Diana, page 2
“Lie in the bed you’ve made then. You’ll come crawling back. I’m not a monster, Diana. I will take you back—on my terms.”
The love she’d felt all her life for this man began to wither.
“Pack immediately,” her father ordered. “You’ve brought disgrace to the de Wolfe name. You’re no longer welcomed at Esterley.”
Resigned to her fate, Diana looked to her mother, who’d risen and held on to the bedpost for support. “Take care, Mama. I love you.”
Her mother only looked at her, her lips moving wordlessly. Then she found a small bit of courage.
Looking at her husband, the countess said, “Both of you have such fiery tempers, Rafe. And obstinate natures. You’ve butted heads in the past but you love her, Husband. I know you do. Don’t do this. Admit you’re wrong for once. That this idea is a horrible mistake. You can still make this right.”
Diana knew her mother asked the impossible. De Wolfes never admitted a mistake. Neither she nor her father would budge.
The Earl of Reston’s answer was to stride from the room without a backward glance. Her mother looked at Diana helplessly and then followed him, abandoning her daughter.
This was the worst day of her life.
Diana opened her wardrobe and began to pack, knowing she would never set foot in the castle again.
Not as long as Rafe de Wolfe was alive.
Chapter One
Seven years later . . .
Diana had not been invited to her mother’s funeral two years ago. She’d waited outside the church, wishing desperately she could enter and at least kiss the coffin in a final goodbye. When the mourners left the chapel, she followed at a distance and watched as her mother was lowered into the ground. She’d stayed until everyone left and then went to the grave, falling to her knees and weeping.
Today was different.
She dressed Finn and Mena in the best clothes they possessed. She’d always had a way with a needle, and it had not only kept her children in clothes but she’d also taken in sewing from others in the nearby village. She mended what they brought her, usually men who’d lost their wives or those too young to be wed. As time passed, she’d also made clothes for many others. Her sewing helped bring in much needed income, though it didn’t allow the luxury of any servants. Diana had to learn everything in the beginning. How to plant a garden. How to cook. The best way to scrub a pot or pluck a chicken. She had the hands of a working class woman—not a lady.
It had all been worth it, though. The twins were her reason for living. She could no more have given them up and returned to her old life than the King of England would give up his crown and wealth to a pauper.
“Where are we going, Mama?” Mena asked.
“To a funeral. That’s when someone has died and there’s a church service to tell the dead goodbye.”
“Where do you go if you’re dead?” Finn asked.
“Heaven, if you’re good.” Left unsaid was that she thought the Earl of Reston would burn in Hell.
He’d never forgiven her. Never attempted to see her or his grandchildren. Like clockwork, every February—on the date of their estrangement—a messenger would arrive with ten pounds from the earl. She’d taken it the first year he’d pushed her into exile, needing it to keep a roof over her head and put food on her table. After that, she’d sent it back and paid the rent on the cottage herself, along with every expense that arose. Diana would rather earn her way in the world than be beholden to the man who’d judged her so harshly.
“Who died?” Mena asked as they started out the door.
The cold, blustering Northumberland wind whipped through them as Diana took her children’s hands and started for the village church. They’d never been inside it. She knew her father would have forced the gentle vicar to evict them so he wouldn’t have to worship in the same place with her. Diana didn’t want to expose Finn and Mena to such ugliness.
“Your grandfather,” she said, gritting her teeth. “My father.”
“We never saw him before,” Finn pointed out. “Why not?”
She would never go into the full story with them and only said, “We became angry at one another a long time ago. We stopped speaking and he sent me away.”
“That’s sad, Mama,” Mena said. “You . . . you wouldn’t get mad at us like that, would you?”
Diana stopped. Dropping to her knees, she hugged them both. “No, of course not, my little loves. We might become angry with each other at some point in our lives but we love each other enough to forgive one another.”
She kissed both of their cheeks and then rose and took their hands again.
