Uncovered Love, page 22
I pull the phone away from my face and glance at the time. It’s just after eight, and the neighboring station is about an hour and a half away.
“How long do they need someone? I told Ally I’d take her and the girls to the barn dance tonight.”
“Hal said he’s got some night shifters coming in early, so just a few hours. You’ll be able to make it, no problem.”
“Okay. Yeah, I can be there. Lemme just text her and let her know.”
“I’ll text her. You go ahead and get ready.”
We disconnect the line, and I’m not surprised to find Ally and the girls gone. She gets up at the ass crack of dawn to bake. I’m not sure she would have left the girls with me even if she could have.
We’re still figuring our way after the discussion last week and finding the girls’ rooms done last night probably threw her for a loop.
I’m all in. I want her and those girls with me all the time. Maybe I’ll bring up her being able to leave them with me in the mornings. That way she can stay at the bakery after her morning duties are completed instead of taking them to school and then going back to the bakery.
I start earlier than I need to at the ranger station, but I can push that back to drop them off for her.
Plans and ideas to lessen her load for the future circle my head as I get dressed and grab my gear. The drive is a long one, so I shoot off a text to Ally before leaving.
Me: Hey, did Jackson call you?
Ally: He did.
Me: OK, so I’ll see you later then?
Ally: Yep. Don’t forget you’re supposed to get Hedy and Ben from the airport tonight after the dance.
Me: I won’t. Thanks for the reminder.
Ally: I love you
My heart beats a little harder at that message. She hasn’t said she loves me other than the one time, and after the hiccup with the girls’ rooms, I worried she rethought it and changed her mind.
Me: I love you too
Climbing into my truck, I throw it in reverse and head out. While the drive is tedious, it’s not boring. The fields are changing in anticipation for the winter and the day is all clear blue skies.
The station is a flurry of activity when I arrive, but Hal still takes a moment to greet me with a handshake.
“Where do you need me today?” I ask.
“We just got reports of a fire starting up on Big Elk we need to check out. Based on the initial report, it’s pretty small—likely a campfire that’s starting to spread. So suit up, and you’re going with me.”
He hands me fire protectant gear I slide on over my uniform. It’s late in the season for fire, so my fingers are crossed that it’s small, otherwise I won’t make it back to Felt in time for the dance like I promised.
The only thing I can do right now is get through the next couple of hours and hope we put this thing out quickly.
I’m saturated in sweat, and every inch of my body is sore, achy, and tired.
Small fire, my ass.
A campfire got out of hand and spread to the surrounding area. Luckily, there wasn’t a lot of forest debris to feed it, and the site was right at the edge of a lake, but containment and extinguishing it took longer than they should have.
The sun is starting to go down by the time I’m hauling ass back to the station with Hal. Since he’s driving, I whip out my phone and gape at the time. The barn dance already started.
I have missed call after missed call. I don’t bother listening to the messages before trying to call Ally back, but it goes straight to her voice mail, so I hang up and dial mine to listen.
“Hey, Con, not sure where you are, but we’re ready whenever you are. I thought you’d be here by now, so just give me a call when you get this.”
I click over to the next message.
“Connor, I called Jackson, and he said you’re at another station but should have been back by now. Please call me when you get this.”
One of the girls is in the background asking for me, and that’s like a cannon blast to the heart.
“Well, we’re headed to the dance.” Her voice drops like she’s trying to avoid the girls overhearing when she says, “They are really upset. They’ve been looking forward to this all day—seeing you and you taking them was a big deal for them. Listen, Con…I think we need to talk.”
The irritation and sadness in Ally’s tone rips at me. As soon as the voice mail disconnects, I try to call again, but like the first time, there’s no answer.
Disappointment and self-castigation eat at me as we pull into the station.
I drop off the gear, and with a few quick goodbyes I’m almost out the door when Hal calls my name.
“Yeah?” I’m in a hurry to get out of here, can’t he see that?
“We need to file the report for the fire. Think you can stick around long enough to get that done before you take off?”
Fuck. Fucking paperwork. I can’t leave without dealing with that no matter how much of a hurry I’m in.
I check the time again when I remember I still have to get Hedy and Ben from the airport. The Idaho Falls airport is on the way back to Felt, but it’ll be too late to make it in time if I stay and deal with the paperwork.
Hal says, “I don’t have any other rangers here to deal with it. I’d appreciate it if you could stay. Unless you have something more pressing?”
My sense of responsibility tells me to stay, but my need to get home is urging me to leave. Jackson would probably be able to get Hedy and Ben from the airport if I asked.
“Let me make a call.”
I’ll make this up to them. I swear it.
I try calling Jackson, but when he doesn’t answer, I try Ally again.
This time she answers. “Connor”—her voice is a pissed-off whisper—“where the hell are you?”
“Als, I’m so sorry. There was a fire, and I got held over.”
“I see. So why are you calling?”
Holding my phone out, I scowl at the thing. I’d rather be having this discussion in person with her, but I can’t so I have to settle with an impersonal phone call.
