Fearless Heart, page 24
I stepped out of the cottage and into the late-summer sun. Giving myself an internal pep talk, I locked up before smoothing my hands down my sundress. Beck wasn’t a scary guy—okay, he kind of was. But only in that he was protective of those he loved, and the only person he loved more than his twin was Everly. What I had to tell him was probably going to be a hard sell, but I was going to do it. I’d make him see exactly how much Ford meant to me.
Exactly how much I loved him, and exactly how sorry I was for everything.
With my head down, I took a deep breath and spun around on the porch, intent on making my way to the diner to spill my guts. Hopefully Beck was in a good mood today. Hopefully he was feeling generous. Hopefully he—
“Hey, kitten.”
I jerked my head up at the sound of Ford’s voice, all throaty and rough, and there he stood. He wore jeans and a gray T-shirt, his hair in disarray as if he’d been running his fingers through it without thought. As if maybe this separation had been just as hard on him. God, had it really only been a day since I’d last seen him?
As I looked my fill of him, it took me several moments to realize what he’d said…what he’d called me, and I snapped my gaze to his, my voice caught in my throat as hope bloomed in my chest.
He slowly walked toward me, ascending the stairs of our front porch, until suddenly, he was standing in front of me. He ran his gaze over me, his eyes cataloging all my features, running over every inch of my body. And I had no idea how I’d never seen this before. How I’d questioned this man’s feelings. How could I when he looked at me like that?
“I was looking for you,” I said, finally finding my voice.
He studied me, his eyes holding an apprehension I wasn’t used to seeing with him. Normally, he jumped in headfirst. Doubt didn’t register in his thought processes. But there was no denying it was there now. No denying I’d been the one who put it there. “Why?”
I bit my lip, wondering how much I should say. Wondering where to start… “I heard what you said. To my father.”
He froze, his entire body going stiff as he stared down at me. As he tried to read more into my posture. Into my words. “I’m sorry if I overstepped and—”
“You didn’t,” I said, my words already coming out shaky. “I can’t even tell you what it felt like to hear you do that for me. To support me. Even after…”
He made a gruff sound in the back of his throat, his hand lifting toward me before falling back to his side. “I’ll always support you, kitten. Always protect you. No matter what.”
“I know that now.” I shoved aside my nerves, forcing myself to say what I needed to. What he deserved to hear. “And I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner. I’m sorry for not seeing you sooner. Seeing the man I know you are. The man I’m in love with.”
There was a beat of silence, and then Ford’s mouth dropped open, his gaze locked on my face, wide eyes darting to every inch of it as if he couldn’t believe the words I’d spoken. That was my fault, for not making him feel seen or heard. A mistake I hoped I’d get the chance to work the rest of my life not to make again.
I swallowed, trying to force down the tears, but it was no use. They clogged my throat and filled my eyes, spilling over as they ran down my cheeks. “Me lashing out yesterday and immediately going to the worst-case scenario was more about me than it ever was about you.”
Ford let out a low, rough noise as if my tears physically pained him and shifted to step forward, but I held up my hand, holding him back. I needed to get this all out in the open so we could hopefully start over. Start fresh and build something permanent. Something real.
Something forever.
“You know how I grew up,” I said. “The things my parents said to me—hell, you got to witness it firsthand.”
His expression hardened, his posture growing stiff as he clenched a hand into a fist. “I don’t know how you lived with that, kitten. It just reiterates how strong you are.”
I shook my head, ready to bare myself in a way I’ve never done with anyone before. “I don’t always feel strong. Getting down on myself is a daily struggle. And that sort of conditioning doesn’t just suddenly go away, as much as I wish it did. Those negative voices are in my head constantly, repeating all the lies they told me. It’s something I have to actively fight against. Most of the time, I can. But sometimes… Sometimes I can’t, and they get the better of me. Like yesterday, after I saw the contract and the text.”
My bottom lip quivered as I sucked in a deep breath, recalling the sharp pain that had exploded inside me.
“They didn’t mean anything. Or they didn’t mean what you assumed.” Ford reached into his pocket and pulled out the napkin, holding it up between two fingers. “I’ve carried this in my pocket every day since we made it.”
“Why?”
“Because it was the day you finally became mine,” he admitted, his low voice wrapping around me like a blanket. “And as for the text…” He pulled out his phone and thumbed to his messages before turning the screen toward me.
The woman’s messages were still there, but they weren’t what snagged my attention. It was Ford’s reply. Two little words—not interested—sent with an image of his left hand, wedding band on display.
“I can’t erase my past, kitten. Just like you can’t. But no one—and I mean no one—means more to me than you do. I don’t ever want you to doubt that.”
I let his words crash over me, soothing all the raw and vulnerable places inside me. But I’d been living this life long enough that I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. He wouldn’t magically be able to erase a lifetime of insecurities with a few words.
“I’d like to tell you it’s never going to happen again, but that would be a lie,” I said, needing him to know exactly what he was getting into if we actually made a go of things. “It is going to happen again. Probably many times. And for this to work between us, I need to know that you’re not going to bail. That you’re not going to run away and leave me when things get tough. I need to know that I can fall apart, and you’re still going to catch me.”
