The Alpha and his Mate, page 9
My response brought a slight smile to Jax's lips as he relaxed his shoulders ever so slightly, looking almost relieved that I remembered. "Can you tell me what I told you?" He pressed.
"You...you won't hurt me," I stuttered. My heart desperately wanted to believe him, but my brain still needed convincing.
His smile widened even further as he crouched down by the side of the bed, I hadn’t even realised he’d gotten this close to me until he was sitting almost eye level with me. "That's right Annabelle, I could never hurt you. I could never hurt the one person who makes my life worth living," he stated, looking into my eyes with an emotion completely foreign to me.
I blushed at his comment and looked down, not knowing how to take it. When you’ve been told most of your life that you were worthless, and you’d never amount to anything in life, it’s hard to accept someone saying anything different. The worst part was that I actually believed them. Those hateful comments that the Leftens would spew my way when they felt like putting me down. I mean I obviously had to have done something horrible in the past to be treated in such a way so maybe… maybe I did deserve everything the Leftens had done to me.
I suddenly felt the bed dip slightly and looked up to see Jax sitting at the foot of the bed, close enough to touch me if he reached out, but not close enough for any contact to be accidental.
"Do you also remember what happened earlier?" He asked hesitantly, obviously wary about approaching the subject of his shifting again after seeing my initial reaction.
I nodded before looking down at my clasped fingers. "I-I remember," I whispered.
"So you remember about the story I told you, about the Moon Goddess and mates and w-werewolves?" He stuttered.
I nodded my head slowly, relieved that my headache was slowly starting to fade now that Jax was sitting close, his presence soothing me.
"D-do you remember anything else Annabelle? Anything about me?" He questioned; hesitation clear in his voice in how to broach the subject.
I nodded again but still remained silent, unable to say the words out loud, that he had changed into a wolf before my very eyes. Instead I decided to go in a different direction, knowing I wouldn’t be able to comprehend anything else at the moment. "Why did my head hurt?" I whispered.
Jax sighed and ran his hand through his already ruffled hair, "Well the doctor and I have a theory about that actually. Come downstairs with me and I will make you some hot chocolate whilst we talk, how does that sound?"
I smiled at the mention of hot chocolate and vigorously nodded my head in agreement, making Jax laugh at my ecstatic expression.
"So you like hot chocolate then," he said with a nod, as if he was storing the information away somewhere special in his brain for future reference.
I just shrugged and held my hands out, ready for him to pick me up and walk me into the kitchen. I could definitely walk by now; all the cuts and scrapes had healed over enough so that it didn’t cause me too much pain to put weight on them, I just didn't want to waste a chance of being in his arms.
He smiled a toothy grin at me when he realised what I was wanting and quickly came to pick me up in his arms, looking eager to have me close to him.
"I'm so glad you aren't scared of me little mate; I don't know what I would’ve done if you were," he muttered.
As he sat me down on the kitchen counter, just like earlier, we fell into a comfortable silence as Jax started to get the ingredients together ready to make a hot chocolate.
"Do you like cinnamon in it or not?" He asked.
I shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing how I liked it.
He frowned "you have had hot chocolate before, right?"
I shook my head before shrugging again, the Leftens always said I was never worthy of something as nice as chocolate. Natalie always loved getting me to make it though, another form of torture and making me inferior to her no doubt. She never even drank it because of the high fat and sugar content, she’d just watch me make it, take one sip and then pour it down the drain.
Jax mumbled something under his breath before turning around to gather the squirty cream and marshmallows. "Well you’re in for a treat then because my hot chocolates are the best of the best," he declared as he started to heat milk in a saucepan over the hob. "My secret is plenty of sugar and smarties on top," Jax whispered, as if he were telling me a top secret.
I giggled at him and nodded in understanding before pretending to lock my lips with my thumb and finger, letting him know his secret was safe with me.
Jax laughed back with his eyes shining before turning back to the chocolate mixture as he proceeded to pour it into two mugs after he’d deemed it hot enough. One for me and one for him. Once he'd done that he plopped in a few mini marshmallows, squirted loads of cream on top and then finished it off with chocolate shavings, smarties, chocolate sauce and more mini marshmallows with a cinnamon stick and a flake sticking out of it. It was like a sugar overload.
"Voila, my masterpiece," he said in a weird Italian accent which I couldn't help but giggle at.
I clapped at his creation before wrapping my arms around his neck so that he carried me into the living room, settling me back down into my seat on the sofa. When he came back with our drinks, we both got comfortable on the sofa next to each other and I took my first sip. Safe to say it was probably the most incredible thing I had ever tasted.
"Do you like it?" Jax asked as he saw my eyes light up at the taste.
I smiled and nodded my head enthusiastically before dipping my head to take another sip.
“Well don’t tell Dr Tessler I gave you that alright? Hot chocolate is definitely not on the list of things you should be having yet,” he laughed as he took a sip of his own, causing a small blob of cream to stick to his top lip. My finger twitched, wanting to reach out and wipe it off for him, but before I could he had licked it away.
