Daring to Fall for the Single Dad, page 9
He nodded, feeling slightly offended and bruised despite himself. All he’d heard was a reiteration of that word: friendship. Maybe he had been building this up in his head into something it wasn’t. This amazing woman had just been excited about the first week at the clinic going so well, and at being surrounded by so many people who admired her and were out to celebrate her achievements. They’d both just got swept up on a wave, and he told her so.
‘It was still a great night—all of it, not just the end part,’ he added, leaving room for her to agree with him.
Instead she was quiet. ‘Are you OK?’ she asked after a moment.
Was he? He would just have to be, wouldn’t he? No point making a big deal out of it now.
‘Of course. And I value what we have too, Ana; I always have done. Maybe we shouldn’t have...’
‘You’re right, we got carried away,’ she said quickly, though she wouldn’t meet his eyes now. ‘We shouldn’t have done that, really. Friends don’t sleep together.’
‘Right.’
Awkward.
‘But then, maybe it was always going to happen,’ she continued thoughtfully. ‘You know—because we’re friends. Sometimes you just have to see if it’s going to work or...not.’
He opened his mouth to assure her he’d thought everything had worked pretty well—everything that mattered, anyway—but he closed his mouth quickly. He was probably putting his foot in it more with every word that came out. Now he wasn’t quite sure how he felt. This was Ana and he would accept her in any way she needed him: as a friend, a colleague or a lover, even if it burned.
‘It won’t change anything if we don’t let it,’ she said, sticking out her hand. ‘Let’s shake on it now.’
Before he could take her hand, a monarch fluttered up and promptly landed on her outstretched hand. Ana stared at it, blinking. Then, just as fast as it had appeared, it flitted away again and she seemed to forget the attempted handshake.
This was still all a little awkward, he thought as they continued their walk. They leaned over the fence to see the ostriches with their big, round, gawky eyes and tiny heads; they hand-fed the pink piglets in the mini-farm and put Javi on a new dinosaur carousel that hadn’t been here before. Ana was acting normal enough, but the whole time Javi was on the ride she was quiet, and she also kept pulling her gaze away from him and fixed it on something else...as if he couldn’t feel her watching him anyway.
Gabriel watched the carousel spin under the blue sky and saw Javi’s eyes light up when he climbed off and Ana handed him some candy floss they’d bought from the nearby stall. She batted Gabriel’s hand away when he made to feed her a soft, pink fluffy piece straight from the bag—something anyone would do to a friend—which stung, but he pretended not to make a big deal of it. Last night had changed everything and they both knew it but, if she wasn’t going to risk their friendship over a heated night together, then he certainly wasn’t going to push for it. Yes, they had crossed a line, and he’d remember for ever the many different ways they’d crossed it, but if it was only going to happen once he would just have to put it behind him, exactly as she was.
‘Can we go and watch the sea lion show?’ Javi asked them now, his brown eyes gleaming. This really was his favourite place.
‘If Ana wants to,’ Gabriel said.
She nodded warmly. ‘That sounds like a great idea,’ she told his son, and Javi made to push her wheelchair in the direction of the sea lions. Gabriel was quick to pull him back.
‘It doesn’t work like that. Ana can do that on her own,’ he told him.
Javi pouted. ‘I know she can,’ he said.
Ana was watching them. Then she leaned over and grinned at Javi. ‘You know, maybe if you climb up on here with me, we can both race your dad to the sea lions?’
Gabriel looked at her in surprise. Was she seriously fine with that? She just shrugged and helped Javi up onto her lap. He couldn’t help matching his son’s infectious grin as Ana sped forward suddenly, holding Javi tight.
‘Hey, not fair!’ Gabriel yelled out, sprinting after them. Javi screamed with laughter as Ana wove around the people on the path, with him trying his best to catch them up. To be fair, he wasn’t trying too hard; he wanted to let Javi think they were winning. By the time he caught them up outside the sea lion exhibition they were both high-fiving each other at beating him. He couldn’t help feeling that Ana was even better with Javi than he’d thought. She had a natural way with him that suddenly made him all the more annoyed that he’d crossed that stupid line with her.
