Duke of Honor, page 11
Arabella stood. “I can easily solve that. I believe I need a stroll through the gardens.” She glanced around. “I see Jon just stopped Sebastian and is conversing with him now. You will accompany us.”
“I am confused,” she said.
Arabella gave her a knowing glance. “We will go to the gazebo. Then I will make sure we are far enough ahead of you and out of sight. One kiss will help you determine if Sebastian is your destiny. Come along, Hadley.”
She rose and her hostess came to her. Arabella linked arms and led her away from their friends and straight to Sebastian and Jon.
“There’s my darling,” Jon said, his eyes lighting up as he caught sight of his wife, causing wistfulness to run through Hadley.
“I promised Hadley I would show her the gardens,” Arabella said casually. “What condition are your gardens in at Hardwell Hall?” she asked Sebastian.
“I have not toured them,” he said. “I have barely seen the inside of the house, much less my estate.”
“Then come with us. You might see something you’d like to include in yours that we have in ours.” Arabella released Hadley’s arm and took her husband’s. “Shall we, my darling?”
She led her husband away. Hadley swallowed and looked at Sebastian.
“Are you familiar with the Hardwell gardens, my lady?” he asked.
“Very much so.”
He offered his arm to her. “Then you will be an excellent guide.”
She tucked her hand into the crook of his arm and they followed Jon and Arabella. Sebastian’s arm felt hard with muscle. She imagined his entire body was the same, based on his broad shoulders and the way his thighs looked in the tight buckskin breeches he wore. A shiver ran through her.
“Are you chilled?” he inquired politely.
“No.”
They reached the gardens and entered. Arabella pointed out several varieties of flowers as they continued along the path. Hadley confirmed the ones that were already in the gardens at Hardwell Hall. They passed over a bridge, the gurgling of the stream below unheard because the blood pounded so fiercely in her ears. Each breath caused her to inhale the clean, masculine scent of Sebastian, tinged with the sandalwood soap he used. Her insides were as muddled as her brain.
Would she be able to summon the courage to kiss him?
They reached the gazebo and Jon pointed out aspects about the structure, none of which she heard. Arabella had them all take a seat and Hadley shared a bench with Sebastian, who seemed to take up most of it on his own. Then Arabella stood.
“I forgot that I need to speak to Cook. Come, Jon, escort me back to the house. It cannot wait.”
Sebastian started to rise and the duchess added, “No, please, stay and enjoy the peace and serenity. I know being around so many guests can be trying at times. We will see you later.”
As Arabella led her husband away, Hadley knew she had been given this opportunity. If she kissed Sebastian and he withdrew, she would know he was a lost cause. If he didn’t, though, this place might be the one they started building a future together.
She turned and looked up at him, wondering how her lips were supposed to reach his. They wouldn’t unless she stood. She summoned every ounce of strength and courage she had, willing herself to push to her feet.
Before she moved, though, Sebastian lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers.
Chapter Eleven
Sebastian had resisted the urge to kiss Hadley long enough. They were alone. No one would see. She wouldn’t be compromised by a single kiss, forced to wed him. More importantly, he could satisfy his curiosity—and hopefully quell the need for a kiss.
Her kiss . . .
He touched his lips to hers, knowing it would be her first time and wanting it to be gentle. Her lips were as soft as a pillow and pliant beneath his. Need shot through him. His hands moved to cup her face, wanting the feel of her skin. His thumbs stroked her satin cheeks as he pressed his mouth more firmly against hers. Her hands fluttered to his chest, the palms flat, heat searing through him at the touch. He needed more. Much more.
His lips slanted over hers, the kiss becoming harder. More possessive. It still wasn’t enough. He gently caught her full, bottom lip with his teeth and softly bit into it. She whimpered, the sound shooting rockets through his blood. His hands slid down the long column of her neck and landed on her shoulders, gripping them. Her fingers tightened, clutching his clothing. The scent of vanilla surrounded them, wafting from her skin.
