The Charm Offensive, page 31
Charlie leans back so he can see Dev’s face. “I love all of you, too.” Then he kisses him again, deeply, then tenderly, then like he did in the shower in Bali, as if Dev is something precious and rare.
“Well, Fairy-Tale Family,” Mark Davenport interrupts, probably to keep the kiss on this side of prime-time television standards. “There you have it. Our Prince Charming did manage to find love, and now there’s just one thing left to do.”
Mark Davenport reaches for something beside his chair, then rises and moves toward them. He’s holding a royal blue pillow with something glistening atop it in the studio lights.
Dev covers his face in his hands. “Oh my God.”
“There is only one way this season ends,” Mark Davenport says, and he hands Charlie the pillow holding the crown, a twin of the one on Charlie’s head. It’s the Final Tiara, the Crowning Ceremony that never was, here, on this stage, in this studio, with two men. Dev knows it’s all stupid—grown adults, playing at fairy tales—but he feels ten years old, watching for the first time.
“Please don’t laugh,” Charlie says, his tone serious even as his face breaks into a ridiculous grin at the absolute absurdity of it all. Not just the show itself, and not just this moment, but every moment from the first, when Charlie fell out of a car at Dev’s feet. Practice dates and real dates and New Orleans and Cape Town and maybe, maybe, other places, too. Places they’ll visit together, side by side in adjacent first-class seats. Food to eat and mountains to be carried across and a house to come back to, always.
“Dev Deshpande. Are you interested in becoming my prince?”
If happily ever after is something you choose, then Dev decides to choose it for himself. “Yes,” he says.
THE PREMIERE
Los Angeles—Monday, April 11, 2022
20 Contestants and 64 Days Remaining
Dev
“Are you ready to meet your princess?”
Mark Davenport stands in his signature spot in front of a gurgling fountain with the castle in the background, perfectly framed on their fifty-inch television screen. “Last season of Ever After broke all of the rules, and we ended up with a new couple in our Fairy-Tale Family.”
“Woot-woot!” Dev shouts at the television. Charlie responds by burying his face in ten throw pillows. Here, in the privacy of their own home, he blushes. Dev constantly marvels at the fact that Charlie somehow survived two months of filming and the last six months of unrelenting media attention.
“After last season aired, we saw an overwhelming outpouring of support, particularly from members of our Fairy-Tale Family who were so honored to see themselves represented in the love story on our show,” Mark is saying. “And no one was more moved by what she saw than our very own Daphne Reynolds. Take a look.”
The show cuts to a package on Daphne’s journey last season, which is primarily footage of Charlie and Daphne making out. Dev’s totally fine watching it. It doesn’t bother him at all. But on the off chance that it does bother him, Charlie reaches out and takes his hand. To remind him how this story ends.
There are other moments, too. Moments of Megan harassing Daphne back at the castle, moments of Angie and Daphne sneaking away together to escape the drama, moments of Daphne struggling to process in front of the cameras during her confessionals.
The package jump-cuts to the interview they did with Daphne on the live finale after Dev and Charlie’s reunion. She sits on the couch in a knockout of a silver strapless dress and reflects on her experiences with Mark Davenport.
“The truth is, I was never in love with Charlie. I was trying to force myself to have feelings, because I thought if I could fall in love with him, it would solve what I thought was a major problem in my life.”
“And what problem is that?” Mark Davenport asks leadingly.
Daphne sighs, and there is the faintest hint of tears in the corners of her blue eyes. “I grew up in a deeply religious family. That’s not to say my family isn’t tolerant and supportive—” The show inlays a small box in the corner of the television screen, showing Daphne’s adorable Southern family cheering her on from a greenroom. “It’s just, since I was a little girl, playing with Barbies and watching Disney movies, I always thought my future had to be me walking down the aisle toward my prince. I pursued that future, and I dated men, and I never let myself question why none of those relationships ever felt right.”
Daphne sighs again, and the audience hangs on her every word. “Then I came on this show, and I met so many people who come from different backgrounds, and have had different life experiences, and I started to suspect maybe there was a different kind of love story, too. Something I hadn’t let myself consider. When Charlie tried to come out in Macon, it all sort of… clicked. The truth I’d been hiding from myself. I’m a lesbian.”
