Show Me the Scary Part, page 14
“What?” I frowned.
The curious gleam in his eye took me off guard.
“Nothing.”
He didn’t say anything else, and I turned to look at Whitney one more time before looking out the window.
This was going to be a long weekend.
* * *
“This place is so beautiful,” Whitney said, her eyes brightening at the sight of the ocean.
I smiled, looking at her awe. I was suddenly very happy to be here, screw how awkward this is. It would have sucked to miss this moment.
“Glad you like it,” Scott said with his boyish grin.
That’s right, he’s here, for a moment I had forgotten.
I helped Whitney with her stuff, but Scott hadn’t even offered, which shocked me.
“You can pick any room you want,” he says, running off.
“He’s so chivalrous,” I said sarcastically.
Whitney smiled. “He isn’t, but you are. Thank you for coming with me; it means a lot.”
I returned her smile. “I’m happy to be here.”
Whitney and I went inside, and we found rooms that were next to each other, and we settled in. I have no idea where Scott went. We haven’t seen him since we got here.
“Nadine, I want to walk on the beach. Will you go with me?” Whitney came into the room holding Ryder.
“Yeah,”
Whitney and I went downstairs and walked through the living room, where we found Scott sitting on the couch. He looked like he had just gotten off the phone because he was holding it in his hands.
“Where did you go?” Whitney asked him.
“Sorry, I disappeared. I wanted to get dinner ordered before the restaurants close. What are you two up to?”
“I wanted to go see the beach,” Whitney says.
“Well, the sun’s about to go down.”
“Yeah, I know, but that would be nice to see.”
“Okay, you can leave Ryder with me,” He said, handing for him.
Whitney gave him a questioning look. “Really?”
“I want to spend more time with him, that’s the entire reason for this,” he reminded.
“Of course. Here you go.”
Whitney hands Ryder to him.
“Come here, buddy, tell mommy and Nadine to have fun,” he says, smiling at Ryder.
“Thank you,” she smiled at him.
Whitney and I left the two of them and went out to the beach. Whitney loved every minute of it. Scott was right, the sun was going down, and it was beautiful. Whitney and I sat in the sand to watch the sunset.
“I never thought it would be this beautiful. I’ve read about sunsets, but seeing this is unreal.”
She was looking at the sunset, but I couldn’t stop looking at her. The sunset was beautiful, but she was breathtaking.
Whitney
Nadine was acting weird again. I could feel her eyes on me, but I didn’t feel uncomfortable. I don’t know why she did it, and I wasn’t going to ask; the truth is, I didn’t want her to stop doing it. I guess that made me weird, also.
Someone staring at me is usually very uncomfortable for me, but it was different when she stared at me, and I didn’t know why. I didn’t know why this warmth suddenly radiated over me when I felt her gaze on me. I just knew that I liked it, and I didn’t want it to stop.
I turned to look at her, and she looked away and down at the sand.
“You don’t like sunsets?” I asked.
She smiles, but she doesn’t look at me.
“I like sunsets.”
“So, you’re not looking at it.”
“I’m just thinking.”
“Nadine,” I said.
She finally looked at me with a smile.
“I think about you a lot, Whitney. I have no idea why, but you’re always on my mind,” she confessed.
I was confused. “What, um…what does that mean?”
She shrugs. “I have no idea, I just thought you should know.”
We didn’t say anything for a moment, but our eyes stayed connected.
“I um, I think about you too,” I admitted.
I did think about her. Anytime that she wasn’t near me, she was on my mind.
Nadine turned to look at the sunset, and I did too.
She sighed. “So beautiful.”
I turned to look at her and smiled. “Very beautiful.”
She looked at me tenderly, then she held out her hand, and I didn’t hesitate; I took it. We just sat there holding hands as we watched the sun go down.
When the sun finally set, Nadine and I went to the house where Scott was putting food on the table, holding Ryder in one arm.
Scott seemed natural with him, and Ryder seemed content in his arms. I was afraid I would come back and Ryder would be crying up a storm.
“Hello, you two, enjoyed the sunset?” he asked with a smile.
“Yes, we did, thanks for watching, Ryder,” I said.
“We had a good time too.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“Dinner is ready. I hope you like it,” he says.
I take Ryder from him. “I’m going to feed Ryder first; you two can start without me. I will be right back.”
I left the two of them.
Nadine
Scott and I sat at the table while Whitney left to feed Ryder. The food smelled excellent, and I didn’t realize how hungry I was until now.
“How did Whitney like the beach? You know she’s never been,” he says.
“She seems in awe of it. It was nice of you to offer to bring her here,” I said.
It was nice and I can admit that.
“It’s the least I can do, I want to make up for not being there for her when she was pregnant. I want to do right by my son, so that means doing right by Whitney also,” he voiced.
I’m happy to hear him say that; maybe he had good intentions after all.
“As Ryder’s father, you’re what’s best for him, so it’s great that you want to be here for him.”
“I want to be there for him. I love the little guy.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling. He’s hard not to love.”
He looks at me. “What about Whitney? Do you love her?”