I nodded again but otherwise stayed silent as I took another sip of the sugary drink, occasionally looking up at him drinking his own. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had the privilege of tasting something that was this good. Everything was blended so perfectly together I couldn’t help but moan slightly after every sip.
"Annabelle, could I ask you something?" Jax asked, breaking the comfortable silence between us as he looked over at me nervously.
I nodded my head, only half paying attention to him whilst the other half was focused on the hot cup of deliciousness currently clutched in between my palms.
"Okay umm... I don't really know how to go about this so here goes...have you met your wolf yet?"
I froze as I was about to take another sip, confused by his bizarre question. "My...my what?" I stuttered, unsure if I had heard him right.
"Your wolf," he repeated, staring at me expectantly over his own cup.
"I...umm...what?" Was he serious, did he really think I had some wolf stashed somewhere or something?
"Your wolf Annabelle, up here," he elaborated as he pointed to his temple. He had a wolf in his brain? I mean I guess that could make sense seeing as he is a werewolf and all but why would he think I had one? I wasn't a werewolf.
I just stared at him in confusion causing him to sigh.
"Annabelle, do you remember the story I told you, about how the Moon Goddess would gift a werewolf with a mate, to help calm their wolf side?"
I nodded, of course I remembered, how could I forget Jax turning into a huge black wolf before my very eyes in the middle of the living room? "Well... to help keep her species alive the Moon Goddess decided that werewolves could only have mates who were also werewolves...do you get where I'm going with this?" He asked, obviously struggling with his words a little. I so desperately wanted to nod and say that I understood, but if I was being honest I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. I shook my head and he sighed, running his hand through his hair.
"Okay let's try this a different way," he muttered more to himself than to me. "What is it that I call you?"
"What?"
"What do I call you when I don't use your name.”
I thought for a second before responding in a whisper "your little mate.”
He smiled "exactly, you’re my little mate Annabelle, my mate."
He was looking at me expectantly but all I could do was stare at him in shock, I was his mate? "No...no that's not right," I stuttered. "You said that-that the Moon Goddess d-doesn't pair up a werewolf with a human. You just said that… right now.”
He shook his head and leaned towards me so that we were nearly touching. "She doesn't," was all he replied with, a soft smile gracing his lips.
I frowned "but that doesn't make sense...that would mean that I'm a... that I can..." I stuttered, unable to finish the sentence. Was he being serious? Did he really believe that I was a werewolf like him?
I looked into his eyes, and saw nothing but truth and determination in them, nothing to hint that he was lying or pulling my leg.
I stared at him in shock and all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe properly, like I couldn't get enough oxygen into my lungs. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and my hands started to uncontrollably shake. This can’t be happening… this can’t be real I muttered to myself over and over. I could hear my blood rushing through my ears and my stomach was filled with so many butterflies I felt like I was going to be sick.
Jax was quick to take the hot chocolate out of my fingers before it could spill onto the carpet and placed it on the coffee table in front of us before taking both of my shaking hands in one of his as he placed his other hand on my cheek. "Deep breaths for me little mate, it will soon fade," he reassured me in a calm voice.
The sound of his voice plus the warmth he was generating through his hands into mine helped calm my nerves and before long my breathing had gone back to normal and the butterflies had disappeared.
"Better?" He asked and I nodded my head as I looked up into his calming chocolate eyes.
"How...?" My voice wavered as I tried to formulate a sentence.
Jax sighed as he got comfortable on the sofa, pulling me into his arms so that my head was resting on his chest. I could hear the steady beat of his heart, causing mine to match his as my breathing ease up and calmed down.
"The doctor and I have a theory about the how, we didn't want it to be true but it’s beginning to look more and more likely. It's one of the worst things an Alpha could do to someone in their pack,” he sighed.
I gazed up at him expectantly, but he was just staring into space with his eyes glazed over, unaware that I was looking up at him as I took in his remorseful expression.
"An Alpha has complete control over his pack," he began, obviously deciding the best way to describe what was going on with me was through another story. “He decides what does and what doesn't happen with everything involving his pack or territory. One of the traits an Alpha has is the ability to bend will, for example if a pack member is being disrespectful to the Alpha then that Alpha can bend the pack members will to submit to him. It's one of the reasons Alphas are so powerful,” he explained.
“There are certain unspoken rules regarding this ability to bend will, for example forcing someone to do something they don't want to do, making them commit a crime et cetera..." He pauses for a moment, as if he were gathering his thoughts and I quickly squeezed his hand reassuringly, urging him to continue.
He smiled down at me before taking a breath and ran his hand through his hair. "One of the worst things an Alpha could do is force someone not to shift. Placing that command on someone who has already turned sixteen and has already shifted is bad enough but at least they have already shifted and so have their wolf with them. But placing that type of command on someone who hasn't yet shifted is seen as one of the worst things an Alpha could possibly do. It stops their wolf even coming to the surface and so that person can never shift and never meet their wolf. It's like ripping a part of someone’s soul away from them. What's worse is that because that person hasn't met their wolf, their wolf is not there to help recognise their mate, without a person’s wolf they will never know who their mate is.”