“Didn’t you love your father?” Finn asked, looking anxious.
“I did love him. I just didn’t agree with him.”
“Did he love you?” Finn insisted, obviously not happy and lacking the maturity to understand what she’d told them.
“I think he did but he was a stubborn man.”
“Was he a bastard?” Mena asked.
Diana gasped. “Where did you learn that word?” she demanded.
Mena bit her lip. “I don’t remember.”
She stopped in her tracks. “Mena de Wolfe, you tell me now.”
“Don’t be mad at her, Mama,” Finn said, coming to his sister’s defense. “It was Reggie Sutton who said it after lessons with the vicar the other day. Reggie said both Mena and I are bastards and it’s an awful thing to be.”
Mena nodded. “I thought if your father was awful, he must be a bastard, too.”
“It’s not a very nice word,” she began. “It has a few different meanings. One is that someone is not a very good person.”
“That would be like your father,” Finn said, his sister nodding in agreement. “Our grandfather.”
“Yes, that’s right,” she said, dreading the next part. “And sometimes, bastard can mean someone who doesn’t have a father.”
“Like us,” Mena said. “Why don’t we have a father, Mama?”
“I’ll tell you a little more when you’re older. For now, don’t listen to Reggie Sutton. Or anyone else who calls you that ugly name. You are my angels and I love you so very much.”
“Even if you might get angry with us?” Mena asked, still sounding worried about how Diana had broken with her own father in anger.
“Even if I get angry. We’ll always work it out between us, children,” she promised. “We will never be separated from one another.”
“Good,” both twins said at the same time as they often did.
They arrived at the church and Diana marched to the front pew where her brother and sister sat in their dark mourning clothes. It had been so long since she’d seen either of them. Tears sprang to her eyes, as did Thea’s. Derek, now the new Earl of Reston, looked somber but relieved to see her there.
“May we sit, my lord?” she asked formally. As head of the de Wolfe family, it would be up to him to accept or reject her overture today. She prayed that the rift between her and her father would not extend to her brother, who’d been away at school when Diana was exiled.
“Please. We will talk later,” he promised.
She saw sadness in his eyes and hoped they would be able to repair—even rebuild—their relationship.
“I want to sit by you,” her son told him. “Whoever you are. You look a little like Mama. She does, too,” he said, pointing to Thea, who now had tears streaming down her cheeks.
“We are related,” Derek said.
“Good,” Finn said and sat on the pew.
Her brother took a seat on one side of Finn and she sat on the other. Mena snuggled against her free side and Thea scooted close on Mena’s left. The hush that had filled the church now ended abruptly. Whispers filled the air. Diana could only imagine the gossip flying.
Diana agreed to accompany her brother and sister back to Esterley after her father’s burial. She’d thought she would spit on his grave in spite but felt only sorrow for their long estrangement. Instead, she’d bowed her head and asked forgiveness for holding the hate in her heart all these years. Her father might never have forgiven her for shaming the de Wolfe name but she’d make the choice to move past it. Peace filled her as she let go of the anger and bitterness that had festered within her for so long.
Once they arrived at the castle, she drank in the sight of her former home, only now realizing how much she’d missed living here and seeing her family.
“We really get to go inside?” Finn whispered loudly.
“Yes, the earl has invited us,” Diana told her son.
Other mourners followed them and she made sure the twins had something to eat and kept them in a corner, hoping they didn’t draw much attention. When the last person departed, Derek and Thea made their way toward her. Both took a seat.
Derek spoke first, focusing on his niece and nephew. “I’m glad to finally meet the two of you. I am the Earl of Reston and your uncle.”
Mena cocked her head to one side and looked at him intently. “Are we to call you earl or uncle?”
He smiled. “I hope uncle. Uncle Derek.”
“And I’m your aunt, Thea,” her sister said, smiling warmly. “May I hug you?”
The twins both scrambled from their seats and eagerly embraced her.
“What are your names?” Thea asked.
