“THAT’S IT!”

  Grandma slides across the counter and charges through the crowd holding her ice cream scoop up high and Sir Percival has to scarper before she WALLOPS him with it.

  I waggle my eyebrows at Sam as if to say, “You know what we need to do.”

  He waggles his eyebrows back at me as if to say, “No, actually, I DON’T.”

  “Lenny, I’m SWEATING,” Sam complains as we approach the EnormoMall.

  We’re both wearing GREEN ALIEN CLOTHES with long, thick coats on over the top. It is only two hours until Sir Percival’s big meeting outside Grandma’s shop and our mission is simple: stage an ALIEN INVASION of the EnormoMall and get it on FlipFlop before it starts.

  Inside, the EnormoMall’s enormous fans cool us down right away. Everything is white and shiny, and RELAXING MUSIC plays over the speakers.

  “This is what I imagine Heaven to look like,” I say to Sam. “Except there’s an Apple Store and a lady doing eyebrows.”

  We stop by a HUGE FOUNTAIN with a golden statue of a naked man playing a trumpet.

  “Phone?” I say.

  I take out my mum’s phone and Sam gets out the one he borrowed from the bookshop.

  “HEAD?”

  I hold up my bag, which contains a green papier mâché alien head, and Sam does the same.

  “Any questions?”

  “Yes,” says Sam. “Do we have to?”

  “Sam, how can we not?” I say. “Sir Percival is trying to bring down the ENTIRE THING. We need to show him it’s for real.”

  Sam sighs. “But, Lenny?”

  “Yes, Sam?”

  “It’s NOT for real.”

  “SSSSH!” I say, frantically looking around in case any of the shoppers going by heard him.

  “That’s not the point,” I say. “If we want the town to STAY SAVED, we have to make people think it is.”

  “I know that,” says Sam. “But surely if the aliens are seen at the EnormoMall, people will come here and town will be empty again?”

  “No way,” I say. “The CRASH SITE is in town. Besides, we can do loads more FlipFlops outside Grandma’s and your dad’s shops. Then if people visit town AND the EnormoMall, Sir Perce will get off our backs.”

  I’ve given it lots of thought. It really is the PERFECT solution.

  Sam gulps and shifts on his feet. “I still feel bad about Jess.”

  “I DO TOO,” I say. “As soon as we’ve got this out of the way, we’ll let her in on the secret.”

  I’m sure Jess will be fine with it once we come clean. She’ll probably come up with all kinds of cool ideas to keep it going too. But for now, we have our mission: DEFEAT SIR PERCIVAL HICKENBOTTOM.

  We agreed that Sam should take the left-hand side of the EnormoMall while I take the right, and meet up by the fountain in EXACTLY ONE HOUR. It makes sense to split up, because that way we get to make more videos and cover more ground. See, the thing about the EnormoMall is it’s enormous.

  I decide to start with an EASY one. Down a little side corridor that leads to a deserted candle shop there’s a big poster on the wall that says:

  in giant letters. That’s going to really boil Hickenbottom’s parsnips. I set the phone up on top of a bin, ditch my giant coat, put on my head and do my best alien walk in front of it.

  I watch it back afterwards. Pretty good! Once I add some ALIEN EFFECTS it will look cool.

  “Can I help you?”

  I freeze and look up. There’s a man standing there, dressed all in black. He’s wearing SUNGLASSES even though we’re indoors, and his arms are like veiny tree trunks. I look down and see the top of the paper mâché head is poking out of the top of my bag, so I give it a nudge and it falls on its side.

  “NO, THANK YOU,” I say. “Just doing some shopping.”

  He points at my coat with two fingers. “Just doing some SHOPPING in your COAT, are you?”

  How weird. Why is he bothered about my coat? “Yes?” I say.

  “Pretty WARM day today,” he says. “What’s the matter? COLD-BLOODED?”

  Wait. Is he accusing me of being a lizard? “No,” I say. “It’s just my favourite coat.”

  The man walks closer and leans down to me. He smells like aftershave and coffee and sweaty armpits. “Listen up, you little punk,” he says. “I’ve been a store detective for twenty years and I know a THIEF when I see one.”