Slowly, he dragged his tongue along the seam of her mouth, back and forth, until she understood his demand and opened to him. Greedily, he plunged his tongue into her mouth, capturing its sweetness. She mewled like a small kitten, her fingers kneading against him. He deepened the kiss, exploring her leisurely. Fully. Completely.
Then she playfully responded, her tongue gliding along his. Sebastian groaned. He yanked her to her feet and his arms encircled her, pressing the length of their bodies together. Her breasts felt full and he longed for a taste of them. He told himself no. Restraint was key. This was her first kiss. He wouldn’t maul her like some scoundrel.
Still, he broke the kiss. She protested but then sighed as he trailed kisses along her jaw. Hadley shivered and satisfaction ran through him. He moved to her ear, kissing the shell and then capturing her lobe and nipping it gently. She moaned, her fingers pushing into his hair. He moved to her throat and found her pulse beating wildly, licking the point to the rhythm of its beat. His hands roamed her back and slid to her buttocks, capturing and kneading them as his mouth returned to hers. Greedily, he drank from the sweet nectar within, the blood rushing to his ears.
Hadley moaned again, pushing herself against him. That was when Sebastian knew he must stop. The one, innocent kiss he had wanted to steal from her had turned him into a raging inferno. His cock stirred and he wanted nothing more than to plunge it deep inside her.
He couldn’t. He was damaged goods. She was bright sunshine to the darkness in his soul. She wasn’t the cure for the emptiness that raged within him. He would only drag her into the black void within him and she would become lost, swallowed whole, disappearing without a trace.
Sebastian broke the kiss and took a moment to drink in her loveliness. The cornflower blue eyes, slightly dazed. The lips swollen and even rosier than usual. She was everything he wanted and the last thing he should take. He would use her up and make her miserable.
Reluctantly, he released her and said, “I apologize. I never meant to do that. To let things go so far.”
Anger filled her eyes. “You are apologizing for kissing me?”
“Yes. It was wrong.”
“How can you say that, Sebastian? Everything about it was right.”
He agreed—but could never tell her that. If he did, it would give her hope.
“One kiss does not bind you to me,” he said, bringing his arms behind his back and locking his fingers because he didn’t know how long he could fight the urge to take her in his arms again. “No one saw it. Nothing has changed.”
“Everything has changed,” she said bluntly. “I know you felt what I did. We are meant to be together, Sebastian.”
“No. That can never be.” He sighed. “I am broken, Hadley. Things that happened to me during the war have made me an empty shell.”
“You are wrong,” she said stubbornly. “I know you, Sebastian. We may not have shared but a few conversations together but I know the man you are from your letters. You are good and kind. Loyal to a fault.” She frowned. “I never would have taken you for a coward, though.”
He winced.
“You know there is something special between us.”
Firming his resolve, he said, “Be that as it may, I will not ruin your life. I cannot offer marriage to you, Hadley. I would make you fiercely unhappy and I won’t see myself do that to you. You need a man who will be a partner to you. One who will love you. I have no love inside me. I have nothing to give.”
Her eyes grew stormy. “But you will wed?”
Sebastian nodded glumly. “I must. I will need an heir. I will keep a polite distance from my wife. She will give me an heir and then we will do as many of the ton do. Go our separate ways.”
Hadley’s hands balled into fists. “You are right. I deserve someone much better than you. A man who will be my best friend. A lover who will introduce me to mysteries beyond my comprehension. I need a husband who will cherish me and our children. Who won’t be afraid to show affection to me in front of those children. A man who is strong and confident in himself and will play an active role in his children’s lives, not one who will slink away and lose himself in women and drink.”
She stepped to him and it took all his willpower not to release his hands and hold her to him now—and always. She touched her palm to his cheek.
“I hope one day you will heal, Sebastian. That you will recover your soul and spirit and find love.”
