How to Become a Witch, page 23
The coven is a tool for learning. Many covens provide a structure for learning through the degree system. There will be classes on the goddesses and gods, the nature of reality, and the skills of magick and ritual. You may learn about your spiritual and cultural roots, and how our ancestors lived and worshiped. The coven elders have a lot to share, and every member will have skills and resources for you. If your coven rotates ritual leadership and encourages creativity, you will be able to experience different styles of ritual and choose the best parts for your personal work.
If you plan to use magick to improve yourself, or your life, or the world, it is incredibly useful to focus goals and brainstorm methods with a knowledgeable group of fellow magick workers. Also, the power of magick intensifies as more trained people lend their energies; in fact, it seems to increase exponentially.
The coven provides a social group you can travel with to festivals and other Pagan events. You might hesitate to attend a conference, festival, or class by yourself, but having covenmates along makes it a wonderful adventure.
The emotional benefits cannot be measured. Most covens are more than a religious support group; they are a “family of choice.” Your covenmates become your sisters and brothers. If you do not have a close relationship with your family of birth, a coven may provide the unconditional love, companionship, and loyalty that are missing in your life. And even if your birth family is great, a few more close friendships can hardly hurt! Of course, no legitimate coven (or other religious group) will try to isolate you from your original family.
Dianic feminists and radical faeries
Most covens are mixed gender (although most have more women than men). However, many covens are designed as single-sex groups. Many of the all-women’s groups are Dianic Feminist covens, focused on the sisterhood and empowerment of women, and celebrating the Goddess aspects of divinity. Many of the all-male groups are Radical Faery covens, composed of gay men celebrating the “Queer God” in his many forms. Within the mixed-sex covens, usually, straight, gay, bisexual, and transgender folks work together as sisters and brothers. There is plenty of room for diverse orientations and lifestyles in the Craft, as long as everyone follows the Rede.
The Downside Of Coven Membership
So being part of a coven is like romping in a sunlit meadow, surrounded by bunnies, flowers, and butterflies—well, no. Membership in any group brings challenges. We are social animals, but none of us are flawlessly adept at it. We need companionship, but we sometimes get moody, stressed, angry, afraid, careless, irrational … rather—human.
In a coven, you take on responsibilities in order to get the rewards. You clear your calendar for coven events, and you show up unless you’re sick or out of town or there’s a family emergency. You do your share of planning, organizing, setting up, cleaning up, and ordinary chores that keep the coven running. Doing your share is a matter of honor. You may be asked to pay minimal dues to keep the covenstead in candles.
People have disagreements—even mature, intelligent people. If relatives annoy us, we might ignore them, especially if they live at a distance. If a coven member annoys you, you can’t ignore them without leaving the coven. You have to work it out, even if it means asking another covener to mediate an honest discussion about your differences. There is no time or space to let problems fester—they can wreck the whole coven in a matter of days, and you have no right to let that happen.
So when there’s conflict in the coven, you have to be an adult. That’s hard and demanding…but if you don’t run away, you’ll become a deeper, stronger, more responsible person.
There’s another challenge. Working solitary, no one ever has to know that you are Craft—assuming you don’t do loud witchy chanting with the windows open or wear big pentagrams to the supermarket.
Once you join a coven, you are formally associated with Witchcraft. Your covenmates will guard your privacy, and hopefully you’ll never wind up in some “official Witch” database, but no security is perfect. If someone sees you with a known Witch or walking into a certain house, they may guess your path. If that matters to you—if your children or job may be at risk if you get “whispered out of the broom closet”— then think twice about joining any coven.
Not every single coven is led by wise and benevolent people. Most covens are filled with honest people doing their best to follow a good spiritual path. But some have members or even leaders who are not very wise, who make hurtful mistakes due to ignorance or ego. And a few “covens” are nasty scams where criminals use the charm and mystery of the Craft to draw victims for money, sex, and power.
How can you avoid these rare fake “covens” run by con artists? Read the questions on the next section; these reveal the danger signals that should warn you away from the imitations. Also check out a tool by respected Druid Isaac Bonewits, called “The Advanced Bonewits’ Cult Danger Evaluation Frame,” on the Internet.[1] Of course, calling something a cult doesn’t make it so; one definition of a cult is “a disparaging term that big cults have for little cults.” What is important is not who is name-calling at whom but the behavior of the group in question and whether it is respectful and empowering to its members or harmful. These are typical questions similar to those in the ABCDEF:
Signals That a Coven May Not Be Good for You
Does this group pretend to have the one-true-right-and-only way of doing Witchcraft? Are they critical of other groups or traditions?
Are students discouraged from mingling with other groups or taking classes elsewhere? Do leaders insist that they can teach everything you need to know?
When you ask tough questions, are leaders secretive or evasive?
Are large amounts of money demanded from members? (Modest dues are understandable.)
Has anyone made unwanted sexual advances or implied that sexual activity is expected?
