Forgotten Vows (The Dubinin Bratva Book 2), page 11
“That’s not true.” He protested with a firm shake of his head.
“It is.”
“You matter—as the mother of my son.”
I glared at him, letting my eyes slit together. How dare he call Lev his son, implying with that tone full of authority that Lev wasn’t mine, or ours. Just his.
“You hid my son from me. He is my heir, and he isn’t going anywhere.”
Such possessive talk over the most important person in the world set me on edge. But I knew better than to argue when he got that intense look in his eyes.
“You’re not going anywhere either.”
This was exactly why I debated coming here at all. Why returning to Ivan was a last-resort idea. He’d take over and take charge when I’d been handling it myself all this time.
“And that’s the last fucking time I’ll be patient enough to hear you claim that you don’t matter.” Admonishing me like this wasn’t sweet or kind, but beneath the rage of what he said, I could almost feel the desperation that vibrated off him.
“You matter, Raisa. You’ve always mattered. And you sure as fuck matter to me.”
“Just not as much as Serena, huh?”
He stepped in closer, taking hold of me again. His fingers curled around my upper arm, but with his other hand, he set it on my neck. Canting my head upward with his thumb under my chin, he reminded me of how easily he could reassert his dominance.
“You’ve been here for a week now. Tell me where you’ve seen her.”
I rolled my eyes. It prompted his to turn darker. More serious.
“She’s not in the picture, Raisa.”
For all I knew, she could be at his house, waiting for him to come back.
If not her, then another woman. There wasn’t a chance that he had been celibate all this time.
“She will never be in the picture.” Smoothing his thumb over the line of my jaw, he stared at my lips with hunger. With lust. “No one will ever matter to me like you do.”
I swallowed hard, trying to force it past the emotion clogging in my throat. He was being too kind. Seductive, yet honest.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he confessed in a raspy whisper. “And it kills me that you could ever think that you don’t matter to me.”
I closed my eyes as he lowered his head. Resting his brow against mine, he wrapped his free arm around me. Being held close like this felt like a step in the right direction. This snug up against him was a test, a strained pressure to deny myself the opportunity to lean against him and let him shoulder the burdens of stress weighing me down.
“Because you do.” He rubbed his thumb over my jawline again. His breath wisped against my skin, warming it and teasing me to seek out all the heat he could provide me.
As I licked my lips and tried not to cave under the need for him, suspended in this tense wait to give up and show him how badly I’d missed him too, I hesitated.
You matter, too.
Not just as the source of protection I needed for our son, but as the one man who would always hold my heart. The one I wanted to hate even though he tempted me to lose control and race for that bliss we could find together, no matter the circumstances standing in the way of true happiness and peace.
17
IVAN
Dark, sinister thoughts raced through my mind. The mere possibility of this woman thinking that she didn’t matter was enough to destroy what remained of my sanity.
Seeing her again had thrown me off balance. But to hear her declare that she was nothing to me? That she wasn’t important to me despite the distance we’d had to suffer through for years?
“I have missed you every single second you were gone,” I confessed in a ragged whisper. Pressing my face lower, to urge her to tip her lips up to mine, I frowned when she turned away.
“That can’t be true,” she argued, furrowing her brow as she peered up at me. That hostility lurked in her gaze, but it wasn’t directed at me as a strike. She was simply that defensive, and truly, I couldn’t blame her.
“That can’t be true,” she repeated as I began to guide her to backtrack toward my bed. “If it was, then you would’ve looked for me. You would’ve come for me and kept me close and—”
“It is true, Raisa.” I clutched her close and kissed her deeply. Holding back was impossible when she’d look at me with equal parts yearning and loathing. I had to taste her. Kiss her. Swallow her sighs and encourage her to whimper with need.
I had to have her—all of her. We still had so much more to talk about, but I needed her.
“I’ve missed you since the moment I had to leave.” Breathing raggedly, I stared down at her as her eyes warmed with lust. As if these were the magic words to make her understand. “And now that you’ve found me, now that you’ve come for me…”
“No.” She shook her head. “I didn’t come to get you back, Ivan. I came to keep Lev safe.”
I gripped her chin as I loosened my tie. “I’m calling your bluff.”
“Bluff?” She smirked. “I’m not bluffing. This isn’t some fantasy of a reunion or anything other than me needing help to keep him safe from the Riveras or anyone else, any other of your enemies.”
With my tie in my hand, I took hold of both of hers and began tying them, preferring to lazily and hungrily sample her lips. Kissing her quiet was a cop-out, but she wasn’t protesting.
“I’m calling your bluff,” I repeated as I finished securing the bond on her hands. “You came to me.”
“Because—” I framed her face, kissing her hard.
“You came here, and now that I’ve got you again, there’s not a chance in hell you’re getting away.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I’m not yours, Ivan. I’m not yours to order around.”
“You’ve never stopped being mine,” I whispered into her ear as I tugged on her shirt. Buttons popped, giving way as I began to reveal her luscious body. Shivers erupted over her flesh as I bared it, removing her blouse and her bra. But it was the breathy exhales she couldn’t stop that made me harder yet.