Hadley softly brushed her lips against his and then pulled away. Without another word, she turned and left the gazebo, her head held high. Sebastian watched her, knowing his only hope for salvation receded with each step she took.
When she was gone from his sight, he collapsed onto the bench. The only time he had ever cried was when his mother died.
Until now.
He buried his face in his hands and wept for what might have been.
*
Hadley was relieved she didn’t start shaking until after she was out of Sebastian’s sight. As she wound her way through the gardens, her heart ached, causing a physical pain to throb inside her. Her throat grew thick with unshed tears. She finally stopped and sat on a bench to collect herself before she exited the gardens and came into contact with any of the other houseguests.
Sebastian was wounded far deeper than she had ever believed. She knew the war had harmed him emotionally from what had poured forth from him in his letters but this went beyond that. Something had occurred—possibly in the time when his letters had stopped—changing him in ways she could only guess. He believed himself ruined in some manner, not worthy of finding happiness and pursuing a life of fulfillment.
He’d claimed he would wed and keep his wife and family at a safe distance. That was not the Sebastian she had come to know over the years. For the first half of the years in which he had been gone, his attitude had been positive in each piece of correspondence. Thoughtful. Strong. As the war had continued, though, she could read between the lines how it weighed upon him until finally he wrote of his fears and angst. Still, some event had happened in which he changed fundamentally from the man he had been to the one who wished to lock himself away from the world. Oh, she didn’t think he would become a recluse. He would always be diligent in his duties, caring for his tenants and properties. He would see his friends and pretend to the world that nothing was wrong. But it was as if he had died inside and nothing could create a spark of life within him again.
Hadley knew he was not indifferent to her. No man could kiss like that and not feel anything. The thing was that Sebastian didn’t want to feel anything. He believed he didn’t deserve to feel anything. The question was whether or not she would fight for him.
For them.
Already, he had torn her heart in two by pushing her away and, metaphorically speaking, her heart lay broken and bleeding. Did she have the strength—and courage—to charge forth, regardless of the consequences? She could walk away now and forget him. Try to forge a new life without him in it. Find a man to like, if not love, and learn to be happy. Or she could risk everything, including permanent heartbreak, and attempt to rescue Sebastian from the quicksand in which he sank deeper each day until his essence disappeared for good.
Resolve filled her. She loved him, flaws and all. Hadley knew whether he admitted it or not, he cared for her. More importantly, she loved him. Her love would be the healing balm to pour onto his soul. It was a risk worth taking. If anyone needed saving, it was Sebastian Cooper. She would be like the captain of a ship and go down fighting if she must. She prayed she wouldn’t fail. She must succeed.
For both of them.
Drawing on reserves of strength she never realized she had, Hadley stood and returned to the house. The butler told her tea would be served in the drawing room in a quarter-hour. She went to her bedchamber and splashed cold water upon her face. She wouldn’t change her gown as every other female would simply because she had a limited amount of them. Instead, she composed herself and thought of a battle plan. She would need help, though.
And now she had friends to see her through the coming trials.
Going downstairs, she saw Arabella instructing two maids where to roll the teacarts. Her friend saw her and smiled, coming toward Hadley to greet her.
“Did you accomplish the mission and kiss our reluctant duke?” she asked quietly.
“I did. He also rejected me outright.”
“What?” Arabella gasped. “Surely, no, Hadley.”
“Indeed, he was quite clear regarding his lack of intention toward me.”
“Despite the fact he kissed you.”
“Repeatedly,” she confirmed. “And it was divine.”
Arabella frowned. “I am confused.”
“So was I. I need your help, Arabella. And the others, too.”
The duchess nodded sagely. “Tea is come and go this afternoon. I will gather the troops and we will meet to plan our battle strategy. Go to my winter parlor. We’ll join you shortly.”
Hadley did as requested and, within ten minutes, Arabella brought Phoebe, Samantha, and Elise with her. She closed the door and each duchess seated herself.
