Mike The Werewolf: A Humorous Werewolf Thriller, page 5
He let out a sigh. “Why do you think you woke up when you did? It’s because I couldn’t hold my form anymore. Hell, I just barely had enough to chow down on that succulent meat log upstairs before you started in with your bullshit.”
I tried to ignore his callousness, a fairly easy thing since I was busy envisioning the multistate manhunt that would soon be looking for me. “Oh God, what are we gonna do?”
“There you go with that we shit again. What’s done is done. No point in crying over spilled entrails. So, stop your whining and start acting like you deserve to be a part of me.”
“Don’t give me that! You murdered these people.”
“And?”
“And ... you can’t do that!”
“I can and will, especially when they fucking deserve it.”
“What?” I replied. “Just because you think they’re...”
My left hand clamped shut over my mouth, muffling the rest of what I had to say.
I was still trying to pry it off with my right when it released its hold.
“Are you calm now?” The creature inside me had dropped the aggression in favor of a patronizing tone.
“No, I am not calm. Far from it.”
“That’s nice, but do us both a favor and shut the fuck up anyway, okay? It’s time for me to talk and you to listen.”
“I...”
“Or I could just bite our tongue in half and be done with this conversation. Your choice.”
It was an effort, but I managed to keep my comments to myself.
“Good, because I’m being serious here,” he said after several long moments. “Breaking free from that thing in those tunnels took a lot of effort, and that’s not even counting how many of its minions I had to cut through getting away. Talk about a mess. Then it took me forever to figure out the... What do you call them? They’ve got these metal bars on the ground and these big ... tubes on wheels running through them.”
“The subway?” I replied.
“Sure. That works. Anyway, getting through the subway was a real bitch. First of all, it’s like the whole place smells like one giant ass. Secondly, those tubes aren’t the only thing living down there. So, I had to slice and dice my way through those too.”
“Are you talking about rats?”
“Do rats normally grow bigger than people?”
“No, not really.”
“Then probably not rats.”
“Okay, and the point of this trip down memory lane?” I asked, trying my damnedest not to gag at the reek starting to permeate my nostrils.
“My point is it took a lot out of me. More than I thought and believe me that ain’t something I care to admit. All I was trying to do was get back to someplace familiar, my territory.”
“Your territory?”
“Yeah, you know. The woods near that shithole where you live. Problem is, the sun came up before I could make much headway.”
“So?”
“So, it’s harder to maintain my true form during the day.”
“It is?”
“Of course it is, you dumb fuck. Wait. How have you not noticed that yet?”
“I ... actually haven’t had much reason to change forms during the day.”
“Seriously?”
“I mean, once or twice in front of the mirror maybe.”
He sighed disgustedly. “My point remains. And no, don’t ask stupid questions like why that is. I don’t fucking know. It just is, okay. Anyway, I reverted into this pink skinsuit you call a body.”
“I don’t remember that happening.”
“Of course you don’t. You weren’t awake yet. Hell, you were quiet as a mouse, probably stuck in some happy little dream about Hobart cornholing you good and proper.”
I gritted my teeth. “You have about thirty seconds before I find a phone and call 9-1-1.”
“And yelling out random numbers does what?”
“It’s ... never mind. Just keep going.”
“I will. Now shut the fuck up and let me finish,” he said. “Where was I? Oh yeah. I was in this body but still in full control. Won’t lie, I’d thought that was it, that you were locked away in the same brain cage I’d escaped from. Ah, such a nice fantasy.”
I tried to take control of my mouth, but he kept talking over me.
“Relax. I’m getting back to it. So there I was, walking along the side of the road, trying to get my bearings because this nose of yours ain’t worth shit, when suddenly one of those ... um ... station wagon things pulled up alongside me.”
I was tempted to ask how he knew what a station wagon was but not a subway, but that probably wasn’t super important right then. “You were on the side of the road after changing back? Wearing what exactly?”
“Just this hairless flesh suit. Why?”
“Forget I asked.” Guess I could add public indecency to my growing list of crimes.
“So, the pair of monkeys inside rolled down the windows and asked if I was okay. I was still figuring out what to say, being that talking is a relatively new concept for me, when they unlocked the doors and told me to get in.”
“Just like that?”
“Yep. They said they’d give me something to eat.”
“So, you just got in the car with them?”
“Sure. Why wouldn’t I?”
“I’m gonna assume you’ve never heard of stranger danger.”
“That a friend of yours?”
“Just keep going,” I said, stifling a sigh.
“They stopped at one of those convenience stores you humans seem to like. I stayed in the car with the male while his bitch ran inside...”
“Woman.”
“That’s what I said. A few minutes later she came out with a bag of food and handed it to me.”
I shook my head. “Let me guess. You ate it without question?”
“Of course. Can’t say I’m a fan of the way you monkeys like to ruin meat, but I was starving by then.”
I finally let out the sigh I’d been holding, having an inkling where this was headed. “What happened next?”
“I got sleepy, so I curled up in the back and took a nap.”
