“Where did you hear this?” I asked cautiously.

  “Oh Mona, naturally. She called then started snoring right in the middle of our conversation.” Lucy laughed and shook her head. “I would have been over here sooner but I went over to hang up her phone.”

  “You just walked in her house?”

  “Of course,” she said impatiently “Now tell me everything. I knew there were layers to you I hadn’t begun to discover. Are you a Druid? A naturist?”

  “Yes, Lucy, exactly, I am a Druid, my secret is out. Feel free to spread it so people will stop asking me to visit their churches. Tell them you caught me sacrificing a goat to the River Birch gods and I was chanting and bathed in blood.”

  “You got it,” she said cheerfully. “Now tell me the real story.”

  After I finished explaining my morning, Lucy said, “Now I want to come live with you. I’ll bring the coffeemaker. I think it is safe to say I have never had a day that compared to that.”

  “I think it’s fair to say no one has.”

  “And,” she said, “it seems you have inherited Mona as well as that painting. I wondered what Mona would do with herself after Mom died.”

  “Oh, I’ll be happy to share,” I grinned. “I believe state law would have her going to you as next of kin anyway. It is sad, though. They were friends for what, thirty years?”

  “Mona’s always been part of Mother’s life,” Lucy shrugged. “Mother didn’t suffer fools gladly but she and Mona go way back. I think Mona is lost without her.”

  We wandered down to the stone house to make a little more headway. After we finished with the chest of drawers and end tables, Lucy went through old correspondence while I wandered into the bath with small boxes for toiletries. That was over pretty quickly, so no matter how hateful Barb had been I thought I would gather up the meds to make them easier for her to go through.

  There weren't many pills left in each bottle, but I remembered leaving the latest bag in the car. I had picked up her medication from Mr. Tainter. Leslie liked the fact that they always were willing to refill a couple of days early, leaving her a tiny stockpile in case of emergency. Leslie was all about emergency preparedness, something we had in common.

  I know it’s wrong of me, but I thrive in emergencies. I keep a battery-operated television, candles, canned food, which I rotate regularly and always plenty of wood for the house and charcoal for the grill. I keep water too, and the two times I have been in dreadful snowstorms I filled the bathtub with water before the first flakes fell. The well pump goes out pretty quick in this area when there are summer or winter storms. And before people complain about Southerners rushing out to buy bread and milk and gas up our cars, I’ll explain.

  We have serious snowstorms just every few years. It makes no sense economically to have equipment malingering around like indigents on a street corner, hoping for work. The last time the trees hung heavy with ice people couldn’t get some cars out for a week.

  Right now it was taking me some time to find Leslie’s car keys. It took me a while. Leslie usually kept things in places that only meant something to her. I finally discovered them in a kitchen drawer.

  When I opened the driver’s side door I noticed Leslie’s car reeked,but I didn't give it a lot of thought. It had never sat idle for so long, so smells were bound to concentrate. I'd been the only driver unless Mona used Leslie’s the day they went to Walker’s. If Mona was taking Leslie out on occasion that explained the mystery of how it was parked sometimes. But I'm still pretty sure that vintage Town Car repositions itself on its own, like an old lady on a worn out couch.

  I scrounged around looking for the prescription bag when I came across her cell phone. There was another loose end, I thought, shoving it in my pocket. I would give it to Lucy and remind her to discontinue service. I wondered if they charged a fee for cutting off service even if you died. Probably, which would explain why so many people get buried with their cell phones. As God is my witness, that is true.

  I found the white paper bag and began to back out of the front passenger seat where it had been wedged, when I realized that the smell was probably only going to get worse if I left the car shut up. Putting the key was in the ignition I started it and rolled the windows down. Another thing I would have to remember to take care of if it rained. Even in the carport we could get some wind and leaves. I found two nuthatches in the car once.

