Show Me the Scary Part, page 19
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She just nods.
I closed the door and followed her into the living room.
“So, how are you?” she asked.
“I’m a little tired. With school and trying to do homework with a toddler running around,” I said, hoping she would get the hint and leave. “Speaking of which, I should be doing my homework now, since Ryder is sleeping,” I lied.
I already finished my homework.
“Trying to run me off?” she pointed.
I shook my head. “No, it’s just that things are different now that I’ve started school.”
She looked at me inquisitively. “Is there something going on, Whitney?”
I pressed my lips together. “No, nothing’s going on.”
She moved closer to me, and my chest tightened as she did so.
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
I looked down. “I um—can we not today?”
Charlotte looked at me leeringly. “Oh, Whitney.” She moves some hair out of my face. “You don’t have a choice, do you?”
“Let’s just get it over with,” I said.
She smirks. “Don’t act like you don’t enjoy my visits.”
“I’m not sure you want the real answer to that.”
“Careful, you know what’s at stake,” she kissed my cheek, and my body turned cold. “Relax, Whitney, just enjoy it.”
I tried to run away from my problems, but that only seems to lead me to new ones.
* * *
“That was great as always,” Charlotte said, lying next to me in my bed.
I felt so used, and it made me sick to my stomach.
“Please leave,” I said.
“What’s the rush?”
“You got what you came for. Why must you drag this out?” I questioned.
“Because I can, what are you going to do about it?”
I grabbed my robe, slipping it on before I got out of bed. “Leave now!” I exclaimed.
“You should watch your tone, Whitney. Pissing me off would not be good for you.”
I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“I want you, Whitney, and this way I’m insured to keep you.” I turn my gaze from her. “I can just let your mother know where you are.”
I felt the anger that I kept bottled up inside; that feeling of hatred started to manifest itself once more.
The messed-up part about all of this is that I thought Charlotte was my friend. She was so compassionate and understanding at first. She lent me a listening ear when I needed one. I was alone again, I had no one, and she was there, and that seemed so promising when I first got here.
“No, I’m sorry.”
A satisfied grin formed on her face. “I forgive you. Now come back to bed, I’m not finished with you yet.”
Because I had no other choice, I got back into bed with her.
* * *
Nadine
I tried calling Whitney the next morning, but she didn’t answer. I didn’t hear from her the whole day. I panicked a little. What if she left again? I don’t know if I could take that again.
“What are you all mopey about?” Deena asked.
She brought dinner for us. I pushed the food around my plate mostly.
“Women,” I stated
“Is it Parker?” she asked.
“Nope, Parker is a non-issue. It’s Whitney, she said she would call me last night, but she didn’t,” I shared.
“Oh god forbid Whitney doesn’t call you when she said she would,” she mocked. “I’m sure something came up.”
“I guess I’m still a little shell-shocked when it comes to Whitney. I don’t want to lose her again.”
“I don’t think you will, just take it easy,” she advised.
I shrugged. “I’ll try.”
“It’s not over for Whitney, you know, her scars go deeper than the surface,” she mentioned.
I looked at her. “I understand that.”
“I don’t think you do, Nadine. Whitney is perfect in your eyes. You’ve put her on a pedestal, and that could only hurt and disappoint you in the long run. Whitney is great. I only met her that once, but she’s something. I understand why you fell for her. You’re my best friend, and I don’t want you to get hurt. So I’m asking you to get to know her; you’ve only known her for three months. Instead of jumping in headfirst, let your feet dangle in the water for a bit. Whitney has problems, and she won’t be able to give her all to you if she’s weighed down by them. Just give it time,” she voiced.
I took a breath. “Maybe you’re right. My first instinct is to help her and be there for her. I guess this time I should step back and get to know her more.”
“Exactly. She’ll call you Nadine, don’t worry,” she smiles at me.
I returned her smile. “Thanks, Deena.”
“I just don’t like seeing you upset.”
I nod. “So, is there something going on with you and Kenya?” she asked.
She raises her eyebrows. “I’m enjoying getting to know her better,” she smirks.
I laughed. “Okay, Deena.”
Damn, she was always better at dating than I was, but I could tell that this one was different. She looked really happy, and I couldn’t help but want that also.
* * *
I lay in bed after taking a long shower, reading a book that was assigned in one of my classes. I was starting to doze off when my phone rang. I laid the book on my chest and looked at my alarm clock, seeing what time it was; it was nearly 11 o’clock. I picked up my phone and answered immediately when I saw that it was Whitney.
“Whitney, is everything okay?” I said, as I sat up, placing my book to the side.
“Did I wake you?” she asked.
“You didn’t, what’s going on?”
She didn’t answer for a moment. “Can you come over?”
I didn’t have to think twice. “I’ll be right there.”
I hung up the phone and grabbed some shoes, quickly putting them on. I told Deena that I was going out before grabbing my keys and bags and heading out the door.
