Never Love a Highlander, page 23
He slipped from her body as he stood, but he continued to hold her as he turned toward the bed, the tub and the food forgotten.
He laid her down and crawled into bed beside her, pulling her against his body. They sprawled there on the mattress, limbs tangled, arms thrown possessively over each other. He kissed her forehead and sighed in contentment. She savored the sound of a well-pleasured man and smiled her satisfaction.
“I am unsure what warranted such affection from my wife, but do tell me so that I may do it again in the future,” he said lightly.
She squeezed him and kissed the hollow of his neck. Then she toyed idly with his hair, suddenly possessed to want to know more of her husband.
“What is it you write in your scrolls?”
He drew away, seemingly surprised by the question. He looked faintly … embarrassed, and she wondered if she hadn’t been better served to not spoil the intimate moment between them.
“My thoughts,” he finally said. “It helps me make better sense of them when I write them down.”
“So it’s like an accounting of your day?”
“In a manner of speaking. I find I express myself better with written words. I haven’t an eloquent tongue and I don’t like to speak overmuch.”
“Nay. Surely you jest,” she teased.
He smacked her playfully on the arse. “ ’Tis something I’ve done since I learned to read and write when I was a young lad. My father was a learned man and he taught his sons. He thought it an important skill. He oft said that intelligence served a warrior better than a sword.”
“He sounded like a wise man.”
“He was,” Caelen said quietly. “He was a great laird, beloved by his clan.”
Rionna looked into her husband’s eyes and knew that demons from his past gnawed at him this night. She sorely regretted making him think of his father, for ’twas impossible to separate his death and Elsepeth’s betrayal. But at the same time, she wanted to know more and perhaps ease her husband’s burden.
“Tell me of Elsepeth,” she urged.
Caelen stiffened and his expression darkened. “ ’Tis nothing to speak of.”
“I would disagree. She’s made you hard. She’s taken something that should be rightfully mine.”
Caelen looked at her in confusion. “What is it you speak of?”
She touched his cheek. “Your heart. You cannot ever give it fully to me because she still occupies it.”
“Nay,” he swiftly denied.
“Aye,” she argued. “You hardened the part of your heart that you offered to her. When she betrayed you, you locked that part away, never to open it again. She’s trapped there. She has what is rightfully mine and I want it, husband. I’m no longer content to wait.”
He looked incredulously at her. “You make unreasonable demands, wife.”
Rionna huffed impatiently. “ ’Tis unreasonable to want the whole of my husband’s heart? Would you accept that part of my heart belonged to another man and you could never touch it?”
He scowled at that. “You’re making too much of it, Rionna. Elsepeth is part of my past. You are my future. The two have nothing to do with each other.”
“Then tell me of her,” Rionna challenged. “If she poses no threat, then ’tis nothing to speak of her.”
Caelen sighed and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He rolled to his back and stared up at the ceiling. Rionna remained still, waiting as he grappled with his irritation.
“I was a fool.”
Rionna didn’t respond as she watched the emotion play out over her husband’s face. She didn’t believe for a minute he still harbored tender feelings for Elsepeth, but his past was still very much alive in his heart and mind. ’Twas like a poison he’d yet to purge from his system.
She could still see the naked pain in his eyes and his regret at all that had transpired so many years ago.
“She was a few years older than I and she had more experience. I was but a young lad and she was my first … She was my first lover. I fancied myself in love with her. I had our future all mapped out. I intended to marry her, though I had nothing in the way to offer a wife. I was the third son of a laird. We weren’t a poor clan then but we were never rich either. ’Twas my intention to go to her cousin, Duncan Cameron, and ask for her hand in marriage.”
Rionna grimaced, for even though she knew the tale, or the crux of it, the inevitable path still made her cringe.
“My father sent me, Ewan, and Alaric to barter with a neighboring clan. While we were gone, Elsepeth drugged the men and opened the gates so Cameron’s soldiers could sneak into the keep in the dead of night. ’Twas a bloodbath. Our clan was sorely outnumbered and ’twas the truth we were not as well trained then as we are now. We didn’t stand a chance.
“When my brothers and I returned, we found our father dead. Ewan’s young wife had been raped and her throat cut. Only his son survived because he was hidden by women in the keep.
“The remaining members of our clan told me of Elsepeth’s involvement, but my shame doesn’t end there.”
Rionna’s brows drew together. “What happened then?”
“I didn’t believe them,” he said in disgust. “I was presented solid evidence that my head knew had to be true but my heart told me she couldn’t have possibly betrayed me. I searched her out, determined to hear her explanation from her own lips. I was sure there had been some mistake.”
Rionna winced and blew out her breath. This part of the story she hadn’t heard before.
“When I confronted her, she laughed. She didn’t try to make up a lie. She laughed to my face and when I turned away, she drew a knife and plunged it into my back.”