This time when he stepped closer, I didn’t stop him.
He reached out, brushing my hair back from my face before sliding his hand down to wrap his fingers around my nape. Leaning down, he closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against mine. “I will always catch you, kitten. I was an asshole to walk away from you when you were hurting. I promise—I swear—I won’t do it again.”
I reached up, gripping his forearms. “I know my need to feel like I’ve earned your love is something that I have to work on, but it’s always a whisper in the back of my mind, and it’s not going to go away anytime soon.”
He pulled back enough so he could stare into my eyes, his thumbs swiping away at the tears that continued to fall. “You don’t have to do anything for me to love you. That’s not something you have to earn. It just is. Like the sun rising every morning and setting each night. It’s there whether you achieve all your goals or you Netflix and actually chill all day instead. It’s there when we fight and when you pull away, and it’s sure as fuck there whether or not you feel it, too.”
“I feel it,” I said, my voice choked as I nodded.
He exhaled a deep breath, his entire posture relaxing. “I love you. So fucking much.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered.
The words were barely out of my mouth before Ford’s lips covered mine. He cupped my face in his hands, his mouth slanting over mine as his tongue slipped inside. He kissed me like he was afraid I was going to float away. Like he was worried he would lose me again. And that only made me grip him tighter, knowing that fear all too well. Knowing it was something we could overcome together.
It didn’t take long for our kiss out front to turn heated and then downright indecent, and we fumbled with the lock before stumbling our way into the cottage. Ford’s hands were everywhere, divesting us of our clothes in record time. And I had no idea how I could be so hungry for him when we’d only been apart for a day. But I was coming to expect that was just the norm where he was concerned.
Whenever we were together, whether in competition with each other or boosting each other up, we burned brighter…hotter…than we ever did alone.
Ford pushed me back until my knees hit the bed, and I yelped, falling onto the mattress with a bounce. His eyes heated as he raked them over my naked body. At one time, that would’ve made me uncomfortable. I would’ve had the urge to cover up, hide away from his assessing gaze. But there was absolutely no denying the hunger as he looked at me, his eyes darting over every inch of me. Hunger he had for me.
“It’s been too long, kitten. I need to be inside you. Need that sweet pussy to remind me who I belong to. But first, I want you to come on my tongue.”
Without waiting for me to respond, he dove headfirst between my legs. He wasn’t gentle, wasn’t soft or sweet. He was a starving man at his first feast, affixing his mouth to me, his tongue not leaving an inch of my pussy untouched. He worked me up into a frenzy with startling ease, sliding two fingers deep inside me as his tongue tormented my clit with tight circles.
“Come on, wife. Give it to me. Come for me like a good girl, and let me taste how much you’ve missed my tongue on your pussy,” he said, his voice gruff, his words sending me even higher.
As soon as he reached up with his other hand and cupped my breast, brushing his thumb over my tightened peak as he stared up at me with lust in his eyes, I broke. With a sharp cry, I came against his tongue, my hips rocking against his mouth as the waves washed through my body.
“Need to be inside you,” he murmured against me. And before I could even nod my assent, he stood to his full height, jerked my ass to the edge of the bed, and settled himself between my spread thighs. And then he sank inside with a groan. “Need to feel you come on my cock.”
My mouth dropped open, the air expelling from my lungs at that first deep thrust. Even though I’d gotten used to his size, that first moment always took my breath away, as did every time his piercing rubbed against that magical spot inside me. I might’ve just gone off against his tongue, but I knew a second orgasm was on the horizon, already building as Ford stared down at me. His expression was intense, and at one time, I would’ve thought it was unreadable. But now that I knew how he felt, I could see it as clear as day.
It was love. It had been all along.
He draped himself over my body, capturing my lips with his as he ground himself against me, rubbing my clit with every shift of his hips. Linking our fingers together, he stretched them out above our heads. Then he pressed them into the mattress, silently telling me to keep them there as he stood back so he could see all of me, spread out before him, my pussy stretched around his thick cock.
“Jesus, look at you,” he said, his voice low and gravelly and filled with awe as he ran his hands down my body. Cupping my breasts before passing over the swell of my stomach, the stretch marks on my hips. “Look at your perfect tits bounce every time I slide inside you. My wife’s body is insane. So fucking gorgeous.”
For once, I let his words wash over me and didn’t immediately try to push them away. Didn’t try to brush them off as nothing or counteract them with the negative words that I’d grown used to. Instead, I let them sink inside me, settling deep in my bones.
For once, I let them build me up instead of knocking them aside so I could tear myself down.
He rested his hand on my lower stomach, his thumb slipping down to strum my clit. “Come all over me, wife. Show me whose pussy this is. Show me what’s mine and claim what’s yours.”
His thrusts grew shallower as he dragged his piercing over that spot inside me, and I gasped. Even though he’d wanted me to keep my hands over my head, I couldn’t. I needed to feel him against me. Needed to tug him down and have him as close as possible. Chest to chest, mouth to mouth, heart to heart.