I looked up at him again to see him staring down at me in sadness "Annabelle, we believe that's what’s happened to you, your Alpha must've placed the command on you at a very young age for you not to remember it.”
I frowned and looked at my hands as I picked my nails. Could he be right? Could I really have a wolf trapped inside my head somewhere, unable to get out because of some command put on me by an Alpha as a young child?
"How can you be so sure I'm your mate if you can't feel my wolf?" I whispered, nervous to hear his response.
He kissed the top of my head and my stomach did a little flip. "I can feel her Annabelle, she's hidden away but she's there, tucked away in a corner of your brain. All you need to do is let her out," he encouraged with a soft smile before burying his nose in my hair. "Even if I couldn't feel her I'd still know you were mine, your scent alone would draw me to you, the smell of strawberries and vanilla. It's so intoxicating I could breathe you in all day."
I blushed at what he was saying, did I really smell of strawberries and vanilla? How would someone even smell like that?
"And even without your smell I'd know you were mine, just from a simple brush of my hand on yours. The electricity between our fingertips would light my wolf on fire and instantly let me know that you were mine, just as much as I am yours," he smiled.
He slowly started to trail his fingertips up my arm and I frowned at the lack of this electricity he was talking about, only feeling the smallest amounts of tingles in their wake.
He smiled at me sadly as I looked up at him in confusion. "It's because you haven't met your wolf yet, once you do you'll feel the exact same thing I'm feeling right now," he sighed with gold slightly swirling in his eyes, showing me his wolf was coming through.
"When?" I asked, desperate to meet her so that I could experience these amazing things that Jax was talking about.
He just shrugged at me, "that's completely up to you and how much you want to meet her. You are no longer under your previous Alphas control since you ran away and left his territory, so it's all up to you as to when you shift.”
“You’re an Alpha, can’t you just command me to shift?” I asked, hoping he could somehow help me.
He smiled down at me before shaking his head, “unfortunately I can’t, it would probably do more harm to you than good. You’d have two opposing Alpha commands rattling around in that pretty little head of yours and your brain would instinctively try and follow both of them. It would rip you and your wolf in two trying to appease both commands. You need to break through your old Alpha’s command on your own before you can even hope to meet her.”
I huffed, not liking the answer and crossed my arms.
He laughed at my little tantrum and hugged me tighter. "You've done the hardest part, all that's left to do is just to practice," he said as he continued to chuckle at me.
I frowned "What hard bit?"
"Shifting for the first time, when we found you in the woods you were in your wolf form, I mean I'm guessing that it was your first shift seeing as you don't know anything about being a werewolf," he shrugged.
"I shifted?" I gasped, so confused as to why I didn't remember it.
He nodded and smiled at my shocked face "still believe you aren't a werewolf?" He smirked.
I remained silent, slowly digesting all the information he had just unloaded on me.
"You were the most beautiful golden coloured wolf I had ever seen, similar to your hair but with just a hint more gold in it. You were unconscious by the time I got there but you were absolutely stunning...still are," he whispered as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.
I blushed as I looked down, but before I could he caught my chin in his hand and gently lifted my head up so that I was looking deep into his eyes. "You are beautiful Annabelle, don't ever forget that," he whispered, his voice strong with conviction.
I stared into his eyes, feeling speechless. How do you respond to something like that, when you've been told all your life that you were worthless and ugly.
Jax must have noticed that I was starting to feel uncomfortable as he quickly kissed my forehead before changing the subject. "That's why you can heal so fast you know," he smiled, leaning forward so that he could pick up our hot chocolates.
I frowned at him as I took it back in my hands and took a small sip of the luke-warm but just as delicious drink.
"Being a werewolf, that's how you manage to heal so quickly,” he explained as he took in my confused expression. “What, you thought it was normal for someone to twist their ankle and then for it to be perfectly fine the next day?" He chuckled.
I just shrugged, I had never really given it much thought, it explains why I managed to survive all the beatings I had received throughout the years at the Leftens. Not many people could break their leg and then walk on it a few days later.
"Anyway, enough of the serious talk for tonight, we can do more of that tomorrow, but now I think that it's time to get some dinner for you," he stated as he placed our half-finished drinks back on the coffee table and got up with me in his arms.
If I was being completely honest, I was still stuffed from the half cup of hot chocolate I had, but didn't want to upset him so I just nodded my head with a slightly forced smile as he walked me into the kitchen.
Chapter 8
Jax’s POV
I wasn't going to lie, I was nervous... probably for the first time in my life.
I was carrying my mate up the stairs and down the hallway leading to my room so that I could gently place her on the bed for some much-needed sleep. I hadn’t slept in I don’t know how long, and my brain was becoming slightly frazzled because of it.
I was nervous because I didn’t know how she was going to react to sleeping in the same room as me. I knew she had trust issues with people, and I didn't want to make her uncomfortable by forcing her into a situation she wasn't ready for. Doctor Tessler’s words about forcing her into doing something she didn’t want to do rang through my head on a constant loop, but I also didn't think I could sleep in a different room to her, my wolf would be climbing the walls at not having her near me.