“The scar above your side,” Rionna whispered.
“Aye. ’Tis not a mark I wear with pride. ’Tis a reminder of how I allowed a woman I cared for to destroy my clan.”
“Where is she now?”
“I don’t know. I care not. One day she’ll pay for her sins, just as I’ll pay for mine.”
“You don’t think you’ve made good on your mistakes?” Rionna asked. “Your clan is rebuilt, your people thrive, you’ve made an alliance that will save many from Cameron’s ruthless ambition.”
“Nothing I do will ever give me and my brothers back our father,” he said simply. “I learned a valuable lesson that day. One I’ll never turn my back on. I allowed my heart to discount evidence that my mind knew was sound. I’ll never second-guess what stares me in the face again.”
Rionna frowned and slid her hand over his chest as she snuggled into his side. He sounded so … cold. Not at all the warm, gruff warrior that she’d grown to love with all her heart.
For the first time she wondered if Elsepeth had damaged a part of him that Rionna had no hope of repairing.
Caelen closed his hand over hers and squeezed as they lay in silence. She thought on all he’d said and the more she thought on it, the more one thing didn’t make sense.
“Caelen?”
“Aye.”
“Why did Cameron attack? What was his purpose? He didn’t take over your land. He left it in ruins and returned to his own lands.”
Caelen’s chest heaved as he breathed deep. “I don’t know that. I’ve never known. ’Twas as if he was sending a message, but ’tis one I’ve never understood the meaning of. We were a clan at peace. We warred with no one. My father was not a man who condoned raiding or fighting for the sake of fighting. It sickens me that he met the end he met when he never brought harm to anyone.”
Rionna rose up on one elbow so that she could stare down at her husband. It suddenly seemed all important that she say what it was that burned on her tongue.
“I’m not Elsepeth, Caelen. I need you to know that. I’ll not ever betray you.”
He stared at her a long moment before pulling her down for a kiss. “Aye, I know it, Rionna.”
CHAPTER 28
May saw no break in the weather. Indeed, it was as if winter was making up for the mildness of January by stubbornly clinging on to spring.
Their food stores were depleted and the men hadn’t been able to hunt in an entire fortnight because of the heavy, blowing snow.
Everyone was forced indoors, hovering near the fires to keep warm. Caelen stewed with impatience, waiting a break in the weather and waiting for word from Ewan.
At the end of the third week of the month, the break finally came. A messenger arrived bearing news from Ewan that all was well at Neamh Álainn and that plans were underway to go into battle. Ewan was even now sending word to all the other lairds. The king had delivered to Ewan a contingent of soldiers, all loyal to the crown.
Much time had been lost due to the prolonged snows and bitter cold. Now Ewan was impatient to go to war, and he directed Caelen to make ready and await Ewan’s summons.
Despite the fact that she knew this day was coming, Rionna was disturbed by the news. She had no desire to send her husband or her clan to war, but she bit her lip and kept her misgivings to herself. She wouldn’t burden her husband when his mind was already looking ahead to the coming battle.
He was restless, and as the days wore on he became tense and silent. Finally, when they were distributing the last of the venison, Caelen rounded up his hunting party and declared that they’d hunt as much meat as possible in the short time before they rode off to war.
Caelen’s restlessness had carried over to the men, and a hunt was just the thing to quiet their minds before battle.
Caelen stood in the hall, Rionna on his right side and Gannon to his left. Rionna had twined her fingers with his and held on, drawing comfort from his touch.
“You’ll stay behind and watch over the keep,” Caelen said to Gannon. “I don’t expect word from Ewan for some days yet, but if you receive a message, send someone for me immediately. We won’t venture far on our hunt. Watch over Rionna well for me.”
Gannon nodded. “Of course I will, Laird. May your hunt be successful and you return with a full bounty.”
Gannon strode away, leaving Caelen alone with Rionna. She turned into his embrace before he could say anything else and she hugged him fiercely, uncaring of who looked on. ’Twas one time her husband would have to suffer displays of affection outside of their chamber.
To her surprise, he kissed her lingeringly and stroked his fingers over her cheeks as he pulled away.
“I can see the worry in your eyes, wife. ’Tis not good for you or our babe. All will be well. This day has been coming for many years. ’Tis the truth I am fair itching to get on with it.”
“Aye, I know it,” she said quietly. “Go on your hunt and clear your mind before you ride off to do battle with Cameron. I have every faith that you and your brothers will prove victorious.”
His eyes glinted with satisfaction at her words. He leaned down to kiss her again and then turned to walk from the hall to where the hunting party waited in the courtyard.
Rionna watched him go and sighed. The next weeks would be a test of her fortitude. She loathed the idea that Caelen and her clansmen would be miles away on a battlefield while she remained behind at the keep, ignorant of the goings-on. She wouldn’t even know the outcome until after it had already been decided.
