Always with You, page 13
“Mommy, come too. Sing me a lullaby.”
With a sigh, Pam rose and headed toward the bedroom, leaving Cathy and David alone.
David kissed Cathy’s neck and reached a hand for her breast. “Let’s go to the bedroom,” he whispered in her ear.
She pushed his hand away. “Not here, with all the company.”
“Let’s go to my place then,” he said, taking Cathy’s hand and pulling her up from the couch. His lips moved to hers and his probing kiss ignited her senses. Perhaps it would be a good idea to sleep with him, relieve the sexual tension that had been building inside her.
Pam walked out and saw them getting ready to leave. Disappointment mirrored back briefly, then resolve. “Are you leaving?”
“We thought we’d just go to David’s place for the night. I’ll be back early in the morning.” Cathy reached for her purse.
David took her arm. “No sense taking two cars, Cathy. I’ll drive and drop you back in the morning when I leave for the jobsite. “
That made sense.
Pam gave Cathy a knowing smile. “Have a good time. Jamie and I will take care of everything here.”
At the sound of Jamie’s name, Cathy almost changed her mind. Which was exactly why she turned on her heels and left.
***
His house was immaculate as always, which struck Cathy as odd for a bachelor. But David wanted everything in its place. There was never a dirty dish left in the sink for even a second. He opened another beer and offered her one.
“Do you have any wine?” she asked.
“No, hon, only beer.”
He knew she preferred wine, but he never had any in the house. Cathy remembered something about wine and beer mixed and being sick and said no. But the buzz was wearing off from dinner, and she was unhappy she’d come. He pulled off his shirt and tossed it on a chair, then forcefully drew her into his arms. His beer breath deadened a few nerve endings. His hands were under her shirt, unhooking her bra, and his mouth pressed on her lips, demanding entry.
Cathy’s body started to respond as he pulled her down on the couch. His hand moved up her thigh, taunting her. Then nothing. Cathy opened her eyes and saw David standing up.
“Want a snack before bed?” he said.
She just gawked at him. David shrugged, turned around and walked into the kitchen. He opened a cabinet, pulled out a bag of chips, and started crunching. The mood, what there was left of it, was gone for her. His looks faded and all she could see was a man she really didn’t like. They had both used each other. The emptiness choked her. How far she’d run from her heart’s longings. Cathy re-hooked her bra and straightened her skirt.
“I want to go home, David,” she said, standing up and getting her purse.
He dropped the bag of chips on the counter; some were stuck to his lip.
“Why, babe?” he said, walking unsteadily toward her. He grabbed her arm and tried to kiss her.
“No, I mean it,” she said, pushing him away.
David thrust her against the wall and shoved his tongue in her mouth. He forced up her tank top and started groping her. “You know you like this,” he slurred.
Fear seared up her spine. He was strong, and the more she shoved him away the harder he jammed into her. Cathy finally screamed and he backed off, looking at her like she was crazy.
Then she remembered she didn’t have her car. It was over five miles to her house in the dark, but she didn’t care. She slid under his arm and yanked at the door to run. His hand held the door from opening. Then he burst out laughing.
“Come on, Cathy, what’s with all the drama? Just stay the night and I’ll take you home in the morning.”
“I want to go now.”
His bloodshot eyes narrowed as he sneered at her. “Then walk or get one of your friends to drive you. I’m going to bed.”
The phone was on his kitchen counter. She inched her way around David and grabbed it. Praying Pam was still awake, Cathy dialed her home number. One ring, two, three…
“Hello,” a sleepy voice said.
“Pam, it’s Cathy. I need a ride home, now!”
“What?”
“Pam, is Jamie awake?”
“Yes. Are you okay?”
“Get him, please.”
She put Jamie on the line. Cathy gave him directions, and without hesitation, he said he’d be right there. David watched the call with amusement. She still didn’t trust him and stepped outside to wait on the porch.
