I bit my lip but didn’t say anything.

  She grabbed a clothing rack, with outfits we used to dress our mannequins. She yanked a dress off of it. She hurled it aside, but being mostly silk, it wasn’t quite the projectile she’d intended. The yellow skirt billowed out like a sail and the entire thing rippled gracefully before falling gently to the ground. Holly stared at it. I stared at Holly.

  She was breathing hard. Her hands grabbed at her sweater and she wrapped her arms around herself defensively. Her blue eyes met mine.

  “Aren’t you going to argue?”

  I shook my head. “You’re allowed to have your opinion.”

  “But you disagree. I can see it all over your face.”

  “What’s all over my face?” I reached up and touched my cheek. I didn’t feel anything. Was there chalk from the spirit slate I’d written Maddie’s name on at the start of the séance?

  “Don’t be an asshole. Argue with me. You’re an angel, right? Tell me why I’m wrong. Why the fuck is this worth it?” Holly threw her arms up.

  I shrugged. “You get to decide if it is.” Under my breath I added, “Isn’t that, right there, enough?”

  “What did you say?” Holly marched toward me, her eyes blazing. “You muttering about me?”

  I shook my head, and my throat tightened. Bitterness colored my tone when I said, “You have no idea how much I wish I was you.” Able to love and choose. Even if you wanted to choose a lying demon and his friends, you could.

  “What?” That stopped her short. “Don’t fucking mock me!” She swiped a sleeve across her snot-filled nose. I didn’t bother to tell her that it left a little snail trail behind.

  I took a step forward as I saw more tears start to track down her cheeks. I didn’t mean to, but in my anger, a little bit of Heaven’s light escaped from my palms and lit me from below. “You get to decide. You get to choose Him. Or reject Him. You get to decide if you believe in a point or not. You. It’s all about you. What you want. Your existence is whatever you want it to be.”

  Holly gave a broken laugh. “That’s such a crock of shit.”

  Sometimes humans were so arrogant. I gave a single shoulder shrug as I pursed my lips. “You wouldn’t think so if you were in my shoes. Eternal existence. Assignment after assignment. No choice. No freedom. If I make a mistake—guess where I go? Hell. Yeah. This, right here, I’m looking at my last mistake. If you fuck up, you can apologize two seconds before you croak and whoosh, elevator service to the top floor!”

  Holly swiped at her face again then tossed her middle finger up in the air. “Fuck you. That’s not true! That’s what you want people to think so they’ll bow down and do whatever you say.”

  That hit a nerve. That right there. “Right. I’m into lying. I’m a fucking angel! I can’t lie even when I want to! I can’t fall in love even when I want to!” The guys faces flickered in my head.

  “Yeah, well some people don’t get the chance to do that shit either. Because you let them die.”

  That made no sense. I stopped short.

  “What?”

  “Maddie never fell in love. She never got to do what she wanted. She didn’t get to ‘decide!’” Holly’s air quotes were more like jabs. “She didn’t get to have a purpose or anything.”

  I took a long moment to stare at Holly. And I saw her pain, raw and bleeding. My eyes filled with tears. Maybe I was a fuck up as an angel. But her sister had to know that Maddie was special. I cleared my throat, because even thinking about how good Maddie had been to me made me want to cry. Then I said, “Your sister might have died early, but that doesn’t make her existence meaningless. She was the first fucking being on this planet to befriend me. Actually befriend me and not just want some miracle out of me like those jerkwads I met at the retirement home with George.

  “Maddie taught me things. All kinds of random things, like how to dress and how to order shoes. She came up with the idea for this shop because she knew you liked shoes and I was obsessed with them. And she thought we needed to meet.” I had to pause to brush away tears. “I only know English as well as I do because of her. If she hadn’t been there,” I shook my head. “You might think her existence was wasted. But for me, it was heaven-sent.”

  A strange blue light flickered next to Holly. And with a pop, Maddie materialized.

  “Holy fuck!” Holly shouted, leaping backward.

