A Bitter Remedy, page 23
Askew was speaking as I opened the living room door.
‘After you’d left, I asked around in The Bear—’ He looked up at my entry and fell silent, but I made the obvious inference.
‘You went down to Bear Lane? After I specifically asked you not to speak to that man?’
‘I didn’t go there to speak to him,’ Non said in a carefully reasonable tone. ‘I went to give Mr Askew some information.’ She gazed at me steadily, daring me to make something of it. ‘I broke the code and discovered Bowler Hat’s real name. I thought it would be easier for Mr Askew to ask for a Mr Thompson than for a man who wears a bowler hat.’
Logic was on her side but the thought of her potentially putting herself in harm’s way filled me with protective feelings that I knew she would despise.
‘Why don’t you tell Mr Rice what you’ve managed to decode so far?’ Tarley Askew said. ‘Then we can get on to what I discovered.’
Non explained that, from the portions of the notebook she’d so far managed to decipher, it was clear that Sidney Parker had written it for Florence Spellman.
‘He knew he was ill,’ Non concluded, ‘but I don’t think he’d been to a doctor. He was convinced that all the different symptoms he was suffering from were caused by spermatorrhoea because that’s what that ridiculous book had told him. So, he was dosing himself with various remedies to try and make himself well again. For Florence. So that they could get married.’
She proffered the notebook. ‘Look – at the beginning of every entry he records doses of the drugs he was taking. PP: pharmacist’s paregoric. CBC: Collis Brown’s Chlorodyne. PL: pharmacist’s laudanum and DAT: Doctor Aurum’s Tonic. That’s the brown bottle I saw Thompson passing to the young man in Bear Lane.’
‘Thought you saw,’ I said. ‘We don’t know that Bowler Hat is definitely this Thompson character, and whoever Bowler Hat is, we have only minimal evidence that he was selling Doctor Aurum’s Tonic.’
‘The evidence of my own eyes that money and a bottle changed hands,’ Non flared, ‘is not minimal.’
‘Circumstantial then.’
She glared at my refusal to see her leap of imagination as solid proof.
‘However,’ she said, emphasising the word as if now, she was about to present incontrovertible evidence, ‘I don’t think it’s Dr Aurum’s Tonic that we need to be concerned with. I think it’s whatever Sidney Parker started taking just before he died. Something with the initials PDE.’
She turned to the final entries in Parker’s journal and showed me the three letters, SFG. ‘Using a three-letter shift in the Welsh alphabet, these become PDE.’
I looked at the entries. 16. 1. 81: 6pm SFG – 1, 17.1.81 9 am: SFG – 3, 17.1.81 6 pm: SFG – 5 + 7pm, 3.
On the seventeenth of January, the day he died, Sidney Parker had taken eleven doses of PDE. I remembered the teaspoon that I’d seen on the floor between his bed and his nightstand.
‘And we have no idea what SFG, or rather PDE, is?’
‘No. But what are the odds that it comes in a blue bottle like the one you saw in his drawer?’ Non opened the back cover of the notebook and removed something. ‘Then there’s this.’
I took the sheet she held out and scrutinised it. It was a small, printed handbill of the kind that you saw being handed out on the streets every day, advertising anything from shop sales to theatre productions. This one, advertising Dr Aurum’s Tonic was relatively well produced and caught the eye, as it was meant to.
‘See here?’ Non said, pointing to the handwritten line at the bottom. ‘Local stockist: Sidney Parker—’
‘—McLaren’s gymnasium,’ I finished. ‘Yes, I found out this afternoon that Mr Parker had been selling this remedy.’ I explained about my visit to Mr Jenkyn, and, slightly against my better judgement, did not omit either details of Parker’s extortionary selling methods or the large sum of money I’d found in his cashbox. I knew that, if Parker’s stomach contents revealed poison, these things would be made public at the inquest: Non and Mr Askew were entitled to know. But I dreaded such an eventuality: the boy’s conduct would, as Dr Harper feared, drag the name of Jesus College into the mud.