This woman would always be my weakness. I couldn’t keep my hands off her. And as I pushed her pants and panties down before shoving her gently so she’d sit on the bed, I didn’t intend to keep my mouth off her either.
“I will tie you up just like this,” I promised, feeling bolder and needier as her face relaxed. All signs of desire showed now. In her mind, I bet she wasn’t on board to cave to me again, but I felt the tremors she couldn’t hide. I heard her faster, shorter breaths as her heart surely raced. Pert and beaded, her nipples demonstrated how aroused she was.
My threat was an idle one. She could try to call me on my bluff now. But I meant it metaphorically. I didn’t need to rely on bondage to get her to submit to me or what I wanted. Like before, when we’d had those four magical months together, she reacted strongly to the concept of being tied up. Of counting on me to guide her to feeling so fucking good.
She was bare, with only her shirt and open bra hanging from the bends of her elbows as she dropped her hands to the tops of her thighs. Under her heated stare, I hurried to remove my clothes too.
We’d spent years apart, and even taking it slower like this wasn’t enough. I wanted days to lazily relearn every inch of her sweet body. I wanted to take all the time I could get to adjust to how she’d changed and become even sexier since becoming a mother. Her breasts hung so full and heavy. Her hips were slender yet she had more curves, ones I couldn’t get enough of. But the constant I noticed the most was the desire in her eyes, when I tracked how much she couldn’t help herself from looking me over too.
Only when I was naked and fully had her attention did I advance on her. Taking a silky length of rope from my drawer, one I’d never used on a woman because no one could get me hard with Raisa always on my mind, I took her hands and secured the knot between her wrists to the rope.
“I will keep you, Raisa. Whatever it takes, however I want, I will keep you.” I kissed her as I looped the rope around a bar on my headboard, leaning into her and relishing the sweet friction of her breasts rubbing against my chest.
“I will never let you go again,” I promised.
“Ivan, you can’t—”
I kissed her silent again, dragging her down until she lay flat beneath me. The rustle of her shirt and bra didn’t pose resistance. The fabric was shoved back and out of the way. Like this, not an inch of her was hidden from my reach.
Grinding over her and letting her feel the hardness of my erection was half the tease. Making her slide down and notice the resistance of the bindings on her hands was the other part of it. But the torment couldn’t last forever. Blood rushed south. Each time I dragged my dick between her legs, not penetrating her cunt yet, I gathered more cream and smeared it. Pre-cum leaked from my dick, too, and if I wasn’t careful, bluffing or not, I’d lose my load and come too soon.
She was that much of a temptation, that strong of an allure.
“I won’t let you go again,” I vowed as I lined my cock up to her wet entrance. Already parting her legs, she arched her body to welcome me in. It never took much. One look. A touch. Especially a kiss. The years apart no longer made a difference. Together in bed again, with her under me and submitting without anywhere to run, we proved that we still fit perfectly.
Before she could protest, I aimed the tip of my erection and pushed in. The first thrust had her tensing up and closing her eyes. A brutal kiss on her lips had her softening to me again. Another push into her slick heat made her cry out and groan. A smile on my mouth taunted her to be louder as she stared back at me. Then with a harder, steady drive all the way into her, until I was seated, I earned the sweet music I’d been craving for what seemed like forever.
“Oh, Ivan…” She moaned it, so husky and without any trace of modesty.
She could own up to it, that she wanted me, no one else.
She wouldn’t try to hide how I could still drive her wild as I stretched her cunt and widened her to take all of me.
Back and forth, I thrust in and withdrew, frantic in this rush to feel her squeezing me so tightly. In and out, I let her glove me and suck me in like she was made just for me, like I was her only match, a key in a lock.
Sweat beaded along my back as I strained to fuck her with all I had. Alternating between kissing her face and licking then nipping her breasts, I showed her how well I remembered making her come. If I wasn’t tugging her stiff nipples between my lips and teeth, I was robbing her breath and kissing her senseless. And no matter how much she would want to argue, she was right in step with me in this need to come. Her tongue chased mine, and her hips bucked up in a desperate rhythm to match me thrust for thrust. In a clumsy, then practiced dance, we were both close to losing it.
The first waves of her orgasm came on my next slam into her pussy. My stamina to resist my release was fading as I felt my balls tighten and my legs shake.
She was perfection, milking me as she cried out loudly with her release. Through my entire body, a charged bolt of pleasure streaked without end. Every cell lit up with relief. All the tension flooded out of me as I shot all my cum deep inside of her. It was too soon and at long last, this foray of reminding her how well we worked like this. I wanted it to go on forever, relearning the exquisite pleasure that she gave me to fuck her so hard. And at the same time, I was grateful I’d gotten her off like this so I, too, could sag on top of her with relief.
For a long while, she lay there under me, rubbing her cheek against mine. We didn’t stir, catching our breath in the aftermath of making love again.
There was no doubt in my mind that she would hold on to her hatred of me for how I’d left before.
