Dare You to Hate Me, page 16
Hesitation takes hold of her tongue. “I had a fake name. Didn’t want Mom and Dad finding me, not that I think they would have tried. And yes, I looked you up every time I had a computer nearby. Most of the phones I kept didn’t have internet. They were prepaid junk. Cheap, you know? The one you gave me fell into a mud puddle and stopped working, and I didn’t exactly have easy access to money then. But I’d go to public libraries and use their computers for a while. Your mom tags you in a lot of photos. I got to see your sports stats and the selfies Judd and the other douchebags you hung out with always took. You never smiled in any of them. You always looked annoyed.” Her shoulders lift as if it doesn’t matter. “It was nice to see that you were doing well enough though.”
“And what? No message? No indication that you were okay? Did you not expect to extend me the same courtesy you got?”
“It didn’t matter, Aiden. There was no way I could have told you where I was because there was nothing you could have done about my circumstances. Not without leaving everything you worked for behind.”
“Don’t.” I stand and prowl over to her. “I thought you knew that you mattered. It matters. We matter. Every time you shit on yourself and the past, it feels like you’re shitting on whatever the hell was going on with us then and what is now. I may not have had the resources back then, but you have no damn idea what one little message from you could have done for me.”
“I…” Her eyes drop. “I’m sorry.”
“Your apology doesn’t do me much good now, Chaos. I spent a long time feeling guilty over not convincing you to stay. I should have tried harder.”
“This is what I mean.” Her finger gestures between us. “This right here is why I don’t talk about it. We can’t change the past. You trying to get me to stay with your family until you were blue in the face wouldn’t have changed my mind. I made my choice and I have to live with it. That’s how life works.”
“If I told Mom about the situation—”
“Then what?” Ivy snaps, tossing her hands in the air like she always does when she’s angry. She talks with them, her gestures never making any sense. “I love your mom, Aiden. I’ve always been jealous mine couldn’t have been like her, but that’s not the hand I was dealt. And thinking about how much I despised my own parents enough to ruin my life has made me realize that I could have had worse. They could have hit me, and they never did. They could have pulled me into their arguments, but they didn’t. I know there are kids out there who wish they could have been in my shoes, and what does that say about me?”
I don’t reply.
She palms her face for a moment before brushing hair behind her ears. “I don’t like to talk about them because it makes me realize how good I actually had it. My life didn’t go to shit until I decided to up and leave. And Mom tried telling me that. I told her over and over that I’d run away, and she always said I’d come back because I had it better than I thought I did. But I was a prideful brat who thought I could do better for myself.”
She drops her head, her hair falling to shield her face as she takes a deep breath. “She gave me a bus ticket.”
“Who did? Your mom?”
Ivy nods slowly. “I was supposed to go to Roserio where my grandma lived. Mom told me that living with Gertie might be for the best, and I thought it was her way of getting rid of me once and for all since it seemed like I was always the problem. Mom and Dad would spend so much money on Porter like they knew he had a future, and it made me feel like I…” Her voice gets rough. “Anyway, I traded in the bus ticket for one to Ridgeway because it was the furthest I could go without having to pay for a different pass. I left a note, Aiden. I don’t know if anybody told you, but I told them I would prove to them I could make a future for myself without their help. And I knew the moment I put it under my pillow for them to find, I would never be able to show my face again if I failed.”
All I can do is blink at the girl whose eyes turn glassy the deeper her admission goes. When she lifts her gaze, her bottom lip trembles. “I’m the reason they never looked for me. I’m the reason I felt like giving up. The doctor at the hospital was right.” Her hand curves around her arm, thumb trailing up and down the scar. “It was a cry for help, but I knew…I knew they wouldn’t come.”
“Ivy,” I whisper hoarsely, shaking my head at the revelation. “They could have still looked harder. They should have. You can’t take all the blame in this.”
“I’m the one who left.”
“And you’re back.”
