Mother's Boys, page 6
‘Are we going to keep this up?’
‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ Her voice was heavy with mock contrition. ‘I’m making it difficult for you. Do forgive me. How could I be so thoughtless as to cause you a moment’s uneasiness? It’s unforgivable.’ She turned back to the gas stove and turned off the flame under the kettle. ‘Forget the tea,’ she said. ‘I think you’d better get on back home. Your darling Netta will be waiting for you.’ She flapped a hand at him. ‘Go on, go on. Don’t keep her waiting.’
He sighed, started to turn away, stopped. After a moment or two he said awkwardly, though with an attempt to sound casual: ‘Oh, by the way, the children and I – we’re going down to Devonshire.’
‘Devonshire?’ Judith frowned.
‘For our holiday. I told you I’d been trying to find somewhere to take them for a week or two. Well – I’m taking them to Devonshire. I managed to get a house for us on the edge of Dartmoor. I just got confirmation yesterday. They’d had a cancellation. We were lucky.’
‘Oh, yes, very lucky. Very nice.’
‘The children are looking forward to it.’
‘I’m sure they are. It all sounds very nice.’ Her voice was cold.
He hesitated then said, ‘We’ll be going off in a fortnight’s time. We’ll be staying for two weeks.’
‘Two weeks?’ She turned and glanced at a calendar that hung beside the refrigerator. ‘The boys are supposed to be with me for that last weekend before they go back to school. A long weekend, we agreed. Did you forget about that?’
‘No, of course not. And I know we agreed that, but – well, I’m sorry, but it was the only time available. I’d left it very late. We were lucky to get that.’
‘We agreed they’d be with me for the last weekend.’
‘Yes, Judith, I know,’ he said patiently, ‘and I’m sorry, but – look, it won’t make any real difference to you, will it? It’ll just mean that their visit to you will be delayed for a week, that’s all. They can come to you the weekend after. And, if you like, perhaps at half-term they can stay with you for a little longer. Maybe the whole week if you like.’ He paused. ‘Oh, come on, it’s not going to make that much difference, is it?’
‘Not to you, no.’
‘It’s not long.’ His tone softened. ‘Oh, you don’t really mind, do you?’
She sighed. ‘I don’t suppose it matters if I do, does it? You’ve got custody. You’ve got control of them. You call the tunes – always.’
Robert said nothing. After a second Judith added with a sigh: ‘So, that’ll be you, Kester, Michael, Ben and Daisy, yes?’
‘Yes, of course.’ He paused. ‘And Netta.’
‘Oh, of course, Netta. How could I have forgotten dear Netta?’ She gave a little smile. ‘What’s this, then – a little practice for her at playing mother. To help her make up her mind whether she wants to take on the job full time?’
‘Please, Judith . . .’
‘Robert . . .’ She gave a little shake of her head. ‘Robert, why don’t you just turn around and leave? Please. Just go. Leave me alone with my boys. For God’s sake, let me have a little time, undisturbed, with a couple of human beings who truly love me.’
In the sitting room of Netta’s small flat in Swindon’s Rodbourne district Ben and Daisy slept on the sofa-bed. In Netta’s room Robert lay on his back at Netta’s side, his breathing slowing after the exertion of his orgasm. Against the back of his hand he could feel the rise and fall of her breast. After a while he turned to her again, nestling closer, kissing her ear.
She turned her face to his and gently kissed his lips. He returned the kiss and sighed with contentment. There was no sound but that of their combined breathing. He felt completely relaxed. He became aware of the feeling, and wondered at it, and then realized that it was because he was where he was – and that Kester and Michael were away. It was so very, very rarely that he ever slept in a bed with Netta; and when it happened it was usually only when the two older boys were up in London. It wasn’t that he was concerned that if they knew they would be sure to relate such news to Judith – which he felt sure they would – as for the inhibiting effect their near presence could have upon him. Particularly Kester. With Kester’s growing sexual awareness there was little that escaped him these days. He was on to everything, his sharp eyes and ears attuned to the slightest nuance. With Ben and Daisy in the next room, it was different. In their innocence they questioned nothing.
