Our Twisted Love Affair, page 29
She made a face, a mixture between a grimace and a smile. “I think that is what I’m saying. I’m sorry. I know you still care for him, but maybe he realized you weren’t lying when you said you two could never be together. He’s a little slow, but I think he finally got the message.”
I let out a long, depressed sigh. “Is it terrible that I feel horrible about it?”
She reached out and touched my hand. “No. You loved him. Of course you’re going to feel sad over losing him.”
“But I didn’t lose him. I shoved him away. I made him stay away when all I really wanted to do was pull him closer. I hate how I feel. I feel like I’ve lost a little piece of my heart. I’m not joking, my heart doesn’t feel like it beats the same anymore. I keep getting these little flutters and it physically hurts when I think about never seeing him again or kissing him,” I whispered, putting it all out there.
“I’m sorry, hon. It sucks. You know I like Jack and I like that you feel so good with him. I will support you in whatever you do, but just make sure you know what you want. You’ve struggled for years to get over him. Whenever you were about to move on, he showed up and pulled you back in. Maybe this is for the best. You’ll eventually feel better and it won’t hurt so bad.”
I shook my head, wiping the tear that had slid down my cheek. “Promise?”
“Time heals all wounds. I’m not saying you won’t love him anymore, but it won’t be what it is right now. You’ll be able to move on one day. You have to give it time and give it a chance,” she said.
I stared down at the cinnamon bun. It no longer looked appetizing. I pushed it away. “I don’t think that’s true.”
“What isn’t true?”
“I don’t think I will be able to move on, not completely anyway. I can’t help but feel like I’m missing a part of me. Nothing has felt right these past couple weeks. I should be enjoying every minute of my life. I have a new home, a new job, and I am building the company I have always dreamed about, but yet, I feel like something huge is missing. I can’t truly be happy when I am missing a piece of my heart,” I explained, hoping she could understand how serious I was.
I knew I probably sounded completely ridiculous and she probably thought I was overdramatizing it, but I couldn’t help how I felt.
“Nat?”
I looked up and met her eyes. “What?” I pouted.
“Do you want him?”
“Of course I do, but I think it’s too late. The back and forth was too much. I knew that night when I showed up at his place he was at his wit’s end with me. I had pushed him too far. The last night we were together, he was different. I should have seen it then. I should have really listened to what he was saying. I have gotten so used to him always coming back, I never really expected him to truly leave me alone and stay away.” I groaned.
She laughed. “You’re a woman. You’re supposed to be a little neurotic and change your mind every five minutes.”
I shook my head. “Jack isn’t the kind of man who likes games.”
“I bet you could show up at his place right now and he’d be more than willing to play a little game with you,” she said with a wink.
I wasn’t quite so sure of that. “I don’t know. I think he was telling me goodbye that night and I ignored it.”
She shrugged. “You won’t know unless you try, but Natasha, be sure this time. The back and forth is getting old,” she said bluntly.
“I know. For me too. I’ll think about it before I do anything. I don’t want to be the wishy-washy woman. That’s annoying,” I said, feeling a little guilty about my past behavior.
“You said it, not me. Now, can we please toss these things and go back to shopping?”
I nodded in agreement. The overly sweet dough was making me sick all over again. I should have known better than to try and eat something that rich on my revolting stomach. I knew it was the stress of all the life changes making me sick. The day of shopping was supposed to help me get my mind off things, so I could go to work on Monday and be all there.
Lately, I’d been distracted and unable to concentrate on things that needed my full attention. That wasn’t the way I wanted to start my company. I had to make a real decision about Jack. The limbo wasn’t healthy for anyone. It was literally making me sick and I could tell by the way he’d been the last few times I had seen him, it was wearing on him as well.
“Let’s do this. I’ve got a credit card burning a hole in my pocket!” I said, doing my best to infuse my voice with excitement.
We set out, intent to spend a ton of money as we decorated my apartment. We filled the next several hours meandering in and out of shops before heading to a gallery opening we’d been told about on our quest for a few good pieces. I knew almost nothing about art, but my mother had told me to pick something that spoke to me whether it was an expensive piece or something cheap. That’s exactly what I was going to do.
We walked in to the gallery and were immediately handed a glass of champagne.
Ashley leaned over to whisper in my ear as we stood in front of a rather ugly sculpture of what I assumed was a woman. “Do you think they try to ply you with alcohol the moment you step through the door to make this stuff look better, like beer goggles?”
I slapped my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud and insulting the curator and potentially the artist. “I think you might be on to something. Let’s keep looking. I’m convinced that thing is watching me.” I hissed, looking over my shoulder at the hideous sculpture.
“What about this?” Ashley said, standing in front of an abstract piece.
I wrinkled my nose. “Not for me, but if you like it, go for it.”
“It hurts my brain,” she mumbled under her breath.
Once again, I found myself laughing. I took a drink of the champagne. “Does this taste bad to you?” I whispered.
She took a drink from her glass. “Nope. Tastes fine to me.”
I shook my head. “Yuck. I think my stomach is still angry about that cinnamon bun,” I said, putting my glass on a tray as a waiter walked by.
