The Amazing Adventures of 4¢ Ned (Coinworld: Book Five), page 1
The Amazing Adventures of 4¢ Ned
Coinworld: Book Five
Benjamin Laskin
Aretê Books
Copyright © 2018 by Benjamin Laskin
All rights reserved.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
ISBN: 978-1-976261-00-8
Created with Vellum
In memory of my Uncle, Sam Laskin, a silver dollar of a man with a heart of gold.
Contents
Epigraph
Map of Coin Island
1. big boys
2. birds of a feather
3. coin encounter
4. thundercoins
5. operation nest egg
6. sacked
7. five cents and a cigar
8. housekeeping
9. coffee break
10. odd bird
11. the gift
12. search team
13. metal mystique
14. frogzilla
15. pigeon dropping
16. perks
17. destiny calling
18. washington whispers
19. VIPs
20. coins jubilee
21. free agent
22. close quarters
23. dinner theater
24. operation nest egg
25. sides
26. coinheads
27. food for mammon
28. showdown
29. jungle fever
30. heart of darkness
Message from the Author
Special Offer
Other Novels by Benjamin Laskin
About the Author
Money makes the world go around
…the world go around
…the world go around.
Money makes the world go around
It makes the world go ‘round.
A mark, a yen, a buck or a pound
…a buck or a pound
…a buck or a pound.
Is all that makes the world go around
That clinking, clanking sound…
Can make the world go ‘round.
Liza Minnelli, “Cabaret”
1
big boys
April 1970 — Burbank, California
“Wait, Sadie,” Pete said, blocking her way with his rim. “We’re being watched.”
Lenny and Sadie scanned the area from atop the enormous sesame seed bun, but they saw no people between them and their target.
“Looks safe to me,” said the googly eyed silver dollar.
Lenny had no more confidence in Sadie’s eyesight than Pete, but he had to agree. The coast outside Burbank’s Bob’s Big Boy Coffee Shop looked clear.
Pete directed their attention to the telephone wire across the street.
“Pigeons,” Lenny muttered. “I hate those things. Flying poop machines, that’s what they are.”
“But they love pennies,” Pete teased. “Especially shiny steel pennies.”
Lenny sneered at the birds and shouted, “Shoo, you foul fowl!” He turned back to Pete. “Those side-mounted, glowing orange eyes of theirs give me the creeps. How long have they been there, Wheatman?”
“Since we arrived. They picked up our tails a mile back when we hit Alameda Avenue.”
“Good eye,” Lenny said, very impressed. “Another superpower!”
“Nothing super about it, Lenny,” Pete said.
“Your powers of observation!” Lenny declared. “They are amazing, Wheatman. Super! Teach me!”
“Sure. After you master my ‘superpower’ of common sense.”
“I’m working on it, Wheatman. But it’s a really hard one to get the hang of.”
“So I’ve noticed.”
“Not nearly as easy as cloaking, super-vaulting, or the sonic scream.”
Sadie said, “How long do you think they’ll wait up there? The boy will be along any minute.”
“I got it,” Lenny said confidently. “Watch this new superpower I’ve been working on.” Lenny took a deep breath, closed his eye, and began to shake and grunt. “Urgh…”
“What on earth are you doing?” Sadie said. “You look like you’re trying to lay an egg.”
“Urgh…”
Just then the three pigeons flew off.
“Hah!” Lenny exclaimed in victory. “There, you see? I did it!”
“You made them fly away?” Sadie asked.
“Uh-huh,” Lenny answered, his face red from his exertion and a tiny bead of metallic sweat on Abe Lincoln’s brow. “I call it super willpower. I willed them away!”
“Either that,” Pete said, “or they found the scraps on table one easier pickings than us.”
Sadie and Lenny glanced down the sidewalk. They saw the three pigeons pecking at the leftovers on a table at the far end of the cafe where a couple had just left.
Lenny frowned, and then hitting upon an explanation, he said, “Doesn’t matter. I willed them to shoo, and they shooed. It’s a simple case of the universe cooperating with the steely will of the Steelman!”
“Lenny,” Pete said, “are you sure that a penny carries that much clout with the universe?”
“Sure, why not? We’re the Masked Mintage, man. Why wouldn’t it want to help us out?”
“You got me again, Lenny. I guess common sense has its drawbacks.”
“Aw, don’t worry about it, Wheatman. Your common sense is a great superpower. You just need to fine tune it a little.”
“I’ll work on it, Lenny.” Pete turned to Sadie. “Okay, Sadie. Before the pigeons figure out that Lenny tricked them.”
Sadie exclaimed “Weeee!” and slid from atop Bob’s giant fiberglass double-decker cheeseburger. Ernie Eagle spread his wings, gained flight, and circled back for Pete and Lenny. He plucked up the two masked pennies and ferried them to a standing clay pot beside the nearest empty table.