Sadness washed over Diana as she thought of the time lost between loved ones.
“This is Phineas,” she said. “He goes by Finn.”
“And I’m Philomena,” her daughter quickly added. “But Mama calls me Mena. We’re six.”
“Would you like a tour of the castle?” Thea asked.
Both children looked to her. “Can we, Mama?” they asked in unison.
“You may. Don’t touch anything, though,” she warned gently.
“We won’t!” they cried enthusiastically, each offering a hand to their new acquaintance.
Thea smiled. “We’ll see you later, Diana,” Thea said as she led them from the room, both children already pestering their aunt with questions.
Once they were gone, Derek sighed. “I hope you’re going to come back to us, Diana. I know we must seem like strangers to you now but Thea and I—and Mama—never stopped loving you. I know Father loved you, too. Your name was the last word he said as he passed.”
He took her hands and brought them to his lips, kissing them. Tears stung her eyes at what he’d revealed.
“Are you sure that’s what you want, Derek? Bringing the prodigal daughter and her two bastards back into the family fold?”
“I’m the Earl of Reston. Whatever I want goes without question,” he said fiercely.
“Does that mean you want us at Esterley Castle?” she asked, wondering how the twins would adjust to a very different life than the one they’d lived for their first six years.
“Yes—and no.”
Diana frowned. “Don’t speak in riddles, Derek. I haven’t the patience for them.”
“I want us to be family again, Diana. That’s very important to me.” He hesitated and then said, “I also think it’s time to finally find you a husband.”
His words took her aback. “I’ve done fine without one,” she said icily, pulling her hands from his. “I’ve provided for my family without help from anyone.”
“I know you wouldn’t accept the money Father sent each year. He was actually proud you didn’t.”
“I really don’t care what he thought, Derek. He rejected me. He rejected my children.”
“Don’t you want others?” he asked softly.
She did. Very much.
“Finn and Mena deserve a father in their lives. Don’t get me wrong—you have done a marvelous job raising them. They are polite and intelligent. I can’t wait to get to know them. But they deserve a father, as well as a mother. You owe it to them, Diana, to try and land a husband.”
“Who would wish to marry me?” she asked. “A woman with two out-of-wedlock children. Everyone within twenty miles of here knows my story. Probably beyond that, as gossip seems to know no bounds.”
“My idea was to go to London,” Derek said, his eyes filled with determination. “The Season starts in two months. You still have a large dowry set aside for you. Besides, Thea will also go to make her come-out. You could do so together.”
She smiled wryly. “I’m awfully old for a come-out, Brother.”
Still, Derek’s words had gone to what mattered most to her heart. Children. Diana would give anything to have more. To have more—this time—she would need a husband. She’d been so lonely over the last seven years. She ached for a companion as much as a husband. Her brother was also right in saying the twins deserved a father. Maybe she could find an older man who might overlook her youthful indiscretion. A widower who had children of his own and needed a woman’s touch in his household. They could blend their families together.
And, hopefully, have a few more children together.
“All right. I’ll accompany you and Thea to London. I’ve longed to see the city my entire life. The twins will love it. There will be so much for them to see while we’re there.”
Her brother frowned. “No. They’ll stay here, just as you and Thea did with your governess the few times our parents went to town.”
“What?” Diana stared at Derek.
“I’m the head of the de Wolfe family now, Diana. You’ll need to do as I say.”
She stood. “I didn’t allow Father to tell me what to do when I was eighteen, Derek. I’m a grown woman of twenty-five. I have no need of a guardian or any man telling me what I can and cannot do. My children will go with me to London as I search for a husband—or I refuse to go at all.” She paused. “If you care so little for my opinion on this matter, then I don’t see how I could ever return to live at Esterley, either.”
He rose and placed a hand on her arm. “Diana, I don’t want us to part over something so trivial.”