She eyed me carefully before slowly nodding. “That must be it,” she murmured.
Together, we did manage to find two pieces for me and one for her. The day of shopping had left me exhausted. We parted ways and I headed home, anxious to kick off my heels and settle in with a hot cup of tea on my new sofa. The moment I sat down, my eyes closed and then I passed out on the couch.
Chapter 48
Jack
The only way to stick to my guns was to stay busy. I was giving Nat the space she kept demanding. She kept telling me to go away—to stay away—and that we couldn’t be together. I was going to do as she asked, even if it was killing me. It had been a lot easier when she was in California or in some foreign land. I had to stop myself from going to her penthouse every night this last week. I couldn’t. I needed her to see I wasn’t going to be there whenever she snapped her fingers.
I grabbed the keys to the Porsche and set out for Mom’s house. I was feeling reckless. I found myself blowing through yellow lights and taking corners far too fast as I made my way out to the Bancroft property. Ever since that night I had walked out the front doors of her house, I had been waiting for something to happen. It was like feeling an electrical storm in the air, but not knowing when lightning would strike. I was pushing fate at every turn, taking risky deals at work, drinking too much, and now, driving too fast.
The wheels screeched as I cranked the wheel to the right, zipping into the driveway before coming to a halt at the front door. I could smell the rubber burning when I stepped out of the car. I stalked through the door, stomping down the corridor toward the sitting room where I expected to find my mother. It was long after lunch and early enough before dinner that I knew she wouldn’t be cooking.
When I found her, she was in the sitting room as I expected, but James was there as well. I was in a shitty mood, glowering at my younger brother. “Can you give Mom and me a minute?” I snapped.
James looked surprised. My mother looked a little concerned. “Sure,” James grumbled, walking past me.
I sat down in the seat he had just vacated, leaning my elbows on my knees and staring at my mother, as she placed the magazine she had been reading on the table next to her.
“What’s wrong, Jack?” she asked, a line of worry creasing her forehead.
“I need to ask you something and I’m begging you to please be honest,” I said.
She nodded. “Okay.”
“Tell me about Wayne Levy. Why does he hate me and our family so much? Why do you hate him?” I blurted out.
She took a deep breath and leaned back into the couch. “Jack, that is old history. There’s no reason to bring all the skeletons out of the closets.”
“Yes, there is Mom. I want to know. I have to know. What happened that made you and Dad hate him so much and vice versa? Was it Dad? Was it Wayne? What happened?” I all but begged.
She sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t know why it matters now. You and Elijah are no longer friends.”
“It matters, Mom. It matters a great deal.”
In the back of my mind, I could tell by the way she was acting and avoiding the subject, it had been my father’s fault. My dad was to blame for the feud. It was hard to imagine him ever doing something that would be so bad he could create a decades-long feud, but her reluctance to tell me was obviously out of loyalty to my father. She didn’t want to damage his reputation.
“Fine,” she finally agreed.
“Tell me!”
“Your father and Wayne were in business together. It wasn’t a long business relationship. They had only just gotten started. Your father’s family had money and he used his connections to fund the company. The concept was Wayne’s idea. Your father was more of the brains on the business side of things while Wayne was more of the thinker, the inventor,” she said with a faint smile.
I nodded. “Business gone bad. Never going into business with family or friends,” I said, repeating the advice my father had given each of us a number of times.
“Exactly. Your father, well, he could see the business was struggling. They weren’t making any money and he was worried they were going to lose everything. Elijah’s father was an excellent business man and your father didn’t want to look bad in his eyes, so he did something he probably shouldn’t have,” she said hesitantly.
“Dad did?” I asked, wanting to clarify.
She nodded and continued to speak, “Yes. An investor came around, offering to buy part of the company. Your dad knew there was no way Wayne would ever agree to the deal, so he went behind his back. He was going to use the money he got from the sale to breathe new life into the company and focus on a new product Wayne had been working on. Actually, it was one of those solar things that made Wayne famous.”
“Okay, I don’t understand. What aren’t you telling me,” I said, anxious to hear what had gone so terribly wrong all those years ago.
“Wayne found out about the sale, and before your father could explain what his plan was, things got very ugly. Your dad kept all the money, leaving Wayne with nothing more than an idea. Things were very tense back then,” she said, and by the way she said it, I could tell she was holding back.
“What else? You’re not telling me something. Why would that be something that had to be kept secret for so long? That’s part of doing business. Sometimes it doesn’t work out,” I said, shaking my head.
She looked down at her hands. “You’re right, there is more. Wayne and I dated for several months. We were together when your father and Wayne were in business. Shortly after everything fell apart, Wayne changed. He was a different man. I didn’t love him and ended up falling in love with your father.”
My mouth dropped open. “You and Wayne were together, like a couple?” I gasped.
She smiled. “Yes, we were.”
“Why?” I said, my face twisting with disgust.
I couldn’t imagine what she ever found attractive about the man. Maybe it was because I had been jaded from the moment I had been born, but Wayne and my mother would never make sense to me. My mom was kind and loving, and Wayne was a dick. A selfish, arrogant dickhead in my book.
