The Chains of Obsession, page 12
Because Jane seemed to pause there, Sylvia felt obliged to say something. 'Well no, Jane. I think I know you've been hurt a lot. I always thought . . .'Jane carried on. 'One of the things which hurts me most is rejection. I've always been afraid to show any feelings of love for anyone because of the fear and hurt of rejection. Has it ever been like that for you, Sylvie?' Sylvia thought about it. 'Yes, I think it has. I think I'm feeling rejection a bit now, of a kind, from Oliver!' Jane looked at her with her saddest brown eyes. 'It hurts, doesn't it!' Sylvia nodded.
'I know. I know how it must hurt you. I can see! You look as if you could cry!'
It was true. Suddenly Sylvia felt as though she could indeed cry. The tears in her eyes were blurring her vision of Jane. Jane saw them there and reached towards her. 'It's all right for grown up girls to cry, Sylvie. I do it all the time!' She pulled Sylvia gently over into her arms and started to rock her. At first Sylvia wanted to protest, she was embarrassed after all. But Jane it seemed was not, and suddenly it was all right. She found herself embarrassed the opposite way. The embarrassment would have been to pull away, make a scene over a triviality. When Jane kissed her forehead again she was so moved with receiving such sincere affection her tears started for real. Jane whispered to her and encouraged her to release her hurt, her tears. It was all right. 'Jane's here, my baby! I'll take care of you. Don't turn away! Don't turn away!' Jane kissed her cheeks. Stroked her hair. And all the time Sylvia couldn't help but cry in gratitude for such comfort and tenderness. After awhile they were still. Jane held her quietly, warmly to her body. Nothing more. Only comfort as it was needed. Then, Jane sat her up and said: 'Come on sweetheart. Let me get you home!'
From that day, Jane considered stage two set. Whenever they met she always accompanied her expressions of affection with physical contact. A comforting arm. A squeeze. In hundreds of little ways, Jane surreptitiously moved it to a physical level. Yet the closer she got to Sylvia the more confused she was about her own motives. Jane was always analysing herself. Often she thought she knew what she wanted and where she was going. Only to find that she changed direction, sometimes breaking fresh ground, other times returning to the same assumptions and objectives. She really wanted the truth about herself, regardless of the morality. At the moment, she had discovered that she wanted Sylvia in a separate compartment of her life. She wanted her for herself, for Jane. At first she had wanted to destroy her. Get her away from Oliver so that Oliver was exclusively hers to use and manipulate. Didn't really care what happened to Sylvia afterwards. But now she had come full circle and was back to that old yearning . . . to find some special female who would be in love with her beyond reason. In this way she could offer a kind of loving back. Which was probably the best she was capable of with any other human being? At the same time, Jane was driven by her other less savoury compulsions. She needed someone like Oliver, though it didn't necessarily need to be him. She had took up with Winston, and had never given a second thought to Oliver. Jane recognised that she only ever used men. Even with this perversion she had euphemistically called 'hickery dickery' since meeting Oliver, she cared only for her own gratification. It was she who possessed and ravaged. She who controlled and gave.
Whenever she had got some female for herself, the danger always was that she was likely to end up either losing her or destroying her. She had destroyed Rosie. Rosie had been content to be for Jane alone. The very kind of love that Jane sort from a female. But Jane also wanted to be a man to Rosie. She had even tried to use her dildo. But even that would not have sufficed, as she had learned from previous experience. Brenda in particular. The ultimate for Jane was to use a real live man as an instrument. This instrument, however, now proved to be more like a two edged sword. She would either lose the girl to the man, as in the case of Brenda, who fell in love with Winston and left. Or destroy her, as with Rosie.
In spite of such risk, Jane was now clear in her mind that Oliver was the one man with whom she could attain her obsessional goal. He would not take her lover for himself, and neither would he destroy her, provided she created a love and passion in the girl on a truly obsessional level. She had of course created an impossible scenario for herself. She had become attracted to the wrong girl. It was never going to be possible to use Oliver in her ultimate abuse and possession of Sylvia. He was her damn husband. Even if she could win Sylvia, she surely couldn't hope to have Oliver abuse his own wife for her gratification. Impossible though it was, Jane could not stop now in her pursuit of Sylvia. If there was some way she could capture Oliver to accomplish her objective, she certainly would do it.