  I gasp and clamp a hand over my chest. “HOW RUDE! I have never stolen a thing in my life.”

  His mouth twists into a smirk. “That’s what they all say. ‘Oh, not ME, mister! I’m just an innocent shopper.’ Then I check their pockets and

  Chocolate bars out the wazoo.”

  I turn out my pockets, sending bits of lint, elastic bands and a note I was supposed to pass to Sam in class last year that says “AMELIA KELLY IS A DRACULA” fluttering to the floor.

  “No chocolate here,” I say. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

  “Uh-huh,” he says, standing up to his full height and crossing his WWE arms. “And how about the BAG?”

  Oh no. I grab it and SCRUNCH it shut. “That’s private.”

  “I’ll bet it is. OPEN IT UP now,” he growls.

  I think about it. If I do as he says, he will know the big secret. And I don’t think he’s the secret-keeping type.

  “Um, no?” I say.

  The man looks like he’s just received an ELECTRIC SHOCK directly to his bum cheeks. “What did you just say?”

  “It’s private,” I say, drawing the bag close to my body. “No one is allowed to see.”

  The man rubs his hands together. “Oh, this has to be something good. What have you got, you little hoodlum? A PHONE? A LAPTOP? A TV?”

  I look down at the bag. “It would have to be a really small TV.”

  He seems stumped for a second, then shakes his massive head. “They make them small sometimes. Now, come on, open it. Before I get ANGRY.”

  So this isn’t him angry now? He already looks like a giant muscly tomato.

  His walkie-talkie crackles and a disembodied voice comes out. “Base to Julian.”

  The man rolls his eyes and answers. “Base, we’ve discussed this. My professional name is J-DOG.”

  “OK, Julian,” the voice says. “We’ve got some aggro kicking off outside the birthday shop. Someone trying to return a card even though there’s a greeting written inside it.”

  Julian spins round and looks back into the main part of the mall. OK, GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY. I quickly grab the head out of the bag and shove it behind the bin.

  “J-DOG will be there in a minute,” Julian grizzles. “Just got something to deal with here first.”

  He turns back to me and folds his arms again. “I’m going to ask you one more time.

  I sigh. “OK, fiiiiine.”

  Julian frowns into the empty bag. “But there’s nothing in there.”

  “That’s what YOU think,” I say. “But actually I use this bag to keep all my HOPES AND DREAMS for the future.”

  I pinched that bad boy off my mum. She has an empty money pot and says she uses it to store all the LOVE she has for her children. When Brandon moaned that it was really tiny, she sent him to take the bins out.

  Julian narrows his eyes at me. “You’re lucky there’s a CARD SITUATION going on, otherwise I’d be taking you to the slammer.”

  I gasp. “The EnormoMall has a prison?”

  “It’s actually my office,” he says. “But make no mistake,” he points two fingers at his eyes, then one at me, “I’LL BE WATCHING YOU.”

  Once angry J-Dog has power-walked around the corner, I stuff the head back into the bag and carry on. I hope he doesn’t get Sam.

  I managed to film a quick FlipFlop in a far-flung corner of an American sweet-shop, acting all ALIEN-Y among the Jolly Ranchers, before I check my watch. There’s only TEN MINUTES until I have to meet Sam. Time for one more.

  Checking I’m not being spied on, I make my way up the escalator and look for my last location. THE FOOD COURT? No, too crowded. THE TOY SHOP? I’d probably get too distracted. Hang on a sec. What does that sign say?

  There’s a corridor heading off the main mall and I can’t help but head down there. I feel like I’ve got a SEVENTH SENSE for things like this: seeing opportunities. My SIXTH sense is knowing when not to go in our bathroom at home.

  Gripping my bag tight, I creep down the corridor. There are a few doors, some with signs and some without, but at the very end, on a door made from much fancier wood than the others, is a BRASS PLAQUE emblazoned with the name Sir Percival Hickenbottom.

  I quickly put on the head and film myself walking up and down outside Sir Percival’s office. This one is going to be SO GOOD! I’m about to stop, but decide I want to film a little more, so do another circuit.