‘I’m not sure he was selling the tonic at the time of his death,’ Non said. ‘The other, later advertising leaflets – ones with “new improved formulation” on them – have Carmichael Thompson at the bottom instead of Sidney Parker.’
‘Indicating that Thompson took over from Parker?’
Non wasn’t given to shrugging but the face she made conveyed the same message. ‘That’s the most obvious interpretation, isn’t it?’
‘Are we inferring that Parker stopped being a local stockist after his religious experience?’ Mr Askew said.
‘He certainly seems to have lived a reformed life thereafter.’ I hoped it was true, that Parker genuinely had changed when he found God and Florence Spellman.
‘What isn’t clear,’ I said, ‘is why Mr Parker retained the money rather than passing it on to whoever he was selling for.’
‘Perhaps, when Thompson took over,’ Non suggested, ‘Sidney was supposed to pass the money on to him, but didn’t?’
‘That would fit with something I discovered today,’ Mr Askew replied, removing something from his pocket. ‘Certainly, there seems to have been no love lost between Parker and Thompson. Always assuming that Thompson’s responsible for this, of course.’ He unfolded the sheet of paper, revealing it to be another handbill. ‘I found it on the floor at The Bear.’
The typeface looked identical to the one used on the advertisement Non had shown us. But its message was very different.
Instead of the sketch of a young man with his head in his hands, the left-hand side of the bill was occupied by a black-cloaked grim reaper, poised in the act of swinging his scythe, death’s head grinning horribly.
And, underneath, were the words:
GENTLEMEN!
Don’t wait another day
to remedy
what ails you.
SPERMATORRHOEA KILLS
And then, beneath a small but perfectly rendered picture of a headstone, the words:
Sidney Parker, late of Jesus College
R.I.P.
CIVIALE’S PRE-MARITAL TONIC COURSE.
This is the course we have already adverted to under the head of marriage, and we believe that enough was there said to make plain both its object and application. This, unlike the preceding courses, is, so to speak, a mixed one, consisting of a combination of (1) Tonics and Sexual Nervines to be taken by the mouth; (2) A Specially Prepared Course of Crayons (tonic, anti-spasmodic and detergent), to be used in the urethra, and (3) a lotion or application which, by being gently applied to the parts once a day with a sponge, soft cloth or the hand, adds greatly to the strength and erectile power, as well as the tone, development and vigor of the testicles.
Our Treatment is Pleasant, Quick and Lasting.
These are put up under the strict personal supervision of our head chemist, Mr. Du Bell, and are exactly in accordance with the formulæ and instructions of the late Prof. Civiale.
(Advertisement included in some editions of L. Deslandes’ Manhood)
Chapter 39
Non
I spent the whole of Sunday on Sidney Parker’s journal. He’d only started writing it in September, which was presumably when things had started to get serious between him and Florence, so there wasn’t much about him selling Dr Aurum’s Tonic, only the odd reference here and there.
In mid-October, he confessed:
I did as you said and tried to befriend Jenkyn, invited him along to church, but he’s wary of me. Thinks I’m still trying to sell him something, only now it’s church.
Then, the next month he was worrying that:
I saved what I could when I was selling, but I worry that if Reardon makes things difficult over the will and my money, we won’t be well off when we emigrate.
But Sidney was a lot more forthcoming than you might’ve expected about what he called his ‘condition’. Evidently, it’d been easier for him to write about it when he thought Florence would only be reading the words if he wasn’t there any more to be embarrassed. He didn’t exactly give what Dr Reckitt would have called a case history, but there were enough details and references to his past for me to get a pretty clear idea about how his disease had developed. Interestingly, he never referred to it as spermatorrhoea. Perhaps he’d thought even naming it would be shameful.
15th September
I know I’m shunned at Jesus but it’s nothing to my time at school. I was treated vilely there in ways I cannot describe. Dreams and nightmares left me covered in my own pollution.