Now, instead of looking at her as his friend, as he would have done, he was looking at her as someone very important and influential, whom his son was already coming to like spending time with as much as he did. Women like her didn’t come around very often—if ever. And who wouldn’t want more than friendship with a woman like that?
CHAPTER NINE
THE SEA LIONS were putting on a great show. Ana had been able to position her chair on the end of the row with Gabriel to her left, and Javi two rows in front, closer to the feeding session action but where they could still see him. It was so nice, watching the little boy so happy and carefree. Just as she’d thought, Gabriel was a great father. He was better than great: his son adored him! She wished more than anything that she had the ability to lift Javi onto her shoulders and run around with him, as Gabriel had done at various points today. He was the kind of exemplary dad that didn’t even realise how excellent he was.
‘Woo-hoo, yes, get the fish, get that big one!’ Javi was yelling now as the trainer by the huge blue swimming pool tossed another fish for the sea lion to catch and devour for its dinner. When it succeeded and dove into the pool, coming up close to the glass, as if to show off to the audience, Javi spun round to them, grinning from ear to ear. ‘Did you see that, Papa, Ana?’
‘We saw,’ Gabriel assured him, throwing Ana a sideways glance. ‘He likes you,’ he said to her. ‘But what’s not to like?’ he added next, almost to himself, before sighing and shaking his head. Ana swallowed. OK, so of course it wasn’t going to be easy, being friends after....well...that. But she would have to try.
She’d had to come out with him today to see if their friendship could be rescued. What would she do if she’d messed it all up? Gabriel was important in her life! But the tension was palpable now. Why had she pulled away from that attempted kiss in the butterfly house in the first place? It was proof that maybe he didn’t just want to be her friend...which sent her stomach flapping with more butterflies than the enclosure could’ve handled.
But it was more than Javi being there that had freaked her out. It was that she was scared of getting into something she couldn’t get out of, or even something she didn’t want to get out of! How could she possibly give Javi and him the attention they deserved? She was far too busy—she had only just opened the clinic. She’d worked her whole life for this chance to do something amazing on her own, make a name for herself and prove all the nay-sayers and mollycoddlers wrong. Romance was a big fat no. It would only get in the way.
Friendship was all she had time to offer anyone, and besides, this was Gabriel! He’d broken her heart once without even knowing it; there was no way she could go through that again if he decided this wasn’t worth pursuing for whatever reason. They might have agreed that sex wouldn’t ruin their friendship, but it already had, and they both knew it. It was imperative they get that back on track, no matter what.
Ana swallowed as her arm brushed his and the crowd let out another cheer for the fishy feeding exhibit in front of them. Friendship.... It was just a word to her now, a word that no longer held the same meaning, not now he’d been inside her and had treated her like the most special, important, cherished person on the planet. Everything felt so different now that she’d slept with him.
Gabriel’s phone buzzed. Sliding it out of his pocket, he started scowling at the screen. Ines: she could read it from here. It was impossible not to hear the one-sided conversation between them as they started talking, though she kept her eyes on Javi and the sea lions in front of them. The big, clumsy, slippery creatures were full and happily-fed, swimming around while the staff answered the kids’ curious questions.
‘I still don’t know what time we’ll be back, yet, Ines. No, he didn’t need the jumper you packed, it’s been too warm. It’s the swimming pool you can hear... We’re watching the sea lions...’
Ana couldn’t help notice how stiff his shoulders had become, just talking to Ines. It wasn’t her business, whatever was going on between them as they co-parented Javi, but after last night she knew she would feel even more awkward if she ignored the elephant in the room altogether.
‘Everything OK?’ she asked when he hung up.
Gabriel forced a smile to his face and her heart twisted. ‘Fine. That was Ines,’ he said, as if Ana didn’t already know. ‘She just wanted to know when we’ll be back.’ He sighed deeply and she knew from the sound of it that he had a whole load of pent-up feelings on the matter.
