Live Naked AF, page 1
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Copyright © 2025 by Annie Grace, LLC
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Grace, Annie, 1978– author
Title: Live naked AF: a joyful approach to living alcohol free / Annie Grace.
Description: New York: Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House, [2025] | Includes index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2025030682 (print) | LCCN 2025030683 (ebook) | ISBN 9780593853221 paperback | ISBN 9780593853238 ebook
Subjects: LCSH: Temperance | Drinking of alcoholic beverages—Social aspects | Alcohol | Alcoholism
Classification: LCC HV5060 .G67 2025 (print) | LCC HV5060 (ebook)
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2025030682
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2025030683
Ebook ISBN 9780593853238
The authorized representative in the EU for product safety and compliance is Penguin Random House Ireland, Morrison Chambers, 32 Nassau Street, Dublin D02 YH68, Ireland, https://eu-contact.penguin.ie.
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Contents
Dedication
Introduction
Chapter 1
We Follow the Worse
Chapter 2
We’ve Been Programmed
Chapter 3
The Internal Battle
Chapter 4
The Brain’s Default Mode
Chapter 5
Rewrite the Code
Chapter 6
Normal AF
Chapter 7
Awareness, Clarity, and Transformation
Chapter 8
How to Navigate AF Firsts
Chapter 9
How to Escape Dangerous Cultural Programming
Chapter 10
How to Say No to a Drink
Chapter 11
How to Overcome a Craving
Chapter 12
How to Build Strong AF Relationships
Chapter 13
How to Enjoy Sex Alcohol Free
Chapter 14
How to Find Happiness Without Alcohol
Chapter 15
How to Handle “Relapse”
Chapter 16
Building a Joyful AF Life, Part 1: Switches
Chapter 17
Building a Joyful AF Life, Part 2: Seeds
Chapter 18
How to Authentically Influence Others
Chapter 19
How to Get Your Power Back
Chapter 20
How to Shift Your Animating Energy
Chapter 21
Grace First: A New Order of Operations
Appendix 1
Affective Liminal Psychology
Appendix 2
Filters for Truth
Appendix 3
ACT Questions
Acknowledgments
Index
About the Author
_154506895_
To my dad.
Who I lost forty-four days before the final draft of this book was due.
And who, in both life and death, helped me bring it into the world.
I love you, Daddy.
Introduction
The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.
—Albert Camus
I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Most of my childhood memories carry a quiet, constant sense of dread. And because no one else seemed to feel the same way, I wondered why the inside of me felt so different from the outside of everyone else.
Enter alcohol.
Alcohol took the edge off, making the ever-present pit in my stomach less deep. If I drank enough, the pit might even disappear—at least for a while. But when it came back, usually deeper than before, another drink always felt like the answer. Alcohol seemed to fix everything. It felt like the glue holding my entire life together.
Cracks started to appear. And in a painful moment of realization, I understood something terrifying: Maybe alcohol wasn’t the solution. Maybe it was the problem. That thought shook me because I didn’t know how to live without it. I didn’t know how to have fun, how to relax, how to function. And if I’m brutally honest, life without alcohol almost didn’t seem worth living.
The cracks grew.
What I’d once believed was holding my life together was quietly pulling it apart. Instead of strengthening my marriage or helping me have better sex, alcohol was creating distance between my husband and me, a subtle, brewing conflict that threatened our entire foundation. Crack.
Instead of a social lubricant making me great at networking, my drinking was brought up in my performance review. Crack.
The costs of drinking began to outpace the benefits. But I didn’t want to be one of those people. I didn’t want to admit I had that problem.
I was so attached to alcohol that quitting wasn’t an option. I did the sensible, less drastic thing and decided to cut back. A friend who attended Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) told me I wasn’t an alcoholic, and I certainly didn’t feel like one, so I assumed that surely I couldn’t be addicted. I just needed to get back in control and drink less. I thought it would be easy.
I made endless deals with myself: No drinking until the weekend. Or Just two glasses of wine—okay, maybe three. Nothing worked.
In an unexpected plot twist, the more I tried to control my drinking, the more alcohol began to control me. I felt trapped. My inner voices, all with seemingly different agendas, got loud and argumentative. I was constantly thinking about drinking: Would I drink today? Would I overdo it? Could I stick to my limits? Why was this so hard?
