Ava Greasemonkey, page 28
Vox, still behind her, dipped his nose into Ava’s hair. In between him and the women, who continued to creep closer to touch parts of her, Ava felt closed in again. Ixxi and Bria, the two women she never talked with before, also came near.
She swallowed, her skin feeling like it was crawling. The feeling of wanting to escape began to overwhelm her. Panic rose. She started to put her hands out to keep everyone back.
Ava closed her eyes and breathed, rationalizing with herself. I can do this. She was okay with this once. Being around companionship. This is how it was with her and her sisters before. They’d all slept in a heap with their mother for comfort, sprawled together. Back on that cold planet, it was one of the only comforts they had. With that thought, Ava’s eyes brightened. It was family. Only family members and got this close to one another. She reached out and gripped Sai’s arm back.
“Look at my mind,” Ava said, pushing past her distaste for having them in her thoughts. She needed to forge a new connection to move past the fear. She wanted to show them she understood their desire to connect with her peacefully and gain that ability to be open again for herself. Remaining closed off was not the answer.
The women didn’t hesitate, shining a more muted hue than Vox did at her back. And in that place where there were no words, only emotion, more healing continued. The women shared their dismay at causing her pain and Ava conveyed her forgiveness. The Vorbax, and Ava, understood that family and caring for one another meant the same thing for all of them.
Ava wiped her tears away several times while the women looked on, fascinated.
Chapter 32
“If you are fine, I need to coordinate with the others in navigation. There is a conference call I would like to be present for.” Vox looked at her while speaking. He had not left her side other than when she ordered him away since they got back from the mission.
A part of Ava wanted to trail after Vox, anxious to see what the notes coming in mentioned about her and the Humans, but refrained. She trusted him to have her best interests in his mind now.
Ava nodded, noting the relief in his face seeing her interact with the women. He separated from her briskly. Ava felt his absence once she was gone but steeled herself, turning back to the women. She didn’t need to be watched every second, even if it was by Vox.
After he left, Orla patted her arm. “He is a good male.”
“I know,” Ava said, her heart feeling light.
The women and her continued to talk. They shared several anecdotes about Xai and the Vorbax men. Ava sat, head in her hands, on one of the cushions in the queen’s room, listening and smiling. Their words painted Xai so vividly. Their excitement about going home was contagious, and Ava finally began feeling curiosity about the new planet she would be a part of.
Soon after they made lunch using the queen’s processor, they all agreed to take their talk to the solarium, walking and joking along the way. The halls were silent no longer.
There, Ava lay on the grass, much like she had with Nuor so many cycles before, prior to all this starting. The only difference was the Vorbax women lying beside her, rather than Nuor.
Ava closed her eyes and listened to their talk and laughter, enjoying the warmth on her face.
Sai stretched out, sighing. “I haven’t been somewhere that felt natural for so long.”
Ixxi nodded, speaking the first words Ava heard her say. “I am so glad to be out of that place.”
Bria nodded to agree. She looked away when she caught Ava making eye contact, gazing down at the grass again. Ava felt shyness and a bit of brokenness in her as well in the back of her mind. It made her pause and look at her closer while the other women talked. Ava noted the strained expression on her face, the forced smile.
As the other women enjoyed the sun and picked the flowers, Ava went to sit next to Bria, sinking down on a rock. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Bria looked away, but answered a second later, “I am just glad to be free. But I don’t want to remember. I hate space and everything to do with the stars.”
Ava nodded. The women were all recovering remarkably well from their time in Tuxa captivity but the time they’d spent wasn’t something easily erased. “I feel guilty for seeming to have more . . . scars than all of you do. I was only there for a few hours. You were there for so long.”
Both sat in silence, watching the pond ripple, before Bria answered, her pale blue face thoughtful, “We had each other for comfort when the Tuxa were more interested in us. Before we learned how to repel them. It was easy to slip our minds away into each other. You had nowhere to hide when we let out the fear. You had to endure.”
Ava nodded, uncomfortable with talking about it. She cleared her throat. “Are you looking forward to homecoming like the others?”
Bria nodded her delicate head, putting it on her knees over her clasped hands. “It will feel good to go home. I know once I am there I will feel better. It is the time in between, this transition, that is hard.” She put her hand on Ava’s knee. Like Vox’s, her hand was warmer than Ava’s. “But, like all transitions, it will pass.”
Ixxi came up and put one of her arms around Bria’s shoulder. Bria smiled up at her, patting Ixxi’s arm.
In Ixxi’s other hand she held a freshly gathered flower. She pushed it into Bria’s nose before getting it whacked away. Bria’s nose wrinkled and a ghost of a smile formed on her lips.
The flower fell at their feet, and Ava picked it up to smell it. It smelled like life. Ava held it to her nose and smiled, watching the women pick more under the artificial sun.
The women eventually requested to see where Ava lived, her life in the engine hall. Ava had an initial flare of anxiety at their request. It left the word no on the tip of her tongue.
She swallowed it back down, gazing at their open, eager faces. They were not the type to judge her, but Ava felt ashamed still for her small living area and small life.