  Leslie was getting to be more trouble in death than she had ever been in life, I thought, and was horrified at myself. No matter what her relationship with her daughters had been, she treated me beautifully. I did miss her. Perhaps she was limited, but I don’t believe anyone sets out to be a bad parent. But what do I know? Despite some things that happened to me along the way, I had magnificent, wise parents who could bridge the gaping chasm I was contemplating and bring me home. Leslie just didn’t have the tools. Possibly her own mother had never given them to her.

  While I stood there holding the bag and thinking, a brainstorm caught me and I wondered if the smell was coming from the back. Perhaps Mona had taken Leslie to the grocery store and they had neglected to get everything out of the trunk? I opened it up. There was a blanket and computer hard drive inside. I pulled the drive out to look underneath. The trunk was the source but it smelled like wild animal and urine. I guessed this is where Leslie had put the raccoon when she took it to turn it in, but why didn’t she have me drive? Who was better equipped than me — and already on the payroll, so to speak? I was still puzzled that if the raccoon had been rabid why it wasn’t reflected in the wildlife records. She could have put the animal down and had it picked up by animal control, or let the county do both, but it was absolutely supposed to be recorded.

  I’d have to ask Mona about that, too. I was certain Lucy would have mentioned it if she had been asked to chauffeur a raccoon around. The only explanation was that there was something else wrong with the animal, but there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that resembles furious rabies in a raccoon.

  “What’s all this in aid of?” Lucy asked, making me jump a little. “Whose computer is that?”

  “It’s your Mom’s, right? I mean who else would it belong to?”

  “Nope, mother’s is in her office.” She looked at it thoughtfully. “Maybe Jackson built another one for her to keep in her bedroom or something. We’ll call him.”

  She left him a message and sighed. “Well, I just told Jackson we found it and asked if she had gotten it from him. I told him he could pick it up next time he was out. If it was something he had ordered parts for, I’d like to let him have the work. Leave it, instead of us lugging it inside and plugging it into her monitor and looking it over he’ll tell us if it’s something she had fixed or wanted fixed or even disposed of. We could still do that. We can donate it to an organization for the blind.”

  “Perfect,” I said.

  We finished up, leaving the car key under the mat to the house for Jackson. I grabbed the box of medicine and took it back to my place, putting the collection in my fridge until I could combine some bottles for Barb.

  I pulled off my shirt and bra and put on a white sleeveless shirt (I know they call them wifebeaters, but I’m refusing to). I had acquired it mysteriously some years back. It couldn’t have been something Ben left on a visit because it was too tight. Then I slipped on some boxers (origin did not bear close examination) and pulled up my hair in a pony tail. I made a tomato sandwich before lying on the couch to read.

  It grew dark, and I should have been sleepy but I kept thinking about that hard drive. I was curious now because the more I thought about it, I was certain I had seen only the monitor, mouse and keyboard at Walker’s house. It wouldn’t hurt to look, and I was wide awake now.

  I slipped on my moccasins and tucked my phone in my waistband. Then I looked at my watch. No self-respecting man would be asleep before 10:30 right?

  I got Jared’s voicemail and left a message: “Hey, if you get this in a few minutes I was wondering if there was a hard drive at Walker’s house. I found one in Leslie’s trunk and apparently they were friends, which I never knew about. Anyway, I’m rambling, call me in a few or don’t worry about it at all, I’m going to head over there and take a look. Maybe we’ll talk in the morning.” Now why the hell had I said we would talk in the morning? We had no plans to, and isn’t that how it all starts? Phone calls made on one pretext or another and there you were in the blink of an eye, watching movies together and curled up on the couch. I needed to get a grip on that little frolic through fantasyland. Jared was not the type to cuddle on the couch… I suspected he was the type to leave you gasping and craving more.

  I closed the door behind me, withstanding Mosey’s baleful stare at being left behind, and walked down toward Leslie’s. It was a “fur piece” as we say, to walk so late at night. I got to her carport and went toward the mat to retrieve the key when I heard noises, human noises approaching. I don’t know why I froze for a second. I realized I hadn’t heard a car or seen headlights. The footsteps sounded stealthy on the gravel. These were the things that were setting off alarm bells in my brain.