‘Do you think – ’ Netta’s voice whispered softly in the stillness of the room, ‘do you really think the children will accept me?’
Robert sighed. They had been over the same ground so many times: her doubts about her ability to take on a ready-made family. He himself had no qualms, but nevertheless it was clear that they remained very much in her mind.
Now, before he could frame an answer, she added, ‘I can’t help thinking about it.’
‘It’ll be all right, Netta. It will. I’m sure of it.’
‘I wish I were as sure as you are.’
‘I mean – well, look at Daisy and Ben. They’re so fond of you. There’s nothing they wouldn’t do for you. You should have heard Daisy when I told her that she’d be spending the night here in your flat. She was so excited about it.’
Netta gave a rueful little chuckle. ‘My God, how can anybody get excited about coming to sleep in this flat!’ Then, in a different tone, she added, ‘It’s not Daisy and Ben I’m talking about. It’s Kester – and Michael.’
He sighed. ‘They are at a – a more difficult age, I know. But they’ll be all right, you’ll see. They’ve had far more in the way of – upheaval in their lives. Much more than the younger ones. They’re still going through a period of adjustment – if you want to put it like that. But they’ll settle down. They will.’
‘I suppose so.’
‘Give them time.’
‘I sometimes wonder – just recently – whether they actually like me that much.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. It’s nothing I can actually put my finger on. Maybe just an odd look here or there. A tone of voice. Just recently, over the last three or four weeks. I don’t know.’ She paused. ‘It’s mostly where Kester’s concerned.’
‘I think you’re imagining it. They like you very much. Of course they do.’
‘No, not of course, Rob. There’s no of course about it.’
‘No, but they do. They’re fond of you.’
‘Yes – and also they’re very attached to their mother. Which is a good thing, of course. It’s just that – I’m just so afraid they’ll – resent me.’
‘Oh, Netta . . .’ He put his arm around her. ‘I know it’s a hell of a job to ask you to take on – to be a mother to my children – and sometimes I’ve wondered at my nerve in asking you. But it’ll work out. It will. I love you so much. And if you love me, then – ’
‘I do. You know I do.’
‘Then it’ll be all right.’
‘It’s just that – sometimes I have thoughts that – well, one hears about families where things end up so unhappily. I couldn’t bear it if we finished up like that, you and me.’
‘We won’t. Believe me, we won’t.’
‘No?’
‘I promise you.’
She smiled, closed her eyes. After a while Robert realized that she had fallen asleep. He eased his arm from beneath her neck and lay there listening to the sound of her even breathing. After a time he too drifted off to sleep.
He came awake with Daisy standing at the bedside, her hand on his arm. He looked at her sleepily.
‘Hello, Daisy,’ he whispered, ‘what are you doing out of bed?’
‘I woke up. I couldn’t think for a minute where I was. I came to see if you were here.’
He smiled at her. ‘Yes, of course I’m here.’ Carefully, so as not to wake Netta, he sat up in bed, reached for his dressing-gown and slipped it on. ‘Come on.’ He took Daisy’s hand and led her from the room.
In the sitting room he saw her into bed and tucked the covers up under her chin. ‘All right now?’
‘Yes.’ She drew towards her the doll that Netta had given her.
‘Goodnight, then.’ He bent and kissed her.
‘Goodnight, Daddy.’
He stood there for another few moments then crept back to the bedroom and the warmth of Netta’s body.
‘Are you tired?’
Judith sat on the edge of the boys’ bed, looking down at them.
‘No, not really,’ Kester said.
‘You should be. It’s way after one.’
‘I love it when we stay up really late,’ Michael said with a yawn. ‘At home we have to go to bed so early.’
‘Well, you’d better go to sleep now. We have a busy day in front of us tomorrow.’
‘Your birthday,’ Kester said.
‘Right, my birthday.’