1st October
When I remember happier times during school holidays (times when my symptoms seemed to ease, somewhat, though they never went away) I realise that, until I met you, I did not know what happiness was.
7th October
Meeting you seemed like a miracle. I felt well again. My symptoms were gone. Even the pain in my bowels went away for a time. I hope that DAT will restore me to the man I was then. After three weeks on the tonic, I feel improved, less weak. But I am still not sleeping well.
14th October
No pain for a whole week! I feel full of energy, a real man again!
1st December
The recurrence of my weakness and loss of appetite dismays me.
14th December
Pain has crept up on me again, and there are bubbles in my urine, like before. My relapse overshadows my times with you. Forgive me, Florence – I hope I’ve not been too bad tempered.
7th January
Thompson has told me, privately, that there is to be a new remedy. Reardon seems to have become more ambitious since Blain has been involved. The new remedy isn’t to be another formulation of Reardon’s tonic but something completely new. Thompson says it’ll be much stronger than DAT and more curative. And quick. Only three doses. He says that if I agree to start selling again, he’ll supply me with the new remedy. I have no choice, Florrie. I must get well again before we marry.
Reardon’s tonic. I flicked back to the beginning of the journal. Yes, Sidney Parker had referred to ‘taking Reardon’s tonic myself’ in the very first entry. I’d thought nothing of it then. But perhaps Reardon wasn’t just advertising the tonic, but producing it as well? If so, was he also responsible for the new remedy? And who was Blain – a new advertising client?
16th January
I have the new remedy. Professor Deneuve’s Elixir. I have taken my last dose of DAT.
I put the journal to one side and flipped through the pile of papers on my desk until I found what I was looking for.
GENTLEMEN!
Don’t Wait Another Day
To Remedy
What Ails you
SPERMATORRHOEA KILLS
Sidney Parker, late of Jesus College
R.I.P.
It was obviously designed to drive young men into the arms of patent medicine sellers. But there was no mention of any particular remedy. Was that because there was only one remedy being sold in Oxford – Dr Aurum’s Tonic? Or was this a more subtle form of advertising, one designed to send customers back to Carmichael Thompson, looking for reassurance that Dr Aurum’s Tonic would cure them? If it was, that would give Thompson the perfect opportunity to tell them – just as he’d told Sidney – about this new drug. Professor Deneuve’s Elixir. Which, I’d be prepared to bet, would be a lot more expensive.
A horrible thought crept up on me then, and I felt its icy breath down the back of my neck. What if this wasn’t just Thompson using Sidney’s death in a cold-blooded way to advertise his wares? What if his death was actually part of the advertising plan?
No. Surely, nobody would commit murder just to scare young men into buying something?
I turned back to the notebook. It was getting late, but I wanted to finish it before I went to bed.
16th January
My first dose of PDE. The instructions Thompson gave me are highly specific. Firstly, as to timings and dosage: first dose this evening, second tomorrow morning, last tomorrow evening. Secondly, as to some potentially distressing symptoms I’ll have to withstand. This remedy isn’t like others. It doesn’t work gradually but swiftly and completely purges the overstimulated generative system. Treatment is brief, but powerful and the body doesn’t tolerate it well. Thompson told me it was ‘Not for the faint hearted’. Florrie, there’s a danger that, if my system is too weakened, I may not be able to withstand it. It may be kill or cure. But if it cures me, I’m prepared to endure anything! I cannot be less than a whole man for you. I WILL NOT be faint hearted.
I read the words again. I will not be faint hearted. The previous evening, Basil had asked me whether I’d come across the words ‘Do not be faint hearted’ in the journal. He’d shown Tarley and me a note he’d found at Sidney Parker’s bedside. If Thompson had told Parker that Professor Deneuve’s Elixir wasn’t for the faint hearted, had he given Sidney the note, too? Or had Sidney written it himself? Basil hadn’t been sure it was his handwriting.