“I tried calling Jackson, but he didn’t answer. Is he there?”
“No, he and Liv already went home. They’re doing the last dance now and then we’re cleaning up and packing it in.”
“Shit. I have to finish the paperwork here, so I won’t make it in time to pick up Hedy and Ben. I was going to ask if he could grab them. If he leaves now, he should make it in time.”
A heavy sigh comes through the receiver, and Ally says, “If I leave now, I can pick them up.”
“Can you? I know you’re mad at me for missing the dance, and I’m sorry that I have to ask. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Sure, okay.” Her voice is hesitant, like she doesn’t quite believe me, and I hate that I put that uncertainty in her.
Before I can respond, she disconnects from the line, and just like that, she’s gone.
And for some reason, I don’t think it’s just from the phone call.
Paperwork takes forever—the Everette station’s computer equipment is more outdated than ours. When I finally make it out of there, the trip back home crawls and crawls no matter how I speed. I can’t shake the feeling that Ally’s request to talk really meant she’s ending things. The foreboding that settles into my bones is unwelcome, uncomfortable, and chilling.
I’m just leaving Idaho Falls hoping Ally was able to pick up Hedy and Ben without a problem, when I see flashing lights in the distance and traffic slows to a crawl.
Of fucking course it would be just my luck that the one time I want to get home, there’s an accident that’s stopping all traffic.
My phone buzzes, and Hedy’s name flashes. Fishing the phone out of the cup holder, I answer as I creep closer to the flashing lights.
“Hello?”
“Connor? Are you still coming to pick us up?”
Confusion has me cocking my head. “I got called to another ranger station today. Ally said she would pick you up.” Glancing at the dashboard clock, I continue, “She should have been there by—”
The words die in my throat as I reach the accident. On the other side of the road, a paramedic van is parked in front of a horrifically familiar SUV, and the blood in my veins freezes to ice.
The entire front end of the car is crumpled like an accordion, the vehicle sitting crooked in the road. Spiderweb cracks cover the front windshield, and the nylon of the airbags hangs limp over the steering wheel and driver’s side window.
Glass, steel, and plastic litter the ground around the fire of the emergency flares.
Dark fluids—please, God, let it be fluids from the car—stain the ground. I’m just barely close enough to make out the rear license plate: TWNBK3R
Yanking the wheel of my truck, I pull on to the shoulder, heedless of the traffic behind me. I don’t even bother to shut the truck off before I vault out of the vehicle.
I’m running across the highway when one of the highway patrol guys stops me. I fight uselessly against his arms.
Please, God, let her be all right.
The words of the police officer don’t register at first. I can’t hear anything over the pounding in my ears; it takes me a second to focus on his words.
“Sir, you can’t go over there. Do you know her?”
“Ally Sawyer. She’s my…uh, my girlfriend. Is she okay?”
Sympathetic gaze trained on my face, he doesn’t answer me as the paramedics wheel a gurney to the back of the ambulance. She’s too far away for me to see, so I fight off the arm holding me back and run over to her.
I reach the gurney just as they lift her to the back. Her eyes are closed, and she’s so fucking pale she could pass for a ghost.
“Ally! Ally, beautiful, can you hear me?” She doesn’t so much as twitch in my direction. I realize it’s because she’s either sedated or passed out.
What the fuck happened?
One of the paramedics stops me with a hand on my arm. “Are you family?”
Shaking my head, helplessness stealing over me, I croak out, “No, she’s my girlfriend.”
Again with the sympathetic gaze, the paramedic says, “You can’t ride with us, only family.”
“Where are you taking her?”
“Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center,” he says as he shuts the door in my face.
I pivot and run for my truck.
Fear is a greasy ice pick in my stomach. I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until my head starts to pound and my heart thumps harder.
Ignoring the highway patrol, I follow the ambulance as it makes a U-turn in the road and stay behind the flashing lights all the way to the hospital.
I illegally park in the first reserved spot I come across—they can tow my truck for all I fucking care. I dial Jackson as I jog across the parking lot.
He answers on the third ring, and I say, “Ally was in an accident. We’re at EIRMC. Call your ma and get down here.”
“Wait! What? What happened?”
I disconnect the call and shoot off a text to Hedy, letting her know what happened. I feel like shit, but they’re going to have to find a different way home from the airport because I’m not leaving the hospital until I find out what the fuck is going on with Ally.
Storming the receptionist desk in the emergency room, I say, “Ally Sawyer was just admitted by ambulance.”
“Your name?”
“Connor Murtry.”
“Are you family, Mr. Murtry?”
Fuck this.
“She’s my fiancée.”
The nurse clicks a few keys and says, “We don’t have information on her yet. Have a seat, and I’ll call you up when we know more.”
Suffocating impotence swamps me.
I’m never where I’m needed when I’m needed.
This is all my fault. If I had just told Jackson no this morning, that I couldn’t work at Hal’s station, this never would have happened. I would have been there.
Wishing with my entire being that she’s okay, my head falls into my hands. I dig the heels of my palms into my eyes until fireworks shoot behind my closed lids.