‘We ought to do something really nice.’ Kester gazed at her for a moment in silence, then said, ‘Are you all right, Jude?’
‘Why do you ask?’
‘You look – unhappy.’
She gave a sad little smile. ‘Oh, I suppose I’m a little triste. A little blue.’
Suddenly as the boys looked at her the tears were running down her cheeks.
‘Oh, Jude, don’t!’ Michael quickly sat up and threw his arms around her. ‘Don’t, please. I can’t stand to see you cry.’
Judith’s tears continued to fall while Michael held her and Kester kept his troubled eyes fixed on her anguished face. After a while she grew calmer, and Michael released her and lay back on the pillow.
‘I’m sorry,’ Judith said, sniffing and dabbing at her eyes. She reached out to Michael and smoothed his hair. ‘I’ll be all right now.’
‘Why were you crying?’ Kester asked. ‘Tell us.’
She shrugged. ‘I suppose – because of what your father told me today.’
‘About his asking Netta to marry him?’
‘You heard?’
‘We couldn’t help it.’
She nodded. ‘Yes, that was it. I guess I expected it, but – it was still a bit of a shock. You know how it is – you go along thinking there’s a chance that everything will be all right, and then something like that happens and . . .’ She shook her head.
‘But she hasn’t said she’ll marry him, has she?’ Michael said.
‘No, I suppose not.’
‘Well, perhaps she won’t. I don’t think she will.’
Judith smiled. ‘Don’t you? Or are you saying that just to cheer me up?’
‘No, truly,’ Michael said, ‘I don’t believe she will.’
‘No,’ Kester agreed, ‘I don’t think so either.’ He pressed Judith’s hand. They remained in silence for some minutes. Judith said, ‘Your father told me he’s taking you all to Devonshire for your holiday.’
‘Yes.’ Kester nodded.
‘Are you looking forward to it?’
‘Not really.’
‘Why not?’
‘We’re going to some little house on the edge of the moors.’
‘It sounds nice.’
‘Nice?’ Kester frowned. ‘Stuck out there in the wilds with nowhere to go and fuck-all to do. Yes, very nice. No, I’d much rather be here with you, in London. I don’t want to spend my time walking over miles of soggy moorland. The whole idea is anathema. Still, I don’t think we’ll have much choice.’
‘You wait, you’ll probably enjoy it when you get there.’
‘No, it’s going to be pathetically boring. I wish you were coming with us. You’d liven it up a bit.’
She smiled. ‘Would I?’
‘Yes.’ Kester sighed. ‘No, I don’t want to go. For one thing it means we’re going to miss our long weekend with you.’
‘Never mind, there’ll be other times.’ After Judith had spoken, she looked down at Michael and put a finger to her lips. Michael lay with his eyes closed, breathing deeply. ‘Mikie’s asleep,’ she said.
Kester half-turned his head on the pillow and glanced at his brother. ‘He hasn’t the stamina,’ he smiled. Looking back at Judith, he added in a whisper, ‘Now it’s just you and me.’
‘Yes.’
Silence fell in the room again, broken only by the sound of Michael’s gentle, even breathing.
Judith said: ‘I suppose Ben and Daisy stayed with her – your father’s lady friend Netta – while he brought you here.’
‘Yes, they’re spending the night with her. They usually do.’
‘He will too, I suppose.’
‘I suppose so.’
‘Does she have a nice flat?’
‘No, it’s a horrible, nasty little flat. Just one bedroom, one sitting room, and a pokey little kitchen and bathroom. It’s not hers; she rents it. She wants to move, she said.’
Judith gave a melancholy nod. ‘It’s so sad – that it had to come to this. My snatching the odd weekend with my children. Your father sleeping in some strange woman’s bed.’ She sighed. ‘We were so happy once – all of us. Now I don’t know where it’s all going. Where it will end.’
‘You said the last time we were here that you thought we would all be together again. Don’t you think that will happen now?’
She didn’t answer for a moment, then she said: ‘I don’t see that there’s much chance. Not now. Not now that he wants to marry his Netta.’ She clicked her tongue. ‘What a silly name.’