“But I can’t go back there.”
“You can if you wanted to.”
She won’t meet my eyes as she releases a shaky breath.
I ask, “What do you want?”
Her lips part.
Close.
Part again. “What do you mean?”
“What. Do. You. Want?” Every word is said with concise clarity as I pierce her with my gaze until she can’t look away even if she wanted to. “Because I know what I want.”
Her head tilts up, chin high and eyes full of challenge. “And what is that? What do you want that makes you so different than the other guys I’ve been with since you’re so insistent that you’re not like any of them?”
Stepping into her until she’s pinned between me and the wall, I lift my hand to her cheek and brush my fingertips against her skin. Moving a piece of fallen blue hair behind her ear, I soak in the familiar scent of my shampoo that she’s been using from my shower. I love seeing her in my clothes, smelling like me, taking over my space. I’ve never felt as territorial as I do right now. “I invited you to Thanksgiving. Can you say the same for the others?”
No reply.
“I sleep beside you in bed without touching you no matter how bad I want to. Your curves, your ass, it’s all right there every fucking night tormenting me, but I never give in because I know damn well when I get a handful it’ll be because you want me to. Have any of the others refrained? Held back? Showed you an ounce of that respect?”
My nose grazes hers until I hear her sharp exhale against my jaw.
“I’ve told my teammates to back the hell off because I may not be able to touch you, but that doesn’t mean any of them can. If the other guys gave a shit about you, they would have staked their claim. But they didn’t.”
Her hot breath caresses my parted lips as I hover mine over hers.
“I did,” I whisper, dragging my hand up the back of her neck until my fingers are tangled in her hair. “And no matter how many times you say you don’t want to be claimed by anyone, we both know that’s bullshit. You were always mine, Chaos. Five years doesn’t change the fact that it’s always been me. Nobody else had a chance. So, that’s what I want. You. Not just your body. But you. Your personality. Your mind. Your problems. Your goddamn companionship. Because that’s what I’ve missed since the day I watched you disappear into the night. Stop trying to push me away. It won’t work.”
My fingers tighten in her hair, pulling her head back by the tresses tangled in my fingers so her eyes lock with mine. “I’ll ask again. What do you want, Ivy?”
Something snaps inside her, and she shows me her answer by crushing her lips against mine.
Chapter Fifteen
Ivy
My control disappears and all there is in this moment is Aiden. His mouth on mine, hands gripping my hips, body pressing me against the wall until I’m wrapping my long legs around his waist, and his hands sliding to palm my ass, only covered by thin panties.
I’ve lived the last few years believing that there aren’t such things as regrets because every decision made, no matter the outcome, is a lesson learned. And all the other guys who have kissed me with a purpose, touched me with a destination, and taken me to bed with a plan have never done so with as much passion as Aiden Griffith is right now.
He turns around and walks us to the bed, our frantic lips never breaking as my back hits the mattress. I part my thighs to make room for him to settle between, and he continues torturing me with his full lips. I’ve been kissed by a lot of men, but none of them compare to the boy who’s trying to inhale the memories we share as if this is the only way to remind himself they exist.
His tongue traces the inner seam of my lips before tasting mine—our lips clashing and teeth clattering in a show of dominance before I’m flipping us over to straddle him.
“Do you want this?” I ask him, pulling far enough away to talk without touching the mouth that greedily follows mine for more.
“Do you?” His breath is coming just as fast as mine, his chest rising and falling rapidly under my palms that rest on his pecs.
The heat building hotter and hotter between my legs is nothing compared to the ache as I grind my hips down on his hard cock, proving just how badly I want this. “Why don’t you find out for yourself?” I challenge, sliding my hands under his shirt and rolling my hips. Between his boxers and my panties, there’s little barrier keeping me from the part of him that I desperately want inside of me.