Oliver and Jane were aware of their sameness. He was certainly as driven by compulsion as she was herself. He sort his own gratification, and she was his instrument to that end. He didn't love her, she knew that. His main turn on now was '', in and of itself, a sexual deviation she had brought him to. She thought it possible that he could never actually love any one. Only desire them, in the physical sense. The biggest hurt Jane had received, as far as she consciously registered, was of her own doing. That was when Brenda had transferred her love from her to Winston, and went away with him. It was her own doing, in that she had taken in Winston when Oliver had took five weeks away from her, simply to get some business or other up and running. Had she stuck with Oliver, that never would have happened. As she perceived his character, Oliver was destined to have even less chance of finding love than herself. The only love he would possibly strive for was that which he couldn't have. Thus he would never obtain it, because to get it, would mean to not want it.
She imagined that Oliver had probably concluded by now, that she had no feelings in that way at all; she was entirely motivated by the physical. And in this context he saw her in the same way that she saw him. No more than an instrument to reach something beyond. Since Rosie, and since their last visit to Southend, where they had seen that girl in the red bathing costume, Jane recognised that like Oliver, she had moved on to another plane of perversion. She had definitely got extreme gratification from forcing someone to take sexual abuse from Oliver, with her being the ultimate controller.
Jane and Oliver drove to Birmingham. But they couldn't find a prostitute willing to take them on. Oliver got the impression they thought he was crazy and likely to do them harm. They simply would have nothing to do with it. Back in what was now Jane's flat at The Gables, after indulging a fantasy one day, where Jane was dressed as a nun, they had a brilliant idea. Perhaps they could get some young lesbian girl legless drunk, whom Jane could easily get into bed. The idea appealed to them so much, they decided to think seriously about it. Each was to give some thought to it and see how it affected them; whether what they could get out of it was worth doing. And if so, to work out how they would actually do it.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
When Jane and Sylvia drove to Sutton Park again and parked, this time spreading a cloth out on the grass for a picnic, Jane suggested that it would be a wise thing to bring their friendship out in the open. For one reason, should they be discovered meeting secretly as they did, some may think there was something strange going on. To be plain, they might even think their relationship was sexual, when Jane and Sylvia knew full well that it was not. It was a simple matter of arranging to 'accidentally have met while shopping' or similar. After a while, perhaps Sylvia could get Oliver to rent Jane a flat in one of his properties. That way, they could be closer and even more open. It would be marvellous for Jane to be free of her fictitious Charles, so that she could see much more of Sylvia
Sylvia agreed and they worked out how they could bump into each other at the flower show. Annie hired a display stand every year. Sylvia would have been working on a Saturday as a matter of course, and Oliver would no doubt be off out somewhere. He had no inclination to go calling in on her at a flower show. So that's how they would spring it on him. Sylvia and Jane laughed at the stunt they'd planned. There was no anxiety in Sylvia's mind now that Jane was a threat to her marriage. She was a true friend. They would surprise Oliver with a fait accompli! Sylvia would take Jane home to meet him; an old friend from the past, known to them both. What a reunion!
Oliver came in through the back door of Jane's flat as he always did, as though it was still his own. It was ten o’clock. Jane had just put her breakfast on the kitchen table. 'Good timing. You want coffee?' They ate toast and marmalade with the coffee, and discussed the drink idea. 'Tell you what Jane, I haven't stopped thinking about it. I've been laid beside Sylvia driving myself crazy wanting some young girl's body. If she hadn't been there I'd have probably been knocking myself off! That's how much it's into my mind.' Jane bit more toast and squeezed his hand. Swallowing, she said: 'Don't worry, I know just the girl. All you have to do is make sure I have a good stock of booze in.'
'Don't forget you'd need to stay sober, Jane!'
