Show Me the Scary Part, page 9
While I was talking to this older lady about my parents and how ‘great’ they were, I felt someone touch my arm subtly. I looked up to see Scott walking passed us. He glanced at me and kept walking.
“Would you excuse me?” I asked the woman.
She smiles. “Certainly.”
I returned her smile, then I walked away, making my way toward the bathroom. I didn’t get there because someone took my hand, and I was being pulled somewhere. I didn’t have to look up to see that it was Scott. He leads me to a secluded spot outside, then he lets go of my hand to face me.
“Did you just plan on never talking to me again?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered simply.
“I know last time we saw each other, it was a little intense, but I wasn’t mad at you or anything. I just hope you understand my feelings on the matter,” he said.
“I understood, but you never asked me what I wanted,” I pointed.
“You’re right, and I’m sorry about that. Can we just put it all behind us? You took care of the situation; there’s no reason why we can’t move forward.”
I didn’t say anything because all I could think about was Ryder and what Nadine told me a while ago. Scott had a right to know I had the baby; I just didn’t know how he was going to take it.
“We can’t put it behind us, Scott, because I didn’t have an abortion,” I shared.
He looked stunned.
“You had the baby?” he asked.
I nod.
He took a step back and then exhaled roughly.
“So now I know why you’ve avoided me, you were going to keep it to yourself and never mention to me that I have a kid?” he seemed upset.
“You wanted me to have an abortion,” I pointed.
“You could have told me you didn’t want one. I would have understood. I assumed you wanted one, and you didn’t tell me any differently.”
His voice was hostile, but he kept his voice down so no one overheard.
“You’re right, I didn’t, but I assumed you didn’t want the baby because you told me to get an abortion.”
“I didn’t want a child because I’m not ready for one. I’m a surgical intern; it is not the best time for me to be having a child.”
“It seems like your stance is the same as before; you don’t have to worry about us, okay? Why let this derail you?” I said, and I began to walk off.
“Stop,” he says, grabbing me and pulling me back. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, okay, I said it wasn’t a good time, and I’m honestly not ready to be a father.”
“You think I was ready to be a mother?” I questioned.
“Can you let me finish, please?” he says quietly.
I nod.
“I said that I’m not ready, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be a part of my child’s life.”
I looked at him. “You want to be involved?”
“Yeah, I can’t have a kid out there and not be there for it. Besides that, I care about you, Whitney, and I’m sorry that you had to go through that alone. How did your parents take it?” he asked.
“I’m no longer living with them. How do you think it went?”
“They kicked you out?”
“No, I left. I made a deal with them: come to social events in exchange for keeping my baby.”
“Are you safe where you are?” he seemed genuinely concerned.
“Yes, I’m very safe, I love it where I am now,” I told him.
He smiled. “Great, as long as you’re safe and happy. What was the baby?” he asked.
“A boy, his name is Marshall Ryder,” I shared.
His smile grew bigger. “A boy, that’s amazing. I want to meet him.”
“You do?”
“I do, but my parents can’t know about the baby, Whitney, so is it okay if we keep the baby between us?” he asked.
“My parents can’t know that you’re his father, so we will just keep this between us.” I couldn’t agree more.
There would certainly be a blowout if someone found out about us.
“That’s for the best. Can I come over soon?” he wondered.
“I’ll let you know.”
I couldn’t just let him come over without the Thornton’s knowing first.
“Alright.”
He seemed to understand. After a quiet moment, he stepped closer and pulled me into a hug. I hesitated, then hugged him back before slipping away.
As I walked back inside, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Nadine had said that things might change once he saw the baby. Maybe she was right. Or maybe this was just another thing that would fall apart.
For the first time that night, I wasn’t sure which one scared me more.
* * *
Nadine
“Ryder, you’re a pretty cool dude.”
He was lying beside me while we watched a movie.
I didn’t tell Whitney, but I was freaking out about keeping him by myself. I’ve never babysat or been around babies, period. Changing his diaper was a real task for me; I legit had to dodge his pee. For the most part, it’s been okay; he didn’t have any breakdowns, and he took the bottles with a little coercing.
Now we were watching Trolls, or I was watching it, Ryder was just looking around at any and everything.
He seemed to like the music because every time they sang, he smiled.
“Are you seriously spending Friday night watching a kids movie?”
I looked in my doorway to see Deena standing there.
“Deena, what the hell are you doing here?” I asked.
“I was on my way to get you so that we could go out,” she says.
“Did I have any choice in the matter?”
“No,” she walks into the room.
Ryder decided to make his presence known, and he let out a coo.
Deena looked at the baby, her brows furrowed.
“That’s a baby,” she pointed.
“Yes, this is a baby.”
“You got some girl pregnant, didn’t you?” she joked.
“That would be something, wouldn’t it, considering I have a vagina,” I replied.
“Who’s baby?” she asked.