I didn’t expect him to ask me that.
“Um, I guess I feel a general love for her.”
“It’s okay, Nadine, Whitney is fantastic, I don’t blame you for falling in love with her.”
That shocked the hell out of me.
“I’m not in love with her, Jesus!” I exclaimed quietly.
“You sure?” his eyebrows quirked dubiously.
“I’m sure, I care about her, but I know that I’m not in love with her. Of course, she’s beautiful, smart, and unintentionally funny. She’s caring and has such a huge fascination for the world around her. She’s been through so much, but she still manages to keep a smile on her face; it’s admirable. I notice how great she is, but that doesn’t mean that I’m in love with her.”
He chuckles. “You say all that, and I’m supposed to believe that you aren’t in love with her? Give me a break.”
I grabbed one of the dinner rolls sitting on the table, and I threw it at him.
“Shut up.”
He started laughing harder.
“Is everything alright in here?” Whitney said, returning with Ryder.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, we’re just playing around,” Scott says.
Whitney sits and smiles at both of us. “Well, it’s nice to see you two getting along.”
“We should be right, Nadine is the closest person to you, and Ryder. So we’re going to be in each other’s lives, we might as well get along,” he said.
He looks at me and winks like we have a secret.
“That’s a nice necklace, Whitney. I’ve been meaning to tell you that. Where did you get it?” Scott asked.
Whitney was wearing a gold necklace with Ryder’s name in cursive, a necklace I gave to her.
She smiled and touched her necklace. “Nadine gave it to me; it’s my favorite piece of jewelry.”
Scott looked at me with an amused look on his face.
I rolled my eyes at him.
“This food is great, Scott,” I told him.
“Yeah, I love this food,” Scott exaggerates.
Kill me now.
After dinner, Scott went to help Whitney bathe Ryder. He says he’s been missing out on helping with the baby, so he was eager to get as much ‘daddy-time’ as possible.
I went to the room I was staying in, I took a shower, and tried to forget the things that Scott said tonight.
After my shower, I dried off and I got into some shorts and a tee-shirt, and I lay in bed. I was trying to fall asleep, but my mind was just buzzing. Like I confessed to Whitney earlier, I thought about her all the time. She hijacked my thoughts; they were all about her and Ryder.
I got up out of bed and walked over to the balcony that looked out to the ocean. I opened the doors and stepped out, and the sound of the waves engulfed me. This trip wasn’t all that bad; it was beautiful, and I haven’t been to the beach in ages.
I stood there looking at the waves, and I heard singing, and it was beautiful.
I looked over in the direction of the singing, and I noticed that Whitney was out on the balcony too, which connected our rooms. She was holding Ryder, swaying him in her arms as she sang to him, so wrapped up in him she hadn’t even noticed I was standing here.
I didn’t say anything, I just listened to her sing to her son, my heart swelled at the sight.
I exhaled quietly, avoiding my feelings is going to be harder than I thought.
* * *
Whitney
I woke up to my cell phone ringing. I looked at Ryder beside me, seeing if he had woken up, but he didn’t. I grabbed my phone and looked at the screen. It was my mother. I haven’t talked to her since she slapped me. There were events scheduled, but she didn’t bother me about them; I guess she didn’t want to see my face.
I wondered why she was calling me now; there weren’t any events scheduled for this week or the next.
“Hello,” I answered.
“I need you here this afternoon.”
This woman was ridiculous. It’s seven in the morning, and she’s demanding I do something.
“I’m sorry, mother, I can’t,” I told her.
“You will do as I say, or you can say goodbye to that baby,” she threatened.
“You don’t understand, I can’t come. Nadine and I are out of town, five hours away.”
“Who do you think you are? You think that because you don’t live with us, you can do whatever you want? Get back here now or I’ll pull you out of that house so fast you won’t get to say goodbye to that little bastard,” she spat.
“Don’t call my son that,” I voiced.
“That’s what he is, and unless you want to keep that bastard, you’d better be here by three or you’ll be sorry.”
I was furious, and I felt years of neglect and abuse just raging in me.
“You would think that would be more than enough incentive to get you to do something. You are my greatest disappointment.”
She continued to spew insults at me, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
I hung up the phone.
I let out a deep, shaky breath and forced my tears back as I got out of bed. My phone started to ring again; it was her, but I wasn’t going to answer. I turned the phone off and placed it on the bed. I looked at my son, my reason for living. I knew I had to do something about my situation, but I had no idea what.
I left the room and I bumped into Scott.
“What’s the rush?” he said.
“Can you keep an eye on Ryder? I’m going to go for a walk,” I asked.
“Sure, but is everything okay?” he was concerned.
I nod. “Thanks for watching him.”
I hurried away, and the moment I got outside and I felt the sand beneath my bare feet, I started to run. I ran until I felt my lungs burn. When my legs couldn’t go anymore, I sat on the sand and I began to sob.
I wasn’t crying because I was sad; I was enraged. My hatred for my mother filled me, and I cried because I didn’t like feeling this way. She had complete control over me, and I hated her for it. I hated myself for not being good enough for her. Even when I try my hardest, I’m never good enough.