Unbelievable. It was like listening to an overly trusting toddler. “And then?”
“I woke up right here, except I was stuck. I couldn’t move because they had me tied to a chair.”
“Is that when this happened?” I gestured toward the carnage.
“Not quite. I was still waking up when these two chucklefucks sauntered back in dressed like vets.”
“As in soldiers?”
“As in veterinarians. You know. Blue gowns, masks over their faces, that sort of thing.”
“You mean like doctors?”
“Sure, whatever. Anyway, the male starts waving a knife in my face while his mate explained how they were going to slice me up and feed my dick to Cuddles, whatever the fuck that is. Now that I think about it, they might’ve been trying to scare me.”
“Ya think?” I replied. “Let me guess, it didn’t work.”
“What do you think, genius?”
I forced myself to take in the grisly scene, all of it this time. Sure enough, scattered among the gore and viscera I spied splintered wood and snapped wire ties. Further in, I spotted the blue-grey remnants of a shredded surgical gown followed by the glint of metal from within a puddle of congealed blood, a knife blade.
Holy crap. He’s telling the truth.
As for Cuddles, well, I had a feeling that was who I’d met upstairs. “What happened next?”
“I did,” he said. “I still didn’t have a lot in me, but that little nap must’ve recharged me a bit.”
“It wasn’t a nap. They drugged you.”
“Who gives a shit? Either way, it was enough to change back to my true self, for a few minutes anyway.”
“That’s why you did it,” I said mostly to myself, feeling a tiny amount of relief. “You were acting in self-defense.”
“Yep. Don’t get me wrong. It was loads of fun too. Gods, you should’ve seen the looks on their faces ... for the two seconds it took me to tear them off.”
And of course he had to ruin it.
“As for what happened afterward,” he continued, “I’m guessing whatever they put in that food to mess with me must’ve somehow had the opposite effect on you.”
“Oh?”
“Like I said, I just barely had enough strength to hold my form for the time it took to puree these two. After that... You know the rest.”
I actually didn’t, but could put two and two together. After he finished here, he’d must’ve heard something upstairs – Cuddles the pig I’m guessing. He went looking for it and must’ve changed back in the process. That must’ve been right around the point where I started to come to.
I’d missed the main event, thank goodness but, lucky me, had managed to catch the encore.
Although, considering the horrors still waiting in the living room, the more important question was how long it would be before the cops showed up for my final curtain call.
HOUSE CLEANING
If I was hearing things correctly, a pair of serial killers on the lookout for their next victim had managed to pick up a psychotic werewolf instead. Talk about a plot twist. Honestly, this was the sort of lazy writing that would cause me to turn off a horror movie halfway through.
And yet it had apparently happened.
I had no way of knowing how much matched what my inner wolf described. After all, he seemed the very definition of an unreliable narrator. All the same, there was no denying the slaughter staring me in the face contained enough clues to substantiate his claim.
The truly insane part, though, was this was starting to feel like a best-case scenario.
I mean, what if the people who’d picked him up had been regular folks with kids? Mind you, I’m not sure why anyone with a car full of children would stop to pick up a naked stranger on the side of the road.
Regardless, even if these two had been a modern-day Manson Family the fact remained, I was in way over my head.
“What do we do?” I asked, knowing I’d probably regret it.
“You really have a fondness for that W word, don’t you?” my inner demon replied.
Speaking of which, I really needed to find something better to call him, although that was low priority for the moment.
“I don’t know what you’re going to do,” he continued, “but I’ve got my part all figured out.”
“And that would be?”
“Simple. I’m gonna curl up in our shared noggin and get me some shuteye.”
“What? You can’t do that!”
“Watch me.”
“But ... why?”
“I already told you, pupcake, I’m beat. Much as I’m certain you’re gonna fuck this up for us both, I can barely keep my eyes open, or at least the one I seem to have control over.”
“But we have to find a way to...”
“I’m not asking, numb-nuts, I’m telling you. It’s either sack out or pass out, but since one of us needs to be awake to deal with this shit, I guess that leaves you. And no, I’m not happy about it either.”
“That makes two of us.”
“Just try not to fuck it up too badly.” He fell silent for several long seconds before adding, “Oh, but first a warning. I am a real light sleeper these days. You try to stuff me back into that brain cage, hell you do anything to tick me off, and I will tear off your arm and beat your half to death with it. Am I clear?”
I wasn’t even sure how to respond to that. I had no idea how I’d stuffed him into this so-called cage to begin with, so it’s not like I had the first clue how to do it again.
Don’t get me wrong. He deserved it. This wasn’t like when I’d first gotten Spud and didn’t have the heart to crate him. This creature sharing brain space with me was quite obviously a psychotic monster.
A monster...
But was that truly who he was or because I’d somehow kept him locked up against his will? It was a classic nature versus nurture problem.
I let out a heavy breath. If this was actually my fault then didn’t I owe him more than locking him back up and throwing away the key? Didn’t he deserve a chance to prove he could be more than a murderous animal?