“Come here,” I whispered gently as I urged her to roll with me. The rope twisted, cinching the knot. But as she lay draped over me, lax and sluggish from how intensely she’d come, I untied the knots. Rubbing her arms, I encouraged the blood to flow freely again. She didn’t stir. She didn’t protest, limp on top of me as she seemed ready to sleep, but I knew that the fight wasn’t over yet.
We’d surrendered to this old desire again. It seemed we couldn’t help ourselves, like two halves of unfinished business.
But there wasn’t a chance in hell that she’d forgiven me, that she’d ever admit she wanted me like this.
She had come back to me. I was the one she ran to when she needed help. And while it would take more time for me to truly win her back and convince her that we could make this last between us this round, I was prepared to stay steady to the course and not give up.
I stroked my hand over her back, caressing her lazily as I brainstormed how long it might be before she truly forgave me for all the forgotten vows we’d unofficially shared years ago.
18
RAISA
Many details remained to be addressed. Specifics about why I was here, what the Dubinins could do for me and Lev had to be figured out. More than anything, proper investigations into what the Rivera Family was up to would need to be completed.
In the meantime, in this state of limbo, Lev and I were granted permission to stay as guests. Luka Dubinin’s mansion was large enough for plenty of visitors, but it was hard to see this behemoth of a home as anything other than a temporary shelter. A fancy one, and a thoroughly secure one with the numerous Dubinin guards posted all over.
But it wasn’t a home. It wasn’t a real place to commit to, much like all the other locations I’d moved me and Lev to over the years. I’d be a liar if I admitted to missing the small house that Lev and I had left behind outside Paris. But I’d be admitting a bigger falsehood if I confessed to a desire to stay here for long.
Where would Lev and I go next?
Our stay would expire here eventually. I imagined that once Ivan and his family rooted out the source of trouble, they would ask me to leave.
And there was nothing lined up for me and my son after this. I’d spent the last of my emergency savings just to fly to New York and get here. Sure, my expenses were zero now. I didn’t have to ask for anything, provided with food, shelter, and clothing for both me and Lev. Reminding myself that this was temporary was the only way I could keep myself rooted in a reality check.
It is what it is.
I knew that in coming here, I’d be stuck here for a while.
But what will be next?
Living here for the moment was a surreal experience. Ivan told me and Lev that he had his own house, yet, he stayed here as a long-term guest as well. Many discussions had to be going on behind closed doors, and each time Ivan was away, I had to assume he was reporting in to Luka. He was the Boss, after all.
For the next week, I did my best to get used to being near him. To having him near Lev. The security here was top-notch. Inside this house, I didn’t have to worry about anyone breaking in. Still, I remained far too skeptical to trust Ivan on a personal level. That was twice now that we’d caved to desire. We blurred the lines between us by having sex. I couldn’t begin to guess if it was messing with his head at all like it was mine, but I prayed that refraining from being alone with him was the wisest course of action I could follow.
Lev enjoyed the “vacation” of being here and getting to know the father I’d had to hide from him for so long. My explanation of Ivan being a powerful and influential man likely didn’t smooth out my son’s anger that I hadn’t told him about Ivan earlier, but I could only focus on one step at a time, one fight at a time.
I stayed close to Lev, watching in the background as he played with Misha or spent time with Ivan. Not once did anyone try to separate me from my son. We still shared the same room among other guest rooms, all of them empty at the moment.
And in my watchful moments of keeping an eye on Lev as I awaited direction or answers from Ivan about what the Dubinins could do to keep Lev safe from any other crime family, I was well aware of the fact that Luka didn’t trust me.
He didn’t order me to report to him. He didn’t speak to me directly. He was a busy leader, perhaps too important to deal with a headache like me and Lev. Gabriella had just given him a baby boy, so both of them were preoccupied. It was when I read between the lines that I grew more convinced that Luka didn’t want me here. His stern looks weren’t promising either.
While Ivan colored with Lev in the garden one afternoon, I sat back at a wrought-iron table on the other side of the wide and open-air outdoor space.
Emil joined me. Alexsei strode up behind him, seeming to have the same intention of spending time with me.
“The last time I saw you, I was officiating your wedding,” Emil said with a cocky smile.
I rolled my eyes, determined not to smile at this jokester. He was too laidback, like the world was his and nothing was out of reach or safe from his rebellious nature. Between his rugged looks and smirking expression, I had no trouble placing him from before. Like before, when he partied a bit with me and Ivan in Europe when I dropped out of my studies to spend all my time with Ivan, he carried the same devil-may-care aura and attitude now.
“Officiating an unofficial wedding,” I confirmed.
“So you’re the reason my cousin’s been a miserable mess for so many years.”
That won’t win me over. I was too jaded to take his word for that.
“Wedding?” Alexsei asked. I spent more time around him here, and with him being on standby as Misha’s father, I was more used to seeing this cousin. “You and Ivan actually—”
I shook my head. “No. No. We were just goofing around and pretended to get married. By his made-up authority to officiate.” I gestured at Emil, who smiled wider and shrugged.
“Huh.” Alexsei glanced at Lev and Ivan still coloring and laughing at something. “Could have fooled me. He acted like he’d lost his spouse all this time.”