He didn’t hesitate when I tugged him down, resting his forehead against mine as he ground his cock into me and my body tightened around him. “There it is, kitten. There you go. Fuck, you feel so good. You’re gonna make me come. Gonna make me fill up this perfect little cunt.”
“Ford.” My body arched into his, my mouth open in a silent scream as his thrusts tipped me over the edge and my second orgasm crashed over me.
Ford captured my lips with his, groaning into my mouth as he thrust twice more before settling deep and spilling himself inside me.
After we’d both caught our breath, he slipped from me before padding to the bathroom. He came back with a warm washcloth he used to clean me off and then scooped me up and settled into bed next to me.
With my head resting on his bare chest, his fingers playing in my hair, I asked something I’d been wondering for a while. “Did you really agree to this marriage just because of Chelsea’s wedding?”
He shrugged under me. “That was part of it.”
“And the other part?”
“Besides getting to marry the woman I jacked it to during my teenage years, you mean?”
I snorted. “Stop.”
“You think I’m lying? Ask Beck how infatuated I was.”
I shifted to sit up, pushing against his chest so I could see his face. As I stared at him, I recalled what Mabel had told me earlier today—that Ford had had a crush on me in high school, but I hadn’t believed her… “Wait…seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. Especially when you used to wear that yellow sundress. You remember the one? I’m pretty sure that’s where my obsession with you in them came from.” He closed his eyes and groaned. “Christ, I’d rub one out three times after school on those days.”
I breathed out a laugh. “You’re lying.”
He grabbed me by the hips and pulled me over to straddle him, allowing me to feel exactly what the memory did to him, even though he’d just come inside me less than ten minutes before.
With wide eyes, I said, “Oh my God, you’re actually serious.”
“Yep.”
“Why were you such an ass all the time?”
He smirked up at me, that playful glint in his eyes I loved so much. “Would you believe me if I said I wasn’t trying to be? I was a teenage idiot. And it was pretty much the only way you’d talk to me.”
“I’d yell at you, Ford. Oh my God, I was so mean to you.”
“Probably why you scowling at me now only gets my dick hard.”
I breathed out a laugh and shook my head. “We sure took a roundabout way to get where we are.”
“Maybe, but I wouldn’t change it.” He rested his hands on my hips and stared up at me, earnestness in his gaze, all teasing gone. “All of it, including valedictorian…”
My breath caught, worried whatever he said was only going to dredge up old memories…the grudge I’d held for so long. “Why is that?”
“I want to say I’d go back in time and do it differently because of how much it meant to you back then.” He swept his thumbs over the bare skin of my hips, his eyes locked with mine. “But I’d be lying. If I could do it all over again, I’d do it exactly the same because it’s the reason you moved back to Starlight Cove. It’s the reason you came back to me. And I wouldn’t change that for anything.”
Tears brimmed in my eyes once again, and I realized he was right. If things hadn’t happened how they did…if my life hadn’t been altered in that way…we might not be here right now. I might never have known what it felt like to be his.
I leaned over him, lowering my face until I could press my lips against his. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, wife,” he said. “And in case it wasn’t clear, I don’t want this marriage to be fake. I don’t think I ever did. I want to tell off fuckers who can’t take no for an answer and carry your bags when we run errands and have cuddle parties with you when your period makes your life miserable. I want to go to bonfires with my family and beat you at charades.”
“Watch it,” I said, though my voice lacked any heat.
“So, is it cool with you if it’s a little longer before we get this first divorce out of the way?”
“What do you mean by a little longer?”
He shrugged, then reached down to grab his jeans from the floor, pulling a small box from his pocket. Lifting the lid, he pulled out a black ring from inside and held it up between us.
I recognized it immediately as the one I’d purchased for him. The one that had the same inscription on the inside that mine did.
“I was thinking forever,” he said. “How does that sound?”
“That sounds like a long time…”
“You think so? It doesn’t sound like nearly long enough to me. But I want you to think long and hard before you agree to this.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because when you do?” He slid off his silicone ring and set it on his nightstand before slipping the metal band into place. “There’s no take backs.”
A smile spread across my face as Ford gripped my nape and tugged my mouth to his. The kiss was slow and sweet, both of us saying without words exactly what we needed to. That we were in this, together. Forever.
No take backs.
EPILOGUE
FORD
I didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse that our first little league play-off of the fall season was against my wife’s newly sponsored team. No matter where Quinn and I stood—whether it was a good day or a challenging one—one thing that never changed between us was that competitive streak we’d had since we were kids. Us being officially—not fake…and definitely not temporarily—married didn’t change that.
“When we beat you today, are you going to take it like a big girl, or are you going to give me the silent treatment like you always do?” I asked, brushing my lips up the column of Quinn’s neck, barely restraining myself from pinning her against this wall and fucking her, to hell with the onlookers. We were technically out of sight. And, really, how many people came to buy concessions during a little league game? We could probably get away with—