Jane nodded to that. 'The girl I'm thinking of is married. But she's a les all right. And loves a good drink up. She'd be perfect.' Oliver wanted to know more. What she looked like. 'She's about your age, twenty-five. Got two kids actually, at school, but you'd never guess with her figure. Just the kind of arse you like!' She laughed, and Oliver's eyes lit. 'Her husband's a green grocer. They live over the top. Spends half his time searching for bottles she keeps hiding. Thinks he's got it under control, but she visits a girl friend for a bit of you know what, and they usually down a few. Not so much that she gets out of her head like she used to.'
'What's she like naked?'
'I haven't seen her for awhile. I've got somebody else I'm a bit gone on at the moment.'
'Who's that, what's she like?' Oliver was always keen to know who Jane had found new. 'Not for you. Haven't even got her into bed yet.' She could hardly tell him she'd got a crush on Sylvia. 'No, Sally's just right. I've dilled her and everything. Doesn't want a man though! Says she has enough putting up with her husband. Literally!' She laughed at her own accidental pun.
'Can you get to see her then or what . . . if she's got this girlfriend?'
'No problem. Drop of a hat. And if I show her a bottle she's a cert.' Oliver was keen. All he could think of was: 'How come you never mentioned her before? Couldn't you get her into it with us like Brenda? Save all the agro?' Jane shook her head, putting her empty coffee cup down. 'There's no way she'd agree to a man in bed with two of us. Not even on her own. She really should live with a woman. Mentally she's out and out lesbian. She stays for the kids.' Jane cleared the breakfast things into the sink and ran the tap. 'Anyway, giving it to 'em when they don't want it is the big thrill, isn't it?' Oliver nodded. He'd been side tracked from his main impulse. 'I was forgetting!' He looked at the time. 'How do you think we should go about it then? We don't want another Rosie happening!'
Jane wiped her hands on the tea towel, and walked towards the lounge. 'Let's have a bit of sexy while we work it out!' Oliver followed her eagerly to the settee where she unzipped him and pulled him down with her. A quick tease of 'deep throat' soon got him iron hard and wanting. He dragged her knickers off and threw her left leg over the back of the settee where it hung at the knee joint. The rest was a savage bit of in and out till they were shagged out. After some recuperative breathing, they finally got down to a plan for getting Sally. Jane would pick her up as she'd done before, after Sally had walked the kids to school. She would park in a prearranged spot. ‘Sally won't get in the car if she thinks someone might see her. She's very secretive about her lesbian thing. Couldn't face people if anyone found her out. She's even more wary about being seen with me, because I'm known. Thing is, she's got the hots for me. And I don't very often ask her out. She'll fall over herself to be in bed with me if I tell her I fancy a bit with her again. She reckons I'm the only person in this world who can give her climaxes!' There was no danger that Sally would tell anyone she'd been raped. It would all have to come out about her. The only thing would be that she'd never come near Jane again. Which wouldn’t matter? 'I could probably find others like her. Married and scared to be found out!' Jane was getting quite excited at having thought out a routine for getting what they wanted. 'We'll get her drunk because it'll make it easy. If she hardly knows what's happening to her, the better!'
Oliver could really see this working. Jane could give her the usual seeing to. He could watch. Then when she was more or less out of her head, they'd give her Jane’s hickery dickery treatment! Oliver had got so turned on with it, he was wanting it as a fantasy from Jane, so that afternoon, he came back and they went to bed and went through a dress rehearsal, with Jane playing the trussed up Sally, drunk as she could get without losing awareness and consequently the thrill, while Oliver worked himself into a fever of excitement giving her the full, merciless, treatment.
Within the week, Jane arranged to pick up Sally. The whole thing went like clockwork, with the pair of them getting the ultimate in gratification. Once they'd got Sally drunk, Oliver just got into the bed and they put her through it. She knew what was happening to her and fought to prevent them, but the alcohol had got to her and the strength wasn't in her. Jane and Oliver ravished her without let up, practically insatiable in the lust the act brought out in them. They didn't care that she would hate them afterwards. All they wanted was the thrill of the moment; knowing that she dare not tell was an even bigger turn on, and drove them to deeper violations.