‘Sorry,’ he apologised, pulling a face. ‘It’s not your problem, Ana.’
Ana chewed her lip a moment, looking at his hand, close enough to take and hold in her lap in empathy. She wanted to so badly, just as she’d wanted to kiss him again before she’d cruelly turned her cheek to him earlier in a moment of fear and doubt, but she didn’t.
‘It sounds like she struggles to let him out her sight,’ she commented after a moment, as a sea lion honked in response to something resonating from the tannoy. An exotic bird demonstration, in ten minutes. That would be so lovely for Javi to see...
‘She does struggle,’ Gabriel admitted, dashing a hand over his hair. ‘It’s almost as if she doesn’t trust me with him, or my parents. You know my parents—they love him. They’d do anything for him, but somehow it’s never enough.’
‘She’s probably just concerned he might hurt himself on someone else’s watch, like you are. Doesn’t it come with the child-raising territory?’ she reasoned. His nerves over telling him this were showing all over his face.
Gabriel shrugged, reaching an arm around the back of her chair, then abruptly removing it and sitting forward in his seat. ‘I suppose it does. I just wish she would trust me a little more. He always has a great time with us, and he’s perfectly safe. But I can’t help thinking she’s just counting down the days until she can ask for full custody.’
Ana turned to him fully, eyes wide. What? ‘She wouldn’t do that to you—you two aren’t on bad terms, are you?’
‘She’s his mother and she’s married. Sometimes I think Javi might want to just live with them permanently anyway. They can give him far more than I can.’
‘Like what? You’re his father! That counts for something. Might you just be worrying about things that won’t ever happen?’
He nodded, contemplating her words, and her heart beat hard in her throat at how emotionally invested she suddenly was when she had been trying to tell herself that she shouldn’t be. It wasn’t anything she could help now, not after everything that had happened last night—not after he’d treated her with so much tenderness. But who was kind and tender to him, when he had doubts in his head like these? Gosh, she really had been a totally selfish friend to him. Before now, she’d only ever seen Gabriel as the strong one, the one she and everyone else could rely on. Gabriel had made a living doing everything for everyone else who needed him, but who took care of his needs? Who held his hand and told him when not to worry, and when to focus on what he wanted for a change, instead of what everyone else wanted from him?
‘I’d better get him home after this,’ he said now, glancing at her apologetically.
‘Why? It’s still early,’ she said, suddenly annoyed on his behalf, and at herself too.
‘Ines will just call me again in half an hour and ask me where he is. Trust me, it’s better if we just get him home.’
‘But he’s having so much fun.’
As if on cue, Javi stood in his seat and clapped enthusiastically at one of the sea lions who’d caught another huge fish in its mouth. A kid in the front had thrown it.
‘Papa, can we get a sea lion?’ Javi called back to them.
‘Sure.’ Gabriel smirked. ‘And let’s just see how your dog reacts to that the next time he’s with us.’
They continued to watch in silence. When he drove her home, she couldn’t help feeling he was embarrassed at having shared so much with her. He didn’t accept her offer to come inside with Javi, after he’d helped her back into her wheelchair with just as much care as he’d carried her up the stairs and laid her down on his bed last night.
‘Are you sure? I have some great tea,’ she teased, before she could remind herself not to.
His face remained expressionless as he turned back to the car, its engine still running. He was so distracted and probably still thinking about rushing back to Ines, who to all intents and purposes was in full control of Javi’s and his lives.
‘Better not,’ he said, predictably.
‘OK. Well, thank you for a great day. I had fun,’ she said, looking up at his distant expression.
‘So did I.’ Gabriel seemed to be looking anywhere but into her eyes, and she could feel the connection severing right in front of her. ‘I should get back to...’
‘Yes, you should probably go.’