I was in a battle with myself—alone, afraid, and broken.
I imagined that if I could just get some alcohol-free (AF) time under my belt, then I would feel good again—then I would laugh again. If enough time passed, it would get easier. Life wouldn’t feel so flat. I never found out what a year or even a month felt like. I never made it that far. The more I tried to get a handle on my drinking, the worse my drinking got.
It made no sense.
This went on for years. I was hurting myself, my family, and even my career. Like struggling in quicksand, the more I tried to escape the hold alcohol had on my life, the faster I sank. It was terrifying. And this isn’t just my story—it’s the story of thousands.
It Doesn’t Add Up
No one would knowingly choose a drink that makes them feel miserable over the people they love. And yet we do. That contradiction lies at the heart of one of the most important questions we must answer if we want to live joyfully alcohol free.
After more than a decade of living AF, I’ve learned that putting down the bottle is just the beginning. The first step toward a deeper journey—a journey of self-discovery, peace, and living fully awake.
So how can living alcohol free become truly joyful, so that your chances of long-term success skyrocket? We need to understand—what’s really going on here?
Let’s begin with this fundamental truth:
The harder it feels to be AF, the more likely you are to go back to drinking.
This is a harsh reality when we live in a culture that treats sobriety like a social death sentence. There was a time when I would have rather drunk myself into an early grave than suffer the misery of giving up my beloved alcohol.
Feeling good while living AF has very little to do with not drinking. It’s really about the kind of life you’re living, what you are thinking and believing—and your relationship with alcohol—after you’ve put down the bottle. One of the most important things you can do to stay free from alcohol is to learn how to build a joyful life, one you genuinely don’t want to escape.
What if you could take out an insurance policy against falling back into the alcohol trap? That would be great, considering how rare lasting success is. According to an article published by the University of New Hampshire, 90 percent of people who try to stop drinking eventually relapse. That’s a staggering number, especially when so many of those people are deeply committed to change. The best way to permanently escape the trap is to learn how it works. And through education, this book is that insurance policy.
Right now, there are subconscious programs running in your mind—programs that, despite your best intentions, threaten to derail your progress. This book will free you, helping you rewrite those
The path from being stuck in a vicious alcohol cycle to feeling at home, at peace, and even joyful in my life has been incredible. And the single most important part of that journey is a new understanding of what is going on in my mind, and why, despite my best efforts, I do things that I know are bad for me.
When you start to understand how to change from the inside out, life no longer feels like something to endure or escape. Instead, you wake up excited for what’s ahead.
You’re making—or have already made—one of the most badass, life-giving, and health-conscious decisions a person can make: leaving alcohol behind. It’s a revolutionary act, a subversive choice where you stand up to the status quo and take your life back from a toxic substance that numbs your mind and pollutes your body.
The latest research confirms what many of us have come to know personally: No amount of alcohol is safe for the human body. Choosing to live alcohol free is like recovering from a life-threatening illness. It is a second chance—quite literally a new lease on life. Given the extensive health benefits of life beyond alcohol, many experts suggest that going alcohol free may be the closest we can get to a real fountain of youth.
Your decision to stop drinking is incredible, but maybe it doesn’t feel that way yet. Maybe you feel more like Jess, who told me:
“Annie, I stopped drinking, and I know I should feel great, but I’m miserable. Why?”
Jess was constantly on a diet from alcohol. She wasn’t drinking, but she still wanted to. Every day felt like an uphill battle. She was thinking about alcohol more than ever, even though she wasn’t touching it. I’ll share with you what helped Jess move from struggle to freedom: why you might not feel great right now, and more important, how to start feeling better than ever.
Interestingly, putting down the bottle is only the first step. The real transformation begins when you discover who you are and why you were drinking in the first place. It’s not just about a life without alcohol—it’s about a life that’s fuller, freer, and entirely your own.
I’ve spoken with countless people who’ve left alcohol behind, finding true freedom. The most common thing they share about the AF life is how they rediscovered themselves. This is profound because I believe the deepest wisdom available for your specific life path is the wisdom you hold within.
This book is an invitation to a new way of living—one that is joyful, playful, and authentic. A life in which your relationships deepen, your heart finds peace, and you finally feel at home.
