Monster, page 16
“Hey, Kenny, what are you doing tonight?” she asked.
“Nothing really. What about you?”
“Nothing. I’m bored. Lucy had to work late, and none of my friends have any money. Damn, why you got your hair out like that?”
“I’m getting it done in the morning. Did you eat yet? If you want, I’ll treat you to dinner.”
“You aren’t going anywhere with me looking like that. Come here, and I’ll braid your hair. Then you can repay me by taking me out to dinner.”
I went over to Ray’s house. His grandmother had gone to Georgia to visit family, so the place was empty. Kim grabbed the combs and the grease and started to braid my hair. We laughed and joked about the past.
“You know, Kenny, I’m still mad at you for missing my thirteenth birthday. We changed all of the dinner arrangements for you to come—and you missed it. I had to go to shitty-ass Sizzler. It was disgusting.”
“I apologized for that a million times. My mother forced me to go to church with her. There was nothing I could do.”
“I hope you know when you take me out that I’m ordering everything I can think of.”
She was a good girl who was street smart and book smart. In life, those are two essential qualities.
“I’ll tell you what. To make up for it, we’ll go anywhere and do anything you want.”
“Really? I’m going to hold you to that.”
“Seriously, whatever you want.”
She finished braiding my hair and then got ready. She was dressed to kill. She had on a nice, form-fitting, black dress that showed off her busty cleavage. It was hard not to look at her. She had seriously grown-up. She wasn’t the same little girl who followed Ray and me around when we were kids. She was a woman now. I pushed those thoughts to the side. I cared for her. She was like family.
I drove us into Manhattan, and we went to Studio Mars on Fifty-Second Street. She stayed true to her word and ordered the most expensive thing she could find on the menu. I didn’t mind, though. She deserved it. Over the years, I’d seen her pick the wrong type of guys, mostly losers who didn’t have ambition and just hung out in the streets. I watched them all hurt her and take whatever they could from her. Their example of a date night was treating her to McDonald’s and letting her get a value meal. I wanted her to feel like a queen.
We ate, and she told me about the classes she had to take to become a nurse. When dinner was over, I took her on a horse and carriage ride to the comedy club on Forty-Second Street. The comedians were hilarious. We were both laughing our asses off the whole time. My cell phone went off a couple of times during dinner and at the comedy club, but I didn’t feel like being bothered. I was content hanging out with Kim.
When the comedy club was over, we held hands, got ice cream, and walked around the city.
“I’m loving this night. I’m not ready to go home yet.... You know, I’ve never seen your new condo. Can we hang out there?”
“Sure.”
I had work in the morning, but I didn’t care. She was good company. We got to my place and watched the replay of the Knicks game. Kim rested her head on my shoulder with her feet up on my couch.
“So, did I make up for your thirteenth birthday? Are we even now?”
“Not yet. You said we could do anything and everything I wanted tonight, right?”
“Yeah.”
“There is only one thing I want to conclude the night, and then we’ll be even, and my night will be perfect.”
“What’s that?”
“You.”
I knew exactly what she meant, but I wasn’t trying to go there. I played dumb. “What do you mean by that?”
“If you want me to say it bluntly, I want you to fuck me.”
“Come on, Kim. You know we can’t do that. I care for you too much to make you a statistic, and you know we can’t be together.”
“I know that, and I don’t care. I don’t want to be in a relationship. I just want to fuck. I’ve liked you since I was a little girl, and even if we only spend one night together, I’d be happy with that.”
We kissed. This felt wrong. I didn’t want to take advantage of her. I honestly cared about her, and I didn’t want to betray Ray. My conscience was already bothering me with Lilly and Adam. I didn’t need more drama. Our hands felt all over each other. She took off her skirt, and she was just in her bra and panties. Our eyes met.
“Kim, we can’t do this.”
“This is what I want. You promised.”
We continued to kiss. She pushed me down on the couch and took off her bra and panties. The fact that she was so aggressive was turning me on. She pulled off my shirt, pants, and underwear. She went to go down on me, but I stopped her. As much as I would’ve loved that, what we were about to do was bad enough.
She went in her purse and pulled out a condom, smiled, and put it on me. She positioned herself on top of me and eased my dick inside of her. Then she started a slow rhythm on top of me while my hands were all over her breasts. She grabbed the sofa and used it for leverage as she increased her rhythm. Soon, she let out a loud moan and came on top of me. She got off me and wanted me to take her from behind. I grabbed her waist and entered her.
“Give it to me hard,” she moaned.
I grabbed her waist with one hand and pulled her hair. She loved it. I couldn’t enjoy it thoroughly because I was too busy thinking about how wrong it was. I didn’t know how I could look Ray in his eyes after tonight. I already fucked up with Adam, and now I was making the same mistake by betraying Ray.
Guilt was all over me as I kept pumping away. Kim pushed back, and it felt heavenly. Finally, I couldn’t hold it anymore, and I came intensely. We both lay on my living room floor, gasping. I stood up from the floor and got bottles of water for us. Then I got back on the floor. Kim lay on top of me and fell asleep. I didn’t sleep well. I kept thinking about what I had done. I didn’t want her to be a statistic. She meant more to me than that. Ray always talked to me about settling down and not sleeping with so many women. He was one of my best friends, but he’d never forgive me if he found out about this.