‘It’s short for Annetta.’
‘Even sillier.’
‘I agree.’
‘I’m afraid his Netta’s the pretty fly in the ointment.’
‘I don’t think she’s pretty.’
‘Don’t you?’
‘No, I certainly don’t. I think she’s ugly.’
‘Well, obviously your father thinks she’s pretty.’
‘He can’t do. How can he? She’s got quite nice hair, I suppose, but her face is like the back of a fucking bus.’
Judith snorted in unconcealed delight at his words, then said, ‘Oh, Kester, you shouldn’t say such things.’
‘It’s true. She’s got a long nose, and her jaw is big, much too big.’ He squeezed Judith’s hand. ‘Oh, don’t worry, Jude, he’ll get tired of her. I’m sure he will.’
Judith became serious again. ‘I thought so too at the beginning.’
‘He will. Or she might just get fed up with him, and go off.’ He shook his head. ‘I can’t stand her. She’s really pathetic.’
‘How do the others like her? Ben and Daisy.’
‘Oh, they like her all right. But they’re so young. What do they know about anything? And she’s kind to them, and she brings them presents, so of course they think the sun shines out of her arse.’
Judith sighed and shook her head. ‘Oh, let’s not think about her – Netta,’ she said. ‘Let’s just think about us, the three of us. What d’you think we should do this weekend?’
‘Oh, something really nice. What do you think we should do?’ ‘What would you like to do? I thought we might go to Portobello Road in the morning. Does that appeal to you?’
‘Oh, yes! Mike and I want to buy you something for your birthday.’
‘Do you really?’ Judith was smiling now.
‘Yes, of course. What would you like?’
Judith sat in silence for a moment or two, her face lit by the soft-shaded lamp beside the bed. ‘Do you really want to know what I’d like?’
‘Tell me.’
‘I’d like a bird.’
‘A bird?’
‘A bird. A bird to put in my beautiful birdcage.’
Kester nodded. ‘We shall get you a bird, then. What kind of bird?’
‘I don’t know. A pretty bird.’
FIVE
They set off the next morning just after nine-thirty, driving towards Notting Hill in Judith’s small white Renault. They hadn’t bothered with breakfast; they would find something when they got there, Judith said.
Judith parked the car in a side street and they made their way to Portobello Road, joining it towards the lower end. ‘By far the most interesting part,’ Judith said, ‘where all the junk starts. At the other end it’s all jewellery and vegetables.’
Joining the crowds, and looking up and down the noisy, colourful street, as far as Kester could see there was nothing but long, endless lines of barrows and stalls, and the milling throng that jostled about them. At a corner stand Judith bought them Cokes and rather greasy hotdogs and they ate and drank as they walked along, every now and again stopping to peer at the goods on display. Michael bought a secondhand book on stamp collecting, and Judith bought chocolate for each of them. When they got to the end of the market they turned at the last stall and began to make their way back, this time covering the stalls on the other side of the street. Halfway along, Judith stopped to admire some bright orange beads. After a little deliberation she bought them and looped them around her neck. ‘It’s my birthday,’ she said with a grin. ‘And I’m out with the two handsomest men in town. I’m entitled to indulge myself.’
A little further on they found a pet shop. As they stopped before the window a litter of puppies looked appealingly out at them. A little further away a monkey sat disconsolately in a cage. There was no sign of any birds. ‘Let’s go inside,’ Kester said, and they trooped into the dark, strange-smelling interior.
‘Look!’ said Michael, pointing. ‘A bird!’
There at one end of the cluttered counter stood a cage with a bird inside. The bird was slim and parrot-like, mostly grey in colour, but with a garish red patch on each cheek. ‘Oh, but you said you wanted a pretty bird,’ Kester said. ‘It’s not very pretty, is it?’
Judith quickly disagreed. ‘Oh, I love her!’ she said. ‘With those badly rouged cheeks she looks like some sad little tart. I adore her.’