Am I good enough for anyone? Am I good enough for my son?
“Whitney,”
It was Nadine, and she sounded breathless and panicked.
“What’s wrong?”
I felt her touch my back, and I have no idea why, but that set me off. I didn’t deserve her compassion or concern; I didn’t deserve her hospitality. I didn’t deserve any of this.
“Don’t touch me,” I gritted as I got up and walked away from her.
“Please, Whitney, tell me what’s wrong, you’re scaring me.”
There was desperation in her voice.
I kept walking; I wanted to be left alone.
“Whitney!”
I turned and looked at her.
“I can’t do this right now, Nadine! Please just leave me alone,” I yelled.
She didn’t back down. “No, I’ve never seen you like this. I can’t leave you alone.”
“You don’t even know me, you do all these things for me—why? Do you want to shove it all in my face, helping the poor, pathetic girl that can’t do shit for herself?” I spat. “Just leave me alone, Nadine.”
“No, I’m not leaving you alone.”
“Please,” I sobbed. “Please, please just leave me alone.”
I started to push her away from me.
She grabbed my hands, and I fought her, but she just held them as I cried.
“I can’t…Nadine, please, I can’t.”
“Why would I ever leave you alone, Whitney? You mean way too much to me. I’ll never leave you alone?”
“You don’t know me,” I repeated.
“Then show me who you are, Whitney, show me the scary part.”
I hesitated, but I saw the compassion in her eyes, and I caved.
“I feel hatred, unbridled hatred for my mother for myself, and it’s consuming me. I’m scared, Nadine. I don’t want to feel this way. I look out at this water, and I want to walk out there until the waves carry me away. My son would be better off without me; I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve the kindness you and your parents have shown me. I don’t deserve it,” I disclosed.
Nadine didn’t say anything; she looked at me, sadness painted her face.
Her grip on my hand tightens, and she moves in closer to me.
“It’s only a matter of time before you see me like almost everyone in my life sees me,” I expressed.
“No!” Nadine says sharply. “I do not see what everyone else sees. I have never seen you as everyone else does. What you just said to me breaks my fucking heart,” she says, tears in her eyes now.
I didn’t know how to respond to that.
“What brought this on, Whitney? Something happened to cause this?” She asked.
“My mother called, she wants me there at three, and if I’m not there, she threatened to take me away from Ryder. She said all of these things to me that I have heard before, but it set something off in me.”
“Let’s go,” Nadine said, leading me back to the house.
I stopped, and she looked back at me.
“What are you doing, Nadine?”
“She will not have this control over you anymore. I refuse to see you like this again. I refuse, Whitney. I cannot let someone that I love go through this, to be treated this way. We are going to leave, and you will be there at three o’clock. She’s not getting away with this. Let’s go.”
She loves me?
“Okay.”
She looks at me with compassion, and she touches my cheek softly.
“She’s done using you, Whitney. You’re with me now, she’ll never hurt you again.”
I nodded, and she pulled me into a hug, and I hugged her back tightly, feeling so much comfort from her.
Nadine convinced Scott to take us back home, and I was going to face my mother. I’ve never been so scared in my life.
FOURTEEN
Whitney
Nadine was driving us to my parents’ house, and I’m freaking out. I’ve never been so terrified in my life. I just know that I couldn’t do this anymore; I needed to stand up to her.
Nadine has been holding my hand since we got in the car, and we rode in silence. I just felt her thumb stroking the back of my hand gently, and that was all the reassurance I needed.
We pulled up to this massive house I once lived in, a house that never felt like home.
I noticed that there were other cars parked outside the house. I have no idea what my mother had planned.
“Are you ready?” Nadine asked me.
“She’s going to be furious that you’re here with me,” I said.
“Let her be, I’m here for you,” she assured.
I took a breath. “Let’s go.”
We got out of the car and walked towards the front door. Nadine held my hand until we reached the door. I rang the doorbell, then I let go of her hand.
The maid opened the door, and we walked inside.
“They are waiting for you in the sitting area,” she says.
Nadine and I walked to the sitting area, where I found my parents, with another couple and a guy that I knew too well.
My heart sank at the revelation of what this was. The guy sitting next to his parents is the guy they have been grooming me to marry since I was five years old. I knew that this meant they were still expecting me to carry out some type of barbaric duty. That wasn’t happening at all. I couldn’t stand this pretentious mama’s boy.
My mother spots me and Nadine, and I can see the tinge of anger in her eyes, but she masks it.
“Whitney, sweetheart, there you are? You brought a friend.”
This was all an act.
“Whitney, the Holloway’s are here. It’s been a while, but I’m sure you remember them,” she says.
How could I forget them when they were shoved down my throat for years?
“Yes, of course, it’s nice to see you again.”
They smiled at me politely.
“I wasn’t expecting you to have a friend over; we have family matters to attend to,” My mother said. “If you don’t mind waiting in the kitchen while we discuss some things,” she pointed at Nadine.