I paused the movie, then I sat up and picked up Ryder.
“He’s a friend’s baby.”
“A friend? We’re in high school, you shouldn’t have friends with babies,” she pointed.
“I have a friend who has a baby, I’m not lying because I’m holding this baby right now,” I said.
“How come I don’t know about this friend?”
“It’s complicated, that’s why.”
“So this girl is a teenager?” she questioned.
“Yes, she needed help, and I gave it to her.”
She looked confused. “What kind of help?”
“A place to live, kinda help.” I shared.
“She lives here? You’ve had a girl living here, and you didn’t tell me about it? How long has she been staying here?” she asked.
“Since her son was born a month ago.”
“You’ve been hiding her for a while.”
“I wasn’t hiding her, Deena, I’m just respecting her privacy,” I told her.
“I understand, she has a cute kid. What’s his name?”
“Ryder,” I said.
“Hello, Ryder,” she greets.
He just stares at her.
“How are you watching a kid that small? I mean, he is like really small,” she exaggerates.
“He’s pretty big for his age, that’s what the pediatricians say. He’s in the 75th percentile,” I shared.
She raised an eyebrow at me. “I don’t know what to say about that. Sounds like you’re pretty invested.”
“I am, truthfully, I am invested.”
“Just be careful, don’t get too attached. I don’t know all the ins and outs of it, but I don’t want you to get hurt,” She says with genuine concern.
“Thank you, I will be careful.”
* * *
I must have dozed off at some point because I woke up to Whitney tapping me.
“Sorry to wake you, but I wanted to tell you that I was home,” she smiles at me.
“Don’t be sorry, it’s perfectly fine.”
I sat up a little and rubbed my eyes.
“How did it go? He wasn’t any trouble, was he?” she asked, looking at the sleeping baby next to me.
“Not this little guy, he’s a gem,” I said.
She gives me another smile.
“How did tonight go?” I asked.
She takes a seat on the bed.
“It wasn’t as bad because I didn’t give my mother anything to complain about. But something did happen tonight,” she shared.
I sat up all the way. “What happened? Is everything okay?”
“Yes, everything’s okay,” she says. “My father’s boss was being honored tonight for winning a prestigious medical award, so naturally, his son would be there,” she started.
“AKA Ryder’s father?” I inquired.
“Yes.”
“So I’m assuming you two talked.”
“We did, I told him about Ryder, and he wants to be a part of his life.”
“That’s a good thing, right?” I questioned.
“Of course it is, but it’s still really tricky and has the potential to get messy,” she says.
“What’s so messy about him wanting to be in his child’s life?” I asked.
“If either of our parents finds out we had a child together, it will be Armageddon,” she explains.
“Why is it such a big deal?” I was so confused by this.
“Everything in our lives has been planned out since the day we were conceived. Our diet, our education, our physical appearance, the way we walk, talk, or act. Even who we would one day marry,” she said the last part hesitantly.
I put my hands up. “Wait a minute, arranged marriage? Are you telling me that he’s engaged?”
I was baffled.
“I wouldn’t call it an arranged marriage, it’s…persistent insistence.”
Confusion couldn’t begin to explain what I’m feeling right now.
“I’m sorry, what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that they feed us the idea that a certain person would be perfect for us. They constantly bring you around that person, force you into proximity. In the end, you are convinced that this is the right person for you.”
“Holy shit. What the fuck? How do you justify manipulating your child like that? That’s cult level shit.” I was in complete disbelief.
“I know how messed up the world I come from is, that’s why I don’t want my son anywhere around it.”
“Your world is way more complicated than I ever imagined,” I said.
“I tried to tell you.”
I scoffed inwardly, thinking, ‘What the hell did I get myself into?’
NINE
Whitney
I spoke with Nadine’s parents and asked if it was okay for Scott to come over and see the baby. I explained to them that he was Ryder’s father and that he wanted to be involved. They weren’t opposed, but they had ground rules—which were perfectly fine with me.
He wasn’t allowed to visit unless someone else was home, and he wasn’t allowed upstairs in my room. I agreed right away. I didn’t want to give the Thorntons any reason not to trust me.
“Scott, I’d like you to meet Alexander and Teresa Thornton,” I said once we entered the living room.
They both stood to greet him.
“It’s great meeting the people who took Whitney and my son in,” he said sincerely, shaking their hands. “I’m extremely grateful.”
“We’re glad to have them,” Teresa replied warmly.
I smiled at her, then turned to Scott. “Why don’t you take a seat? I’ll go get the baby.”
“Okay.”
Ryder was upstairs with Nadine. She’d offered to change his diaper, and I didn’t say no. She’d been incredibly helpful. I didn’t feel so alone when she was around.
“Who’s got a clean butt? Ryder’s got a clean butt,” she sang softly.
I walked in just in time to hear her and couldn’t help laughing.