The three coins hid behind the bushy fern on the lip of the planter. Standing on their rims they had a good view of the table.
Sadie said, “Paul, what makes you think the boy will sit at this table?”
“This is where he always sits,” Pete answered, long ago having given up trying to correct the absentminded silver dollar about his name. “He’s a creature of habit. He’ll sit in the same seat. He’ll set his knapsack against the front right leg of his chair and pull out a book. He’ll open it in front of him while he waits for the waitress. When she arrives with a menu and a glass of water, he’ll move the glass to the left side and lay the menu on the right, lining up the edge of the menu with that of the table. Then he’ll crack his knuckles and scan his surroundings.”
“In that order?”
“Yes.”
A moment later a bus pulled up at a stop near the giant statue of Bob Big Boy. The bus door opened and a gangly youth in blue jeans and black Converse sneakers with two inches of white socks showing stepped onto the sidewalk. He wore a red and beige plaid button-down short-sleeved shirt, and his light brown, floppy hair shimmered in the sunlight.
The youth hitched his small canvas knapsack onto his shoulder and strolled up to the vacant table and pulled out a chair.
What happened next occurred exactly as Pete described, right down to the knuckle-cracking.
“Powers of observation!” Lenny exclaimed. “Super!”
“Uh-oh,” Sadie said. “Isn’t that—?”
Pete peeked around a leaf. “That’s them.”
“Maybe they won’t see him.”
“Not likely.”
“I hate bullies,” Lenny said between clenched teeth. “Let me at ‘em, Wheatman. I’ll teach them a lesson or two!”
“What would you do, head butt them into submission?”
“For starters, maybe.”
“You’re a brave penny, Lenny, but even possessing the power of a roll of half dollars wouldn’t be enough to stop two six-foot teens.”
“Roll of silver dollars,” Lenny corrected, undaunted.
“Silver dollars now?”
“You betcha.”
“Been working out, right? How come I never see it?”
“Isometrics, Steelman. I can do them anywhere, anytime. You know when you see me leaning against a wall or something and I’m making funny faces?”
“Isometrics?”
“Yep.”
“I was wondering what you were doing, but I was afraid to ask.”
“Always exercising. Always improving. Always—”
“Steelman the Always Man. Got it, Lenny.”
“Always!”
Dusty Glover and Eddie Hogan spotted Adam Stryker sitting alone at his table. The two high school juniors hadn’t spoken to Adam since elementary school, when they left him sprawled on the ground with his underwear pulled up to his chin, his knapsack dumped on top of him, and his homework flying away in the wind.
Two years ahead of Adam, the ruffians entered high school and left the boy to the manhandling of lesser tormentors. Now a freshman, Adam had returned to the realms of Dusty and Eddie. Preferring sports and girls to bullying, the two teens left Adam in relative peace,
Both youths easily topped six feet and one of their muscular legs weighed as much as Adam. Dusty played basketball, baseball, and ran track at school, and Eddie, who was the bigger of the two, played football and wrestled junior varsity at the 195 lb. weight class. Neither friend was a good student, but handsome and outstanding athletes, they enjoyed popularity among their peers. Both young men dated cheerleaders, and no party or kegger was considered worth attending without the two studs promising to show up.
Approaching Adam from behind, Eddie gave Dusty a poke with his elbow. He pointed ahead to the lone boy at the table. They snickered.
Eddie introduced himself to Adam with an open-handed smack to the back of the boy’s head. The jolt startled Adam, and he nearly smashed his nose into his book.
Adam spun around in his chair. He saw Eddie Hogan grinning down at him, and sighed.
“Hello, squirt,” Eddie said. “What are you doing so far from the library?”
Adam looked up at the two titans and rubbed the sting at the back of his head.
“Hello, Dusty. Hello, Eddie.”
“What are you doing sitting all alone in Burbank?” Eddie asked again. “You can’t drive. Are you waiting for your mommy?”
“A friend.”
“You don’t have any friends,” Dusty said.
Adam shrugged.
Dusty pulled out a chair and sat down. “We’ll keep you company until he arrives.” He grabbed Adam’s water glass and downed it, slamming the empty glass back on the table like he was at a saloon.
Adam stared at the glass. It was in the wrong place. “Thank you,” he said, “but that won’t be necessary.” He stealthily slid the glass back to where it belonged.
Eddie sat down across from Dusty and snatched Adam’s book. He turned to the cover.
“Coins? A book about coins?”
He showed the book to Dusty, who shook his head, feigning disappointment and pity.
“A little advice,” Dusty said. “If you want to make a friend, choose another hobby.”