  Maddie turned to look at her sister. The diamond in her nose sparkled, and with the power of the seance, she had a tiny hint of color to her transparent form. I could see the streaks of rainbow in her hair. I could see the punk rock, throwback nature of her outfit.

  “Holly?” Maddie asked.

  Holly collapsed into tears and Maddie floated over to her. She knelt beside her sister as the little golden dog came running toward his mistress, dragging a high heel in his mouth.

  The pup stumbled into Holly’s lap and she crushed him to her chest as she stared up at Maddie.

  I took a step back, toward the door. “I’ll just give you a minute.”

  Maddie looked over at me and mouthed, “Thank you.”

  I nodded, my heart full of happiness and aching sorrow at the same time.

  I’d gotten Holly to believe. She’d get to say goodbye to her sister. Hopefully this meant things would take a turn for the better.

  My miracle would be fulfilled.

  I’d get to stay an angel.

  That thought should have made me happy. I should have been flying around the room full of excitement.

  But I wasn’t.

  I couldn’t share this moment with my soulmates. Tricked, lied to or, whatever I might have been—a victory I didn’t share with them felt hollow.

  I was sitting in the front room of my shop, ignoring potential customers who saw me inside but couldn’t open the front door. I didn’t feel in the mood for selling shoes. I felt like curling up on my furry rug for a good cry.

  A ball of light appeared at my feet and shot up toward the ceiling of my showroom like a comet in reverse. It bounced off the ceiling and slowed until it came to hover near face height.

  Gunther’s voice came out of the ball. “Well, then. That was unexpected, Ruby.”

  I held up my hand to block the brightness. “What?”

  “You completed your Christmas miracle nearly a month early and got a ghost to cross to the good side.”

  “She crossed?”

  “Apparently, she wanted to make sure her sister was alright first. But yes, she crossed. You completed your miracle.”

  I gave an unenthusiastic shrug. “Yup.”

  Gunther sputtered. “Shouldn’t you be happier? I mean, Ruby, your miracle worked out, thank goodness. But you’ve done the unheard of.”

  I stood. “What?” A little shiver went through me. Had I still messed something up? Was something still wrong? It was the soul inside me, wasn’t it? I cringed at the thought of having to give it back. “I didn’t mean to do something bad.”

  “Bad! No! Insane maybe. Ruby, you got a demon to offer to give up a bit of soul and get a mark in the good book.”

  I staggered backward, tripped over one of those metal foot-measuring devices and fell right onto my fuzzy rug. My heart beat frantically. I didn’t even care about my sore ass. “Are you sure? When did that happen?”

  “Of course, I’m sure. News came directly from Him. Last night, Parker offered to give up his bit of soul so Bar could be with you.”

  My hands flew to my cheeks. For some reason, that made me happier and more scared than the first day I tried my wings. “What happened?”

  “Bar said no. He said that offering to give you up meant Parker deserved you.”

  My hand flew to my heart, which got as warm and gooey as a fresh chocolate chip cookie. “What about this morning?” My voice was soft, hesitant.

  Gunther bobbed up and down as though his light was nodding at me. “They were just trying to help. Accidents happen.”

  Black holes! Fucking black holes and asteroids! Lightning bolts and black asteroid holes! I’d been in an earthquake once, on planet Ploop. I hadn’t been as shaken then as I was now. I was wrong. My poor sweet men! I was wrong about them! And so was my brother! My perfect brother? Wrong? That can’t be right.

  I turned to Gunther. “John was wrong?”

  John popped into the room just then. A woman outside the window screamed, because John had left his robe here last time he disappeared and hadn’t bothered to grab a new one from his cloud on his way back down. I turned to look at John. I couldn’t tell, because Gunther was a ball of light, but it looked like he did the same.

  “Wrong—” John said, sitting down on one of my white chairs despite his nudity. “Just came in on the last bit of that conversation. Yup. I checked the latest scrolls upstairs. Read that your heart has to be clear and inviting to summon a ghost. You have to fully focus on the person you want to appear. So, you just needa’ forget those guys—”

  “Wrong,” I said. “I need to do the opposite.”