  I whack into the wall. OOF! I must have got confused. I take off the head and blink as my eyes get used to the bright light. Wait a second. Why is this wall black? And why does it smell like aftershave, coffee and ARMPIT SWEAT?

  “STOP!” Julian booms, but no way am I going to do that. I am GETTING OUT of this place. Once I’m outside the EnormoMall, there’s nothing he can do.

  The ESCALATORS are ahead. If I can get down them in good time, I’ll have a chance.

  “RON, GRAB HIM!” Julian shouts.

  I see the man who must be Ron in front of the stairs. He’s half the size of Julian and twice as old. He holds his arms out like a goalkeeper trying to save a penalty. My SEVENTH SENSE kicks in: the floors here are super shiny and slick. I look down and can see my reflection in them. HERE GOES.

  I skid on my knees and the floor carries me squealing through the old man’s legs.

  But oh no, I can’t stop and I’m heading right for the escalator COMING UP from the floor below! I flop on to the hard metal and am IMMEDIATELY carried back towards Julian and Ron.

  Using the handrails, I pull myself up and RUN down the escalator the wrong way. A lady coming up squawks and calls me a “HOOLIGAN”.

  I quickly turn my head and see Ron has given up, but Julian is still pounding down the escalator towards me.

  “Out of the way!” he yells. “I’ve got a FUGITIVE in my sights!”

  I leap off the escalator, and before I can stop myself I SMASH into a stand giving out free samples of cocktail sausages.

  “The suspect has upended the complimentary chipolatas; repeat, suspect has upended the complimentary chipolatas,” Julian pants into his walkie-talkie.

  Something has happened. My feet are no longer connected to the shiny floor. I look down and I’m SKIDDING on the sausages. And I can’t stop! I skid faster and FASTER, wobbling my arms around to stay upright.

  I jump up straight away, but I’m SOAKED. I look up at the giant naked statue holding a trumpet and he seems to be laughing at me.

  Julian splashes into the fountain after me, so I clamber over the side and RUN as fast as my sodden body will take me. The entrance is ahead. I’M GOING TO MAKE IT! I’M GOING TO MAKE IT!

  A dark shape steps in front of me and grabs me tight. No, I was SO CLOSE!

  “You’re not getting away this time, you little alien,” Sir Percival hisses.

  “When I said I had PROOF that this alien thing was a load of old bunk and hooey, I was talking about reports from AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL on the night of the supposed crash,” I hear Hickenbottom moan from where he’s addressing the crowd outside Grandma’s shop. “But a stroke of luck landed me with something even more compelling this evening.”

  I’m sitting in the back of his fancy car with Julian. The doors are locked. NO CHANCE OF ESCAPE.

  “All right, put your mask on, kid,” Julian growls.

  “WHY?” I moan.

  “Because that’s what the boss wants,” he says. “Now, COME ON. Stick it over your head. Chop-chop.”

  I have no choice but to do as he asks. I hear the door open and I’m led out of the car.

  “And now, ladies and gentlemen,” Sir Percival drones. “Here are your SO-CALLED ALIENS.”

  I can hear people murmur as I’m pushed forwards.

  “These children have perpetrated a great HOAX upon this town,” he goes on. “And now it is time for them to face the music.”

  The papier mâché head is lifted off me. It’s getting dark now, but the crowd is lit by nearby lamp-posts and among them I see my family.

  “OH, LENNY, I’m shocked,” Mum gasps.

  Brandon sniggers. “I’m not.”

  I see Grandma near the back, still with her apron on. She looks really sad and it makes my eyes go all prickly.

  “WAIT!” I say, shouting over the noise. “I can explain!”

  “HE CAN EXPLAIN?!” Sir Percival guffaws. “Oh, I can’t wait to hear this.”

  I turn and see Sam next to me in the dark, his mask still on. He must be so scared. Even more than me.

  “We didn’t mean to cause TROUBLE,” I say. “It’s just that my grandma’s shop didn’t have any people visiting. Sam’s dad’s bookshop too. And it was all because of Sir Shufflebottom’s MegaMall.”

