. Pulling out the chair I’d been a second from splintering, I took a seat.
“Hi. I’m Hudson Ferrazzi.”
She gave me a small smile and a slight nod. Her tongue flicked over her bottom lip before she drew the lip between her teeth.
“I’m sorry about that,” I said, nodding toward the guy. “We don’t usually have problems like that here.”
She grimaced a smile to indicate she understood and nodded again.
“Strange as it might seem, I’ve worked here since I was a kid—not behind the bar,” I hurried to add. “But all over the place. My dad and uncles own Ferrazzi Brewing and a few other businesses in town.”
She nodded again, indicating she understood, but still she didn’t say anything. Yet, I was learning nods had a language of their own, each meaning something different.
“Beautiful, you have a name?” I finally asked, tamping down my frustration. Somehow, this girl had caught me by the balls just by existing, and I didn’t want to scare her off. Even without knowing a thing about her. “You’re leaving me hanging here.”
Worry filled her eyes and she gave a quick shake of her head. With her brows furrowed, she reached for a pad of paper I hadn’t noticed sitting on the table near her. Drawn to her and unable to look away, I watched her dainty fingers while she scratched out loopy letters with her Bic pen. She turned the pad toward me.
My name’s Sparrow.
Two
Sparrow
If I spoke, I would have been speechless at this guy coming over and sitting at my table. The other man? He was an asshole, and I’d been a second from leaving my table then asking one of the staff up front for an escort to my car.
Then this guy… Hudson Ferrazzi. He looked to be about my age, which made me wonder if knew about my family and what had happened. It had been nationwide news back then. Since then, it had been on several crime shows as one of their unsolved crimes.
I hated that. Yes, I wanted answers—beyond what I knew—but I just wanted everyone to let it lie.
Now, I watched Hudson read the brief note I’d just written.
“Sparrow,” he said. “Pretty. You can hear me?”
I nodded with a slight smile. Over the years, I’d been surprised at how much I was able to convey without words. In fact, some people talked so much that I wasn’t sure they realized I didn’t speak. On the other hand, I was so frustrated trying to communicate it almost brought me to tears.
“But you don’t speak?”
Pressing my lips together, I shook my head.
“Okay, then,” he said, his tone quiet, as if her were thinking or talking to himself. “I’m not very good at this—it’s been a couple years—but let me give this a shot.”
Do you sign? he asked with his hands. I blinked at him. Did he just…ASL me?
I can sign. I grinned. But I can also hear.
I waited to see if he understood what I’d motioned to him. The flush that colored his cheeks and went clear to the tips of his ears told me he could. Something fluttered in my middle, touched that he’d tried to go out on a limb to talk with me. People didn’t usually do that. Certainly not drop-dead gorgeous men like this one.
“Right,” he said. “Well, I guess that’s a good thing, because I suck at signing. I can usually read it okay, but I always feel like my fingers get muddled. Anyway…” He scrubbed his hand through his hair. “Are you meeting someone?”
No. I glanced over at my to-go box.
“Right. You already ate. I promise I’m not a complete idiot. I even passed four semesters of ASL—we had to take a language as part of our general ed requirements. Geez, and now, I’m going to bore you by babbling.”
I grinned. Hudson Ferrazzi was adorable—though I wasn’t so sure men appreciated being called that. Adorable was usually for babies, kittens and puppies.
Not bored. Promise.
“Good.” He glanced down at the table. “I’ve been watching you since you came in—not in a creepy way!” he hurried to add. “You just grabbed my attention and never let go. And…I want to go out with you. I mean…will you go out with me?” His head dropped forward and he rubbed his hand over his eyes. “Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m screwing this up.”
I reached out and wrapped my hand around his forearm, grabbing his attention. When he looked up at me, I was lost in his eyes for a moment and almost forgot what I’d been about to tell him. The furrow in his brow snapped me out of it. He thought I’d shoot him down.
Yes, I signed quickly. I’d like to go out.
Probably, I was crazy. I didn’t know this guy, and no one had ever…wanted me. No, that wasn’t it. I was broken and not worth the time it took to get past my communication barriers. That was more the problem—my aunt and uncle who’d taken me in after my parents’ death felt that way. People my age who didn’t understand how I could go to the same school as them but was a freak who didn’t speak. Others, who I’d met since leaving high school, decided I wasn’t worth the time.
But Hudson seemed to think there was more to me. He’d find out, I supposed, since I already said yes before I could stop myself.
His eyes narrowed as if he could see my inner turmoil.
“Everything okay?”
I nodded and forced a smile.
Nervous, I signed. A lie really. It wasn’t really nerves tearing at me.
“We could meet here, if you want, at Ferrazzi Brewing.” He made a face. “The food’s pretty good. But, I mean, I’d rather not have us under the watchful eye of most of my family—trust me when I say, half of them probably already know I chased away that guy and I’m sitting at your table, thanks to the Ferrazzi rumor mill. If you feel more comfortable here…”
I placed my hand over his arm to interrupt him again, then signed, It’s okay. We can go someplace else.