* * *
The next morning, my two earliest appointments from Def Jam rescheduled for later on in the day, which was perfect because it gave me time to make breakfast for Kim and talk to her.
“Damn, you give me the best night ever and now, the best morning. I’m really happy.”
“Kim, I enjoyed last night too, but you know we can never do this again, right?”
“We still can, Kenny. I know you’re worried about my feelings, but it’s all good. We can take care of each other’s needs and stay friends.”
“We can’t. You know if Ray ever found out about this, he’d kill both of us.”
“He never has to know. I’m not going to tell him anything, and besides, I’m a grown woman. I make my own decisions.”
“I know, but don’t you feel a little guilty about the whole thing?”
“No. I told you I wanted you since I was a little girl, and doing this felt so right to me. I know we’re never going to get married or be in a relationship, but a part of me is just happy you wanted me as much as I wanted you.”
“I’m very attracted to you, but this can’t happen again. Don’t tell anyone, including Lucy.”
“I’m not going to tell anyone. It’ll just be our little secret, but you have to promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“That you’ll consider doing this with me again. If you can’t consider it, then no dice.”
“OK, OK, I’ll consider it.”
“Good.”
Before I knew it, we were at it again in my bedroom, screwing each other’s brains out.
I drove her back to her house, and she had the look of victory on her face.
“Why are you smiling?” I asked.
“Because I finally got what I wanted, and I know that as long as you consider it, I can have more when I need it.”
“Wow, somebody got cocky all of a sudden.”
“No, I just like getting what I want.”
I dropped her off in front of her house. Ray saw her get out of my car.
“Where were—” he was about to ask where she was with me, but Kim interrupted him.
“I was hanging out in the city and got drunk. I didn’t want you to flip out on me, so I called Ken to pick me up, so I didn’t have to hear your mouth.”
“Jesus, Kim, you got that drunk that you needed someone to come rescue you? I hope you didn’t make any stupid decisions.”
She snickered. “Nope. I was fully conscious of every decision I made yesterday, and I’m glad I made them. On top of that, I’m grown.”
She winked at me. I frowned at her.
“Get your grown ass in the house,” Ray playfully said to her as he chased her.
“Bye, Ken. Thanks for everything,” Kim said.
“Bye, Kim.”
“Yo, sorry about that, man. I hope she didn’t mess up any of your plans.”
“Nah, it’s cool.... She’s like family.”
“You doing anything tonight?”
“Probably taking Denise out. What’s up?”
“Well, I know you promised her we’d hang out. Do you want to do that tonight?”
“Yeah, that sounds good. We’ll hang out later.”
We exchanged ideas, and I went back to my place, feeling guiltier than ever.
* * *
I was still stressed out with the whole Adam and Kim situations. Denise and I were at Ray’s house, waiting for them to get ready. Lucy introduced herself to Denise.
“Hey, it’s Denise, right? Kenny speaks so highly of you,” Lucy said.
“Aw, thank you. He’s always talking about you guys too. It’s nice to meet you finally. His Def Jam schedule always messes up everything with planning stuff.”
“Yeah, I know that’s rough. Well, let me finish getting ready and let the men figure out where we’re going tonight.”
“Sounds good to me, right, honey?”
“Yup,” I said.
I had no idea what we were going to do. We’d probably get dinner and go to a club—anything fun. Denise was thrilled when I told her we were hanging out with Ray and Lucy because she never felt like she got to meet my friends. Little did she know, I meant for it to be that way. I didn’t need Jessie saying shit in front of her again, but I didn’t have to worry about Lucy or Ray telling her about the other girls because they were loyal to me.
We went to this Italian restaurant on Route 110 called Bertucci’s. We laughed and talked about relationships. Ray got up to go to the bathroom while Denise and Lucy were discussing cheating.
“Only selfish assholes cheat. If you’re not feeling the person you’re with, then you should do that person a favor and have the common decency to break it off with them. Why cheat? You aren’t happy anyway, so leave them,” Denise said with firm conviction.
“I used to think like you, but I realized that anyone could cheat. It all depends on the circumstances. Sometimes, people don’t cheat because of the physical act of it. Sometimes, they cheat because they need an emotional release from the person they love,” Lucy responded.
“If that’s the case, if they feel they need a release from that person, then they should release themselves from that person. Cheating only hurts people.”
“Maybe the person cheating doesn’t want to lose what they have. Maybe the person knows what they’re doing is wrong and wants to correct it, but doesn’t know how to do that without losing the person they love. Sometimes people want to have their cake and eat it too.”
“Well, I hate people like that. People like that don’t deserve to be with anyone. Better yet, they deserve to find someone like them, so they can know how it feels,” Denise countered.
They both continued with their debate, but Lucy’s words didn’t sit right with me at all. Lucy was a firm believer in honesty in relationships. What could’ve possibly changed her mind about cheating? I was very suspicious about everything she was saying.