He groans and grabs the hem of the shirt I stole before peeling it off me and tossing it onto the floor. His eyes instantly take in my full breasts on display, his hands moving up the curves of my body before cupping them in his hands and squeezing with a groan. “You’re going to fucking kill me, Ivy. When the hell did you get so goddamn sexy?” His thumbs tweak my nipples before he sits up and takes one of them into his mouth and suckles before drawing back enough to add, “You were always beautiful but this…”
Biting down on my bottom lip, I arch my chest into him to absorb the feeling of his mouth and hands taking over every sensation racing through me. I moan his name under my breath when he tugs my nipple with his teeth before switching to the other, guiding his hand to knead its twin. My fingers go to his hair, massaging his scalp, pushing his mouth harder against me, as I begin moving my hips and feel the wetness pool with the need to have him naked.
“Shirt,” is all I manage to rasp, pawing at the material covering his hard-earned muscles. He pulls away, the sound of my breast popping from his mouth the only noise between us besides my heavy panting. His hand moves to tug the shirt off in one go and disposes of it with what he’s already stripped off me.
Our hands become frenzied as they coast against each other’s bare skin—mapping out every curve, muscle, freckle, and stretch mark. I’ve never been self-conscious when stripping down with other guys. Most of them only had one end game in mind and couldn’t care less that my stomach jiggles certain positions. With Aiden, there’s a strange sense of yearning for him to find me as sexy as he says I am—a girl without imperfections despite me being a shell full of them.
There’s always been something raw about letting someone see you naked. They’re not just seeing your body, but the smallest details that make you who you are.
Your past marred by scars.
Your present wrapped in skin.
Your future highlighted in small smiles and hopeful eyes.
His hands find my hips.
Mine find his biceps.
His squeeze my thighs.
Mine coast across his sculpted abs.
When his fingers dance along the top of my panties and trail down, down, down until they’re barely brushing my covered slit, I mewl out an incoherent plea for him to touch me.
Aiden always knows what I need.
Moving aside the cheap material, he strokes me up and down torturously slow. The pad of his thumb rubs my clit in circles until I’m moving my hips to find the friction I need and writhing when one of his fingers slips inside, quickly followed by another. There’s no need to beg because his digits start pumping in and out of me, causing me to grip his shoulders and begin lifting my hips to ride it out.
“Aiden, please.” Bending forward, I bury my face into his neck and breathe in the soap and sweat on his skin as I ride his hand like I would his cock. I nip his neck. “Need you.”
He helps me lower my panties and his boxers down so we’re both free, the air in the room thick with anticipation as it brushes where I’m wettest. “Condom,” he grates breathily as I wrap a hand around his large girth and pump the hardened steel in my hand.
I want to tell him it’ll be fine, lie and say I’m on the pill because I need to feel him inside me with no barrier, but we have to be smart. And no matter how beautiful the shaft in my hand is as it twitches and grows with every stroke of my palm, I know neither of us needs any surprises in the future.
Aiden reaches for his nightstand and pulls out a foil packet, his breath hitching as I help him roll the latex on. I notice the slight shake to his hands and assume it’s in anticipation—a uninhibited need that’s mutual as I rise and line the head of him up to my entrance and slowly, slowly, slowly sink down.
“Fuuuck.” The garbled word from him sounds pained as I take him fully and circle my hips to find the perfect spot that sets my nerves on fire. He stretches me in the most blissful way, his fingertips digging into my ass as I lift and repeat the movement, soaking in his length as I take every inch of him where I need him most. My hands hold onto his shoulders as I ride him slowly until he’s shaking his head. “Too much. Too damn much.”
I’m not sure what he means until his head drops back and the tendons in his neck tighten as his bottom half shoots up to fill me deeper and—
“Jesus Christ,” he barks out, holding my hips down so we’re pressed so close together I can feel him twitch and stiffen inside me. Once his hips settle, his breathing becomes heavier and I’m staring wide-eyed at him until he finally looks at me again with flushed cheeks.