Adam didn’t reply. He reached for the book Eddie was still waving in front of him, but the youth yanked it from arm’s reach. He unceremoniously dropped it into the fern planter.
Adam couldn’t imagine treating any book so carelessly, but he said nothing.
Dusty said, “Your ‘friend’ is late.”
“She usually is. I appreciate the company, fellas, but I’m sure you have better things to do. It could be awhile.”
“She?”
Eddie chortled. “Right. What kind of chick would be interested in a dork like you, Stryker?”
“This I’ve got to see!” Dusty said.
The two youths exchanged visions of what kind of girl would want to hang out with a nerd who read books about coins for fun. Their composite drawing resulted in a bony ugly duckling with braces, frizzy hair, and Coke bottle glasses.
At fifteen, Adam was still no expert on girls, and although Fiona and he were just friends, he thought the youths’ description of her was unflattering and inaccurate. To Adam, Fiona was a beautiful and very special person, even if she did like to tease him sometimes.
He thought it was one thing for Dusty and Eddie to insult and tyrannize him—he was use to it—but he doubted Fiona was. He didn’t want her to suffer ridicule because of him. A surge of gallantry rose up within Adam, taking him a little by surprise. What did the feeling mean? He knew he liked Fiona a lot, but this was a new sensation.
Until today, other than Fiona’s uncle, Harold Auden, Mr. Auden’s chauffeur, Jonah, and his own father, their friendship of six years was secret from the world. And the last people Adam wanted to introduce Fiona to were Dusty Glover and Eddie Hogan.
Adam decided that the only way to save Fiona from their harassment was to leave. He felt confident that they would not want to stick around just to see an ugly duckling.
He rose from his chair, grabbed up his knapsack, and walked toward the planter to retrieve his book.
Eddie snatched the book and held it over his head out of Adam’s reach.
“Where are you going?” Eddie said.
“Home.”
“What about your girlfriend?”
“I don’t think she’s coming. May I have my book, please?”
“It’s not nice to stand up your date,” Dusty chided.
“It’s not a date,” Adam replied. “And she said she might not be able to come. The bus arrives soon. May I have my book, please?”
Eddie glanced at Dusty for instructions. His friend gave a consenting nod.
Eddie smirked, and then he flung the book. It hit the sidewalk skidding.
Adam hustled after the coin book, concerned that if it were damaged he’d have to pay some kind of penalty to the Pasadena Public Library where he had gotten it.
Squatting to pick up the book, Adam saw a pair of shiny black woman’s loafers halt in front of him. Adam slowly raised his head, his eyes tracing two shapely legs that seemed to go on forever. Eventually, his gaze hit the hemline of a yellow sundress halfway down the woman’s thighs. Adam gulped. He stood, the book at his side next to his dangling jaw.
2
birds of a feather
“Adam, what on earth are you doing?” Fiona asked.
“Keep walking,” he whispered.
“Huh? Why? What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. Just keep walking, okay?”
“No.”
“Please.”
Fiona glanced at the book, then past his shoulder to the table they always sat at. She saw two big teens gawking at her. Ogling eyes were nothing new to the pretty girl, but her astute mind quickly put one and one together and arrived at two jerks who were bullying her harmless friend.
“Please,” Adam repeated.
Fiona sniffed and raised her chin in defiance. She was not one to run from confrontation. But she also knew she didn’t have all the facts, and didn’t want to make more trouble for Adam than he was apparently already in.
She whispered, “I’ll be back in ten minutes.”
With that she brushed past Adam, and her head held high and regal, sashayed down the sidewalk. She breezed by the table without so much as a glance towards the two gawping teens and disappeared around the corner at the end of the block.
Dusty whiffed approvingly at the scent of perfume in the woman’s wake, and he and Eddie exchanged astonished looks. Dusty bounced his eyebrows and mouthed the words, “Hubba, hubba.”
The teens stood, combed their hair with their fingers, and bolted after the girl.
Adam stared after them nonplussed and scratched his head. How did Fiona know they’d do that?
He strolled back to the table where the waitress had just shown up again. Adam confirmed he wasn’t leaving and said his friend would be by shortly. He handed the waitress his empty water glass and asked for a new one.
Ten minutes later Fiona returned and pulled up a chair beside Adam.
“Where are they?” Adam asked.
“Don’t worry. I lost them. What was that all about?”
“Dusty Glover and Eddie Hogan.”
“That was them?”
“Yeah.”
“They’re bigger than I thought they’d be.” She waggled an eyebrow. “Better looking too.”
Fiona eyed Adam for a sign of jealousy, but he showed none.
“Why didn’t you want me to meet them?” She twirled strands of her long, chestnut-brown hair. “I could have put them in their places.”
“How would you have done that? You just said they were big.”
She grinned coquettishly. “I could have pretended I was your girlfriend.”