  It was undoubtedly a burglar who knew the house was unoccupied. Everyone knows people check obituaries for that now, and we should have prepared for it. I could have at least left Mosey over there each night.

  I crept behind the car as I saw a flashlight flicker around. I spied a man’s shoes from my hiding place behind the front passenger tire. I heard him try the driver’s side car door then grunt. His feet turned in the direction of the door to the house as I reached behind me to find the tranquilizer gun, not taking my eyes from those loafers as I groped as quietly as possible. Then I almost sighed with relief.

  I had it!

  Slowly I inched toward the carport opening risking my back to him if he came around the car to try the other door, undoubtedly looking for house keys or a wallet. Just as I came out of my crouch, clutching the dart gun and ready to sprint back to my house, something cracked against my skull and I went down.

  The sound of a violin bought me into a conscious painful haze. I was pretty sure I wasn’t in heaven. Then I realized it was my new ring tone, a snippet from David Garret’s “Chelsea Girl.” This was, I thought blearily, not the optimum time to answer the phone. Nor did it seem remotely possible to do so with my head pounding and my vision blurred.

  I had no idea how long I had been out. Seconds? Minutes? But I still heard the sound of feet approaching me in the darkness. I regained my grip on the dart gun and waited, just as the silhouette of a man got within a few feet in front of me I raised my head with a groan and fired.

  The next thing I knew, I was gaining consciousness and an awareness of a huge weight on top of me. I could barely get my breath and there was a lot of light as I squinted up at a carport bulb.

  “Um, um, um, tole you they wasn’t dead. You owe me five dollars.”

  “Wait, we can only verify one, besides I bet you they would end up sleeping together and there they are. You owe me ten.”

  “Jackson? Lucy?” I croaked.

  “Hey shug, you had us worried for a minute.” Lucy said.

  “Yeah,” I said, “you both sounded devastated.”

  “We got here at the same time,” Lucy explained, “we had already checked you both and you were breathing. We were just trying to decide on the most discreet thing to do. It didn’t look good with you holding the tranquilizer gun and all.”

  “Well, could you get this person off me? I’m dying here.”

  “All you had to do was ask,” Jackson chided and rolled the man away with a grunt.

  I raised my head and looked over at my attacker.

  Jared?

  “Jared is a burglar?” I asked in shock. “He tried to kill me.”

  Jared was coming to. He stirred at the sound of my words, looked across at me and spoke.

  “Idiot,” he said, and then slipped out of consciousness again.

  Tweet: Call me unsentimental, but getting flowers makes me cringe at the expense. I’d rather be presented with wild daisies or brought a rented video. The latter lasts as long.

  Chapter 14

  Jackson and Lucy stuffed Jared in the golf cart and decided the least said about the tranquilizer gun the better. I assumed Jackson was going to take Jared to the Cornwall house. Dropping him off at Lucy’s made the most sense just in case the police wanted to search Leslie's for signs of an intruder. Lucy called an ambulance as well as the Sheriff, both of which were mortifying to me. I was okay now, except for the distinct feeling that someone had embedded an axe in my skull. But Lucy would have told me, right? That’s what girlfriends do. The more I protested that I just needed a Tylenol or something, the more stubborn Lucy became. It was her property, as she blithely pointed out, and I was her friend, so she could do as she pleased.

  As it turned out, I had a slight concussion and a short interview with the authorities. The hospital staff released me at my insistence after an hour of observation. With my headache it was dicey trying to explain the sequence of events so I trimmed it up a little, leaving Jared out completely.

  The Sheriff looked puzzled. “So you thought you heard something down at the Nesbit residence and instead of calling us you went down on your own?”

  “Yes sir, I thought it might be Lucy, so I left a voicemail on her cell and went to check it out. That’s how she found me so quickly. I guess she called Jackson because she was scared.”

  Behind me I saw Lucy shaking her head frantically, but the Sheriff quickly let me know that comment had been a mistake. “Lucy, skeered of somethin.”