She released a soft laugh. “He was different back then. It wasn’t until after the business fell apart. He changed. Anytime I opened my mouth, I was told to shut up. He didn’t want me to give my opinions or talk to him about the business at all. I realized I would never be happy with him.”
My mind was reeling as I listened to her tell her story. “Wow, I had no idea. You just left him and hooked up with dad?”
She laughed again. “It wasn’t quite like that, but the more I started to see how Wayne would never make me happy, the more I started to see how well your father treated me. We knew each other through Wayne. When your father left the company, we stayed in touch. He knew all about Wayne’s volatile temper and encouraged me to get away. Your father was a slick man, too, you see. You boys didn’t get your charm from me.” She winked.
“I understand. I’m shocked. I can’t imagine you with Wayne, and boy am I glad you left him.”
“Me too. I’ve had a very happy life and there is nothing I would change about it.”
“Well, I guess that explains a lot,” I said, leaning back in the chair and trying to figure out what to do with the information I had.
“Jack are you in love with Natasha Levy?”
I sat up. “What?”
She smiled. “Are you?”
My first instinct was to lie, but I knew that would be wrong. I couldn’t lie to my mother. She would see right through it if I did try.
“Yes,” I said the one simple word I knew had the potential to make my mother furious with me.
She let out a long sigh, her shoulders slumped forward, and I could see the look of disappointment on her face. I hated knowing I did that to her.
“I thought so,” she said quietly.
“It’s not so bad. Like you, I think I’ve come to realize having Natasha in my life might not be good for me either. Or her.” I confessed the thing that had been plaguing me for the past two weeks.
I had kept blaming Natasha for the push and pull when in reality, I was just as guilty. I could have walked away a long time ago. I was responsible for my own happiness. I had let myself be played and I had played her. I was beginning to wonder if our relationship was toxic. I couldn’t see it because I was caught up in it. I was caught up in the amazing sex and wanting to rebel against Wayne Levy. With a little reflection, I was able to see the bigger picture. Nat and I were always in this strange bubble where we couldn’t really be together, which drew us to each other.
Take all that away, and what did we have?
“Jack, why do you say that?” she asked.
I shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know. It’s just something I’ve come to realize recently. For too long I gave Wayne Levy all the power. I think I just realized that if I was to choose to be with Nat, he would always be a dark shadow in our relationship. I don’t think I want that. I want to love a woman who isn’t embarrassed about who I am. I want a woman I can bring to family dinners and I want to be able to go to family dinners with her. What kind of life would we have if her family hated us together? Our children, they could never be with their maternal grandparents. I would never trust Levy to be respectful toward them and me. It’s more trouble than it’s worth,” I said on a sigh.
My mom stood up, looking at me. I left my seat and stood in front of her. “Jack, only you know what’s right for you. I don’t care for Wayne or his wife, but I would never stand in the way of your happiness. If you chose to be with her, I would support you. You’re right, things would be difficult, but if she’s the one you love, you have to decide if that fight is worth it.”
I hugged her, so damn happy to have her in my life. “Thanks, Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I didn’t want to upset you if I didn’t have to.”
She laughed against my shoulder. “It’s cute that you think your mother doesn’t know things like this.”
I burst into laughter. It was the same thing she’d been telling us for years. She always gave us a chance to confess and usually, if we didn’t, things would be far worse for us. I had hoped all that was behind us, but as it turned out, my mom was still the all-seeing mother. It was a little spooky at times, but in this case, I knew one of my dear brothers must have divulged my secret. Whether it was on accident or on purpose was hard to say, but I was glad to have it all out in the open.
Now, I just had to figure out what to do with my life. I needed to make a decision and quick. The sooner I could put this behind me, the sooner I could move on and hopefully find another way to be happy in life.
Chapter 49
Natasha
My stomach was not being kind to me at all. I was tired of feeling sick and at the very strong urging of Ashley and my assistant at work, I decided to take the day off. I was doing too much and burning myself out. I hadn’t given myself adequate time to rest and recover from the illness I had gotten a couple weeks ago. It was either I take the day off or Ashley threatened to take me to the hospital. I wasn’t that sick, but she had insisted.
The nausea came and went, but it was the general feeling of ick that was wearing me down. I wanted to be my old self again. I wanted to feel energetic and happy. I missed being me. Everything had just felt so wrong. Nothing felt right. My new home wasn’t bringing me the excitement and satisfaction I had been expecting. I found myself crying more often than I cared to and blamed it on Jack, then my dad, and then Jack. The men in my life were making me miserable. I was strongly considering running away to somewhere tropical and without cell phone service.
I heard the phone ringing and managed to get off the couch and grab it from the kitchen counter where I had left it. I was tired of looking to see if Jack had called. Obviously, I could call him, but I couldn’t really. If I called him, it meant I was ready to say screw my dad and be with Jack. I felt like I was trying to break a bad habit. I already had a full seventeen days under my belt and if I went back, I’d have to start all over again. It took twenty-one days to break a habit. I could stick it out a little while longer.