A very raucous group of butch women in the front row scream in wild approval, and Daphne smiles shyly. “I came out to my family, and I feel like such a weight has been lifted off me. I don’t think I ever would have gotten to this point without my journey on the show.”
“Honestly, who even cast last season?” Dev asks from their couch. “Was the network trying to make it a queer party?”
“I do not remember it feeling like a queer party when we were filming it,” Charlie says, and Dev prepares himself to be outraged. “Except for you, love. You are always a one-man queer party.”
“Damn right I am.”
The show cuts back to the castle, to Mark Davenport standing by the east gate in a prepackage. “Fairy-Tale Family, without any further ado, allow me to introduce to you our new star: Daphne Reynolds!”
Daphne comes riding onto set atop a white horse, her posture perfect in the saddle. She’s wearing tan riding pants, black boots, and a billowing white shirt like a real-life goddamn prince. Daphne takes off her helmet and shakes out her long blond hair.
Charlie squeezes his hand tighter. “Do you wish you’d been there?”
Does he wish he were part of the first (intentionally) gay season of Ever After? Of course, he does. Part of him will always love Ever After. Love the magic, the energy, the way romance plays out in front of the cameras. He loves a perfect make-out session against a brick wall. He loves the drama, the heartbreak, the tears, the music, the first kisses.
And yeah: the show is kind of trash. It asks people to compete for love. It sometimes exploits them at their most vulnerable moments. It heightens everything to absurdity. But isn’t that kind of the point? Isn’t that why people watch reality TV? To escape from reality?
Without Maureen, the show will be a lot more progressive, but it’s still Ever After, and Dev is happy to be watching it play out right here, from the comfort of his couch, with Charlie sitting beside him.
“No, actually.” Dev leans over and kisses Charlie. “I think I’m good.”
Charlie opens his arms, and Dev settles in against his chest.
Mark Davenport smiles directly at them from the television screen. “Over the course of the next ten weeks, Daphne will embark on a Quest to find her fairy-tale princess. Are you ready, America?”
Dev is so ready.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To go full pretentious gay for a minute here, Oscar Wilde said life is far more likely to imitate art than art is to imitate life. In the case of this book and my writing process, he was absolutely correct. When I started writing this book in 2019, I hadn’t come out as gay yet, and it was only through writing Charlie’s journey toward self-love that I was also able to write my own. In 2019, I also wasn’t in therapy and had been ignoring the gravity of my mental health needs for years by overworking myself. Once I realized Dev’s story could only end with him choosing to get emotionally healthy, did I accept that I needed to make the same choice for myself.
So thank you first and foremost, for reading this book, for embracing these characters, and, by extension, for embracing me. It means so much to me, and I hope you found something here—some joy, some laughter, some love—that you can take with you into your own story.
This story never would have been told without the help of so many people. Thank you to my extraordinary agent, Bibi Lewis, who believed in this book from the beginning and who “got it” from the first early-morning phone call. Thank you for your compassion, your care, and your patience with my neuroses at every stage in this process.
To my editor, Kaitlin Olson, who made this book so much better with every insightful question, every thoughtful suggestion, every un-italicizing. Your understanding of these characters and this story helped me understand it better. You turned this into something I can be proud of, and words cannot fully capture my gratitude.
Thank you to everyone at Atria Books who dedicated time to bringing this story to life. In particular, Polly Watson (copy editor extraordinaire, who made line edits one of my favorite parts in the process), Jade Hui (for answering my intense emails), Isabel DaSilva, Megan Rudloff, Jill Putorti, Sherry Wasserman, Libby McGuire, Lindsay Sagnette, Dana Trocker, Suzanne Donahue, and Sarah Horgan and Min Choi for the most perfect cover ever!
Thank you to Hannah Orenstein, for your generous support of other writers, and your commitment to building a supportive community. To all the other writers and early readers who supported this book—I’m so humbled.