I glanced once more at the blood and guts painting the living room, shuddering despite myself.
Regardless, the fact remained. I had no idea how to lock him away again and figuring it out didn’t seem like the wisest use of my time.
“Fine,” I said at last. “You win.”
I am so gonna regret this.
♦ ♦ ♦
It’s hard to describe the sudden change other than I felt normal again, like I was simply me, the guy I’d been before ... whatever happened back in Manhattan.
In some ways it was like being in a crowded bar and not realizing how loud it really was until you stepped outside.
In short, I was once again alone inside my own head.
To test this theory, I hopped up and down on my left leg before sticking the index finger of that hand up my nostril, all of it with no resistance.
Then, a scant moment later, I realized how stupid I looked while a horrific crime scene sat barely a dozen feet away.
A part of me wondered how light a sleeper my inner wolf was. Like, what could wake up a creature who existed only within my own subconscious? Would physical stimuli do it – pain, noise, or some combination of the above? Or was it all mental, as in I should be careful not to think too loudly?
If so, that could be problematic as my mind wasn’t exactly a quiet place these days, especially not there smack dab in the middle of Murder Mansion.
I had neither answers nor desire to test those boundaries. Problem was, I also had no frame of reference. Was I expected to walk around on eggshells, like the parent of a newborn? That didn’t seem particularly expedient considering my current crisis.
That settled it.
He’d caused all of this, only to leave me high and dry to deal with it. I took it as my cue to worry more about myself and less about showing consideration to a napping werewolf.
If he wakes up, that’s his problem.
Okay, it was still mine too, but I could only worry about so much. And right then, I had a far more pressing issue to deal with. I needed to get the hell out of there in a way that wouldn’t leave me the prime suspect in a massive manhunt.
But how to do so without...?
I stopped dead in my tracks, no pun intended, as I realized that maybe death was the answer I was searching for. No, I didn’t mean jumping in front of a bus. I meant the two victims splattered about the living room, or more precisely their original intent.
Good thing I’d watched Dexter back when it first aired.
If my inner beast was telling the truth, the couple who’d picked him up were stone-cold killers. After all, the way they’d abducted him – us – told me this probably wasn’t a spur of the moment decision on their part. Again, assuming he wasn’t making things up, it pointed to the high probability they’d done this before.
Sick as that was, it might also be my salvation. Because if so then surely that meant they had the means to cover their own tracks.
That seemed a logical assumption to start with. Good thing too, since I had absolutely nothing else to go on.
♦ ♦ ♦
I got supremely lucky in the back of the pantry, finding a hidden stash of latex gloves, masks, more surgical scrubs, and a few gallons of overly-caustic cleaning solution.
Either these guys were even bigger germophobes than me or I was right. Whatever the case, not only did I feel far less skeeved out with another layer of protection between me and the ick, I had enough supplies to get started.
Tempting as it was to try, I didn’t have time to scrub this place from top to bottom. The mess still congealing in the living room was beyond anything my experience as a trash collector had prepared me for.
What mattered more was erasing any trace that I’d ever been there. However, while that might’ve made my task easier, it was still no walk in the park.
It wasn’t long before the air became thick with the reek of acid cleaner. Not the healthiest stuff to breathe, but I didn’t dare risk opening any doors or windows.
Instead, I took several breaks to keep from passing out, giving me the opportunity to be a little nosy.
One thing you quickly learn working as a garbageman, other than most people are disgusting slobs, is how careless folks can be when it comes to throwing important stuff away. Over the last few years, I’d found social security statements, checks, credit cards, and more just sitting at the top of people’s trash cans. Good thing for them I was an honest guy.
That said, some discarded mail in the kitchen seemed to confirm the owners, Robert and Nora Chadworth, were the only ones living there, aside from Cuddles of course.
The Chadworths. Tell me that isn’t the perfectly normal sounding name a pair of psycho killers would have.
While on the surface things in their unhinged little home appeared mostly normal, the closer I looked the darker things became.
Heavy blackout curtains were hung from every window on the ground floor, giving the place a claustrophobic feel. Paranoid too, as a few quick peeks from the upper floor suggested this house of horrors was situated far back on a secluded lot.
Further exploration revealed an attached garage opposite the living room. Inside sat the vehicle my werewolf had mentioned. Smart. The Chadworths had been able to drag his unconscious butt inside with no risk of being seen.
Won’t lie. I stared at the car for a good long while, imagining just driving away from this nightmare. Heck, the keys were easy enough to find, hanging from a friendly little hook next to the front door. However, leaving no trace that I’d been here was going to be tricky enough without also adding grand theft auto to the mix.
Instead, I used the opportunity to wipe down the back seat for prints.
That still left the living room itself. Already I could feel my left eye twitching, although not because of my inner beast this time.
I wasn’t sure how much of a problem fingerprints would be in the utter disarray left behind, but I spied tufts of brown fur lying in the congealed pools of blood.