Halfway to Whitney’s house, I got a text with the code for the front door and to just come in.
I pulled up to Whitney’s beautiful house, a house that most people strive for. I parked in her driveway, then I got out of the car and locked it. I walked to her front door, unlocked it, then stepped in and locked the door behind me.
The house was dark; you could tell she had already settled down for the night. Whitney showed me a tour of her house when I came on Tuesday. I figured she would be in her room, so I followed the hallway until I got to her room. The door was cracked, and there was a dim light on; it reminded me of when she used to stay with us.
I knocked on her door quietly. I didn’t want to burst in and scare the shit out of her.
“Come in,” she says softly.
I opened the door just enough so that I could fit my body through, and I saw her lying on her bed, cozy under the covers.
“Whitney.”
She looks at me. “Can you hold me?”
I just nodded and moved over to the other side of the bed, taking off my shoes and slipping into bed beside her. I slowly wrapped an arm around her, and she immediately sank into the embrace.
I couldn’t let it sink in how right this felt because I knew that there was something wrong with her, and that’s all I was concerned about. I didn’t say anything for a moment, but I knew I couldn’t just stay quiet about it.
“Are you okay, Whitney?” I asked.
She shakes her head. “No, I’m not.”
“You can talk to me, I’m here. I’m always here for you.”
“That’s the problem, I can’t talk about it, I can’t talk to anyone about it.” Her voice cracked as she started to cry.
I tighten my grip on her slightly. “Don’t cry, please.”
Whitney turned around so that we were both face-to-face.
“I’m sorry, Nadine, this is probably the last thing you want to deal with.”
I wiped the tears from her face, then looked her in the eyes. “I told you that I want to know the scary parts, Whitney. That hasn’t changed.”
Whitney pressed her lips together as she studied my face, then she took me off guard when her lips were suddenly pressing against mine.
I kissed her back on pure instinct before rationality told me that this wasn’t right.
I pulled out of the kiss and looked at Whitney.
“What are you doing?” I said gently.
“You said you’re here for me, Nadine, be here for me, please,” she started leaning in again, but I stopped her.
“Whitney, you have no idea how much I care about you, but I cannot do this. I’m yours whenever you want me; it’s just that I can’t be yours until you’ve dealt with the problems plaguing you. You have me completely, Whitney, you’re just not ready to give yourself completely to me.”
That was so damn hard for me to say, but I couldn’t in good conscious go through with her request.
“Nadine, I can’t—I can’t do this,” she sobbed. “It’s so hard…and I don’t know how much more I can take.”
This was breaking my heart into a thousand pieces; the pain she carried before seemed heavier now.
I kissed her on the forehead, trying to give her a bit of comfort.
“You have to talk to me, Whitney.”
“I can’t,” she whimpered.
I knew right now she was too choked up to tell me anything.
“Okay.” I wiped more tears from her face, then I pulled her to me. “Just clear that all from your mind right now, go to sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.”
“I’m sorry,” she says.
I gave her another kiss on her forehead for reassurance.
She just cuddled up to me, and I listened as her crying stopped and her breath evened out.
This woman’s life was a roller coaster ride, but I was more than happy to climb aboard.
NINETEEN
Nadine
Last night was very intense. I realized that Whitney had issues, and I didn’t care that she had them. I just wanted to help her through those issues. I know I just told Deena I would take a step back from being Whitney’s savior and just be a friend, but I couldn’t do that. Whitney wasn’t just a friend; she’s always been way more than that. I had to be there for her, not because I wanted to save her—it was because I fucking love her.
I woke up a while ago, Whitney was still in my arms, sleeping soundly, she looked so at peace right now. Looking at her, you wouldn’t think she was plagued with so much; the serenity on her face was nothing compared to the turmoil she held inside.
I just watched as she slept peacefully until I heard a little voice down the hall. Whitney stirred a little. Whitney was wired to pop up the moment she heard her son, so I know that she’ll wake up any minute. I wasn’t going to let it happen; she needed her rest. So, I slowly untangled from her, and I left the room to go get Ryder, who was in for a shock.
I walked into his room to find him standing up in his crib, and he gave me a confused look.
“Mommy?” he says.
“Good morning, Marshmallow. Mommy’s still sleeping,” I greeted him.
He just started babbling.
“You want to help me make breakfast?” I asked him.
“Food?”
I smile at him. “Yes, food. We’re going to change your diaper first.”
I handed for him and he reached out his arms to me, I picked him up.
After a quick diaper change, I washed my hands and we went to the kitchen.
I remember the morning I discovered Whitney had left, I made her this nice breakfast that went to waste. I wanted to make her feel good after the crappy day she had; maybe it’ll work this time.
“Here you go, Ryder, you like strawberries?” I handed him a sliced strawberry.
He took it from me and ate it up.
“Berry?”
He pointed to the strawberry, and I gave him one.