Imagine a life in which you don’t feel deprived or like you’re missing out. Where you’re having so much fun, you can’t imagine allowing a drink to steal that joy from you.
That might sound impossible, especially if, like Jess, you’ve been alcohol free for a while and still feel miserable. But here’s what the latest research shows: The amount of time you’ve been alcohol free has very little to do with how likely you are to stay free, and even less to do with how happy you are. There are people who’ve been sober for years and still quietly mourn the fact that they no longer drink.
This book will help you understand what’s going on beneath the surface. It is designed to help shift your mindset and rewire your psychology so you don’t just tolerate life without alcohol—you love it.
You’ll find answers to the most important questions:
How do you stay free from alcohol?
How do you build a life you don’t want to escape?
How can you understand why you were drinking in the first place, so you don’t replace alcohol with something else?
Neurosurgeon Dr. Lee Warren tells me that my work is like brain surgery. He explains how this process can change the gray matter in your brain—the actual cells. It’s like removing harmful patterns and beliefs and replacing them with new, empowering ones. Gently, and in the most accessible way possible, we will run a few updates to your internal programming—the subconscious drivers behind your behavior.
The promise of this book is bold: It will help rewire your brain. I know it’s a big one, but I stand by it. However, if you want to rewire your brain—so that you no longer desire a drink—you have to do your part. That means reading all of it. A study of twenty-seven million readers showed that only 44 percent finish the books they start. Don’t be part of that statistic.
You don’t have to rush. In fact, reading slowly is often better. Maybe a chapter a day. Or start a book club with friends so you can read and reflect together. If you stick with it, by the end of this book, you’ll discover a version of yourself that’s not just free from alcohol but also genuinely excited about what’s ahead.
This book is for you if…
…you’ve been alcohol free for years—or even decades—but still find yourself missing a drink.
…you’re just starting your AF journey and want to make the next part of your life the best one yet.
…you’re not feeling as good as you’d hoped living alcohol free and are considering drinking again.
…you’re feeling okay alcohol free, but it also feels like something’s missing—and you’re not quite sure what that is.
…you’re sober-curious and wondering what life might be like with less alcohol.
…you want to change another bad habit or addiction—the principles in this book can work for anything.
* * *
—
In this book, you’ll find a fresh, science-backed, empowered approach to your first—or next—year of living alcohol free. It blends real-life experience, science, ancient wisdom, and just a touch of woo-woo. Along with tips on shifting your mindset, it’s packed with practical how-to strategies. Since publishing This Naked Mind, I’ve received and responded to hundreds of questions like these:
How do I loosen up for sex without a drink?
How can I enjoy my vacation without drinking?
What are the ways—that actually work—to relax without alcohol?
How can I keep my friendships when they’ve always revolved around drinking?
What will a first date be like?
How do I tell my friends?
How will I have fun without alcohol?
How do I inspire my friends and family to join me?
This book contains the answers, gathered during more than ten years of research, and by the time you reach the end, you’ll see your first—or next—year alcohol free through an entirely new lens. You’ll have a new perspective that feels empowering and uplifting. One that leaves you feeling proud and deeply grateful for the brave, powerful decision you’ve made to live alcohol free.
First, we’re going to explore, in detail, why we stay stuck—locked in behaviors we no longer want or craving alcohol long after we’ve stopped drinking. We’ll take a deep dive into how the brain functions when it comes to habits, behavior change, and addiction—not just with alcohol, but beyond.
Next, we’ll walk through the processes that create effortless behavior change, using fresh, often counterintuitive perspectives. We’ll blend science with practical tools to equip you to live happily—and even joyfully—alcohol free.
This book is built on the science-based tenets of Affective Liminal Psychology (ALP). Once you’ve had an experience of how ALP works, you can turn to appendix 1 for a deeper dive into the theory behind it. I recommend reading the main text first and letting yourself experience the process. That will set you up to better understand the theory that follows.
I filled this book with unique, scientific insights to help make living AF feel joyful—rather than a daily struggle. Living without alcohol doesn’t have to be exhausting or filled with effort. It can feel light, even exciting. You can have a truly happy first—or next—year AF, where life becomes more than you ever imagined.