“We have a crisis,” Arabella proclaimed.
“Does it involve Sebastian and Hadley?” Samantha asked.
“Yes,” Hadley confirmed. “We kissed in the gazebo.”
“Oh, you were very brave to do so, Hadley,” Elise said. “I don’t know if I would have had the courage to initiate a kiss with Weston.”
“I didn’t,” she admitted. “I was going to. Arabella and Jon left us alone in the gazebo. I mustered my courage and before I could kiss Sebastian, he kissed me.”
“That is wonderful,” Phoebe proclaimed and then hesitated. “Unless you didn’t like his kiss, that is.”
“Oh, I adored it. It felt as if the earth moved beneath me. I yearned for more than his kiss. What, I am not quite sure. I only know I was restless and unfulfilled, despite enjoying his every touch.” Hadley drew in a deep breath and expelled it. “Sebastian apologized for kissing me. He said no one saw us together in an embrace and that I was under no obligation to him.”
The four duchesses frowned. “Go on,” urged Arabella.
“He believes the war damaged him irreparably and that if we wed, he would make me miserable. Yet at the same time, he admitted he needed an heir and would need to make plans to wed another woman. He will be polite and keep his distance from his duchess and they will live separate lives.”
“No, that won’t do at all,” Elise said fervently.
“I agree,” Phoebe added. “I know war is hard on a man’s soul. Andrew still has nightmares every now and then. What Sebastian needs is a loving woman to soothe him and bring him back to life. You are that woman, Hadley.”
“I agree,” she said. “But since Sebastian does not, I plan to fight for him. He’s already broken my heart. Either I will fail in my efforts and my heart will become permanently trampled upon—or I will succeed in helping him to heal and build a life with him.”
“What do you need from us?” Samantha asked. “You know we will help in any way we can. Men are stubborn, though.”
“I need your advice. A plan on how I should proceed,” she declared. “A way to banish the ghost of Bonaparte that hovers over Sebastian.”
“Do you think he was as moved by the kiss as you were?” Elise asked.
She nodded enthusiastically. “Yes. It wasn’t a single kiss. It was many. They began gentle and grew bolder and possessive. By the end, I felt branded by him. I could see he was shaken by the experience, as much as I was.”
“It’s good knowing he has feelings for you,” Arabella said.
“I will do whatever I must,” Hadley declared. “I love him, despite him pushing me away. I understand he wishes to protect me from whatever darkness lies inside him.”
“Love is a powerful motivator,” Phoebe said. “Sebastian may love you, as well, and sees himself as a hero, denying himself of you even as he shields you from whatever he suffered during the war.” She paused. “Hadley, Sebastian may be too broken to love a woman. Are you willing to accept that?”
“Yes,” she said firmly. “I will have love enough for the two of us. I will not let him slink off into the shadows. I want to bring him into the light.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Please, help show me a way to rescue him.”
“Since he was obviously moved by kissing you, you will need to make yourself as alluring as possible. Tempt him back to you,” Samantha suggested.
“He may need more than that,” Elise said. “He may need a firm push. I do not suggest you lead other gentlemen astray but I do believe if you make Sebastian jealous, it will bring him to heel more quickly.”
“I agree,” Phoebe said. “Be happy and engaged with the other male guests. Let him suffer a bit, seeing you happy in the company of others.”
“What if that doesn’t work?” Hadley pressed.
“Then we will reconvene and alter your strategy,” Arabella stated. “Until then, we will make sure that each of our husbands sings your praises to Sebastian at every opportunity. I know Jon already adores you and has told me he believes you would be good for Sebastian.”
The other three wives echoed Arabella’s sentiments.
“Very well,” she said. “I will commence doing all within my power to stir Sebastian’s jealousy.”
“Of all the others, you and I are of the same height.” Phoebe smiled triumphantly. “And I have just the dress to begin Operation Rescue.”
Chapter Twelve