She turned, grinning, with Ryder in her arms. “Your son has ruined me. I’m not sure if it’s for the better, but I’m also not ashamed of how clean this baby’s butt is.”
I laughed again. “He’s downstairs?” she asked.
“Yes, with your parents.”
She handed Ryder to me. “Come on, I want to meet this guy.”
“Alright, let’s go.” I smiled at her.
We walked downstairs together, the faint sound of conversation and laughter coming from the living room.
“Here they are,” Alex said when we entered.
Scott looked up immediately.
“Scott, this is Nadine,” I introduced.
“Nice to meet you, Scott,” she said cheerfully. “I’m Whitney’s baby-mama.”
I let out an involuntary laugh. I did not expect her to say that.
Scott looked confused, glancing between us.
“Nadine has an amazing sense of humor,” I explained through my laughter. “She’s been really great to me and Ryder.”
“Speaking of which, this is our son,” I added, turning my attention back to him.
Scott stood and walked over, his eyes fixed on Ryder. “Look at him. I can’t believe it.”
Alex smiled and rose from his chair. “We’ll give you some privacy.”
Teresa followed him out, leaving us alone.
Nadine stepped up beside me and lightly touched my arm. “If you need me…”
“I know, Nadine.” I smiled at her.
She winked and slipped out of the room, leaving just me, Scott, and the baby.
Scott watched me quietly for a moment. “You seem happy,” he said finally.
“I am,” I admitted. “Being here has been amazing.”
“I’ve never seen you like this before,” he said softly. “It’s kind of sad—I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh. I never made you laugh.”
“There wasn’t much to laugh about back then,” I said honestly. “Nadine just has this way about her. It’s hard to feel anything but happy when she’s around.”
“Ouch,” he said with a crooked smile. “I tried to be that for you. Guess I didn’t do a good enough job.”
I sighed. “That wasn’t our relationship, Scott.”
“What was it then?”
I hadn’t expected this conversation. He was supposed to be here to meet his son, not to dig into our past.
“It was an escape,” I said after a moment. “You were an escape that got out of control.”
His expression fell. “I cared about you, Whitney. I still do. But an escape? That’s all I was?”
“I never said I didn’t care about you,” I told him.
“I just don’t like that you reduced what we had to that,” he said quietly, hurt edging into his voice.
Ryder was getting heavy in my arms, and I adjusted him. “Enough, Scott. This isn’t what you came here for. Whatever we had, it’s over. What matters now is right here. You haven’t even held your son yet.”
That softened him immediately. He nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Let’s sit,” I said, moving to the couch.
We sat down together. He looked at Ryder with something like wonder.
“Do you want to hold him?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, holding out his arms.
I placed Ryder gently in his hands. Scott smiled as he looked down at him.
“He’s the perfect blend of both of us,” he said.
I smiled. “Yeah, but he looks more like me.”
He laughed. “Sure. I can’t believe we have a son. This is unreal.”
“I know. Some mornings I still can’t believe it either.”
“I want to be here for him, Whitney, as much as I can,” he said, his tone softening again. “But this neighborhood has too many of my dad’s colleagues. I can’t risk them seeing me here.”
I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means we’ll have to figure something out.”
“How is that going to work? I’m going back to school soon, and you work eighty-hour weeks.”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “This whole situation is crazy.”
“I guess on days we’re both free, we can just meet somewhere,” I suggested.
“Yeah. That sounds good.”
We both knew it was a fragile arrangement, but it was something.
“So how did you end up here?” he asked.
“Nadine found me minutes after I gave birth in the locker rooms at school,” I said.
His eyes widened. “You didn’t have him in a hospital?”
I shook my head. “No. I didn’t want anyone to know. I gave birth alone, and Nadine found me.”
He looked stunned. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. That must have been terrifying.”
“It was. But it could’ve gone worse. I was lucky. No complications.”
“What happened after she found you?”
“She convinced me to go to a hospital out of town, somewhere my parents couldn’t find me. But my mom did find me. She tried to take Ryder away.” I swallowed hard. “I wouldn’t have him right now if Nadine hadn’t stood up to her. Because I couldn’t. She saved me.”
My voice broke a little, and I looked away.
Scott was quiet. Then he said, “She seems to really care about you.”
There was something in his tone I couldn’t quite read, so I ignored it. “She does. She cares about Ryder too.”
“That’s good,” he said shortly, still looking at the baby.
We sat in silence after that. He just held Ryder, tracing a thumb along his tiny hand, and I watched quietly. The way he looked at him—soft, almost reverent—told me everything I needed to know.
“I have to go,” he said after a while. “Rounds are starting soon.”
He held Ryder close for a moment, pressing a gentle kiss to his head.
“I’m sorry I can’t do more.”
He handed Ryder back to me.
“Just do what you can,” I said. “We’ll be alright.”
He stood, pulling out a folded wad of cash from his pocket. “I want to do my part. I hope this helps.”