It was for the best, she thought as she closed the door after him and listened to the car drive away. They’d both been confused and on a high after last night, and this was reality roaring back in to remind her not to get carried away. Gabriel—her friend Gabriel—had no space for her in his personal life; his hands were completely tied. He just didn’t know how to say it after that one incredible night of passion they’d shared. Well, in that case, she would take the task off his hands and spare him the need. There was no way she was going to suggest any other close encounters, not even a cup of tea at her house, she decided.
Ana found herself staring unseeingly at the TV for the rest of the evening, knowing she should be doing something else, but completely unable to focus on anything. She had spent all her life keeping everyone—including him—at arm’s length. Despite her growing real feelings for him all those years ago, she’d always just treated him platonically until she’d lost him altogether. Now, he had no space for her at all, no more than she had for him, realistically. Why then, if neither of them had the time or the space for this, did she feel as if something monumentally huge had just come crashing down around her? It would be better for her heart and whirring brain if she just stayed as far away from him as possible now, she decided. Except for at work—ugh. She could hardly avoid him there. She should step up her search for another locum.
* * *
The afternoon’s rain only seemed to intensify the mood in the clinic’s colourful consultation room as Ana passed Gabriel a file in preparation for their next patient. If only there was a way that he could ease this awful awkward atmosphere that had been hanging like a storm cloud over them all week.
‘Who have we got next?’ he asked as their fingers brushed across the papers.
‘A kitchen victim,’ she replied, moving away too quickly and making a thing out of straightening the pen holder on her desk, looking out at the rain pattering against the windows. ‘He came in with his fiancé.’
Gabriel nodded, looking over the file. This weirdness between them was a living creature whispering from his shoulder whenever their sleeves or fingers met by accident, which happened a lot; how could it not in a place this size? She’d been looking for another locum since he’d started at the clinic, but so far there wasn’t one with time to spare, and he knew despite this awkwardness that she still needed him. They were practically under each other’s feet. He or she would make a concerted effort to pull away too fast whenever an accidental brush occurred, and look the other way, and it was getting kind of ridiculous now.
If only he hadn’t said all that when they were watching the sea lions about Ines and his fears about her asking for full custody. Poor Ana had enough going on in her life just now—no wonder she’d backed away completely since then. They’d agreed their friendship wouldn’t suffer but he couldn’t help thinking it had been ruined even more now by his over-sharing. She probably thought he was a fool too, for bending over backwards for Ines and her demands, but what could he do? One foot wrong, and she might have another reason to get her lawyer involved in deciding where Javi lived permanently. That was something he couldn’t compromise on, not for anything.
‘Hello?’ Maria opened the door slowly, peeking inside before, with a smile, sending their male patient in. His fiancé was close behind and the height difference in the two men made Gabriel bite back a smile despite himself.
The ‘kitchen victim’ was at least a foot shorter than his partner. He offered them both a slightly sheepish smile, cradling his burned hand against his chest as Ana introduced herself. His name was Davit and he spoke in English with an accent as he explained how grateful he was that they could see him at such short notice. He was Dutch, it emerged, the same as his tall, red-headed fiancé, Berend.
‘Tell us what happened, Davit,’ Gabriel said.
Davit flushed with embarrassment as he recounted the tale. ‘I was trying to make a special lunch for Berend in the hostel kitchen—we’re on vacation here. I was sautéing some vegetables and the pan just slipped from my hand. I tried to catch it, but...’
‘But he forgot that hot pans are so hot,’ Berend finished for him, pressing his hand to his fiancé’s arm in sympathy, whilst also smiling ruefully at Ana.
Ana nodded sympathetically. ‘Sometimes the most romantic gestures just don’t work,’ she said softly, reaching for Davit’s arm at the same time as Gabriel. He caught her eye, as well as the double entendre, and almost tripped on her wheel. She spun away quickly, throwing him a look that was nothing short of annoyance, which he returned, before resuming his professional demeanour. Was everything going to be this difficult now? He would rather have his friend back than endure this weirdness between them.