He stood by me the entire time I was fixing the food, looking up at me curiously. This kid was great. Looking at him, I felt a tinge of sadness; he was so big now, and I felt like I had missed out on so much. I know he wasn’t my kid, but I do care for him so much. When I thought about Whitney over the last fourteen months, I thought about Ryder, too. I missed them both so much.
“Come on, buddy, let’s take this to mommy,” I said once I was done with breakfast.
His smile nearly took up his face at the mention of his mommy.
“Mommy?”
I noticed that everything was a question for him.
“Come on, Marshmallow,” I smiled at him.
Ryder follows me to his mother’s room. The door was cracked, and I pushed it open with my hip—Ryder rushes in.
“Mommy!” he exclaimed.
Whitney stirred awake, then turned to look at us, and a small smile played on her lips.
“Good morning, baby, come here,” Whitney reached out for him, and he came toddling up to her.
Whitney picks him up and gives him several kisses. I smiled at the two and brought the tray of food over to the bed, then I took a seat beside Whitney.
She looks at me. “What is this?”
I smiled at her. “This is breakfast.”
“This looks great, Nadine. You didn’t have to do this,” she says.
“I wanted to.”
She smiles. “Thank you.”
“Food,” Ryder says.
“Alright, baby, let’s eat.”
We all began to eat, and Whitney seemed a lot better than she did last night.
“Berry?” Ryder held up a strawberry to me.
“Are you giving that to me?” I asked him.
He smiles at me.
I leaned down and opened my mouth to see if he’d feed it to me, then he put it in my mouth.
“Thank you, Marshmallow,” I poked his belly, and he giggled.
I looked at Whitney to see her watching us with a slight smile.
Ryder must have gotten his fill because he grabs his sippy cup and then lies on the pillow to drink it.
“I was a wreck last night. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
“You do remember I watched you deliver your placenta, right? If I’m not comfortable with you now, I’ll never be,” I joked.
She gives off a slight chuckle. “I guess you have a point.”
“If you send for me, Whitney, I’ll run to you every time,” I expressed.
She pressed her lips together. “You’re too good for me.”
I take her hand in my own. “Or maybe I’m just good for you.”
She smirked in response. “We should get up, we have to get to class.”
I shook my head. “Not today. We’re going to stay here in our pajamas and watch movies all day.”
“So, ditching on our first week of college? I don’t think that’s a good look.”
“It doesn’t matter how it looks, it’s not like we’re missing anything anyway.”
She looks at me for a moment, contemplating it.
“Okay, we’ll blow today off. I have to let the babysitter know Ryder’s not coming today.”
“Okay, while you do that, I’ll clean up the kitchen.”
I got out of bed and then picked up the tray.
“Thank you,” Whitney says, but I just brushed it off.
“Berry,” Ryder pointed to me.
I smiled at him. “You ate all of the strawberries, buddy.”
He whined a little, then stretched his arms out to me, and his hands moved in a come here position.
I looked at Whitney. “Is he okay?”
She smiles widely. “He’s fine, he just wants you.”
“Oh, well, come here, Marshmallow.”
Whitney places him on the floor, and he follows me to the kitchen. I was shocked that he wanted to come to me; from what I had heard, Ryder hated everyone except his mom.
I started to clean up the kitchen, and the little guy just sat on the floor staring at me. He was a very observant little character; he was taking in everything I was doing. I’m sure a toddler should be running around getting into all kinds of things, but not this little guy.
Whitney and I lay in her bed all day watching movies, all kids’ movies because of Ryder. I thought he might not want to lie in bed all day, but the little guy seemed more than content cuddling next to his mommy. Every once and a while, he would play with the toys Whitney brought into the room.
“I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back,” Whitney said, getting up from the bed.
Before she left for the bathroom, she stretched, lifting her arms over her head, causing her shirt to ride up, showing her toned belly. My eyes trailed her body. I couldn’t help it; she was beautiful.
When she came back from the bathroom, she got back into bed, and her shirt slid off her shoulder a bit. I looked at her exposed collarbone and shoulder. I frowned when I saw a bruise on her chest, which was still covered a little by her shirt. I stared at it for another moment before I realized what it was.
I sat up immediately, startling both Ryder and Whitney.
“Are you okay?” she asked in confusion.
“You have a hickey, and it looks fairly new,” I pointed.
Her eyes stretched, then she looked down at her shirt and immediately fixed it.
“That’s nothing,” she said.
I shook my head; I couldn’t let it go.
“Are you seeing someone, Whitney?”
The thought just crushed me, and I honestly didn’t want to think about it. I had no claim on her, and she could be with whoever she wanted, but it still hurts; I’m human after all. Not to mention, I was currently in bed with her.
“Please, can we drop it?” she all but demanded this time.
Usually, I would honor her wishes, but I just couldn’t drop it.
“I would have seen it if we went through with last night, I would have seen it.”
“We didn’t go through with it, though. I wasn’t in my right mind last night, Nadine. I would have come to my senses long before we got to that point,” she voiced.