“Suit yourself,” he said, turning the porch light on and following her out. He stood there leering at her.
She wiped tears away with the back of her hand.
“Prince Charming in his chef hat coming to rescue you?” David said.
Cathy wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the evening chill. She counted the minutes, praying Jamie would hurry.
Headlights hit the drive and she couldn’t run fast enough to the car. Jamie jumped out, took one look at her tear-stained face, and headed for the front door.
“No, Jamie,” Cathy pleaded, taking his arm. “Please, just take me home.”
He glared at David and then back at Cathy. “All right,” he said, putting his arm protectively around her and walking her to the car.
David yelled after them. “Oh, so that’s how it is. Real nice, Cathy, your friend’s husband.”
The minute Cathy got inside the car, she started trembling. Hot tears ran down her cheeks. Jamie gunned the engine and sped down the road for a few miles before veering over under some trees. He shut off the engine, slid across the seat, and took Cathy in his arms.
Gently, he stroked her hair as she cried into his shoulder. “You deserve better, Cat. You care so much for others but not enough for yourself.”
Cathy cried harder. Jamie lifted her chin and wiped away her tears with his fingertips. She wanted to look into his caring eyes forever. Their lips met in a soft, lingering kiss. The tenderness washed over her and melted her. She looked up to Jamie.
Shock registered on his face. “I am so sorry. And after what you just went through.”
Cathy touched his lips with her finger to shush him. “Don’t be sorry. I’m the one who should be sorry involving you in my messes. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, Jamie.”
His name resonated in the air. She’d never even looked at a married man before and did not want to cross that line now. He was the first man that had seen her, really seen her. Her feelings for him crossed every boundary, blocked out every rational thought, and claimed her soul.
They sat looking at each other, taking in what had just happened. Conflicted emotions traced across his face. She wanted to hold him, but he slid back into the driver’s side, started the car. He gazed straight ahead as he drove them home. Cathy looked out the passenger window and watched the dark shadows from the trees loom over the road. She thought she was immune to this heart pain. She knew now she wasn’t.
Lyrics from “Sometimes When We Touch” drifted from the car radio in the
background. Cathy caught the words “touching” and “honesty.” She reached over and
turned it off.
***
Pam was in bed when they got home.
“Everything all right, Cathy?” she called.
Cathy leaned her head in Pam’s doorway and assured her she was fine. Gratefully, she crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her head. She prayed she would not hear them moaning from down the hall tonight, and she hated herself a little more.
There was silence except for the hoot of a lone owl.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Jamie filled the Mr. Coffee with water and pushed the button to start. He needed coffee now. The early morning sun behind Cathy’s house spilled into the rolling hills, setting them aglow. Libby rubbed up against his leg, and he bent down to pet her.
“Good girl,” he said, scratching behind her ears. “It’s just you and me up early this morning.”
A ceramic mug of steaming coffee in his hand, Jamie took a seat in the rocker that faced the picture windows in the living room. The sky was clear except for a few marshmallow clouds. Pines and redwoods stood tall in the yard, and a blue jay swept in and landed on a bough. It was a far cry from the cement-covered, noise-laden area they’d lived in Oakland. He could breathe here, literally smell the roses. Silently he prayed again that a job would become available. He could thrive in this abundant fresh air, with sprawling hills and vineyards.
But would his wife be happy here? He knew Amber would be. He’d worried about Pam’s happiness for years. When they’d first met, she was a sweet, pretty, lost girl. He’d reached out to her, and she held on tight. When he was honest with himself, he remembered that rescuing someone was not grounds for a good marriage. He was ready to gently break up with Pam when she announced she was pregnant with Amber.
The announcement changed everything. Pam had been abandoned by her own father when she was four. She would be devastated. Jamie could never be the kind of man who left his child behind. And so he married her. But now, sitting here in Cathy’s house, he finally realized that he’d fooled himself into thinking he loved Pam.