“Did you just…?” I already know the answer, but the way his face reddens only confirms it.
His throat bobs, and there’s something oddly…vulnerable in the glazed blue color that I look into, first one eye then the other, before he looks away. “I haven’t done this before.”
I blink, then replay his words.
“Say that again?” I whisper slowly, sure I misheard him.
His jaw ticks. “I’ve never…” One of his hands raises to the back of his neck, squeezing it once and making the muscles in his arms pop. The tattoos I’ve admired when he shows them off shift, the Captain America shield moving as if to guard him and his shocking admission. “Shit, Ivy. You know what I mean. I haven’t had sex until now. Okay?”
Stunned silent, all I can do is stare.
Oh my God.
I just took my best friend’s virginity.
Finally formulating my thoughts, I choke out, “That can’t be true. What about Sydney? Or, I mean, there have had to have been other girls. Penelope from high school! I’ve heard people talk around campus. You’re…you.”
There’s a ghost of a smile on his lips despite the heated skin under his cheeks giving away his embarrassment. I never knew someone like Aiden—someone strong, confident, with the world ahead of him—could be this vulnerable. “I have no clue what Penny has to do with this, and I don’t know if I want to have this conversation while my dick is still inside you.” More blinking, then a garbled gasp as he rolls his hips upward experimentally until he’s sinking further inside. I clench around him and let out a tiny breath as he hesitantly moves. “I’m not done, promise. Not sure I’m going to be able to stop now that I’ve realized what I’ve been missing this whole time.”
Before I can reply, I’m on my back with Aiden thrusting into me slow and hard with a heady groan that vibrates our damp chests that are pressed together. “Aiden, are you sure— Oh.” He rests his forearms on either side of my head and starts jackknifing into me with an urgency that I can’t truly fathom, his eyes getting darker and dilated with lust as he takes me.
My body arches as he grabs one of my legs and bends it forward, giving him better access to hit something that sparks a feeling few people have ever unlocked with me during sex, and I’m shaking my head, pinching my eyes closed, as the sound of his cock entering me fills the bedroom.
“You cannot be a virgin.” My breathless, doubtful declaration has him chuckling as he trails kisses down my neck before biting into the base of my throat. “If you’ve never had sex before now you obviously watch a lot of porn to know how to— Oh god.”
His muffled laugh against my skin has me wrapping my arms around his neck and meeting his thrusts eagerly as I hold on for dear life.
I feel him move deeper.
Harder.
Needier.
He moves like he’s lost in the feeling, like there’s nothing else. Nothing to lose and everything to gain. And when I find myself back on top and riding his dick, I can’t help but look at his lust-filled eyes and slick skin damp with sweat, and fully understand what’s going on right now as I feel my spine tingle and tummy tighten.
Aiden Griffith waited for me.
He let me go back then.
He didn’t tell anyone for days.
And he waited.
I can feel the tingling sensation building higher and higher as his cock slides into me repeatedly. But it isn’t only the way his pubic bone is brushing my clit in rapid succession that brings my orgasm to its brink, but rather all the ways we got here. How he helped me. How he cared about me. How he respected me. What a foreign word.
Respect.
When my legs start shaking and giving out, Aiden doesn’t let us lose the rhythm. His strong hands grip me, using my spent body to fuck himself until we reach the peak.
And when we get to the edge, I dive off headfirst into an abyss.
Chanting his name, I clench around him and explode in a burst of emotions, memories, and feelings that have been pent up for so long.
The first day I met Aiden.
The first time I climbed into his window.
The first time I hid in his closet…his bed.
All of it comes rushing back as my body succumbs to the things he’s done to it.
Collapsing on his body for I’m not sure how long, I finally manage to whisper, “You waited.”
Instead of confirming it, he pulls out, peels off the condom, puts on a new one, and makes sure neither of us says another word the rest of the night, with me taking lead every single time our bodies come together.