Ray came back and kissed her on the cheek. She winked at him and looked at me as if to tell me not to bring up anything she said. I nodded, and she returned the nod.
We changed subjects. We decided to go out dancing and went to the Crazy Donkey in Farmingdale. We had a good time, but I was concerned about Lucy and Ray. On the dance floor, they kissed, danced, and stared into each other’s eyes like soul mates, but I wondered if something was going on.
After hanging out at the club, I told Denise I had work early in the morning so that I couldn’t stay at her place. She was disappointed, but she was happy she got to hang out with my friends. She exchanged numbers with Lucy, hugged Ray goodbye, and we drove to her place. I made sure she got her rocks off before I went home. I didn’t worry about getting mine. I had way too much on my mind.
* * *
Tiffani called me distraught and crying. The clock on my nightstand said it was four in the morning.
“Kenny, can you please pick me up from the airport,” Tiffani asked.
“Sure, what time?” I asked groggily.
“Can you come now? I’m at JFK. I need you.”
I cared about Tiffani, so regardless of what time it was, early or late, I’d be there for her. She wouldn’t get into details over the phone on what happened, but she said things with her and Josh were over for good.
Inside, I had a small victory. On the one hand, she wasn’t with him anymore, so I had a shot. On the other hand, she loved him. I’m sure she would grieve, and no one could predict how long it would take for someone to heal from a breakup, especially if it was a bad one.
I picked her up from the JetBlue terminal. When I got there, she was standing outside in the rain. She wasn’t even under the awnings. She just stood out there soaked with the look of a person that was exhausted and defeated.
I parked my car in front of where she was standing.
“Hey, you can’t park your car here. Move your vehicle immediately,” one of the security guards yelled at me.
I ignored him and hugged her. I opened the door for her, grabbed her bags, and quickly put them in my trunk so the security guard would get off my back. Then I pulled off.
“Tiff, what’s wrong? What happened?”
“Josh cheated on me. . . . I don’t know how long this has been going on. I feel so fucking stupid,” she sobbed.
I felt her pain. Guys had been trying to get in her pants since she stepped on campus, and she was faithful to Josh this whole time. Right now, I didn’t care about my feelings for her. I only wanted to help her and make sure she was okay.
“Pull over,” Tiffani said.
I pulled over on the side of the Van Wyck and held her as she cried. While she lay against me, she explained what happened.
“I came home to surprise him because I wasn’t there for his birthday. I wanted to be there, but I had an important game and couldn’t miss it. I thought I’d surprise him with a weekend visit, spoil him for at least two days, and enjoy being with him since we rarely got to see each other.
“When I got to Seattle, I caught a cab and went straight to his house. When I got there, I saw his car was parked, so I knew he was home. I knocked on his door—no answer. I called his house and cell phone—no answer. I thought maybe he was taking a nap. Since his room was on the first floor and on the backside of the house, I opened the fence and went into his backyard. His big German shepherd barked at first, but once the dog realized it was me, he stopped. I climbed in his window like I had done countless times when we were growing up . . . only to see Josh fucking Deborah Owens, a girl we went to high school with.”
“Shit,” I said.
“Oh, it gets better. I screamed, and Josh kept saying it’s ‘not what I think.’ Deborah looked at me like she didn’t give a shit. Josh asked what I was doing home, and I explained I was there to surprise him for his birthday, but the surprise was on me. He gave me some lame excuse about being ‘lonely’ and needing someone to ‘take care of his needs.’ He said he didn’t have feelings for Deborah. It was just sex. I told him none of that shit mattered. My entire time here in New York, I never touched any other guys. I have needs too, but I loved him enough to endure.”
I nodded, and she went on.
“After saying all of that, I let him know we were over and told Deborah she could have him. Josh didn’t argue with me. He didn’t fight for us. He just said maybe that was for the best and offered to take me back to the airport, but after seeing how he didn’t give a shit about us breaking up—after all the years we’ve been together, and all the memories and times we’ve had—I told him no and just called a cab to go back to the airport. He said he was sorry it had to end this way and went back into the house with Deborah. He didn’t even wait outside with me for the cab to come.
I didn’t see my parents. I took the red-eye flight back to New York and cried the whole trip back. I had to explain to everyone on the flight that I just had a bad breakup to stop people from thinking I was crazy. I called you as soon as I landed.”
“Tiff, I’m here for you. Do you want to go to a diner somewhere or something?”
“No, not right now, Kenny. I need time to think. Can you take me to my place?”
“No problem.” I held her hand and rubbed it.
I understood. I drove Tiff to her place, and she invited me in. She was still depressed and didn’t want to be alone. While she had friends on the team, she didn’t have anyone to talk to about her problems like me.
We walked inside. Rachel and Kelly saw me step in with Tiff. They waved and looked at each other. I waved back and walked up the stairs with Tiff. We got to her room. Tiffani’s roommate rarely was ever there. Most of the time, she stayed with her boyfriend on the baseball team, which was good because Tiff had the room to vent and mourn. We sat in her room for about two hours. I told my clients from the gym that I had a family emergency and wouldn’t be in so that I could be there for Tiff.