A day later, Jamie rode back into the courtyard, bearing meat from the hunt. He dismounted and greeted Gannon while Rionna stood impatiently at the steps to the keep.
After speaking a moment with Gannon, Jamie strode toward Rionna.
“The laird bade me to bring this message to you, my lady. He says the hunt is successful and to expect him home by nightfall tomorrow.”
Rionna smiled. “ ’Tis good news you bear, Jamie. Come inside and get warm. Have something to eat while the others unpack your horse.”
With no word forthcoming from Ewan, Rionna could look forward to at least a few more days of her husband being at home before he was called away to war. The news gladdened her heart and lifted some of the headache that had plagued her since his departure.
The afternoon was spent preserving the venison, but Rionna quickly discovered one unpleasant aspect of her condition. She hadn’t been plagued with any sickness thus far. Indeed, other than fatigue at the beginning, she’d enjoyed an unremarkable pregnancy so far. But as soon as she got close to the carcass of the stag, the smell of blood and raw meat made her stomach heave violently.
She humiliated herself by retching into the snow, and try as she might she couldn’t rid herself of the odor that now seemed permanently implanted in her nostrils.
Gannon gently led her away from where the women were working and took her through the snow to the far side of the courtyard where she could look upon the loch in the distance and breathe crisp, clean-smelling air.
“ ’Tis humiliating,” Rionna muttered.
Gannon smiled. “Nay, ’tis not an uncommon event for a woman in your condition. I think Lady McCabe retched from the time she discovered her pregnancy to the time she delivered. Cormac and I were forever fetching things for her to be sick in.”
A shout from the gate distracted her from her still quivering stomach. She and Gannon both turned in time to see Simon ride into the courtyard, his face bloody, his horse lathered as though he’d ridden the animal relentlessly.
When the horse came to a stop, Simon slid from the saddle and landed in the snow.
Fear hit Rionna square in the chest and she was running before Gannon could stop her. She reached Simon first and dropped to her knees next to the older man. Gannon got there a second later and helped her turn him onto his back.
He was barely conscious, and blood seeped onto the snow, staining it scarlet. There was a deep gash in the side of his neck. His shoulder was cut so deep that it had nearly severed his arm from the socket.
He blinked through swollen eyes and his lips parted as he tried to speak.
“Nay,” Rionna whispered, tears biting at her eyelids. “Don’t speak, Simon. Remain still until we can stop the bleeding.”
“Nay, my lady,” he rasped out. “I must tell you this. ’Tis important. We were ambushed. An arrow struck the laird from behind. They waited until we passed and then attacked us from the rear.”
“Oh God,” Rionna choked out. “Caelen? Is he alive? Where is he? Where are the others?”
“Arlen is dead,” Simon whispered.
“Father!” Jamie cried as he ran up. He dropped to his knees and gathered his father’s head in his lap. “What has happened?”
“Shh, lad,” Gannon said grimly. “He’s telling us of it now.”
Simon licked his lips and moaned softly. “He fell from his horse but he was alive. They took him.”
“Who?” Rionna demanded. “Who did this to you?”
Simon fixed her with his stare, his eyes brighter for just a moment as anger flared in their depths. “Your father, lass. ’Twas your father and the men who sided with him. They take him to Duncan Cameron.”
CHAPTER 29
“If you think I’m going to allow you to leave this keep, you’re daft,” Gannon said bluntly as Rionna paced back and forth in the great hall.
Rionna gripped the scroll bearing the seal of Ewan McCabe and the king, the message that had arrived barely an hour after Simon rode in badly injured, bearing the news of Caelen’s capture.
She turned urgently to Gannon, knowing she must convince Caelen’s commander or all would be lost. “Think, Gannon. Think on this and you’ll know I’m right. We cannot wait. Cameron will kill Caelen. If he doesn’t, my father will. Caelen isn’t being used as a pawn against Ewan McCabe. ’Tis my father’s doing and his bargain with the devil, Duncan Cameron. He spoke of this before but I thought him daft. After my wedding, he approached me to entreat me to join with him in a way to rid our clan of Caelen. He was furious that he was being forced to give over his leadership. ’Tis the truth that now I don’t think he ever had any intention of handing over the title of laird to Alaric when he first suggested the alliance. His plan was to marry me to Alaric McCabe and make Alaric laird upon the birth of my first child. But why wait? ’Twas an agreement that never made sense to me, given my father’s reluctance to hand over leadership of the clan. I think he intended to make sure Alaric was never laird. I think he would have murdered him after I was with child. He could have made it look like an accident and then Ewan would never have broken the alliance if I was to bear Alaric’s child. He wouldn’t have been able to prove that my father was the cause of Alaric’s death.”
“ ’Tis a complicated plot you speak of,” Gannon said with a frown.