Do leaders require you to perform personal services apart from helping to maintain the temple or ritual area?
Do they promise advancement through the degrees of initiation in return for sexual favors, monetary contributions, or personal services?
Is there discussion and acceptance of negative magick, magickal battles, revenge, counterspells, or the destruction of enemies?
Are the decor, symbols, and altar on the creepy side, with a focus on darkness and death? (Other than at Samhain, when death and darkness are appropriate!)
Are the leaders not to be questioned? Do they act as though their word is law?
Do you get warning signals from your inner bell, intuition, or gut feelings?
Trust your instincts. If it feels bad, walk away.
Finding A Coven That Fits
Let’s suppose that you want to join a coven and are starting the search. The perfect coven may not exist, but it’s helpful to list everything you want in a coven, just to clarify your thinking. Ask yourself lots of questions and write the answers in your Book of Shadows.
Do you want a mixed-gender coven or single-sex? Highly organized or loose? Lots of activities or only a meeting or two each month? Heavy on training and education or on celebration and fun? Associated with a particular tradition or culture (Celtic, Egyptian, Norse, etc.) or totally eclectic in their gods and styles? Consensus decision making, voting, or “the word of the high priestess is the law”? Adult-oriented or kid-friendly? Into environmental activism or meditation?
You may not have much choice in coven size, but the traditional range is small anyway. Christians can join the “little church on the corner” with seventy-two adults or the Sacred Surroundsound Multiscreen Megachurch with ten thousand believers. Covens are almost always between three and thirteen members. Five is kind of the practical minimum, and the average coven size in the United States is seven adults. When a coven gets to thirteen members or more, they traditionally “hive,” or split into two independent covens.
There are many denominations, or traditions, of Witchcraft in the world, but most of them won’t be represented in any single area, so you won’t always have a choice of traditions. In a large city there may be several. In a rural area, you may be lucky to find one coven and have to drive two hours to reach it. It is always worthwhile to ask what tradition a coven follows and how many other covens follow it. Ask how the coven’s tradition is different from other traditions. This will start to give you a feel for the coveners’ beliefs and style.
Covens can be found in a number of ways. You can try contacting covens online through Witchvox, the Covenant of the Goddess, Earth Spirit Alliance, Circle Sanctuary, Aquarian Tabernacle Church, the Pagan Federation, or other networking websites. You can hang out at your nearest metaphysical bookstore (which could be down the street or three counties away); talk to the staff, read the bulletin board, and look like an adorable puppy waiting to be adopted. You can go to festivals, public sabbat celebrations, and other Pagan events as discovered online or at the bookstore. Once there, attend lots of rituals and workshops, schmooze with merchants, and chat up folks at the fire circles until you get some leads on good covens.
Once you find a coven that looks good, you can’t just wander into an esbat and sign the membership book. Some covens will be closed to new members at the moment and may tell you to check back in six months. Others follow the traditional rule of “ask me three times,” so you have to prove that you are persistent and really want a chance. Some are just not very well organized and will lose your phone number.
Remember, covens don’t get points with God for scooping up converts, nor do they worry that you might go to some mythical hell if you don’t find The One True Faith. They want you in their coven only if it looks like everybody will benefit, and you are an unknown quantity until they get acquainted. So you may have to gently but repeatedly connect with coven members at several events, until they decide that you may be someone they would want as a covenmate.
Creating Your Own Coven
The traditional way to create a coven is to study with an existing one for several years, then hive—that is, start a new coven based on the same tradition, taking with you however many of the original coven’s members who want to come along.
In covens with the three-degree system of initiation, you would either hive when you are a second degree and lead the new coven under the guidance of your original high priest and high priestess until you are initiated to the third degree, or you would wait to hive until after you have received your third degree.
It’s a fine system, when it works. But what if you can’t find a local and compatible coven to teach you? Or what if you join a coven, and several years later the leaders are still saying, “No, I don’t think you’re quite ready yet…” It has been known to happen: sometimes the leaders are right, but sometimes they just can’t bring themselves to let a fledgling fly from the nest. Witchcraft teachers should be working to empower you and help you operate ethically, responsibly, and independently—but not all of them remember this.
If all else fails, you can begin your own coven without the years of experience and training that you ideally should have, and even without the encouragement of your teachers. But make the transition as smooth, courteous, and respectful as you possibly can, and maintain the best relationships possible with your former covenmates.
You can begin by reading some books on this specific subject:
Coven Craft: Witchcraft for Three or More by Amber K (Llewellyn, 1998)
Wicca Covens: How to Start and Organize Your Own by Judy Harrow (Citadel, 2000)
Inside a Witches’ Coven by Edain McCoy (Llewellyn, 1997)
All three are written by experienced Craft leaders, yet they have very different perspectives. Comparing and contrasting their approaches will be extremely valuable when you create your own coven.