“Are you sure?” Ava asked, still hesitant. “It is not that much.”
“We want to see it,” Orla said. She pointed at the biologics on Ava’s chest. “Vox said there is a whole tankful of these in there.”
Ava nodded. The biologics and the engine were impressive, she could gather that.
She pushed her self-doubt aside and smiled. “I’ll take you there.” The women lit up excitedly and all rose to leave the solarium.
They walked the halls together, their chatter breaking up the silence and gloom Ava felt walking them alone.
She admitted the party to the engine hall with a ping and watched their expressions as they ran to the biologics tank, running their hands along it.
Ava held her own container on her chest close, smiling at their reactions.
The biologics danced seeing Ava, and seemed to like the Vorbax women as well. At least they responded to them more than they did to Vox. Some even followed their hands as they trailed along, giggling, like they did with her.
Ava laughed, watching, and showed them the racing games she played with them. Their footsteps and cheering echoed in the hall, the loudest sounds the biologics had ever heard here before. She even showed them how to climb the engine to feed them, noting that they also seemed to have the same hesitation Vox did with climbing, but a few made it all the way up to the hatch with her.
One place Ava didn’t show them was her little alcove, keeping the curtain across it. Instead she let them see the control room. The feeling of shame she felt had evaporated seeing the women play in the hall, but it still felt like her sleeping area was too private to share.
After they had their fill of the engine room, Ava walked back with them to the queen’s room a majority of the way, but then stopped when the path branched off to go to navigation.
She looked at the hallway leading there hesitantly, wanting to know what was happening but also not wanting to intrude.
“Go,” Orla said, and the others nodded, lighting up. “We can sense Vox would welcome the interruption. Come visit us again afterward.”
Ava nodded and parted with them, walking the short distance to navigation herself. She was eager to see Vox, to see what he had to say. Should I go in or knock first? She hesitated outside the door, unsure if she was welcome. She shook off those thoughts and held down the pinpad to admit herself. This was her ship now too.
Inside, bathed in the dark light, were all four of the Vorbax males. They were deep in talks with Iryl, the same board member contact Ava had met before going off ship.
The four Vorbax looked up at Ava as she came in, but moved aside to include her next to Vox where they were circled around the hologram.
“Let us table the other discussions for a moment,” the hologram said, gazing at Ava, an enigmatic smile on his face.
Rhutg nodded. “That is fine. Everything is interconnected anyway.” To Ava he said, “Iryl knows of our plans with your Humans. He is an outsider of the Vorbax Quorum, being our representative on the Galactic Board.”
Iryl nodded, eyes twinkling. “Being outside, away from Xai, has given me a more . . . universal view of life. My brethren have a habit of never wanting to think beyond Xai. It leaves them shortsighted at times.”
Ava understood the implication that he was going to assist her regardless of what happened with the Vorbax Quorum. She made the universal sign for deference as Iryl looked on, amused.
Vox continued the discussion, voice deep, “We have messaged males on Xai that we are familiar with. Most are passive regarding our goal. The quorum are discussing, but as of now are unwilling to help.”
Erox shifted his arms, crossing them. “They are intrigued but also timid. Xai is the first consideration on their mind.” He looked at Ava apologetically. “I would brace yourself that they will not want to become involved.’
Ava’s heart fell, and she looked down from the hologram and away from Erox. She knew it was too much to ask another species to risk themselves.
Vox placed his hand on her shoulder. “But they are passive enough that they will not stop us either. The females also stand with us, the ones here on the ship, whose opinions matter just as much. They are confident they can convince the others at home. They have already been in contact.”
“We let the Quorom know of our stance,” Rhutg said, looking at Ava. “They will not interfere.” He glanced down at her chest, where the container of biologics swirled. “Besides, the biologics on this ship will not work for us without Ava, so we have some additional bargaining power. It would be a shame for such a piece of technology to go unused.” The biologics pulsed, as if in agreement.
“All of you will help?” Ava reconfirmed, a catch in her throat. She turned and looked at the four Vorbax faces.
Lirell grinned, an eager nod.
Erox curtly nodded. “I know there will be a period of rest on Xai, but when you decide to go I will help where I can. Whether that will be staying behind on Xai to continue talking with the quorum or joining you if needed.”
Ava turned and gave him a hug, overjoyed. Erox looked over her head, startled, while he awkwardly patted at her back. She broke it and hugged Lirell and Rhutg in turn, until she got to Vox. She clung to his chest, smiling as she heard his twin hearts beat.
Iryl watched on with a smile on his face. “You Humans are fascinating. I wish to meet more of you in person soon.”
Chapter 33
Ava kissed Vox deeply once outside of navigation, her knees weak and a fluttering in her stomach. Vox growled at the contact, pushing her to the side of the ship, gently, until her back was against the wall.
“Your smell says you are needy,” he murmured, voice low and greedy.
She didn’t disagree, kissing him again, angling her head for him to reach her neck better. “You are right. I need you, Vox.” She leaned in to him. “I’m ready again.”
He pressed his face into her shoulder and smelled deeply, his eyes feral. “Then I will attend to you.”