When they took her home later, and dropped her near the school to collect her kids, she ran away crying. Jane never heard another thing from her. There was just one occasion, when Jane saw her with her husband walking along the high street, and all Sally did was look the other way. They did this with two more married girls that Jane had carefully vetted, before the day of the flower show. And there was possibly one more. But it looked like after that they were going to be without the pleasure, because there were no more opportunities like that available, locally.
It was a glorious day for flowers. There were prizes for all the categories. Marquees full of exhibits. There were also gymkhana events and even a high wire act. Jane was shook up to see an accident which happened to the young girl she had been watching, in the way Oliver would have been watching. The girl had been spinning upside down by a strap from her ankles, which was held in between the teeth of her male partner. When she had finished spinning she reached out for the safety rope, to slide herself to the ground, but before she could get a proper grip on it her partner had let go. She came straight down on her face from about six feet. The thud into the tarmac area where they were performing, sounded like a coal hammer hitting a prize melon. Jane had felt sick and hurried away before the ambulance came.
Jane found Annie's display stand just where Sylvia said she would, to the left of the bandstand and the third one along. Annie was there and Jane went through the same charade as she'd done on the first occasion, this time with Sylvia playing a role in it too.
'Sylvie! I should have known you'd be here. Being a flower show. Surprise, surprise!'
Sylvia responded with her brightest 'pleased to see Jane hello' and Annie looked on, instantly recognising Jane again after almost two years. With Jane, it was always 'once seen, never forgotten'!
'Oh we really must get together Sylvie,’ Jane replied. ‘This is fate, don't you think, Annie? Old friends meeting up twice like this? There's got to be a God up there guiding people!' Jane laughed showing how pleased she was to be seeing Sylvia again. Just as before. 'Look, we'll be through in half an hour, won't we Annie?' Sylvia said. 'Stay with us and I'll take you to meet Oliver. It really is silly not to be friends when we were such pals all those years ago. I know Oliver will be pleased to see you. You can have tea with us. Do you have to be getting anywhere?' Annie was puzzled that Sylvia seemed so keen this time.'
'No, no, Charles has gone to London this weekend. No place for me. A business convention.'
Annie's curiosity showed itself. 'Oh that's nice for him. What's he do?'
'Motor trade,' Jane replied. 'Something to do with dealership franchises.' Jane knew about that from Arnold.
Sylvia's house was a surprise. Jane had never got much out of Oliver about things to do with him and Sylvia. He liked to keep her completely in the background. Well, Jane thought, not anymore! Jane parked her car in the long gravel drive. Oliver's Zephyr was already there. Good! The bigger the shock, she thought! Had Oliver come in later and seen her pink Vauxhall, though it still would have been a knock-out surprise, she wouldn't have had the wicked joy of seeing the expression on his face.
Sylvia opened the door into the hallway with her key, and signalled Jane in excitedly. When they entered the well furnished and extremely tidy lounge, Oliver was reading the newspaper. Sylvia, bright and sparkly, said: 'Oliver, surprise! Look, look!'
Oliver lowered his newspaper and looked. Only Jane noticed that his eyes opened twice as wide as normal.
'You remember Jane? I couldn't believe it when she walked onto our display stand today. I looked up! She looked up! What a surprise! I just had to invite her home.'
'Hello Oliver, long time no see! I couldn't believe it when Sylvia said you were married. I'm really pleased to see you both, especially together. It's just unbelievable!'
'She's going to have tea with us, aren't you Jane?' As Sylvia turned to put her handbag in the sideboard cupboard, Jane gestured with a slight lift of her hands to Oliver, which hopefully said: 'I'm here, it's not my doing, I couldn't help it, later I'll explain.' But whether he got the half of it, she didn't know. She recognised he'd got the gist of it, however, when he said: 'Well, Jane! This is a surprise, it really is! We haven't seen you for . . blimey! . . five years or more. That right Sylvia? Not seen Jane for years and years? Yes, have tea with us. Be really nice. What you been up to all this time?'