Until he met Cathy, he never knew what love was. His decision last night to bring her home from David’s was not made out of obligation. He’d made the choice totally from his heart. And he knew Cathy would have done the same for him.
With Pam it was always about doing the right thing. Did doing the right thing for the wrong reasons really help anyone? His mind raced: Cathy’s face, her lips, her touch. Being with her felt so right. Was he betraying Pam in his mind and heart? Was it fair to continue with Pam when he knew beyond any doubt he loved someone else?
Amber: She was the light of his soul. He would never leave her. Was the ultimate honor to give up his self for another? What about love?
He took his last sip of coffee and brought it to the sink to wash out the cup. It was Father’s Day, and the girls would be up soon to make breakfast. Time to act like nothing happened last night. Put on a bright smile like Pam always did and push his pain down where no one could see.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
It was Sunday morning, usually Cathy’s day to sleep in. The clock said 8:00 a.m. Her internal alarm had reset itself to get up for work. She turned over and pulled up the covers, blocking the sun from her eyes. Memories hit like fists in her stomach. Jamie’s kiss. She needed to get out of there today, away from them, away from him. Especially on Father’s Day. Her heart beat in her ears. Where could she go? Jill’s house? She was always up early. Perhaps Cathy could take them out to breakfast for the holiday. She dialed.
The phone rang once, twice. Come on, Jill, answer.
“Hello,” a child’s voice answered.
“Is your mom there?” Cathy said, keeping her voice low.
“I think she’s resting. I’ll go see.”
Cathy felt the morning breeze move through the open window into her room. She stared at the lush colors in the Maxwell Parish picture on the wall, of a girl swinging over water. She waited.
More silence and footsteps on a wood floor.
“Hello?”
“Jill, it’s Cathy.”
“Something wrong? What are you doing up so early on a Sunday?”
“Thinking of you.” Even Cathy could tell she sounded ridiculous. “Can I take you all out for breakfast?”
“It’s Father’s Day,” Jill said. “Dan insisted on making waffles. Why don’t you come over and join us?”
“If you’re sure it’s all right.”
“Come hungry. When you get here, I want to know what’s going on.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Cathy put on some jean shorts over a pink leotard. Deodorant would be enough today. A quick tooth brushing and a comb through her hair and she’d be out of there.
She peeked out her bedroom door. The coast was clear. She dashed for the bathroom. Her expression in the mirror made her want to laugh. She was hiding in the bathroom. Hysterical if it wasn’t so pathetic. She finished getting ready and made her move to leave.
“Good morning,” Pam said from the couch as Cathy headed toward the front door. “Where you going?”
Avoiding eye contact, Cathy turned. “I forgot to tell you yesterday, having breakfast with Jill and her family. Have a good day.” Cathy remembered she’d promised to bring home pizza for tonight. “I’ll still bring dinner back.”
“I’m sure Jamie will appreciate that. He works so hard cooking at your café all day.”
Cathy gritted her teeth. “Yes, some of us have to work.” Cathy noticed Amber sleeping on Pam’s lap like a little angel.
“We’re letting Jamie sleep in while Amber and I make breakfast and then spend the day baking a special cake for her daddy.”
Inwardly Cathy groaned at the probable mess she would come home to in her kitchen. “That’s nice. You have fun.” Cathy was out the door and into her car before she said anything she would regret. She suppressed the urge to laugh, then cry, and put her foot on the gas.
She could leave the house but not the memory of last night. How had she gotten herself in that position with David? Her body trembled. Why did she gravitate toward men like him? Like her father? They were safe in that she’d never fall in love with that type of man. Is that all she really wanted? David distracted her from her deep loneliness and was happy with their arrangement. She thought she was too, until she met Jamie.
Toys and bikes scattered the yard of Jill’s sprawling, brick-red farmhouse. Kids screamed and ran to the door to greet her. The dog barked, and Jill was yelling to Dan that the waffles were burning. Cathy almost turned around and ran.