How could this happen to me twice? My best friend’s sister. A car accident. The only reason they were behind the wheel is me.
Just like before, if I would have been the one driving, someone I love wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Just like before, it’s my fault someone I love is hurting. Instead of learning from my first mistake with April, I went ahead and compounded it by doing the exact same thing with Ally.
I let down people who matter to me by not being there tonight, and then I hurt those girls by putting their mama in the hospital. It might not have been my direct actions that put her here, but it was me all the same.
I don’t deserve the sunshine Ally has illuminated my life with. I don’t deserve good things when all I do is cause pain.
I crush, I destroy, and no matter how much I wish that wasn’t true, it’s time to face the facts.
I’m better off alone. Everyone else is better off if I’m alone.
Hatred and self-loathing circle in my head. I can’t fight back the recriminations anymore. By the time Jackson, Liv, and Nan come through the door, I’ve shut down my emotions, locked them tight behind a wall so thick it’s impenetrable.
Standing, I say, “They haven’t given me any information on her condition. But if you want to try, you might have some luck, Nan.”
The fear in her face destroys me. I’m responsible for that too. Every ounce of heartache and panic she and Jackson are feeling right now can be laid at my feet.
Breath backing up in my lungs, the need to run, to get away, to leave twitches through me until I’m bouncing my leg, fidgeting with the need to move.
I can’t be here right now. I can’t be what they need. I’ll never be what anyone needs.
With that last thought cemented in every fiber of my being, I leave the hospital.
Ally
Hushed voices wake me. Everything aches, and there’s a relentless pounding behind my still-closed eyes.
When I swallow, the pinch in my dry throat is just one more ouch to add to all the rest.
Even my fingernails hurt. What the fuck happened to me?
I clearly got into a fight with a semitruck and the truck won.
Wait.
Did I?
The lights of an oncoming car crossed the center line.
Before I could swerve, we collided. Metal screeched and then everything went black.
I try to open my eyes, but they’re weighted down, and no matter how I try, I can’t pry them open.
“Kate says the girls are fine. They’re watching a movie.” I can barely make out Ma’s voice. It’s like she’s talking while driving through a tunnel.
“Okay. Can they keep them for the night?” Jackson’s question is just as fuzzy. I try to move my hand from where it’s pinned against my chest. When I can’t, I use my other hand to drag my fingers across the bedding while croaking out a noise.
A cool hand finds mine, fingers wrapping around my palm. “Ally, baby, are you waking up?” Ma sounds like she’s trying to whisper.
“Mm-hmph.” That sounded nothing like what I was going for, but it’ll have to do.
“Here, sip some water.” A straw is pressed against my lips, and I greedily suck the cool liquid into my mouth, letting it chase away the dry.
“Thanks.” My voice sounds as rough and patchy as my throat feels.
“Do you know where you are?”
The beep of a monitor somewhere behind me is enough to clue me in. “The hospital.”
“Yeah, baby. You were in a car accident. You’re in Idaho Falls.”
“Hedy and Ben?” My brain is so muddled I can’t remember if I picked them up before or after the world imploded in a fiery explosion of pain.
“They’re out in the waiting room. They came here straight from the airport.”
I guess I hadn’t picked them up.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Well. You have a concussion and a fractured collarbone to start.”
No wonder it feels like my head is splitting like an overripe tomato.
“Girls?” It’s the only thing I can focus on.
“They’re at Kate and Arik’s for the night. Last I heard they were making popcorn and building a blanket fort.”
I finally manage to peel open my left eyelid. The lights are turned off in the room, probably in response to my concussion, and I’m grateful I’m not being blinded.
“Connor?”
Mom’s eyes cut away, and her lips purse.
“What?” I ask.
Jackson’s voice cuts in. “He was here…but he, uh, he left.”
“He left?”
Ma nods, and my heart splinters in my chest.
He’s not here. The man I love isn’t here with me, when I’m hurt and broken, and that makes me cry. Not the pain that’s amping up and reverberating through my skull, not the dull ache of my shoulder, or the fact that I feel like a bruised banana all over. No. My stupid eyeballs are leaking because once again I let a man into my life and he hurt me.
“Oh, no, baby. Don’t cry. Are you hurting? It’s okay. I’ll page the doctor and let them know you’re awake. They should be able to give you something for the pain.” Ma’s hands lightly swipe at the tears that spill from the corner of my eyes down into the hair at my temples. I don’t have the energy to tell her that it’s not the physical pain that has me crying. It’s the shattered remnants of my heart.
The door opens and closes softly, then it’s silent for a minute before I feel the warm callus of my brother’s hand come into mine.
“Connor drove past the accident scene. He followed you here and waited until we showed up before taking off.”
Somehow, that hurts more. That he would know but still not be here when I need him most. I thought him standing us up for our date tonight was bad, but inexplicably, this is so much worse.
How can he claim to love me, claim he wants me and the girls in his life, but can’t even be bothered to stick around when I’m in the hospital? No matter how much I don’t want to believe it of him, the glaring facts tell a different story.