Vox picked her up, straddling her legs around his middle, and quickly moved away. “Not in front of Rhutg. Or anyone,” he said haltingly in her ear as he carried her through the halls. He hitched her up in his arms to move quicker. Ava placed her arms around his shoulders.
He didn’t let her down until they reached her bed in the engine room; their room now. Ava didn’t want to claim another room permanently. She wanted to be close to the biologics and the engine. Vox didn’t disagree, but mentioned enlarging the room in the future and affixing a more permanent door than the curtain. She was here helping by choice now, rather than because she had to. That distinction really made all the difference. It was the freedom to choose.
“You are mine,” Vox growled after putting her down. Ava smiled at that, at his possessive demeanor. It reflected back at her in his eyes, narrowed in focus.
“Only if you are mine,” she answered cheekily in return. She craved his touch on her again.
Ava made quick work of taking her jumpsuit off.
He put his head against her forehead, pushing her backward until she sat on the bed, his alien eyes intense. “Always. Always, my little bird.”
Vox nuzzled her neck while he took off his own clothing, undoing the clasps and putting it aside.
Ava reached up to run her hands down his entire body. Vox didn’t move, instead watching her as she explored him, hands lingering over his taut skin.
When Ava’s hands began to explore his stomach, heading downward, he shuddered.
“My turn,” Vox growled, stopping her hand. His hands slid up her body to the nape of her neck as he twined his fingers in her hair. He angled her head to the side to kiss underneath her neck.
Ava felt starved for his touch. He was warm pressed up against her as he continued to trail his mouth down her body. He paused at her breasts, lingering his attention there. Ava arched her back to press into him further. A tension began to build for her again.
“I want you,” she said, heated eyes locked on him. Her core tightened in agreement.
Vox’s shaft had already become exposed, lubricant coating the sides. He smiled at her softly while saying, “I can not deny you, Ava.”
They moved together slowly, the rush of the coupling more tender this time. It didn’t have the heady pressure from before Torga, but the lingering calm of affection. They had time now. All the time in the universe.
Vox spoke low in Ava’s ear, touching her midsection after he spent himself in her sex. He caressed across her stomach with the tips of his fingers.
“Do you want a kit, someday?”
Ava, in a halfway doze, startled awake at the thought. She absently gripped her arm, the one on the opposite side of her tracker. In the nightmares, it had come back to her what it was. In addition to the translator in her head, a permanent fertility blocker was put in her arm.
She took Vox’s hand and put it over the spot where she could just feel it under her skin. “I remember what this is. All the workers got them. It stops . . . it makes it so I won’t get pregnant. Humans have a . . . breeding cycle. I remember my mother having it where she bled every month. It stops that too.”
Vox fingered the area, probing around it gently. Ava felt a pinch as he pushed in. “Erox assumed as much. But it is easily removable. If you wanted to someday . . .” He looked sideways at her, assessing her reaction.
Ava looked at him, stricken. “I can’t. Vox, they took them . . . they took all the children from my mother. She had them and then they left, over and over again.”
Tears began to fall again. Vox held her as she finally broke down and shared with him what life was like before she came to the Phor ship. The things her nightmares were made of. The never-ending tests, the fear over what her future would be. So much love lost.
His fingers trailed over her abdomen as she talked, listening.
“Ava, it would not be like that for you. I would protect our kit. They would run in our fields, loved, as I love you. You are my mate now.” His eyes held his sincerity.
Ava moved her hand down to cover his, tapping on it lightly. She didn’t refute his words. She tried to picture what he said, the thought of a child.
Even though part of her filled with horror at the thought, a small part could see the appeal.
A child that didn’t leave. One that was made from both her and Vox. Would it be a perfect mixture of the two species? Or would it be a miniature of one of them? It was not appealing right now, but she could see, once she trusted Xai enough, once she felt safe there, that she might want that. That she might want to be a mother herself. And to have a child the right way, to see what a happy childhood could be like through their eyes . . .
She leaned back on his chest, sighing, adjusting herself on the pillows. She pulled her patchwork blanket over them both, relaxing again with him.
The thought called to her more than she wanted to admit right now, and Vox was still staring at her expectantly for an answer. “Maybe in the future we can, but I want to run in the fields myself first.”
“Are you ready?” Vox asked Ava, who was brushing out her long hair.
Ava nodded back. She had been leaving her hair out of her customary bun more now that Vox expressed how much he liked it down.
It was still wound up tight though when she climbed the engine, always mindful and respectful of the gears moving around her.
The cycles between Torga and Xai went by fast. By her rough account, half were spent in the engine hall as she recovered. But the second half of the trip was spent becoming close to the women, whom Ava visited daily. She hoped when she got off the ship their visits would continue.
Ava still struggled. Her mind was still fragile but time did help, as Vox said it would. She worried about what would happen, surrounded by so many more Vorbax on Xai and her mind still being delicate. She was jumpy at times, startling if there was loud sounds or even fast movements. She still slipped into thinking about her memories if it became too quiet, becoming quiet herself.