She pushed him away. “I don’t view leaving my children and traveling hundreds of miles away from them as trivial. I’m all they have, Derek. We haven’t been apart a day since their births. The three of us even share a bed. I won’t leave them in the care of strangers while I go off and dance and laugh, trying to convince some man to offer for me. Finn and Mena are my life. I will not be parted from them. Ever.”
Neither of them said anything. A good two minutes went by. Diana was ready to leave when Derek sighed.
“All right,” he said wearily. “Only promise me you won’t talk about them at the events you attend. Even though you’ll be considered long in the tooth by many, you’re still a beautiful woman, Diana. More so than you were as a girl. Charm the man you choose as your new husband. Make him fall in love with you. Once you have, then tell him about Finn and Mena.”
“That would be dishonest, Derek. A lie by omission. That’s no way to start a relationship, much less one that could lead to marriage.”
“Well, you won’t find a husband in Northumberland,” he said flatly. “People still judge you, Diana, and find you lacking. For getting yourself with child. For never naming the father. For breaking with your family. Your stubbornness is legendary.” He placed his hands on her shoulders, his gaze meeting hers. “This is a chance for a new life. Take it. I’ll pay for a new wardrobe and do the same for the twins. You can take them with us to London. Just keep quiet about them for a short while as you attend ton events. That’s all I’m asking. Is that so much?”
Derek had spelled out what Diana knew all along. She would never find a husband near home because of all of the gossip that surrounded her. If she were to make a new life for herself and the twins, it would need to be far from here, else they’d be called bastards and worse. Naturally, some of the gossip would follow her to London but she would have an opportunity there that would be lacking here at home.
Reluctantly, she said, “I agree to your terms. I know I disappointed our family in the past. I will do my best to find a husband who will be a good father to my children.”
Derek embraced her. “You won’t regret your decision, Diana. Come, let’s go find Finn and Mena and tell them we’re all going to London.”
Chapter Two
As the coach neared the outskirts of London, Oliver Ward, Earl of Merrifield, felt his mood begin to lighten. Soon, he’d be home and his sister would talk his ear off, excited because she would be making her come-out this Season, which would start early next week.
Oliver wondered if this Season would be the one when he finally wed.
He’d come close almost two years ago, when he’d pursued Rachel St. Clair. The beauty had only liked him, though. She was one of those rare creatures who insisted she would only marry for love. Rachel had found it with the Marquess of Merrick. In a turn of events that still puzzled the ton, Oliver had become close friends with both Lord and Lady Merrick.
He didn’t seek love himself. He’d always had a practical nature and wasn’t quite sure love even existed until he’d watched how Rachel’s face lit up whenever her husband entered the room. She and Evan were batty about one another and constantly touched. Oliver couldn’t see himself losing his head over any woman. Love wasn’t something members of the ton expected when they wed. Marriage was about bolstering family finances and making powerful alliances. The most he hoped for was finding a woman who wouldn’t bore him to tears. One he might become friendly with.
Naturally, he’d treat his future countess with tenderness and respect. He’d never consider taking a mistress, either. When he wed, it would be for life and his commitment would be firm. His only requirement was that his wife give him children. Lots and lots of children. He thought the greatest calling in life was to be a good father. Not the absentee one he’d been given. His father had benignly patted Oliver on the head and showed little to no interest in him or his siblings. When the Earl of Merrifield died in a riding accident, Oliver became the caretaker of Colin and Amelia at only nineteen years of age. He showered them with love and attention in equal amounts and watched them thrive because of doing so. He’d even had Amelia’s governess bring her to rooms he rented near Oxford for weeks at a time so he could spend time with his sister when not pursuing his university studies. He also made sure to visit Colin at school when he could, all while trying to complete his own degree and run Merrimore. It had been several difficult years, but his siblings had turned out to be caring individuals and great companions. Colin had two more years left at Oxford and then planned to join the church, while Amelia would look for a husband this Season. His time of raising his siblings had come to an end. He was eager to start a family of his own.