You should invest time thinking about the kind of coven you would like to have, as far as the cultural context and pantheon, program focus, degree system, decision-making process, and all the things you would consider if you were shopping for a coven to join. Start a journal and write it all down, then organize it as you would a charter or bylaws.
Please don’t make the mistake of simply gathering a bunch of people who have an interest in Witchcraft, then opening the floor to everyone’s wants, needs, and fantasies. If you reach agreement at all, you will end up with a hodge-podge compromise that doesn’t serve anyone well. Remember, if you are the organizer and first leader, you have a right to create the coven according to your dream, then seek like-minded people who share that dream. In that way, the coven will be more clear and focused from the beginning.
There is often wisdom in beginning with a study group or Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans (CUUPS) chapter, as described later, and getting to know several Paganfolk in that setting before you attempt a coven. When the time is right, you can contact selected people with whom you felt a connection and explain the kind of coven you have in mind. Some people whom you like and respect won’t share your particular dream or want to join a coven at all. That’s all right; it has to be all right. They can still be your friends. If you can find three or more people you would want for coven sisters and brothers, and who are interested in your coven project, invite them to a quiet meeting for further discussion.
At the meeting, explain again what you have in mind. Share the core concepts in your written vision, charter, or bylaws. Be clear on what parts are negotiable and which parts are not. Invite their input on the pieces where you are flexible. The point is to get everyone participating as full-fledged members of the team from day one, while you still hold the core principles intact.
It may help you to have a list, with issues that are “carved in stone” and issues that are “sketched in pencil.” Here’s a fictional example; yours may be very different:
Coven Firefox Issues and Decisions
Name: It has a name that’s meaningful to us, for reasons I’ll be happy to explain. When you hive off and start your own coven, you can pick the name.
Tradition: Eclectic, no particular brand. Negotiable as long as coven independence is preserved and the tradition is not too rigid.
Membership: Adults aged eighteen and over; both women and men are welcome. Not negotiable, due to legal issues with minors. Also, Rolf and I (Miriam) want to join together, so it will be a mixed coven. If we have public or family celebrations of sabbats, they can be open to pretty much anyone.
Cultural Context: Eclectic or Celtic emphasis. Celtic fine if we can include other cultures and pantheons occasionally. Negotiable to a point, except that we don’t want to imitate Native American religions, and we don’t want to always be confined to one pantheon.
Program Focus: Celebration, mutual support in spiritual growth, teaching and learning magick, community service. The mix is negotiable. Things we won’t support: party paganism (indiscriminate sex, heavy drinking, illegal drugs), rivalry with other covens.
Ethics: The Wiccan Rede, the Law of Return, and the New Wiccan Book of the Law will guide our actions. The last is pretty extensive, and we are open to discussing it and creating our own version, as long as it’s based on the Rede.
Leadership and Decision Making: For the first year and a day, my partner Rolf and I will be acting high priest and high priestess, then the coven will have an election. In any case, major decisions will be made by the whole membership. Minor decisions will be made by whoever holds the relevant office for the coven.
Degree System: We need some kind of structured program for learning and recognition. It could be a three-degree system, a five-degree (elemental) system, or something else. I think working that out together would be fun.
Legal Status: Right now we see no need for incorporation or tax-exempt status, but it’s negotiable.
Meeting Schedule: Must include eight major sabbats and full moon esbats. Apart from that, negotiable; probably averaging one meeting each week would be good.
Meeting Place: We prefer to have the covenstead at our home, unless someone has a better space. Having a regular covenstead for most meetings is essential. We are okay with rotating occasionally to members’ homes and outdoor sites.
Money: Maybe have modest dues, occasional fundraising projects, or in-kind donations of candles and supplies. Negotiable as long as we don’t get hung up on money or make it hard for people to afford membership.
As the coven launches, it will encounter the normal bumps, tangles, and confusions of any new organization. If you put in the effort and are fair-minded and persistent, it will succeed…though usually not with exactly the same people you started with. There will be gains and losses in the first couple of years as the right mix of personalities come together.
Read the books mentioned above; you can really benefit from the experiences of others. Then find sources of ongoing counsel and support. Network with other leaders in your area, especially trusted elders and experienced Craft leaders in the Pagan community. Join local and regional networks, and national/international organizations such as Covenant of the Goddess, Circle, and the Pagan Federation. There is no excuse to be isolated unless you are one of those so-called leaders who fears having your power diminished if your coveners are exposed to different ideas.
Life in a Coven
Relationships in a coven can be confusing; it is like no other organization you have ever belonged to. It is a little like a family but without the baggage, good and bad, that comes from growing up together. It is somewhat like a church or temple but much smaller than mainstream religious institutions. Thus there is more intimacy—no meaningless “How ya doin’?” to a stranger in the next pew. There is also more responsibility; a large church has workers and floaters, those who make it happen and the others who are along for the ride. In a coven, everyone must pull their own weight: there is no room for observers or inactive members.