Jill walked over, looking so much better than the last time Cathy saw her. Her coloring was back, and she’d swapped bedclothes for a batik sundress.
“Girls, let Cathy alone. Come sit down.” Jill’s eyes searched Cathy’s before she could even let go of the doorknob. “You too,” she said, pointing at a chair. “Have a seat.”
“Green eggs and waffles,” Dan said, decked out in an apron reading, “Best Dad.”
“Ewww,” said her twin girls, but Tom, her four-year-old, seemed delighted with the green-tinted eggs. They made Cathy want to throw up, especially after drinking too much last night. She hoped they didn’t expect her to eat them.
“Coffee,” Jill offered. Cathy wanted to kiss her.
Eggs were dished out and waffles piled with strawberries and powdered sugar. It looked like Christmas on plates.
The girls, looking cute in their matching braids and barrettes, mashed the waffles with their forks. Strawberry juice ran down Jill’s son’s chin. She took a napkin to his face, and Dan observed in mock dismay. Even her older daughter was polite and helpful. This was a family, a happy, normal family. In Cathy’s childhood, Father’s Day was silent and on edge. Cathy and her mother prayed her father would not seize the day to start drinking even earlier. At Jill’s table, everyone laughed, and somehow breakfast was finished. Some landed on the floor, and the dog looked quite satisfied too.
“Go wash up, girls,” Jill said, scooting them toward the bathroom.
Dan cleared off the table and offered to do the dishes so they could go out and talk on the deck.
“It’s Father’s Day. Perhaps I should go,” Cathy said. “You must have plans.”
Jill was not going for it. She opened the French doors to the deck Dan built last summer, overlooking the river, and waved her through. They sat side by side in canvas recliners. Yellowthroats sang, and the light scent of cedar floated in the air. Blue jays screamed, taunting the squirrels. The day was right out of a Disney movie.
“Give,” Jill said.
No wonder they were such good friends. There was no pretense between them. But this time, how could Cathy tell her everything?
“David and I are finished.” Cathy said.
“No surprise there,” Jill said, looking at her like an interrogator. “And?”
“And we had a horrible scene last night. Jamie had to drive me home.”
Silence. Jill liked to process, as she called it. Cathy let her muscles relax as the morning sun lingered on her body. She could lie there all day.
Jill huffed. “What a jerk. I know he’s hot, but there are things to look for if you want another relationship one day.”
“When did I say I wanted another relationship?”
“Touchy today, aren’t we? You think that invisible armor of yours fools me?”
Transparency was not something Cathy was known for. A relationship? Jill had no idea how close she was to Cathy’s real problem. Perhaps she shouldn’t have come here today, but going home was certainly not an option. She didn’t feel like being alone.
One of the twins, dressed head-to-toe like the other, ran outside, whining about her sister taking her toy. Cathy couldn’t tell them apart.
“Back in the house,” Jill stated firmly. “Your dad will take care of it.”
No messing around there. Jill had backbone, and no one doubted it.
“Mind if I stay here a while?” Cathy tried to sound casual.
“You’re kidding, right? You barely ever make an hour here before you’re running out the door.”
“That’s not true,” Cathy said, although her words rang false.
Jill sat up and put her legs over the edge of the chair facing Cathy. She lifted up her sunglasses. “Why don’t you want to go home?”
What could she say? I’m falling in love with a friend’s husband and I can’t bear to look at either of them in the face? Jill would not take lightly that kind of confession.
“It’s nothing, Jill, I just wanted some time away.” Cathy looked around, trying to think of a way to change the subject. “I love your deck. I really should have one built at my house.”
Jill laid back and flipped her glasses back down. “Fine, stay as long as you want.”
Cathy closed her eyes and tried to relax. Her body twitched. She could not get comfortable in her chair or her own skin. She looked at her watch: 1:30. She really couldn’t stay here all day. It was not fair to Jill or their family on this special day.