I started decoding the next entry.
17th January, 9am – PDE: 3
Last evening, my body’s reaction to the remedy was not pleasant but neither was it intolerable. Though nauseous, I did not vomit but needed to use the chamber pot several times – my insides cramped too much to allow me to risk going downstairs.
Not pleasant but not intolerable. Had he written the note to himself after the second dose, anticipating things getting worse?
17th January, 6pm – PDE: 5
The second dose, this morning, was even less pleasant and, as Thompson had warned, it has left me very weak. The instructions he gave me indicate that I must be prepared for a still worse reaction with this last dose. If my body tries to expel the remedy by vomiting, I must try to keep it down so that it can do its work. My heart will beat more slowly – which I believe it did yesterday – depriving the generative organs of blood. If it slows down to the point where I feel faint, I should lie down and try to sleep. That is the body’s own way of counteracting the nausea and the stomach cramps. But I may know if it is working by changes to my vision. If things start to appear greenish and my vision blurs, I will know that the drug is having the desired effect.
No. That was the point when he would have written himself the note. Now that he knew how bad things might get.
Later, he’d written more, his hand less steady.
I have not been able to keep down all that I took earlier so I have taken another 3 spoons, and drained the bottle, in compensation, as advised. I feel weak and faint and am sweating and shaking so I will lie on the bed now. Tomorrow, God willing, I shall be well and soon the two of us we will be far away from Reardon, Thompson and Blain. The day cannot come soon enough, Florrie!
I looked at his last words: he hadn’t been made well, and they hadn’t been destined to be together, either in America or anywhere else. But it wasn’t that tragedy that was uppermost in my mind but the names. Reardon and Thompson we knew. But who was Blain? And why did Sidney want to escape him, too?
HOP BITTERS. If you are a man of business or labourer, weakened by the strain of your duties, avoid stimulants and take
HOP BITTERS.
If you are a man of letters, toiling over your midnight work, to restore brain and nerve waste, take
HOP BITTERS
If you are suffering from over-eating or drinking,
any indiscretion or dissipation, take
HOP BITTERS
If you are married or single, old or young, rich or poor,
suffering from poor health or languishing on
a bed of sickness, take
HOP BITTERS
Whoever you are, wherever you are, whenever you feel
that your system needs cleaning, toning or stimulating,
without intoxicating, one bottle of
HOP BITTERS
will do more good than £5 in all other medicines or doctors’ visits!
Have you dyspepsia, kidney or urinary complaint, disease of the stomach, bowels, blood, liver or nerves?
You will be cured if you take
HOP BITTERS
If you have flatulency, rheumatism, or gout, or are simply ailing, are weak and low-spirited, try it!
Ask your chemist and druggist for
HOP BITTERS
It may save your life. It has saved hundreds.
FOR SALE BY ALL CHEMISTS AND DRUGGISTS.
(Contemporary newspaper advertisement)
Chapter 40
Basil
On Monday morning, I made my way down the High Street and over Magdalen Bridge to the Plain, the flat expanse where old St Clement’s church had once stood and where the roads to Headington, Cowley and Iffley meet. In other circumstances, the walk would have been a pleasant one as the low sun was bright and almost warm, but I was too preoccupied to be grateful for such quotidian blessings. Despite the respite of a Sunday spent variously in worship and in companionable society at the home of John and Elspeth Rhys, I was now oppressed, once more, by the burden of trying to get to the bottom of Sidney Parker’s relationship with the producers and peddlers of Dr Aurum’s Tonic.
A little way up St Clement’s Street, I found what I was looking for: a shop whose front bore the legend ‘G. J. Alder, Printer’. This was the name and address that appeared, in tiny type, along the bottom of the handbills found in Sidney Parker’s room.
As I walked in, I thought how scornful Billy Nicholson would be of this little business. Of course, there was nothing in the city that could compare with the might of the University Press, but still, this tiny shop must surely rank near the bottom on any directory of printworks.