  “It’s Hickenbottom,” he snootily corrects me. “And EnormoMall.”

  I say. “Basically, we only did it because we wanted to save the town.”

  Sir Percival laughs again, clutching at his huge belly. “SAVE THE TOWN? That’s so precious! I’ve heard it all now.”

  Sam’s dad makes his way to the front, his HAND UP like he’s asking permission to go for a wee.

  “Actually, Sir Shufflebottom…”

  “SIR PERCIVAL HICKENBOTTOM!”

  “Sorry,” says Sam’s dad. “Actually, Sir Shufflebottom. I think you’ll find most of us had big doubts about the alien thing.”

  I look around and see other people agreeing.

  “David is right,” says my mum. “Deep down, we knew there weren’t REALLY any aliens. We just liked the magic of it. The idea that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!”

  Loads of people agree now, some of them even clapping.

  “And I just feel like you don’t get that, Sir Slipperbottom,” she goes on.

  Sir Percival GROANS and rubs a hand down his face. I don’t think this has gone how he thought.

  “I AGREE.” I hear a familiar voice near the back and have to squint to see Mr Greenford, along with Crumbs on a lead. “While I may not condone their actions, these boys have shown great imagination and, more importantly, COMMUNITY SPIRIT. I’m – uh.” He stops and seems to think about what he’s going to say next. “I’m proud to call them Fleurwood pupils.”

  This time a BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE goes across the crowd. I even see Grandma doing one of those stick-your-fingers-in-your-mouth whistles.

  “OK, son,” says Sam’s dad with a smile. “You can take the mask off now; you’re not in trouble.”

  But Sam doesn’t move. He just stands there in the shadows, MOTIONLESS.

  “Sam?” says his dad, worry creeping into his voice.

  I hear panting coming from the back of the crowd and see a YELLOW PUFF OF HAIR sprinting towards me.

  Sam stands opposite, trying to catch his breath. “So … sorry … Lenny. Nearly … caught … escaped.”

  “Hang on a second,” I say. “If you’re there, then WHO IS THAT?”

  I turn just in time to see the figure next to me raising its arms, then a BRIGHT-GREEN LIGHT beams from its eyes.

  “Do not fear, earthlings,” it says in a strange voice. “I COME IN PEACE!”

  The crowd gasps and many start recording on their phones. A few run away, screaming.

  “I come from the planet JEZANDRIA with a message of hope,” it goes on.

  “Never mind hope,” Sir Percival yells. “We’ve got ourselves a REAL ALIEN here. I’m rich! Even more than I already was! GRAB IT, BOYS!”

  Julian and Ron lurch out of the darkness and try to seize the alien.

  I push the alien forwards, towards the crowd, who scatter out of the way. I don’t know how this alien got here, or whether it knows what is going on. I just know I can’t let Sir Percy get his mitts on the poor thing.

  It doesn’t seem to be able to run very fast. We’re going to need something better. AND THAT’S WHEN I SEE IT, propped up against some railings near Dad.

  “Come on, we’re taking the FLYING BIKE,” I say. “You sit in the basket.”

  We TEAR down the street on the bike and I press TURBO 1 to get the speed up. Two cars begin to pull out and CHASE us. Time to crank it up to TURBO 2.

  I say to the alien as I hit TURBO 3. “I’m not going to let them take you, don’t worry!”

  But the cars are CLOSE now, and I can hear Sir Percival screaming something out of the window. I can’t make out what it is. Something about “end”. What’s he talking about?

  He says it again, and this time it’s clearer.

  Oh no! Of course! They still haven’t fixed the bridge over Duggler’s Ditch! I check around, but there is NO OTHER WAY to go.

  “Oh, Dad,” I moan. “Please let this be the one invention of yours that ACTUALLY WORKS!”

  I turn it up to TURBO 4 and try and remember what Dad said.

  “I think it’s the timing, Lenny. I feel like I need to hit Fly at the exact right moment when I get to TURBO FIVE, but I keep missing it.”

  Duggler’s Ditch looms ahead. We’re going to be there in no time. TURBO 5.

  Sir Percival roars.

  But I’m not going to stop. I can’t.

 

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