His head tilted, his eyes narrowing slightly, as he tried to work out what I’d said. Reaching for my paper that was still in front of him, I wrote out the message.
“Clearly, I’ll need to brush up on things. I guess if you don’t use it, you really do lose it,” he said, and I blushed as I thought of something else that could go unused. He looked like he had the opportunity to use those skills often, too.
“Do you live far from here?” he asked, thankfully unaware of where my thoughts had digressed to.
I shook my head. I lived in a loft apartment ten minutes away—which wasn’t what people thought of when they heard “loft”. It was actually a two bedroom with an upstairs space that overlooked the living area and kitchen below. I used it as my office.
“Can I pick you up?” he asked.
I hesitated, for only the breadth of a second. I knew his name, who his family was and where he worked. And my gut said to trust him. After all, he’d swept in like my knight in shining armor to chase away the other guy, hadn’t he?
I nodded then signed yes.
What was the worst that could happen? I’d already lived through the worst. Everything else dulled in comparison.
Three
Sparrow
Times like this, I longed to be able to talk to my mother. But I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t speak, but because she and my father were long gone. Buried.
And that was the reason I didn’t speak. Didn’t not couldn’t.
Though it wasn’t by choice. Such as right that moment, while I was getting ready for Hudson to come get me for our date, I could have had a whole out loud conversation with myself in the mirror. But with anyone standing there, I froze up. I couldn’t force intelligible sounds past my throat if I tried with all my might.
My therapist said it was a psychological block from the trauma of my parents’ murder.
Go figure. I knew that.
But she was trying to work with me to get past it. I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if I’d started seeing someone when I was twelve, rather than everyone throwing up their hands in frustration with me. Maybe, if I’d had therapy instead of eight years of martial arts, I’d be speaking now.
Past was the past though, even if I still saw him in my dreams and every dark shadow. Even if I had to check my apartment nooks and crannies before I felt safe. Even though I hardly ever slept more than a few hours at a time.
I’d lived with fear for so long, I didn’t even know how it would feel to be safe. Ten years ago, safety had been stripped away from me. I’d been so hysterical, so unable to speak past the trauma, I’d been unable to offer any leads to the police when they’d come. Maybe, I’d fallen through the cracks or maybe my aunt and uncle hadn’t allowed the police to speak to me, but no one had sat with me later when I’d healed a little. No one had asked for a description of the man.
Hoping to heal, hoping to erase my fear by getting my parents’ murderer locked up, I’d contacted the police last week, hoping that in memories that haunted me would finally be expunged so I could live without the terror of falling prey to the man who’d come for me.
I sometimes wondered if the fear were erased, if I’d become a daredevil or something, just to replace the feeling that clenched my chest on the regular.
But Hudson Ferrazzi wasn’t part of that fear. He wasn’t a danger. Not even really knowing him, I’d felt the safety emanating from him. He was untarnished, untouched by the dark of the world’s underbelly, idealistic and yeah, safe.
Of course, few people were like me. Few people knew what it was like to hide in a cabinet and see the people you love mown down while you struggled not to make a sound, knowing you might be next.
And so, I still didn’t make a sound when someone could hear.
It was like something had broken inside me ten years ago.
I wanted so much to be normal.
Like going out with a boy and just being a regular girl on her first date with him. It wasn’t my first date. I’d gone out with other guys who’d either thought they could deal with my muteness or saw me as a challenge.
Stop. Stop. Stop!
I signed emphatically into the mirror before me where I was checking out my outfit of black skinny jeans and a red blouse, cut to be worn untucked. The sleeves were rolled to mid-forearm with chunky bracelets around one wrist. My hair with subdued red highlights hung in a straight silky curtain to my waist, and my green eyes were highlight with a tawny kohl. The rest of my makeup was equally subdued and natural. Just the girl next door.
I jumped at the buzz from the front door. Rushing out, I checked the camera—that the management had installed for this unit since I couldn’t verbally check who was there.
Hudson.
He looked a lot like last night. Casual. Mouthwatering. He gnawed on the side of his lip, looking a little nervous while he studied the panel with the call buttons. I smiled, and buzzed him in.
Opening the door, I leaned against the doorframe and watched him jog up the steps to my second floor apartment. Like me, he wore an untucked cotton button down, his white with pale taupe stripes, but he had on well worn jeans over boots.
He slowed when he saw me, watching him with a smile.
“Hi. God, you’re beautiful. I mean… Hi. Are you ready?”
I sighed thank you and motioned for him to come inside. I held open the door for him to enter.
“Are you allergic to flowers?” he asked while he stood in the entryway as I grabbed my purse.
No, I signed.
“Good. I’ll be right back. Buzz me back in?”
I nodded, then waited, confused, while he ran out then came back in. He handed me a bunch of flowers. An unusual lavender and white mix of roses and wildflowers.
Thank you, I told him.
“You’re welcome.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I got halfway here then got worried that maybe you were allergic. I stuck them in the trunk—never tell my sister I did that with one of her precious arrangements. She’d kill me.”