Thank you to my family, for supporting me in my writing long before this book came into existence. To my dad, Bill, who gave me his love of writing and taught me how to dream. To my mom, Erin, who is legitimately the single greatest human who has ever lived. To my stepdad, Mark, who built me a desk and bought me a computer that ran on DOS at a garage sale so I could write books in my bedroom at fourteen. To Kim and Brooklyn, who immediately jumped on board. To Grandma O’Reilly, who will never know I accomplished this dream, but whose fingerprints are on it all the same. And to Grandpa Cochrun, who raised us with stories and filled my heart with words.
Biggest family thanks of all to Heather, the best travel partner and sister-friend this triple-water sign could ask for. Thank you for sitting with me through so many cryfests, for trying to reassure me that my anxiety is an unreliable narrator, and for always asking what you could do to help. You’re the second greatest human who has ever lived. None of this would exist without you.
Thank you to Michelle Agne, who read it first, and Meredith Ryan, who read it most—you both brought me back from so many spirals as I navigated publishing a debut novel during a pandemic. I dedicated this book to both of you because not only did you help The Charm Offensive become its best self but you also help me become my best self every day by teaching me what it means to be vulnerable, be brave, and love unconditionally.
A special thank-you to Andie Sheridan, for their support, and for all the writing sprints and conversations about radical queer love. I treasure the feedback you gave me and the time you put into helping Charlie and Dev say what I needed them to say. You’re my writing role model, and I can’t wait to hold one of your books in my hands someday soon.
Thank you to everyone who answered my questions and let me bounce around ideas, but a special thank-you to the following people: Bryan Christensen for your amazing writerly wisdom and for sitting outside with me for five hours in the freezing cold to talk through revisions; Peter Lu for responding to my computer science questions so generously (any errors about CS are entirely my fault and unintentional); thank you Skylar Ojeda for your insider information into the life of a television producer (any errors are entirely my fault and probably intentional, to be honest); Thamira Skandakumar and Shrisha Menon, for your thoughtful conversations about representation and the emotional labor you put in; thank you to everyone who helped me brainstorm Group Quests and contestant jobs and possible titles, and a special thank-you to Leanna Fabian, who put up with being my roommate the summer I wrote this and tolerated all manner of odd questions. Thank you, Hayley Downing-Fairless, for being my pandemic photographer and capturing author photos I don’t hate.
Thank you to the group of amazing 2021 debuts who let me experience this journey alongside them, and all the writers who let me slide into their DMs to ask questions. Thank you to all the booksellers, librarians, bloggers, Bookstagrammers, and reviewers. Thank you to all the ace and aspec content creators who have helped me find my truest self by sharing theirs with the world.
Thank you to my therapist, Karen, because even though I could have done this without them, I am very glad I didn’t have to. Thank you for reminding me to stop and appreciate all the beautiful moments along the way. Queer-affirming therapists save lives, and the work you do for our community is valued beyond measure.
Finally, thank you to every Mountain View High School student who has sat in my classroom for the past eleven years. I hope you didn’t read this book (seriously, it’s not for children), but on the off chance you’re reading this, I want you to know it’s never too late, you’re never too old, and your dreams are never too big. And if your dream is to write, please know I believe in you. Your story fucking matters. Only you can tell it.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alison Cochrun is a high school English teacher living outside Portland, Oregon. When she’s not reading and writing queer love stories, you can find her torturing teenagers with Shakespeare, crafting perfect travel itineraries, hate-watching reality dating shows, and searching for the best happy-hour nachos.
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2021 by Alison Cochrun
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Interior design by Jill Putorti
Cover illustration and design by Sarah Horgan
Author photogrpah © Hayley Downing-Fairless
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Cochrun, Alison, author.
Title: The charm offensive : a novel / Alison Cochrun.
Description: First Atria paperback edition. | New York : Atria Paperback,
2021.
Identifiers: LCCN 2021001980 | ISBN 9781982170714 (paperback) | ISBN
9781982170721 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Dating shows (Television programs)—Fiction. | Gay
men—Fiction. | GSAFD: Love stories. | Humorous fiction.
Classification: LCC PS3603.O2933 C48 2021 | DDC 813/.6—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021001980
ISBN 978-1-9821-7071-4
ISBN 978-1-9821-7072-1 (ebook)
Alison Cochrun, The Charm Offensive