  “Actually, John,” Gunther spoke up, his ball turning spiky and orange. “In spite of your mentorship, your sister seems to have succeeded. Which, in turn, I’m sure, will help when you request this whole female tentacle debacle be put behind you.”

  The wind was knocked out of me. I turned to John, my mouth agape.

  His cheeks grew red.

  “Tentacle debacle?” I asked. “That was you?”

  John ran a sheepish hand over his neck.

  My perfect brother had messed up? I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “Oh, we’re two of a kind. I always thought I was the black sheep.”

  John shrugged. “Guess not. We all have our moments.”

  Gunther interrupted. “Sorry, but I’m running late for my next meeting because this was unexpected. Well done, Ruby. I’m sorry a choir can’t be here to serenade your miraculous success right now; there’s a harp tradeshow going on in the Andromeda galaxy.” A little slip of parchment shot out of his ball of light and floated down into my hand. “But here’s your raincheck for a song. Also, the Wing Council has determined that you can go back to heaven and have your full-size wings restored.”

  My hands reached back to touch my small, undersized wings. For the past year, I’d hated them. But … Parker had called them dainty yesterday. Migs had stroked them until I’d nearly exploded with pleasure. Bar had had a fit last night during a soda break between video game campaigns when I’d told him that normally my wings covered my ass. Remembering his sputtering, red-faced protests that nothing should cover my ass made me smile.

  When I’d decided on this miracle, I’d been determined to get my big wings back. I glanced at my reflection in the full-length mirror that customers normally used to check their shoes. But I’d had my small wings when I met my guys. My wings might not help me fly. They might not be perfect, but they’d become part of who I was down here. Just like my soul. And my soulmates. My chest tightened painfully at that thought. I shoved it away and tried to keep emotion out of my voice as I turned to squint at Gunther’s shining light. “No. I’m good. Thanks.”

  Gunther’s light turned orange and then bright blue. I had no idea why. Maybe I’d surprised him. “John, you’ve been assigned back to your normal post.”

  John gave a nod and waved at me, before he turned into a ball of light and popped out of existence, the only proof he’d ever been here was the butt print on my white chair.

  Once he was gone, I turned back to my boss.

  I smiled weakly at Gunther’s light, which had turned a sparkly red. Thinking about the guys had made my insides mushy, in good ways and bad. I wanted Gunther to leave so I could curl up on my white rug and have a good cry. And then, on the other hand, I didn’t want to be alone.

  Gunther drifted through the air silently for a minute. And then he said what I least expected. “Ruby, I know last year’s miracle made you a little skeptical about love. But it does exist.”

  “What?”

  Gunther’s voice was soft as he said, “Love is a miracle. And miracles aren’t easy or natural—you know that. Miracles take work.” Gunther swirled a soft pink into his red light. “Miracles are also a gift from Him. So accept the gift.” He reshaped himself into a heart as he boomed out like an army general, “You know what to do, soldier. Attack. Conquer. Kiss.”

  I took a step and nearly tripped, but Gunther turned corporeal at the last moment. He caught me. He hugged me against his portly human body and then released me so I could look at him. In human form, Gunther was a hefty man with no hair on his head but huge sideburns, big blue eyes, and a wide smiling mouth. “I’m so happy for you Ruby. So happy. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to find your place. Find where you fit. And you do fit with them. Perfectly.”

  I giggled and swiped at my eyes, which seriously teared up far too often. Stupid human waterworks. “That’s just like my store sign. The Perfect Fit.”

  Gunther’s cheeks crinkled near his eyes as he smiled down at me fondly. “I know. He’s really into signs. Kind of one of His quirks.”

  My heart felt like a cup left under the tap too long. I had looked away for just a second and there it was, overflowing. I finally felt like I knew what it was like to be human. Fully human. To have ridiculous expectations and false hopes and disappointments and false beliefs but to know that, despite all of that surface turmoil, deep down underneath, I was loved. My men loved me. Enough to let me turn around and leave them. Enough to hopefully forgive me when I came charging back.