  He shoved his hat back in his head. “I have to say, miss, that the day I see Miss Lucy scared I don’t want her to be lookin’ at anything behind me, heh, heh, heh.” Turning to Lucy, he said, “What about that Miss Lucy, was you skeered when you got that call?”

  “As long as you’re in charge, how could I be scared of anything?” she grinned, staring up at him with hero-worship in her eyes while I rolled my own. “All I have to do when I’m alone at night in bed is think of you and I just curl up like a little kitten and fall asleep. You’re a regular fixture in my dreams, you know?”

  He actually blushed. “Ah now Miss Lucy, I’m getting to be an old man now, don’t you start that stuff tryin’ to get around me. How was it Jackson turned up?”

  “Well, Sheriff, he was already with me when I got the call,” she said looking innocently at him. “I get awful lonely when Rod’s out of town, so I asked Jackson to supper and we watched a movie.”

  “You don’t say? What movie? Not I’m doubting a thing you say, I’m just genuinely curious what movie you and Jackson here might settle on?”

  I heard two deputies behind Lucy begin to snicker at that one.

  “Well, let me see, it was a DVD wasn’t it Jackson? It was this classic set in the Southwest, kind of old. I think all you boys have seen it.”

  “The Magnificent Seven?” asked one of the deputies, and Sheriff Hensley gave him a reproving stare.

  “Nope, no. Ohhh Jackson, what was the name of that movie?”

  “This your show, Miss Lucy, you go on with it,” Jackson said looking away from her.

  Lucy’s eyes brightened “I got it! It was…Debbie Does Dallas!”

  “You are one bad girl, Miss Lucy,” Sheriff Hensley said, shaking his head, as the other two men broke out in helpless laughter.

  The Sherriff shook his head again. “You know gal, when I think of you? I thank the good Lord my girls went to a different school.” He smiled and closed his notebook then looked at me. “Doctor said you could go if you have someone responsible to keep an eye on you for a while. If I was you I’d give mighty hard consideration to that word ‘responsible.’”

  Lucy wanted to stay with me but I insisted she leave me at my place, promising I would not fall asleep, and that I would call her if I got drowsy. I made a quick cup of coffee and grabbed a lurid novel that was sure to keep me awake. I started to call and postpone my lone job until tomorrow, but realized it didn’t matter. The family lived out of state and they weren’t coming back until next week. Besides it was barely morning by now, a few hours rest might be all I’d need.

  I realized I was still braless in my T-shirt but the boxers were a respectable length and I am sure the doctors and Sheriff had seen more in their lifetimes. Granted, not more of me until recently, but there was no fighting my new role as county exhibitionist.

  In light of that, I made a mental note to work out more as I trudged up the stairs. It was a credit to me and my new life, suddenly chock full of surprises, that I was not completely stunned when I looked into my room.

  Jackson was evidently quite the prankster. I didn’t know how he managed, it seemed a Herculean task, given his slight build, but he had placed Jared in my bed.

  Sighing, I shoved him over and set my coffee down.

  I went to the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth and collapsed onto my side of the bed. I decided I might as well leave him there. He would be in my face as soon as he awoke anyway.

  I wondered how a tranquilizer meant for what was probably a forty pound animal had knocked him out so thoroughly. But that probably was not going to be the bigger question on Jared's mind. Obviously Leslie kept different dosages. One thing was for certain, I certainly had a lot of splainin’ to do.

  When I woke up again it was around nine in the morning and I was alone in the bed. I felt a curious sense of disappointment and tried to chalk it up to the fact that I like to meet confrontations head on. I went downstairs and found a note from Jared on the kitchen table. It was hard to decipher just how angry he might be:

  Danger Girl,

  I will see you soon. Be here to talk at 1:30. You owe me that much.

  Your latest victim, Jared

  Hmph, I thought, it would serve him right if I wasn’t here. Latest victim indeed. Unless you counted knocking Mick down, I hadn’t exactly been on a rampage. And Mick hadn’t seemed to mind one bit.

 

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