  Because if I’d learned anything from my miracle with Holly, it was that love required forgiveness.

  She’d had to forgive Him. I needed them to forgive me.

  But that didn’t mean I didn’t have to earn it.

  Gunther left, turning back into a ball of light and disappearing. Unlike John, Gunther took his robe with him.

  I went to the back to check on Holly.

  She sat on the ground cuddling her new pup, tears still rolling down her face. When she saw me, she rose. Holly wiped her face on her sweater sleeve and came over to give me a giant bear hug. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “Of course,” I said.

  After we’d hugged for what felt like a really long time and my sweater dress had gotten damp, I asked, “Um … so I helped you. And miracles don’t require any kind of reciprocity. But I could really use some help.”

  Holly leaned back and studied my face. “With what?”

  “The guys. My boss just said they weren’t undermining the miracle. It was all a misunderstanding.”

  “Shit!”

  “Yes. What do humans normally do when they’ve messed up with their soulmates?”

  “Um … like regular people buy flowers and stuff. But regular people don’t go around accusing other people of being in league with demons.”

  I nodded. Right. I was worse. Typical for me and my mistakes. So, I needed to do something bigger. That made sense. “Do you have any examples?”

  “Only like in movies, where they like stop a plane from taking off, or there’s one where this guy builds a house for the woman he loves, or like writing a song and singing it in public, some kind of big gesture. Like kinda crazy stuff usually. I dunno. I mean, what do they like?”

  Inspiration came at me like a bullet. Fast and furious and perfect. I turned to Holly. “Can you go drop that dog off at home and then help me?”

  She shrugged. “Sure. What are we doing?”

  “I’ll tell you as we walk. We’re gonna have to move fast.”

  Holly scooped up her little pup in a snuggle and then I locked up The Perfect Fit. As we walked back to her house, I laid out my plan for redemption.

  Chapter 16

  Migs

  Parker was drunk, though demons could burn it off faster than humans. Bar was passed out in his room. I went to my bedroom and fell onto my plaid comforter, trying not to smile or cry at the fact that Ruby would probably want to burn it. My chest ached in a way it never had before. I’d never dated much, because no one had ever called to me. No soul had sung to mine. Until hers.

  And unlike the other two, who were drowning their sorrows, I guess my mind wouldn’t let me admit that everything was over. I mean, Ruby was an angel. She’d made a mistake, yes, but she’d come back to us. I believed that. I didn’t know why or how. But she had part of my soul. We were connected. And she wouldn’t abandon that connection or us. She’d come back. I just had to wait.

  I hoped. Doubt started to creep in. I couldn’t fight it off alone, so I had to do something desperate to combat it.

  I called my mother, trying to distract myself with the chaos of home.

  “Ai. Miguelito! Hola. Oh, your auntie just got in. One minute, mijo.”

  I heard the rustle of clothing as they hugged. My Aunt Lucia was always coming over. She was a great distraction though. Because she was a widow and a gossip. She knew everyone at home. If I could get her on the line, I could fill my ears with hours of random tidbits about everyone. Hopefully that would keep the doubt at bay and be long enough for Ruby to come to her senses.

  I heard Lucia and my mother start to chatter like birds and I said, “Hello! Hello! I’m still here!”

  My mother didn’t pick back up the phone. My aunt must have swiped it from her. “Miguel! How are you? Have you met anyone nice? Any good Argentenian girls moved to that town of yours yet?”

  I shoved aside the thought of Ruby. Picturing her pouty lips was painful. And while I needed to hold onto hope, I couldn’t jinx it by talking about her. Ugh. Just that stupid superstitious thought had me mad at myself. It wasn’t even logical. But then, what really was? It felt so hard to balance what I’d always thought of as true and what was true now that I knew Ruby. I rested an arm behind my head as I lay back on the bed. “Tia Lucia. Hola. Just working. Like always.”

  “I had a dream of you the other night, you know? Did your mama tell you?—Elena, you didn’t tell him! Why didn’t you tell him?!”

 

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